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View Full Version : new creative writing assignment, thought i'd share what i have right now



mista_mo
30-Nov-2007, 03:15 PM
now, i am not exactly known for being an amazing omfg writer, as i tend to write to either relieve stress or organize my thoughts. I am aware this will need some cleaning up, but i am actually happy with how it has come out. This is the first page or so of a many page story/crossover i have in my head atm (or for the past 2 weeks). The first paragraph (in italics) represents the future of the story, how it will play out, and reveals some plot points and information that is going to occur within the next few writing sessions/pages.
For the record, no, there will be no aliens per se, but the situation the main character will find himself in will be entirely alien. The other world thing also doesn't refer to anyone from anouther culture, it means from anouther world, literally. There will be no aliens whatsoever, an entirely human cast with some odd twists (the inspiration comes from a universe for anouther love of mine which will remain unknown atm). It is a zombie fiction first and foremost however, but unlike most others out there. My premise is the character being sent to anouther locale via mysterious means to be revealed later, and how he copes in a new, unzombiefied situation. It will also show genuine human interaction, and how he copes with the loss of his loved ones and everything he ever valued in this new place, while attempting to integrate himself in with a new crowd of people who take him in.

tl;dr, it is a zombie story with a twist, which will focus very little on the undead (however, i plan to make a full backstory for the character at a later point in time, detailing life pre-undead, and during) for most of THIS piece of fiction. I want criticism, not insults to my writing ability (which I agree isn't as good as most) so i can make it that much better. enjoy and leave your comments.


Their meeting wasn't some random, freak occurance of nature. It wasn't even natural. It was planned years ago, years before they were born, before their parents even thought of having children. They come from 2 completely different worlds, two different cultres, two different ways of life. Now that his world had been reduced to but a fraction of it's former glory, through acts and deeds and mis-adventures aimed at enslaving the human gene-code, and bringing it under the complete control of man, it was determined that the time had come. Change was about to occur, at a rate and level neither parties had ever seen, or heard of before in their relitivley short lives. A change into a new world, new customs, new ways of living, and eventually, new friends. So had it been decreed ages ago, and so it was about to happen.

The moonlight shined onto the forested earth below, the silver light illuminating the night for every creature. The earth is a virtual hub of animal activity, things coming and going about their buisness, doing what they do to survive. Foraging ants run about the earth, locating food stuffs for their colonies, and leaving pheromone trails behind for others to follow. Mice scurry through the thick foliage, searching for fallen seeds amoung the piles of dead leaves. They are, in turn, being watched by the large, illuminated eyes of a great horned owl. The creature pauses in it's over watch as it spots the prey and begins to think it's strike. A group of dear are drinking out of the river, all the while peaking up from their drinking to survey the surrondings, being watchful for any predators that may be lurking in the dense bushes and trees at the rivers edge. A chilly wind rustles through the trees, swaying their branches lightly causing more of their leaves to spill unto the forest floor. The wildlife has noticed the tempurature and seasonal changes, most began to migrate to warmer climates, while others forage for nuts and berries and food to fatten up for the long winter hibernation that is to come. It is as normal, and natural as nature can possibly be, and always has been.

The moonlight bathing the land begins to falter as a thick covering of smoke blows past it recklessly. The winds have brought the smoke from the city blowing eastword, towards some arbitrary goal. The night sky stained grey, the stars blotted out, as the long smoke trail is blown eastword. 3 miles the smoke has travelled, 3 miles from the human city. It isn't from a factory, or from the exhaust pipes of the numerous vehicles, nor is it from a forest fire or building collapse. The city itself is burning. The fire department is no longer able to put it out, for they are no longer there. No one is. The fire rages on throughout the desolate cityscape, burning through the accumulated arcitecture of 100's of years of urbanization. All the sweat, blood, pain, and joy that went into erecting the steel and concrete megaliths is all but forgotten, for they stand empty and desiccate. The office building on spaulding street was once a beacon of activity, cleaners and security officials coming during the night to prepare the place for the work force which would begin to arrive at 5:30 a.m, ready to work 8-12 hours of the day, doing their various jobs, sitting at their desks, compiling and filing reports. It was an ugly 5 story building, but it was well kept and maintained. A crew of maintenance officials would come to check on the buildings vitals, recalibrate anything that was off, and fix any problems. The parking lot was usually full of employee vehicles, people parking their cars to begin a new day of work at the office. Now the building was desolate, and falling apart from wear and tear. No one is there to fix it, to correct any problems. No one is there to clean and secure it. No one is there to work and put in their 8 hours of labour.
__________________________________________________ _______________

end so far, about a page or so, and i allready have it thought out for many, many, many more (i get my ideas when i goto sleep, so i tend to think of the situation, adapt it, picture it in my head, how it will go etc.)

