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rightwing401
29-Jun-2008, 12:20 AM
Ok, after taking a few weeks of much needed down time to recuperate from finishing this monster, I thought I would throw this out here to see what living dead fans might think of its worth. So here we go, and of course suggestions/comments will be much appreciated.

A long time ago…

*…no official statement has been made, but the bizarre murders appear to be occurring nation wide…*

*…bodies of the dead are returning to life, caused by forces yet unknown…*

*…they can only be disposed of by either destroying the brain or severing the head from the body…*

*…they were people dammit! You can’t expect people to drag the bodies of their loved ones out on the street and just bash their heads in like they were piles of garbage…*

*…everyone that dies will become one of them! You haven’t listened for weeks! This emotional irresponsibility is why the situation has come to this. They’re numbers are increasing too fast to be contained…*

*…nukes! Have you lost your mind? We can’t obliterate this world to save it…*

*…we’re losing, plain and simple. We’re being overrun. People need to accept the harsh new realities of this world. These things are not the people you once loved. They’re just dead flesh. We’ve got to stop them before it’s too late…*

*…I’ve been sending signals for weeks. No one’s responded. I-I think I’m the only one left. It’s all over, it’s no longer our world, it’s theirs. We’ve been dammed! We’re cursed, and will suffer endless death when we pass, unless…unless…BANG!*

Present Day…

Harold watched the ruins of the town with unwavering dedication. Every breath he drew was a slow, calculated intake of oxygen. His muscles ached badly from not having moved for hours. No part of him protested more than his left leg, which was tied to the trunk of the tree he was perched in.
Knowing the importance of his mission, Harold didn’t dare to even flinch. All the pain and discomfort was blocked out. All that mattered was his success. The only other thing that he let his mind be aware of was the sounds of the landscape around him. If anything was heard that was out of place, he would know it. That’s why he was a damn good sniper.
That’s why he was the only sniper left.
Peering down into the cracked and crumbling remains from over a half mile away, Harold watched the movement with great care. Dozens of figures roamed about aimlessly through the streets, with a few entering or leaving buildings at random.
The skin of their bodies had turned a dark grey and was all shriveled up like badly dried prunes. The clothes they wore were reduced to little more than tatters that draped across their torsos and limbs, not that it made any difference. Many of them had become so badly rotten that it was almost impossible to determine their sex.
The mass of figures moving about in the town were something that should have been beyond comprehension, yet was an accepted fact of life. They were the physical ghosts of humanity, the haunting remains of the species that had once claimed dominion over the world. They were the walking dead.
He should have either hated them for destroying the world he knew or pitying them for being unwilling victims to whatever it was that made them return to life. But he felt nothing. Harold had long since stopped caring about the people those walking husks had once been. These shells of human beings had become little more to him than paper targets on a firing range.
Harold continued to watch from his post for over an hour, not so much as moving an inch, before what he finally needed to see came and filled the scope lens of his rifle. Moving so slowly that his arm might have been confused with a swaying branch, Harold turned on his radio.
“This is eagle eye. Green light. I say again, green light.”

