*does a mz*
20 seconds in: bad opening shot to a car pulling up at an angle form a crane doing a big circle, thats sci-fi original opener right there.
1 minute in: 12 ****'s in a minute, that doesn't bode well.
1 minute 30 in: terrible background music.
1 minute 50: enter tom savini, dressed like a pimp on vacation...aa'ight.
2:55: typicla reasonless fight ensues, good effects though.
3:11: (SPOILER), they arent shocked, in fact they turn out to be vampires too, not bad for an opening twist.
6:30 spelling stuff out for us "not bad, right little sister", poor choice writing wise.
6:40 ...its the dude from american pie 4.....
8:50: camera lingers far too long on an old man, whom there told to ignor......yeah....
10:53: needless sporting failure backstory.
11: lame love interest for the girl.
12:23: heading out of the way, were the california bay has become a desolate wasteland apparently, and loads of no tresspassing signs, im guessing que a man with a dark adn depressive past, probably alcoholic, o r that old man...
13:49: ominous hand pulls back blinds to watch them leave, oooohhh!
16: some crappy lestat wannabe who sounds like he was caught in a brundleflyian (tm) incident with kid rock. lame.
19: inevitable dickhead enemy, are they checking off a list?
21: wow, a walking pair of tits, classy
22:30: wow, the vampire is seducing the lead female, THE ORIGIONALITY IS ****ING EPIC!!!!
23:30: girl says to the vamp she appreciates death - vampbait.
25:46: he slips here something to drink, probably his blood or some ****, who cares igven the setting?
26: SEX SCENE!!!!!!!, HOW ****ING HIGHBROW IS THIS MASTERPIECE!!!1
27: uh-oh, tits is upset
30: ominous music, trouble and upheaval. this really is by the book cliches.
32: okay, now its gone to comedy, now i can watch it.
33: oh goody, tits is back, asking to be invited in.....
34: tits loses here top, ANOTHER MAKEOUT SCENE, ONLY 8 MINS LATER?!?
35: se tries to bite him, he stakes he by accident, thinks hes a murderer, right on.
36: yep, guy with a darkpast, told ya.
38: eggs and holy water and garlic= frog juice, kay.
38:31: his sisters only a half vampire, he can save here if he kills the head vampire ,YAY!, PREDICTABLE RESOLUTION APPEARS!
40: sister lures love interest back to do what vmapire lovers call feeding, most of us just call rape.
42: hero shows up with cross, love interest now thinks hes a crazy born again christian, kinda funny i guess.
44: girl discovers shes turning and squeals about being vegetarian, not bad for a pun.
45: lame vampire stalking prey scene, including fog, metal music and camera jump's. danny is not impressed.
47: head vampire whispers over a distance to control the sister, again, done before, and in a much better fashion than this.
50: the vampire hunter literally has to take a 3 second pause between EVERY ****ING SENTENCE!!
50:26: make out scene to sleazy rock, wow, this is a great image of a rebel... from 1991...
52: ANOTHER sex scene to metal music, good lord this is using the scum fomr the edges of the bottom of the cliche barrel.
(how can he even get it up if hes dead, just , yknow, logically speaking)
55: police are idiots, surprise surprise.
56: ridin' with the dickhead, cliche, cliche, cliche....
58: HES OFFERING YOU THE SKATEBOARD OF POWER, TAKE IT MAH BOI!
59: vampires vs idiot cops, SURELY TEH COPZ MOOST VIN!
1hr: so a big chase scene, not bad, and there not wearing safety equipment like they were rumored to.
1hr:4: nice use of stop action footage for the passage of the day.
1hr: 5: keeps focusing on the old man in the background.
1hr: 6: wow, vampires smoking weed, heading to "devils reef", LAME!
1hr: 7: blood drinking scene is hampered by the same recycled driving effet every 2 seconds.
1hr: 9: lesbians, that means its high class.
1hr: 11: whorish girls are running for there lives, sarcasm overload.
1hr:13: one down 3 to go, were the hell did the vampire hunter piss off to anyway?
1hr:13:42 oh, there he is.
1hr:15: rambo reference, nooiyce.
1hr:17: ugh, repeating a dialogue to add a nice little moment, blech!
1hr:17:32: so thats were the love interest went, wow, im impressed, it actually has mild continuity.
1hr:20: lame troma set up death ,with troma effects.
1hr:21: each vampire has taken roughly 40 seconds to kill, wow, undead bane of the night indeed.
1hr:23: BOSS FIGHT!...que lame metal music again.
1hr:24: ahhh, family saved the dead.....LAME!
1hr:26: love interest gets the girl.....kinda. this is very mal-arranged.
1hr:28: ending on a weed joke, could be worse i spose, no lame twist.
1hr:29: wtf is this?, a lost boys refernece after the movies ended starring the older characters?, most people would have barely sat through the whoel thing let alone the credits.
so...all in all?
****ING WANK!
ive watched it so you dont have to.
tries ultra cliche' horror AND comedy in a mishmash thats confusing, terribly written and its just a terrible movie. if it wasnt for my ****ing tweak were i cant stop watching a movie once i start, if i could id have left at 6 mins in.
|
Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. [click for more]
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
and will continue to enjoy watching the original time and time again, whilst simultaneously forgetting that this turd exists.
Originally Posted by capncnut
Bookmarks