Legion2213
03-Dec-2007, 06:33 AM
If you wanted to set the scene....you've achieved your goal IMO.

Sorry that I can't offer any constructive criticism, I don't see anything to criticize. :)

mista_mo
07-Dec-2007, 05:50 PM
Thanks legion,

looking over it, i was a little nervous about posting it on here, as it is more or less a first draft. I allready have a whole bunch more i want to add to it, and more ways to fix it up.....

never can be happy with what you got i guess eh?

kortick
08-Dec-2007, 09:22 PM
interesting mo

its great you explore new ideas

you do have a talent, whether you acknowlege it
or not.

mista_mo
05-Jan-2008, 02:03 AM
New part.

Going is slow because of work and x-box, and partly because i am lazy. This has actually been sittong on my computer for about a week now, and i still have anouther page or two to translate to my word proccessor. I also add in alot more when I do this, as i get new ideas all of the time.

This was actually only 4 lines at first.
gotta run spellcheck again etc.

Just down the street from the office building, the indoor skating rink is in a state of similar disrepair. The doors which had seen so many people pass through are hanging Aukwardly by their hinges, warped as if some massive force was laid against them. The glass panes are broken and smashed, broken glass lays strewn about the entrance way, liwing amoung the garbage and filth of an empty city.
The jungle gym which was set next to the indoor skating rink was, at one time, a haven for the areas children. Day in and day out, they would come too play on it, running around, tagging weach other, swinging from the over head bars, all under the ever watchful eyes of their parents. The older people would sit there and chit chat about the day, how things were going at home, asking if they'd like to get together sometime and have cofee, every now and then stopping to watch their children play and have fun on the gym set. They felt free there. Unrestrained by rules at home, they could gather with their friends and just have a good time. No worrying about getting dirty, or tracking mud through the house, all they cared about was who was it, and the best way to make sure they weren't caught. Now, the set is empty. There are no cildren playing carelessly, no parents watching them, just the lone gym set, rusting away slowly, swings swaying slowly as a casual breeze filters past, mimicking the motions they played out when someone swung on them. Markings made by the legions of people who visited the site remain still, some fully viewable, some so covered up by time and blood that they are no longer able to be read. “Chloe + Stanley forever” Serves as a reminder that it wasn't just young kids that came her, but older people, people in love, who wanted nothing more then to be alone with their partner under a starry, moonlit evening.
The city city itself is but a skeleton of what it once was. The major roads into and out of the city are clogged by cars, refuse, rubble, and broken glass. Everyone tried to escape when things became out of control. Entire families packed up what they could and drove away, in the vain hope of finding shelter and control, and escape the chaos and death, that had become their old home. At the start many did indeed get out, but later on, the military closed down all entires into and out of the city. Everyone cried out in shock and anger at the government and municiple forces that told them they could never leave again. Everyone was rounded up and placed in special safety shleters in the inner city by the authorities. Of course people would say no, but they had no choice. Leave, or get shot, the choice given to them by the military was a simple one, and even the most stubborn individual will lose face when they look down the barrel of a rifle.

Danny
05-Jan-2008, 03:17 AM
you know you could start a blogger account to put this stuff on, its free and ive been using blogger for a year now and had no problems.

mista_mo
05-Jan-2008, 12:17 PM
you saying you don't want ta see my stuff on here hellsing? man i am hurt

lol just kiddin.

seriusly though, what do you think of it? I do like feedback after all...

never thought of getting a blogger account thing actually..it just never crossed my mind, and i'm hardly comfortable posting this stuff on here, and i've been a member on this forum for years.

*edit*

GAH I feel dumb i missed so many spelling and gramatical errors **** me!

mista_mo
11-Jan-2008, 12:11 PM
next part

The center of the evacuation and coordination efforts was the centrally located city hall, which had been converted into a makeshift command center by the army. Large steel fences were erected around the building, machine gun operaters took shelter behind the erected sandbag emplacements, and the surrounding road was accessable only to those with significant importance. The road itself was crisscrossed by further barricades; razor wire was placed in a loose staggered paturn across the road for some 200 meters, beyond that deadfalls and potholes were bored out in a zig zag patturn, forcing vehicle drivers to take it slow and make constant adjustments and turns. The surrounding land was covered in land mines and trip wires, forcing people to take the road, which was equally inaccessable. Snipers were on constant vigil on the rooftop and large spires of the building itself, and kept in constant contact with outlieing snipers on the rooftops of adjacent buildings. A small artillery battery was kept in the parking lot behind the hall, ready to unleash screaming death upon any target from the safety of their backlot position. At any given time there were approximatley 255 soldiers here, ready to lay down their lives in the effort to protect the mayor and army staff which resided here. The loss of the city hall (which the government forces had re-named Center) would have been a terrible blow for the population. It was the lifeblood that kept the city going. In the absense of a true HQ, this building suited the needs just fine. It was more then just a communications node for the military however. It was also a morale booster to the local population. It told them that the government was serious about responding to this threat, and was doing what it thought best to protect them. The constant military and police patrols helped re-affirm this, as well as the constant television broadcasts telling them everything was going fine, and the situation would be over soon. The broadcasts helped to make sure the civillians remembered their place, and the loyalty and responsibility they had during the crisis.