rightwing401
29-Jun-2008, 12:23 AM
The loud rumble of diesel engines pierced the cool afternoon fall air. Animals of all shapes and sizes instantly rushed to hide from the noise of sounds that had no place in their natural understanding of things. For the noises were the remnant echoes of a time that had long since passed.
A small column of vehicles traced its way through the dense forest. At its head was a Bradly infantry fighting vehicle, behind it was a Humvee with large .50 caliber machine gun manned by a wary middle aged man. Four five ton trucks rumbled along one after another behind the Humvee. At the rear of the column was another Humvee, its machine gun pointed back the way the vegetation pressed in on the remains of the road they traveled along. Absent of human interference, nature was gradually reclaiming what had once been taken from it.
Such considerations were absent by the men sitting in the vehicles. They didn’t know why they were out in the dangerous wilderness, or why a squad of handlers was accompanying them. Their only thought was to get back home safe and sound. Many of the men were ragged and dirty. Large, unkempt beards bristled from their stern faces. All were dressed in badly worn military uniforms, every single one of them splotched with numerous patches of various other clothing.
The column came to a halt just before reaching the crest of the last hill to the descent into the old town. The instant the trucks stopped, their engines were killed. The men riding in the back poured out quickly and silently. They fanned out, forming a defensive perimeter around the convoy as the final preparations were made. Standard military M-4 rifles were slung over their backs as they readied their crossbows and double checked their individual arrow quivers and ammunition pouches.
The front side door to the forward Humvee opened, and a clean shaven soldier with an automatic shotgun stepped out. No one would have believed him to be in his mid forties. His body and face didn’t look a day over thirty. All of the soldiers looked to him in their well disciplined silence. His field uniform was still in perfect shape, and the captain’s insignias still shined in the crisp fall sunlight.
“Captain Williams.” a low voice whispered nearby. The captain turned to the speaker.
“Yes, Lieutenant James.”
“We’re all ready, sir. Everyone’s in place and ready to begin the advance. Armored units are standing by to provide immediate support if we need it.”
Williams nodded, “Get the word to all squad leaders, advance on target. Use crossbows unless it is a life or death situation. No talking, hand signals only. We must keep the element of surprise. It’s essential.”
“Yes, sir.” James whispered, snapping off a quick salute.
The captain nodded as he clutched his shotgun tightly. He didn’t like being this far out from home. There were too many unknown elements, too many things that could go wrong. And he didn’t want to see another one of his men die, which was all too likely to happen. Knowing he had made hollow promises to the families of his men should have made him feel rotten, but he refused to let such things cloud his judgment in the moments before battle.
He certainly hoped that the whole expedition wouldn’t be for nothing. The whole reason why they had come seemed ludicrous. In fact, the concept bordered on insanity. But then again, so did the thought of dead people getting up and walking.
Such trivial thoughts were pointless. He watched in silence as his men spread out and advanced towards the outskirts of the small town. Despite being weighted down with their body armor and weapons, every soldier stalked forward with no more sound than a faint breeze going across a tuft of grass.
As silent as they were, the men hadn’t crossed the first jungle like yard in front of a dilapidated house before they were noticed. A walker spotted them, and turned ever so slowly in their direction. It reached out for them with the only arm it had left. Thin, raspy air hissed from the gapping hole across its skin. Several other walkers around it took notice as well, and began to lurch towards the men.
The forward line dropped to their knees and waited. There was no flinching, not the slightest sign of fear. Human corpses that walked and lusted for human flesh meant nothing to them anymore. The men had fourteen years to adjust to the concept of walking death.
When the walkers had drawn close enough, the men let fly a volley of bolts. More than half penetrated the withered skulls of the encroaching walkers. Almost all of the walkers collapsed in boneless sprawls, the rest continued on without hesitation.
The first line fell back, priming their crossbows as the second line moved up, their weapons ready to fire. The leap frog effect continued, and the rest of the walkers were dropped with grim efficiency. Without a word muttered among any of them, the ragged troops pushed into the town.
Williams hung back, but not from fear. He needed to keep overall awareness of the situation, otherwise everything could fall apart. Besides, his men knew what to expect from him.
Pushing over ten blocks into the city, with the remains of walkers left in their wake, the men came to the town square. They stayed clear of the buildings. Every one of them knew where they were going, and what they were looking for.
In so many different ways, Williams hoped that it was a completely bull**** reason for why he had his men were there. But orders were orders.
After a few more blocks, the troops arrived at their destination. A small two storey house in the middle of yet another dilapidated suburban ruin. But this one stood out among the others.
A sturdy brick wall surrounded the entire perimeter of the house. The walls were washed of dirt and crude, revealing the sky blue siding. The lawn was perfectly cut, with a wilted flower garden out in front. By all rights, the house shouldn’t have looked that way. And that’s why Williams felt a deep sense of dread build in his gut. He gripped his shotgun tightly as his men surrounded the perimeter of the well kept home.
Once all of his troops were in place, James looked back to him. Williams gave the hand signal to go. James nodded, and he along with three other men drew their rifles and rushed the house. Williams held his breath as James and his men kicked down the front door and went inside.
He caught a streak of movement across the roof of the house. Looking up, Williams had just enough time for his jaw to drop before something leapt down towards his men.
It landed on top of the brick wall, and everything stopped. Williams stared in disbelief at what filled his eyes. It…wasn’t human.

