"What happened to all the nice guys?"

[Purge]

Sappy but worthy. (I'm not the author.) What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease. Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren’t dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?" Well, once again, you did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize - one day - that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be. Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys’ stumble into their lives, if that. So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do: 1.) Build a time machine. 2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass. 3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it. I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger. So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now. Sincerely, A Recovering Nice Guy

[J0hnnyReb]

I hate these things... 1. nice has nothing to do with so called "nice guys" niceness, sex does. 2. Being overly nice (see smothering) is a failed sexual strategy. If you are bitter about the girl not going for you, stop blaming her, blame your failed game. Women don't sleep with their friends, they sleep with guys who are up front with their motives. 3. Being nice, is the most underhanded motive you can have. Tricking women into sex is pathetic and criminal. Be a man, be excellent in something and the woman will notice it and consider you as a lover. Women arent hardwired to sleep with nice men, they're hardwired to sleep with winners, men who are good looking or successful. If you are neither, you have nothing to offer a woman, and so you should not seek to trick her with flatteries. 4. the aloof good looking bad guy boyfriend you hate so much, isnt actually an asshole, in fact instead of hating him and his conquest, you should get to know him and pick up some tips. If you thought holding her when she was lonely and being her emotional diaper was going to do the trick and it didnt and she picks him, you should find out why. Because its not because she doesnt know what she wants. She knows EXACTLY what she wants. For all of you "nice guys" out there let me tell you what he wants: Someone who is a winner, someone who is excellent and interesting, someone who has stuff going on, someone who doesnt sit around all day and worry about her. She wants a man who has more than just 1 interest. Which is why you might see her go out with a drug dealer loser (In your eyes) what she sees is a guy who is willing to risk his life to get ahead, what are you doing? Working a safe job somewhere? Forgive her if she sees that as a last option (it usually is). She wants a man who is confident, and when we say confidence, we mean confidence around women. A man who is comfortable enough to be honest and not put up some huge charade of being nice is going to get more points then a guy who is just telling her what she wants to hear. Women hear flatteries all the time the good looking ones since they were around 12 or 13, your flattery is nothing to them. They want someone who is unique. I cant stand seeing men who are not successful bash women because they are frustrated. Its not the womans fault if you fail to court her. Its just a business transaction. A woman has So much to offer men initially, sex, her looks and prospects of children and marriage. Her entire gift is wrapped up in her vagina and in her age. She doest have until her late 30s and 40s to nab a great awesome man, because her looks begin to wane. So the prospect of getting the most you can with what you have begins to diminish. ,So if she is out there in her 20s and early 30s looking for something that ain't you, deal with it. Don't begrudge her! Either step up or shut up. Putting your testicles in a jar in her purse wont win you her adoration, being a champion will. By the way, I love the double standard... men in thier 20s and 30s who complain about women going for something specific while they are 20 or 30, who then go on to date only gorgeous 25 year old models in thier 40s when they finnally get thier act together.

[SRP76]

Being nice, is the most underhanded motive you can have. Tricking women into sex is pathetic and criminal. Be a man, be excellent in something and the woman will notice it and consider you as a lover. That's not true. I've been around many guys that outright suck, and have hot women on them. Guys that are stupid, slow, weak, can't drive, can't even handle liquor, and work at McDonald's. Nothing "excellent" about them whatsoever. It has to do with how you look. If you look good, you're in, no matter what kind of shambles the rest of your being is in. And if you're ugly, forget it. No chance.

[Danny]

sounds to me like the ranting of a guy who could never work up the courage to ask a girl he fancied out, misssed the boat then turned into the guy all guys never want to be "the suburban greater bitter dickhead" who will probably call her a whore who missed the train even though she probably had no idea about his feelings. or to some it up WHAAAAAAAAMBULAAAANCEEEE!!!

[J0hnnyReb]

That's not true. I've been around many guys that outright suck, and have hot women on them. Guys that are stupid, slow, weak, can't drive, can't even handle liquor, and work at McDonald's. Nothing "excellent" about them whatsoever. It has to do with how you look. If you look good, you're in, no matter what kind of shambles the rest of your being is in. And if you're ugly, forget it. No chance. WRONG. Sorry. Women have different criteria for a mate than men do. Those stupid slow guys at McDonalds got one thing those nice guys don't, the balls to ask her out and to make a move. sounds to me like the ranting of a guy who could never work up the courage to ask a girl he fancied out, misssed the boat then turned into the guy all guys never want to be "the suburban greater bitter dickhead" who will probably call her a whore who missed the train even though she probably had no idea about his feelings. or to some it up WHAAAAAAAAMBULAAAANCEEEE!!! g[/IMG] bingo, you nailed it. This is what sickens me, all these men who have no guts to ask a woman out and who try to trick the woman into loving him by pretending they are so nice. Then the women gos after a guy who at least has the courage to be up front and the "nice guy" sees nothing by "nice guys finishing last" its utter crap.