Remember, it is not only the right thing to do, but it is your responsability as a free, democratic, and proud people, to respect what we are doing, and to make it as easy on us as possible. We are doing all that we can do to help alleviate the situation, but we can't do it alone. We need YOU to help us. We need YOU to tell us of any strange occurance and problem whatsoever. We need YOU to be constant, and vigilant during this time. We need YOU to help in anyway that you can- our fighting men and women can only do so much. If you can find the time, help your comman man, and our soldiers, by volunterring at any of the depots for any number of task. From cook to truck driver, we need YOU. Remember as well that we need all the man power we can get, so if you have the experience and training, please, by all means find the recruiters in the depots and tell them! If you meet the requirements, you can be drafted into the local militia, whose numbers swell daily. Help protect your family by joining today! Your reward is the satisfaction of helping the helpless, of fighting back the monster, and service to your government in her greatest hour of need.

God bless and goodnight.

Everyone bought into it.

mista_mo
23-Jan-2008, 09:56 PM
next two parts up

A cold wind blows around the city hall, which has long since been abandoned. The defenses have long since been breached and whittled down, the blood of the dead long since dried up and evapourated. Bullet casings still lie strewn about the area, slowly rusting away into oblivion, their usefullness expired years ago. They shift and flutter around as anouther cool breeze filters through the destroyed iron fences, shifting the remains of a battle whose outcome had long since been established. Rotted skeletons lay strewn about the area, many intact, while many seperated and ripped apart, almost as if by some wild beast. The building itself has been blasted apart, it's once glorious and hopeful structure reduced to rubble and ash. The northern section of the building had collapsed at some point in the past, perhaps in the chaotic battle which had caused the defenses to crumble. Perhaps it was only recently that the section collapsed, no one knows, no one will ever know, and those still around just don't care. All they care about is survival, living one day, and preparing to live the next. In these times, such a seemingly simple act as staying alive, is near impossible, and most who tried have failed; whiltted away like a dieing flower as winter begins to wrap its icy tendrils around the land.

That's not to say that those still alive don't care about such things as material possessions and what they had in the past, but more pressing needs dictate their train of thought and actions. Shelter, protection, health. The three things people value most now in life. Each one is linked to the other, and missing one of these 3 things is a good way to bring you death. Without shelter, you have no place to rest when weary, or take refuge when trying to escape unwanted attention. Without protection, venturing into the world is tantamount to suicide, and trying to secure any location without weaponry of some sort is impossible. Finally, without your health, you would be unable to adequetly protect yourself, or find shelter, or protect it. Even something that was considered minor in the past could potentially lead to your death. A sneeze or a case of the sniffles can show the enemy your location, while lack of sleep can slow your reaction times and problem solving ability down. Having a mental breakdown is possibly one of the worst things that can happen to a person now. Unable to get help, they would gestate and rot in their own private hell, or would take thier illness to the streets, or do something similarly rash. These things were once curable or easily ignored, but now, particular concern must be given to any illness or discord. Emotional health is just as important as physical health. No one should ever forget that. Especially now.

Chapter one
Angels in hell

For Everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant , and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8




The setting sun causes the shadows of the ruined city to elongate, as if they were reaching out towards the fiery orb in the sky. The city itself is quiet, seldomn any noise is heard anymore, and those that can hear it, wish to never hear it again. A rat runs through the refuge that litters the sidewalk, sifting through the remians of yesteryear to find a morcel, any scrap of food. Suddenly, it perks up from under the newspaper it was under, and stares into a blackened alleyway. The shuffle of clumsy footsteps cascades and amplifies against the dirty brick wall, causing it to echo back and forth. A metallic thud is heard as a trashcan rolls into the sunlit street, followed by the sound of a body smacking against the concrete ground. The soft ruffles of clothing rubbing against the hard ground greets the rats ears as the small creature dodges the roving can. An eternity seems to pass, when finally, a dirty, rotting, skeletal hand leaves the shadows and clutches at the ground, looking for a handhold of some kind to pull itself foreword. A shallow breeze blows through the city, blowing the paper and light trash around the sidewalks and streets, as the rat bolts off towards it's underground lair. Even the animals know not to overstay their welcome. A moan sounds from the alley as anouther hand brings itself to rest beside the other. The arms flex and curl inwords as the being is dragged out into the open sunlight for the first time in years.