rightwing401
29-Jun-2008, 12:24 AM
The thing stood somewhat like a person, except with a slight hunch. Both hands and feet were a blend between human and some kind of animal. The head quite clearly looked like a wolf’s. White fur, as pale as fallen snow, covered the creature’s body.
Williams had thought it was lunacy. That what he was seeing was impossible. And yet, it was true. He was staring at an honest to god monster.
His men were just as stunned as he was staring into the face of something that should have existed only in nightmares yet was very real.
“J…Jesus Christ!” a soldier standing in front of the monster stammered, falling on his ass. He squeezed the firing lever on his crossbow as he went down. The bolt struck the creature in the shoulder, causing it to teeter on the edge of the wall.
It gave one sharp, high pitched yip. Then the lips of its maw peeled up, showing the massive row of deadly fangs embedded in its mouth. Snarling, the thing ripped the crossbow bolt from its shoulder and raised its free arm. Williams saw a length of industrial chain in its other hand.
The rest of his men stood by in bewildered shock. Nothing could have prepared any of them to face something like this. Something that all their rational minds told them couldn’t and shouldn’t exist. The thing, however, didn’t hesitate.
It whirled the chain around its head once with a speed that could barely be followed. With a snapping of teeth, the creature lashed out with its deadly makeshift whip. The hardened steel connected with the side of the helpless man’s neck with a sharp crack. His head snapped to an impossible angle and he went down in a series of sporadic twitches.
Angered at seeing one of his men die in front of his eyes overwhelmed Williams’ fear of the unnatural beast.
“Fire, dammit! Shoot its legs out!” he screamed at his men.
All of his men frantically tossed aside their crossbows and grabbed for their rifles. The white furred monstrosity clearly had no intention of waiting for them. It leapt from the wall and raced across the street towards the town’s center. Rushing past another one of Williams’ men, the monster raked its claws across the man’s face, nearly taking one of his cheeks completely off. He went down screaming, blood gushing from between his hands.
“You…” Williams roared, firing his shotgun at the thing as it rushed down the adjacent side of the street from him. If the slug hit the thing, it took no notice of it. It did, however, take enough notice of him to hurl the length of chain at his head.
Moving on honed instinct, Williams let his legs fall out from under him. As he hit the ground on his side hard, he heard the rattling of the chains slicing through the air where his head had been a moment before.
Gunfire rang out from behind him, as did the continued screams of the wounded. Several of his men were at his side as he pulled himself to his feet. Williams glanced back at the wounded man that the medic was tending to. The medic looked up at him briefly and shook his head slightly. Williams sighed, closing his eyes as he turned away. A single gunshot rang out, and the man’s screams ceased.
Williams saw more than a few of his men grit their teeth at the sharp boom. He knew he was doing it as well. “Fan out, search the town. We’re not leaving until we bag this thing. No head shots, we need it alive. And watch the roofs.”
Many of his men squeezed their rifles tightly, and with the greatest reluctance accepted his orders. As they began to reorganize themselves, Williams ordered in the back up units. He wanted this thing, and he wanted it now.
Williams and his men formed into a thin skirmish line and began retracing their steps. With the element of surprise lost, none of them cared anymore about using their rifles. The gunfire had alerted the town’s former residents, and they eagerly swarmed out of the crumbling buildings at the men.
Their extremely slow pace, pitted against the precise shooting of the unflinching soldiers was a complete recipe for a massacre of the living dead. But none of them were overly interested in the walkers. They all kept their eyes peeled for the thing.
“Sir.” Captain Williams glanced to his left and saw James crouching behind the wreckage of two cars. “You think it might have run off?”
“It didn’t run.”
“Why do you say?”
Williams looked at him sternly. “Because we’re still here.”