[Yojimbo]

sounds to me like the ranting of a guy who could never work up the courage to ask a girl he fancied out, misssed the boat then turned into the guy all guys never want to be "the suburban greater bitter dickhead" who will probably call her a whore who missed the train even though she probably had no idea about his feelings. or to some it up WHAAAAAAAAMBULAAAANCEEEE!!! Agreed. Been there in my youth, made mistakes, learned from them, and will someday advise my as of yet unborn son that no woman wants a man who lacks the balls to have the courage to ask her out. That's not true. I've been around many guys that outright suck, and have hot women on them. Guys that are stupid, slow, weak, can't drive, can't even handle liquor, and work at McDonald's. Nothing "excellent" about them whatsoever. It has to do with how you look. If you look good, you're in, no matter what kind of shambles the rest of your being is in. And if you're ugly, forget it. No chance. Dude, I've seen plenty of ugly guys with beautiful women. I think that it has less to do with external looks than it does with personality. And no woman want's to date a pushover guy- ugly or good looking- who is content to wistfully puppy-dog after her.

[krakenslayer]

One point I do agree on is the tiresomeness of some girls who go around complaining that every guy in the world is an arsehole, when the only men they will even look at are trendy, pseudo-macho wankers. As confident, grown up adults, it's easy for us to say that men should have the balls to ask a girl out, but it's easy to forget that in the awkward world of teenage interactions the only guys who are confident and straightforward enough to casually approach women like that are usually the arrogant greaser types. That said, it would seem the original message was written by someone who seems to be stuck in that awkward teenage phase...

[J0hnnyReb]

the only guys who are confident and straightforward enough to casually approach women like that are usually the arrogant greaser types. utterly untrue.

[Danny]

this felt appropriate: http://www.fmylife.com/

[Chic Freak]

Where are all my fellow ladyzombies? We need to set these gentlemen straight! He probably came to realize - one day - that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be. First part, simply not true; second part sounds like the pitiful passive-aggression of a real coward. "You rejected me so I will punish you by ostentatiously fucking my life up so you feel bad." Now that is unattractive- not to mention arrogant to assume that the only reason she didn't fancy him was because he was "too" nice or had a bald spot or whatever. Maybe he was just boring and had bad hygiene or something, y'know? Women don't sleep with their friends, they sleep with guys who are up front with their motives. Disagree... many relationships begin with a platonic friendship. 4. the aloof good looking bad guy boyfriend you hate so much, isnt actually an asshole, in fact instead of hating him and his conquest, you should get to know him and pick up some tips. If you thought holding her when she was lonely and being her emotional diaper was going to do the trick and it didnt and she picks him, you should find out why. Exactly. I've been around many guys that outright suck, and have hot women on them. Guys that are stupid, slow, weak, can't drive, can't even handle liquor, and work at McDonald's. Nothing "excellent" about them whatsoever. It has to do with how you look. If you look good, you're in, no matter what kind of shambles the rest of your being is in. And if you're ugly, forget it. No chance. Totally disagree. Good looks will get you noticed initially in a crowd and nothing more. I'd rather date an ugly weed (actually, I quite like weeds, but that's just me) from McDonald's who was interesting and fun to be around and good in bed and really cared about me than an arrogant hunk who was boring as hell and selfish in bed, etc. In fact, it's easier to despise someone who is very good-looking but has no personality, because it suggests that they know they're good-looking and that that should be enough for you. And that's just a massive turn-off. It would be more fun dating a Johnny Depp poster. no woman wants a man who lacks the balls to have the courage to ask her out. Again, not necessarily true. I'm a total coward when it comes to making a move- I'd rather pass a chance up than risk making an ass of myself- but I did eventually throw myself at Liam when he seemed to totally fail to respond to my oh-so-subtle flirting. Luckily it worked out

[Marie]

Where are all my fellow ladyzombies? We need to set these gentlemen straight! Wasted effort. Old story. The guy who isn't getting laid blames the woman for being too picky or in some way manipulative for no other reason then to play with somebody's mind and heart. It's never as simple as taking a shower on occasion or treating someone like a human being, how could it be? This is an arguement as old as time and as useless as dust. M_

[strayrider]

I'd rather date an ugly weed (actually, I quite like weeds, but that's just me) ... but I did eventually throw myself at Liam when he seemed to totally fail to respond to my oh-so-subtle flirting. Luckily it worked out Liam, you'd better get her away from the computer, son ... like right now! -stray- (just teasing, Chic ... put that tomahawk down)

[krakenslayer]

utterly untrue. Maybe you were one and just didn't notice?

[AcesandEights]

Well, I don't think any sort of 'game' or the like is necessary, but I agree that a willingness to step up to the plate and take a swing is damned necessary...I mean, that's obvious to most of us, I'd think.

[J0hnnyReb]

Maybe you were one and just didn't notice? Oh I had the courage to talk to the girls without being a quivering sissylad, but I was no greaser. I was captain of my football teams defense, and a straight A student. I don't fix cars, and I dont like mechanics and engine stuff, totally boring. I'm much more complex than that. I just wasn't a wussy either.