LouCipherr
31-Jul-2012, 03:00 PM
God help me, why do I watch such bad films?! :rolleyes:
Ok, where to start with this atrocity..
The story revolves around a woman named Sarah who.. well, let's let IMDB take care of the synopsis:
Trapped inside her family's lakeside retreat, a young woman finds she is unable to contact the outside world as events become increasingly ominous in and around the house.
Doesn't tell you much, does it? Well, neither does the movie.
Here's my synopsis:
The story revolves around a woman named Sarah (Elizabeth Olsen) who, along with her father John (Adam Trese) and her uncle Peter (Eric Sheffer Stevens), go to their family lakeside estate to prepare it to be sold. The uncle leaves a few minutes into the flick to get a permit for the electric or something (doesn't matter, it's not worth remembering, which is why I don't) leaving Sarah and her father alone in the house. That's when the weird shit starts happening.
Yeah, about an hour later. *yawn*
Where was I? Oh yeah. The one thing that is interesting about this film is it is composed of what seems to be one long take the entire movie. In reality, it was composed of multiple 10-minute takes and edited together to hide the cuts. Fairly decent job in that department, the rest was totally forgetful.
It takes what seems like forever before the "creepy" parts of the movie begin. Prior to that, it's a lot of talk and wandering around in a house that's completely dark. In the middle of the day. Yes. You read that right. The windows are all boarded up, so inside it looks as black as night and everyone wanders around with lanterns and flashlights. Gets old after a while when all they really need to do is bust out one piece of plywood and they'd have a skylight (well, a ‘wall light’ – whatever). geez. It reminds me a lot of those "found footage" shit-fests that are all the rage nowadays. Annoying and overdone. But I digress...
When the "scares" do begin, there's really nothing to be scared of, as your view usually consist of complete darkness, or Sarah hiding while holding a flashlight, lantern, or candle that isn't bright enough to light up... to light up a... hell, I can't think of a good analogy, so let's just say that it's too goddamn dark to be enjoyable. Funny thing is, Sarah can't seem to get out of the house once this stuff starts. She doesn't seem to be able to pull a piece of plywood off one window, nor can she figure out how to open a front door or - even better - how to pick up something heavy and throw it through the back door windows (yes, there's plywood on the outside, but if something was trying to kill me, I'd DAMN WELL be throwing something large and heavy through one of the windows/doors and getting the hell out!).
Most of the scares are nothing more than noises in the house, flashes of a little girl, and once in a while someone grabbing the leg of Sarah, just to force her run deeper into the house and into the dark. *yawn*
I offer no spoilers in my "shame" threads, and that trend will continue. That being said, the "climax" of this movie really doesn't deliver. When the "big reveal" is given, the only thing that ran through my head is "Jesus, it's about goddamn time!" This movie moves slower than molasses flowing uphill in the middle of January in Maine.
My wife blurted out the twist about 15-20 minutes before it was revealed.
Put it this way: This movie makes Sharktopus look like genius filmmaking. I think that kinda says it all.
Just. Don't.
Ok, where to start with this atrocity..
The story revolves around a woman named Sarah who.. well, let's let IMDB take care of the synopsis:
Trapped inside her family's lakeside retreat, a young woman finds she is unable to contact the outside world as events become increasingly ominous in and around the house.
Doesn't tell you much, does it? Well, neither does the movie.
Here's my synopsis:
The story revolves around a woman named Sarah (Elizabeth Olsen) who, along with her father John (Adam Trese) and her uncle Peter (Eric Sheffer Stevens), go to their family lakeside estate to prepare it to be sold. The uncle leaves a few minutes into the flick to get a permit for the electric or something (doesn't matter, it's not worth remembering, which is why I don't) leaving Sarah and her father alone in the house. That's when the weird shit starts happening.
Yeah, about an hour later. *yawn*
Where was I? Oh yeah. The one thing that is interesting about this film is it is composed of what seems to be one long take the entire movie. In reality, it was composed of multiple 10-minute takes and edited together to hide the cuts. Fairly decent job in that department, the rest was totally forgetful.
It takes what seems like forever before the "creepy" parts of the movie begin. Prior to that, it's a lot of talk and wandering around in a house that's completely dark. In the middle of the day. Yes. You read that right. The windows are all boarded up, so inside it looks as black as night and everyone wanders around with lanterns and flashlights. Gets old after a while when all they really need to do is bust out one piece of plywood and they'd have a skylight (well, a ‘wall light’ – whatever). geez. It reminds me a lot of those "found footage" shit-fests that are all the rage nowadays. Annoying and overdone. But I digress...
When the "scares" do begin, there's really nothing to be scared of, as your view usually consist of complete darkness, or Sarah hiding while holding a flashlight, lantern, or candle that isn't bright enough to light up... to light up a... hell, I can't think of a good analogy, so let's just say that it's too goddamn dark to be enjoyable. Funny thing is, Sarah can't seem to get out of the house once this stuff starts. She doesn't seem to be able to pull a piece of plywood off one window, nor can she figure out how to open a front door or - even better - how to pick up something heavy and throw it through the back door windows (yes, there's plywood on the outside, but if something was trying to kill me, I'd DAMN WELL be throwing something large and heavy through one of the windows/doors and getting the hell out!).
Most of the scares are nothing more than noises in the house, flashes of a little girl, and once in a while someone grabbing the leg of Sarah, just to force her run deeper into the house and into the dark. *yawn*
I offer no spoilers in my "shame" threads, and that trend will continue. That being said, the "climax" of this movie really doesn't deliver. When the "big reveal" is given, the only thing that ran through my head is "Jesus, it's about goddamn time!" This movie moves slower than molasses flowing uphill in the middle of January in Maine.
My wife blurted out the twist about 15-20 minutes before it was revealed.
Put it this way: This movie makes Sharktopus look like genius filmmaking. I think that kinda says it all.
Just. Don't.