The roaring of heavy diesel engines made Williams looked down the town’s main road. A Humvee and a truck were rolling their way. The sight of the hummer’s heavy gun had an immediate impact on his men. The tension hanging over all of them eased a bit. Even Williams had to admit that he was glad to see the extra fire power.
That was why his heart nearly stopped when he saw a white mass land on the back of the Humvee. The gunner never had any time to react. The beast reached around the top of the unsuspecting gunner’s head and rammed its massive talons into the knob of flesh where the underside of his head and neck met.
The gunner gave a gurgling cry as a stream of red flowed down his chest. The white furred beast, its arm soaked red, wretched the gunner from his place and threw him into the side of a passing building. The Humvee swerved wildly as the creature reached inside for him, until it slammed into a steel lamp post. The inside of the windshield splintered slightly and was splattered with blood.
The creature was almost thrown from the top of the vehicle, but held on by grasping the heavy machine gun. Behind it, the five ton truck skidded to a halt in the middle of the roar. Williams was completely horrified when he saw the beast swing the heavy gun around to face the truck.
Just as he was thinking how impossible the whole situation was, the machine gun began to roar. Fire lashed out from the end of the barrel and large shell casings soared through the air. The front of the heavy truck, along with the two wide eyed men sitting inside, disintegrated under the barrage.
Several men in black uniforms spilled out the back of the truck and scattered like bugs. The monster turned the gun on them and shot one of the men down as if he were no different than an insect. That was the last straw for some of Williams’ men. They unleashed a storm of furious lead at the creature’s exposed back.
Parts of its back exploded in small gouts of red and it roared horrendously. As it continued to get shot, the beast swung the large gun around and returned fire. Three men taking cover behind a rusty overturned car were cut to shreds as the heavy rounds punched through their cover like it was made of paper.
Williams slammed his fist repeatedly into the cracked asphalt surface of the street. His men were dying. And they had become more than just his troops. They had become his family. And he wasn’t going to stand by and lose more of them.
“James!” Williams shouted to his Lieutenant.
Thankfully, the man heard him. Williams made a sharp gesture with his free hand. Cover fire. James didn’t need any more orders from him, he was a competent enough officer as it was.
Under the direction of his second in command, several of Williams’ men opened up on the monster as it continued to sweep the heavy gun left and right. They hit it a few more times, but nothing that would bring it down. Their shooting did serve its purpose. The thing brought the gun to bear on them, and Williams saw his opening.
Leaping to his feet, Williams charged past the destroyed car he had been hiding behind. Thirty yards in front of him was a truck flipped on its side. The burned hulk couldn’t hope to stop the .50 caliber rounds, but it would keep the thing from seeing him. He had only gone five steps before it did see him.
Fangs barred, it swung the gun towards him. From somewhere being Williams, he heard the dull thump of a grenade launcher. The front of the destroyed Humvee exploded with a blinding flash and hundreds of fragments. Dozens of the smoking pieces of metal peppered the entire front of the beast. It wailed, in a cry that sounded faintly human, and tumbled from the top of the armored vehicle.

rightwing401
29-Jun-2008, 12:27 AM
Williams dove behind the truck and took cover near the back of the flat bed. Holding his shotgun tightly, he peeked around the side. The beast was on the ground, whimpering as it dragged itself out of site behind the destroyed truck. His men were still shooting, but their gunfire was much more controlled, meant for little more than just keeping the thing pinned down.
“Captain…”
Williams heard the cry for help. He looked in the direction that the voice had come from, and felt his heart sink. One of the men that had been in the front of the truck was on his side with most of his gut a shredded mess.
He weakly pulled himself towards Williams, leaving a sickening trail of blood in his wake. He looked at Williams with pleading eyes as he reached out for him.
“Help…captain…”
Before Williams could move, three walkers lurched into view from around the side of the ruined truck. Knowing what was about to happen, and dead set on stopping it, Williams rushed from behind the truck to his injured soldier. He didn’t care if the creature was around, ready to pounce, he wasn’t going to leave on his men to such a horrible fate.
He wasn’t.
Williams had only closed half the distance before the three walkers fell upon him. Two of them dropped to their knees and crammed their withered hands into the man’s ruined gut. A bubbling cry came from the soldier’s throat as a sizable length of his intestines were ripped out. The two walkers greedily jammed as much of the ropey body parts into their thrashing mouths. The third feel on top of the soldier and sunk its jagged teeth into the back of his neck.
“Captain!!!” the soldier screamed in a dying wail, blood frothing from his mouth.
Williams stopped just before reaching him. He lowered his shotgun and quickly drew his .45 pistol. As he took aim on his dying man’s forehead, they locked eyes. A very unnerving feeling washed over Williams as he saw the longing in the man’s eyes.
Williams didn’t wait. He fired a single round, and the poor man’s head crumpled inward. The feasting corpses continued to slobber up as much of the soldier’s flesh as they could without the slightest realization that their prey was dead. They also took no notice of their imminent doom as Williams carefully lined up his pistol’s sights and methodically shot them down one by one.
As he put a bullet through the skull of the last walker, a high pitched screech came from the other side of the destroyed military truck. The wail almost instantly turned into a horrendous gurgle. Holstering his pistol, Williams took up his shotgun again and ran around the truck.
He rounded the truck just in time to see one of the soldiers in black’s throat ripped out by the white furred beast in shower of red. A sucking sound came from the destroyed jugular and the body went into dying spasms. The monster looked up from the kill, its snout dripping with blood.
As Williams stood staring at the grisly sight, the monster spit the chunk of flesh out in a very human like way. Seeing such a familiar gesture coming from such a creature cause Williams to go into a near like trance.
The spell broke when the thing ripped the dead man’s head off and hurled it at him. A startled cry came from Williams’ mouth as the orb of flesh streaked past his head. He stumbled back and almost lost his footing. That was all the incentive the beast needed.
It dropped on all fours and charged him. Williams was brave enough, but not even he could fight against the screaming instinct in his mind to flee from this atrocity of nature. Turning about on his heels, Williams ran back the way he had come.

