50 reasons why Return of the Living Dead sucks

[dirtydwarf]

1 reason it didn't suck: 1). Linnea Quigly's boobies...

[DubiousComforts]

1 reason it didn't suck: 1). Linnea Quigly's boobies... That's two reasons.

[bassman]

That's two reasons. They were a nice pair, but very pointless... I mean, what reason was there for her to go through all that "I want to be eaten...." speech and rip off her clothes other than be a naked zombie? The original Night had a naked zombie. Did we need a pointless scene to explain to us why she was naked? And then on top of that, she apparently get's burried off screen just so she can rise out of the dirt?

[dirtydwarf]

They were a nice pair, but very pointless... I will have to go back and look but I don't remember em being pointless...in fact they looked like they could cut glass

[DubiousComforts]

They were a nice pair, but very pointless... They weren't "pointless." They're called "nipples."

[bassman]

Pointless to the plot.....

[MinionZombie]

Yes, yes, bewbs are awesome. But I too thought that explanation was just shoe-horned in, in fact it's well blatant that it's shoe-horned in just to 'justify' the boobies...but boobies justify themselves! They should have just had her f*cking the punk or something, or cut out the silly explanation and just have her strip, because there's no surprise when it's been said...like in Yawn04 when Sarky Arse says 'if I become one of those things, shoot me in the f*cking head' - you flat out KNOW it's gonna happen now...it's like a spoiler within the film. Speaking of bewbs ... *runs back to South Park 12x03*

[ProfessorChaos]

Speaking of bewbs ... *runs back to South Park 12x03* great episode. loved when gerald cheesed and went back to boobville and saw the woman, saying to her: "i tried to stay away but couldn't....curse you and your rockin' tits."

[MikePizzoff]

1 reason it didn't suck: 1). Linnea Quigly's boobies... Mmmmmmmmm.

[DjfunkmasterG]

I love Return of the Living Dead. The director has always omitted this film was a dark comedy and even mentions in the commentary and the featurette he didn't want to trample on Romero's work. His references are there simply because it is one of the most well know films in horror. I know its your opinion Bassman, but how you could enjoy LAND, a craptastic turd over ROTLD, a great masterpiece of zomedy cinema is beyond me.

[MinionZombie]

We could equally say the same for you and liking Yawn04 over Land ... but you know what, it's all the opinions of us gruff 'n' surly HPOTD folk.

[Choas]

I love ROTLD. Part 2 was okay,part 3,4,5 was god awful.

[dirtydwarf]

I love ROTLD. Part 2 was okay,part 3,4,5 was god awful. I actually Liked Part 3. And the first one of course. I thought part 2 sucked, they tried to copy the chemistry/comedy between Freddie and Frank that worked so well in the original and I thought it came off really bad. As for part 4 and 5..well....I am embarrassed for everyone involved in those 'films'.

[bassman]

The director has always omitted this film If I were him, I would omit this film from my filmography too! Sorry, couldn't help but run with your typo. I think MZ summed it up nicely for me...

[SRP76]

