5/5 On my Zombie paper for college!

**Exatreides** · 30-Mar-2011

We had to do a short vs's paper for my Freshmen English Comp course this month. He had some suggestions like burger king vs mcdonolds or ford vs chevy or stuff like that. However we only had about 25 minutes to write it and turn it in. Had to be a minimum of at least two pages double spaced, so it wasn't to hard at all. I'm just happy I got to write about zombies in school.

I did mine on slow zombies vs fast zombies. He said that while they're was one or two grammatical mistakes, he thought it was hilarious and actually read it the whole class monday woohoo. Anyway here it is

Insidious Homo Coprophagus Somnambulus
Vs
Velocior Homo Coprophagus Somnambulus

When there’s no more room in Hell the dead will walk the earth. This ever hopeful and elegant phrase comes from George a Romero’s 1978 version of Dawn of the dead. It was recently used in the 2004 remake of Dawn of the dead. This film, this terrible hack Job of a movie only cemented a single fact into my ripe delicious brain. Fast Zombies suck.
Zack Snyder, director of such film masterpieces such as 300 (Completely historically accurate if you ask any history major) and more music videos’ to count decided to change the zombie genre forever by making slow dumb zombies into fast dumb zombies.
In your own rather tasty brain your thinking, “Well gosh, don’t all zombies suck?” No! They don’t, zombies are supposed to be slow lumbering hulks whose sheer ability is strength in numbers. They aren’t supposed to be the main antagonists in the film, but a back drop that places the evils of man against man, against society, and against nature.
Zombies are the red army of evil creatures. While Vampires and werewolves are the panzer tanks of horror, with whole stories created about a single vampire or werewolf. People tend not to fear a single slow zombie. They are cute, rather adorable creatures that you can keep chained in your shed and play playstation with if you choose too.
Only when Zombies numbers begin to mount do you begin to feel pangs of fear, while it may be easy for the average person (White Anglo Saxon Protestant male of an approximate weight of 175 pounds and 5”10 respectively) to defend against a slow rather dumb attacker, you stack place him against a dozen or two and things change. Corners are backed into, and his entrails are spread amongst many undead friends.
There is also the physiological aspect of this; do you really want to kill grandma? With slow zombies, you don’t know if she is sick, crazy, or just being her normal dementia ridden self. You approach her to investigate, and bam your brains are enjoyed blended and placed on top of a cracker.
With fast zombies, you don’t have time to worry about any of this stuff. It’s a simple deadly attack from someone who obviously wants to kill you. Even one of them can potentially overpower your average man.
With the bonus of numbers they become a fast moving wave of flesh eating cheetah’s whose only resemblance to once being human was the fact that they still wear Hollister and American eagle.
They turn suspense and horror films into simple run and gun action films, whose protagonists spend more time running then building any decent kind of plot or likeable characters.
They’re stupid, they ruined the zombie horror sub genre, and I don’t like em.

**clanglee** · 30-Mar-2011

good stuff man!

**bassman** · 30-Mar-2011

Bravo, sir.

**Philly_SWAT** · 30-Mar-2011

It's OK to say that something "sucks" in school papers nowadays?

**BillyRay** · 30-Mar-2011

Originally Posted by Philly_SWAT

It's OK to say that something "sucks" in school papers nowadays?

If it's a state college or technical school, yes.

**ProfessorChaos** · 30-Mar-2011

jesus, you got a 5/5 on that? i've spotted nearly a handful of punctuation errors in the first few sentences alone. wtf school do you go to?

**Exatreides** · 30-Mar-2011

It was an attempt to be comical, not for being perfect. I think only 3 things were marked, ha yeah it's a state college.

**ProfessorChaos** · 30-Mar-2011

sorry man, wasn't trying to bust your chops. it's just that i spent most of last night and this morning/afternoon writing a 400-level psychology paper concerning 2 essays/studies from the 60's and 70's. it was a major pain in the ace and i'm tired and a bit cranky. and to top it all off, psychology isn't even my major, it's an elective course.

it is rather cool that you got to impress your teacher and earn some points writing about zombies...can't say i've ever had that happen. aside from a few errors in punctuation here and there, it is a pretty good paper.

**Exatreides** · 30-Mar-2011

Yeah thats understandable, it was just for a English 111 comp class.

Right now I'm just in college for the credits, credits which I'm using for Promotion points. I'm heading back to the military in June so I can get my Licenced Practical nurse.