But even in his most panicked state, the military training he had honed most of his life stayed with him. He knew exactly what to do. Ripping one of the two flash bangs from his grenade harness, he pulled the ping and dropped it beside the truck’s front right tire.
Timing of his actions would mean his life or death. There was no time to think, he just kept running. Behind him, he heard the scrapping of thick nails across the pavement as the thing closed in.
A bright light filled his vision with the spectacle of a million suns. A deafening blast hit his ears, and Williams felt as if his head was going to explode. Screaming, he tumbled to the street in a pitiful heap. He didn’t know how long he was incapacitated. It felt like several lifetimes of pure agony.
Blinking through a net of spots, Williams turned himself weakly over. As he landed on his back, he felt hands grab him. Fear rushed through him at the touch. Being eaten alive by the living dead was his greatest fear. Any death would seem like a blessing compared to such an agonizing end.
Just as the fear began to overtake him, the hands helped Williams up.
“Are you alright sir?” a distant voice echoed in his ear.
Williams nodded and rubbed his eyes. Though he could barely see or hear, there was no mistaking what was happening in front of him.
The beast was down on the pavement. Its clawed hands were pressed tightly against its triangular ears. Blood was clearly seeping through its fingers. A dog like tongue flopped from its jaws as the beast moaned in clear agony. Even as it continued to wallow in obvious misery, soldiers in black rushed it.
Before Williams could shout anything, they fell on the creature with a ferocious vengeance. Several men armed with sparking cattle prods repeatedly jabbed the ends into the downed monster. Moans turned into shrilled screams as thousands of volt surged through it.
“Stop now!” Williams ordered, but his voice came out in a weak whisper.
Lacking any authority to be reigned in, the soldiers in black drew their clubs and proceeded to beat every last inch of the monster’s body senseless. Not just satisfied with their clubs, some of the men stomped their heavy boots down on the thing’s head. In such a disoriented state, the thing didn’t have a hope of fighting back. Williams felt rage swell in him as he watched a boot heel nearly shatter its nose.
“Stop those men, now!” Williams ordered, trying to rush the wild brawl.
He only went a few steps before almost collapsing. But as he started going down, he saw a descent number of his own camo colored men charge in and disperse the black uniformed troops. More than one of his men took a free shot at the thing as they drove the other soldiers away. At last, they cleared a tiny perimeter around the still creature.
Cursing under his breath, Williams was helped over to inspect it. If the thing was dead, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind he would order the soldiers in black executed. A sigh of relief passed his trembling lips when he saw that it was still breathing.
“Secure it.” Williams ordered.
“That thing killed our friends!” one of the soldiers in black protested. “Tore him apart like he was a rack of lamb.”
“If it dies, then your friend died for nothing.” Williams snapped. “Secure it, now!”
One of the soldiers in black reluctantly stepped forward. In his arms he carried a tranquilizer gun. Even as he stepped over to the monster, it began to weakly pull itself up. The soldier didn’t give it a chance. He fired a single dart into the side of the beast’s neck.
The creature gave a faint growl and snapped weakly at him. Williams watched as it tried to pry the dart from its neck for a few seconds before its body began to go limp. A slight shudder ran through the monster’s entire body. Then it became still a death.
What happened next caused the all of the men, Williams included, to watch in stunned silence. None of them dared to even blink, lest they should realize what they were seeing wasn’t real.
Before their very eyes, the monster’s massive form began to shrink. There was great deal of snapping and cracking of bones from underneath shifting muscle tissue. The snout caved in as if it had been crushed, and the ears slide from upper back of the head down to the side, becoming rounder as they descended.
The oddly bent knees jerked forward, becoming more recognizable. The unnatural shaped hands and feet melted away. The fat padded paws lost most of their rugged width, turning into very delicate looking fingers.
Williams felt a slight bit of embarrassment as the white fur receded across the entire body, revealing a pair of breasts. The fur continued to disappear, until the only place it remained in thickness was the hair on top of the head. It stayed pure white for a second or two, then changed to a shinny blonde.
Before any of them truly comprehended what they were watching, the body of the frightening monster had completely disappeared. Lying on the pavement in its place was the body of a very vibrant, and naked, woman.
“Holy…” Williams heard James whisper.
“Call in another truck.” Williams ordered, breaking his gaze. “Take care of the dead, collect their things.”
Williams pointed a finger at the faintly breathing woman, who was covered in the blood of his men. “And get some restraints on that thing.”
“Damn demon.” one of the soldiers in black whispered.
“That isn’t a demon.” Williams told him. “It’s a werewolf.”