Got this idea from MZ.... First of all, I know i'm in the minority about this film. Second, I know the creators claim they made it funny so as to not step on Romero's toes. Maybe they shouldn't have mentioned his films, then. I don't buy that crap. So here's a handfull of reasons why I hate it. I could have done more, but I refused to pause it to write down each reason. As a result, several reasons were missed. I just wanted to run through it and hopefully I'll never have to see it again.... 1. "Based on true events"? Wow....scary. Never heard that one used before. 2. "UNEEDA MEDICAL SUPPLY" Get it? You-need-a? cack cack cack. 3. Is Freddy intentionally dressing like an over-grown and strung-out Dennis The Menace? 4. Punk kids! They're speaking to the youth of the day. How cliched....I mean "hip".(additional note: Is that Juwanna Man?!?) 5. "Did you see that movie, Night of the Living Dead?" - To quote an episode of MST3K: NEVER mention a good movie in your horribly crappy movie. 6. So let me get this straight. 425 Trioxin is this HUGE government cover up....but this old man who works at a medical supply store knows ALL about it just because these few containers were accidentally shipped to them? Did these hazardous containers also come with classified government papers? 7. RETURN of the Living Dead? Where are they returning from? This must be a sequel! Nope....it's another shot at ripping off Romero's classic. 8. *whiny voice* "I just wanna paaaartyyyy" 9. "Burt is a slave driver" on the poster. So Burt made this film? That would make perfect sense. 10. Why is this chick getting naked??? It's pointless. I like tits as much as the next guy, but this is just f*cking sad... 11. Romero rape number 4. "Destroy the brain, right?" 12. WHY THE F*CK DO THEY KEEP CRYING?!?!?!? 13. "You think this is a costume? This is a way of life!" - Daddy forgives you, cliched punk "teenager".... 14. Burt? Ernie? Burt and Ernie? Really? *whistles the theme to Sesame Street* 15. Burt and Ernie don't ever question why the other two are grey and sweating like they've just run a marathon? 16. Smoke from a crematory and rain equal acid rain? I know it's a scifi film....but how does that work....THAT fast? 17. Somehow the rain in this town seeps through 6 feet of dirt much faster than everywhere else.... 18. The whole 911 phone call? Kinda pointless isn't it? Trying desperately to reach that 90 minute runtime requirement, Dan? 19. Tarman can pronounce his "B's" really well without having lips or moving his jaw. 20. Why is Tarman slow when the audience already knows that these zombies run? 21. The paramedics didn't seem to notice the acid rain burning their skin... 22. So it's BACK into this acid rain that burns so bad? Good idea, folks. 23. It's nothing but skeleton that comes up through the ground, but somehow it's eyes and eyelids are intact? 24. Paramedics clearly have rain water all over their skin, but still no mention of acid rain? 25. Zombie jumps through an exterior window....but can't do the same through a thin interior door window? 26. "They're all over the cars!" He only saw one.....and it was missing legs... 27. Of course, in the middle of a catastrophy, the phonelines go dead for no apparent reason. 28. "Come in dispatch. Send...more....paramedics!" What the flying f*ck??? 29. Burt(the boss) doesn't know what kind of chemical it is....but his employees do? 30. The skeleton pulling the mohawk guy through the window sure is strong. especially with no muscles on her arm.... 31. Burt says they're no stronger than humans....but they could dig upward through 6 feet of dirt? 32. Once again, no lips and perfect pronounciation. 33. "The pain of being dead" lol 34. Brains...make pain go away? The rest of the body does nothing to help these things? Wasteful bastards.... 35. Maybe I missed it....but when did Trash get buried??? 36. Lots of exterior lights around this cemetery wall for it to have been boarded and chained shut in the beginning... 37. "I never did like you, but hold me tight!" Do we really not comic relief? The film is laughably sh*tty enough... 38. As if it wasn't mind-numbingly stupid enough the first time..."Send more cops!" 39. The two UNEEDA employees were "gone" and had full blown rigomortis, but managed to totally change positions in the floor for the next scene? 40. Not only is Freddy dead, but apparently he has a flaming case of the rabbies. 41. "No....I'll drive" "F*CK YOU!". That's it? That's the huge inner conflict of this P.O.S.?... 42. Who closed the cemetery gates?.... 43. Frank couldn't move at all a minute ago and now he's able make it to a different room all on his own, get on one knee to pray, and climb into the friggin furnace? 44. "Sounds like the sh*t's really hittin the fan out there" NOW you realize this? 45. The phone is kept right beside the illegal tanks from the government. Convenient. 46. So shouldn't have Frank's smoke started more acid rain and the cops would be feeling it? Once again, no mention. 47. The entire conversation with the head military guy....is all that "What happened then?" "Then what"?, etc, etc really necessary? 48. I can see the conversation now. "How do we end this movie?" "Just blow everyone up! It's quick, easy, and just like the rest of the film, we don't have to really try!" 49. This atomic blast that supposedly hit the cemetary didn't alter the landscaping or tombstones at all? 50. Recycled footage, anyone? Once again, skeleton with perfect eyes and eyelids... And as a bonus.... WHY DO THEY REPLAY CLIPS DURING THE CREDITS? I JUST SAW THIS GARBAGE AND YOU'RE GOING TO SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT AGAIN AS I'M LEAVING/TURNING IT OFF??? I need to take a shower. This thing makes me feel like dirty sh*t... You're my new hero. I always thought this movie sucked. "It's a comedy!" So what? A lot of other comedies suck, too.