DjfunkmasterG
28-Feb-2006, 06:20 PM
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
>
> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>
> WOMEN'S REVENGE
>
> "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
> to purchase.
> As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
> television set in her purse.
> "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
> "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
> and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
>
> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>
> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
> I know I'm not going to understand women.
> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
> your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of
> a spider.
>
> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>
> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and
> his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
> husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
> He addressed the man,
> "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
> Pillsbury, isn't it?
>
> CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>
> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
> The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
> He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
> She directs him down the correct aisle.
> A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
> of string on the counter.
> She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
> for your wife?
> He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
> the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a
> tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo
> much cheaper.
> So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
> ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
>
> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>
> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
> wanted to concede their position.
> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
> sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
> "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
>
> W O R D S
>
> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
> day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
> The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
> everything to men...
> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
>
> CREATION
>
> A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
> and so beautiful all at the same time.
> " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
> stupid so I would be attracted to you!
>
> WHO DOES WHAT
>
> A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
> coffee each morning.
> The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then
> we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
> The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you
> should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
> coffee."
> Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
> that the man should do the coffee."
> Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
> at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
>
> The Silent Treatment
>
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
> each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
> next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
> morning business flight.
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
> on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he
> knew she would find it.
> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
> he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his
> wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
> The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
>
> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
> draft before the masterpiece.
>
> SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
> HANDLE IT
>
> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>
> WOMEN'S REVENGE
>
> "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
> to purchase.
> As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
> television set in her purse.
> "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
> "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
> and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
>
> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>
> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
> I know I'm not going to understand women.
> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto
> your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of
> a spider.
>
> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>
> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and
> his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
> husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
> He addressed the man,
> "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
> Pillsbury, isn't it?
>
> CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>
> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
> The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
> He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
> She directs him down the correct aisle.
> A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
> of string on the counter.
> She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
> for your wife?
> He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
> the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a
> tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo
> much cheaper.
> So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
> ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
>
> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>
> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
> wanted to concede their position.
> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
> sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
> "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
>
> W O R D S
>
> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
> day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
> The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
> everything to men...
> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
>
> CREATION
>
> A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid
> and so beautiful all at the same time.
> " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
> stupid so I would be attracted to you!
>
> WHO DOES WHAT
>
> A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
> coffee each morning.
> The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then
> we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
> The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you
> should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
> coffee."
> Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
> that the man should do the coffee."
> Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
> at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
>
> The Silent Treatment
>
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
> each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
> next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
> morning business flight.
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
> on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he
> knew she would find it.
> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
> he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his
> wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
> The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
>
> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
> draft before the masterpiece.
>
> SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
> HANDLE IT