dracenstein
30-Jun-2008, 09:46 PM
Damn!

I have finished a short story of a zombie outbreak with a guest appearance by a werewolf!

If I do get it published, you will say I'm a copycat! But I have no soldiers in my group of survivors.

Danny
01-Jul-2008, 07:53 AM
after the first few paragraphs i can tell you that you need to stretch it out a little and slow it down, it feels like your trying to get to the action too fast and its more like an anthology piece than a stand alone work y'know?
Your novel can be too long, but its worse to be too short as it wont hold the readers imagination captive. Id say be more descriptive, in a poetic, not analytical sort of way.

rightwing401
02-Jul-2008, 12:50 AM
Damn!

I have finished a short story of a zombie outbreak with a guest appearance by a werewolf!

If I do get it published, you will say I'm a copycat! But I have no soldiers in my group of survivors.

Doubtful Dracenstein, if anything I'd applaud you for being one of the few others to use the concept. I'm not worried about any competition in this area. I have no intention of writing another story like this. Heck, I'm interested in reading this werewolf/zombie story you wrote.

Hellsing, I appreciate the review you gave. I know that it is kind of fast paced, but it had to work out the way it was. If there's any confusion about the beginning, the novel clears it up later. I'll also take into account your suggestion of more specific detail. If you don't mind my asking, what parts did you find too analytical?

Danny
02-Jul-2008, 08:13 AM
not too analytical per se, just felt like camera directions on a script, like the whole creature pulling the dart out bit near the end. It was like it was being watched behind protective glass in a museum if you get my meaning.
Id say that you should be more expressive and metaphorical about the events, so the creature spasmed?, how?, like a fisherman's prize, drowning on the deck in the air of dry land? thats pretty crappy an analogy know but thats just off the top of my head. Basically if you can get the reader to associate the unreal creations of yours with real life creatures then it gives it more of an air of believability yknow?

Neil
02-Jul-2008, 08:50 PM
Any chance you could host the text of this externally and link to it?

rightwing401
03-Jul-2008, 11:28 PM
If I knew how to, I would Neil. I'm exactly 'computer' savy.

Neil
04-Jul-2008, 05:37 AM
If I knew how to, I would Neil. I'm exactly 'computer' savy.

You haven't got any web space you can put this sort of stuff on?

rightwing401
08-Jul-2008, 02:11 AM
Now that I think about it Neil, I guess I could try to host it from my myspace page. If the text is too much or something, just let me know and we can get ride of this thread and I can try to host a link on another one.

Neil
08-Jul-2008, 07:40 AM
Now that I think about it Neil, I guess I could try to host it from my myspace page. If the text is too much or something, just let me know and we can get ride of this thread and I can try to host a link on another one.

When posting something as big as that, it would be far prefered to put it on your own webspace and then link to it...

If you can do that now with this example, it would be good... But definately try and do it in the future with any future ones...