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Thread: "Got 50p for the phone?"

  1. #1
    capncnut
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    "Got 50p for the phone?"

    A.K.A. "More Strange Characters Lurking Around Cap's Local Area".

    Hot on the heels of of my last story (see Homosexual Encounter) I bring you a new one, which finally ended tonight after a two week runaround. Basically some scumbag is going up to people in the street and begging for money. Almost two weeks ago, he come up to me, span a sob story and asked me for fifty pence for the telephone. I'll do anyone a favour the first time so I gave him a pound coin. He said thank you and went on his way.

    Two or three days after he walked straight up to me again and just as he opened his mouth I cut him off with, "don't tell me. 50p for the phone, right?" He looked at me and smirked, "ah, I've done you before innit?" I said, "yes, jog on."

    Another few days pass and I was out minding my own when he approached me again. I don't know if he's blind or just plain retarded but he was about to ask me the usual when he suddenly said, "oh, hello mate." I ignored him and continued up the street until there was some distance between us when he shouted, "fucking white prick!" I wasn't going to go back and kick his teeth in because I couldn't be arsed.

    Tonight I'm in the kebab shop and I'm waiting for my large chicken doner when I see the dude poncing off some woman. I thought, "nah, leave it" when she came in and asked the shop owner, "can I change all this coin into a five pound note?" Now call me stupid or what but isn't it usually the other way around, change a note into coins? Parking meters, vending machines and whatnot? No, he's a dirty little crackhead who's probably been told by his dealer, "no more shrapnel, it's a pain in the arse!"

    I told her right away, "give it back to him. He's been up and down this street poncing for two weeks!" Then the shop owner chimed in, "oh not him! He's been around the area bugging people for two months!"

    The dude comes in with a worried look and says "don't worry about the note" and asks for his money back. I stood up and he recognised me immediately. I said to the woman, "don't you dare give him that money! It doesn't belong to him, he's conned it out of dozens of hardworking people so he can spend it smoking fucking crack."

    Poncing fifty pence off people all day and night - how luxurious. He's probably scraping forty or fifty nuggets a night!

    He said to me with a threatening tone, "look mate, I don't want to give you any trouble..." when the shop owner cut him off, picked up the phone and said "damn right, I'll calling the police on you right now!" Anyway, with that, the bloke make a face like he was going to cry and then scarpered, leaving the money with the woman who gave it to me for my bravery. I used it to pay for my large chicken doner.

    Anyway, the shop owner still called the police and gave them a description and they assured him that there will be a patrol car scouring the area for an hour or two for the next couple of days.

    I was used to beggars when I lived in Central London and some of the homeless folk I was happy to give cash to repeatedly (one dude in Victoria Station used to do magic tricks for any kind of change and he did a different trick every time) but not in a little town like Bromley. Even if the coppers get him, they wont do nothing, just a slap on the wrist and then he's back out poncing more money off people. Ridiculous!
    Last edited by capncnut; 24-Nov-2009 at 06:36 PM.

  2. #2
    Team Rick MinionZombie's Avatar
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    heh heh, you've got some stories - just went and read the "homosexual encounter" one as well now that you've drawn my attention to it.

    Some crazy-ass people 'round where you live, sir.

  3. #3
    Rising kortick's Avatar
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    u took the crack heads money?

    good lord, beat his ass, throw shit in his face
    but dont take his drug money.

  4. #4
    Chasing Prey
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    This stuff rarely happens to me thank god but there was a point where every street had a nutter on it...

    I remember seeing the same kid on the same day 15 miles apart across West London after he approached me for a cigarrette both times...the second time was weird..."do I recognise you? I do? If I acknowledge it, it's proof that I'm a cigarette mooching twat if I say something" so he just gives proper awkward glance and moves on...

    I think both times when he asked "have you got a spare cigarette" I replied with..."no, I don't have a spare one"

    More sinister stuff is like "oi,you got 50p? if I search you will I find 50p??" to which the usual reply involves mentioning their only pubic hair which they currently piss from, and a sort of shouty smile.

    Had a guy walk up to a bus stop and tell the post with the schedule "you never tell me ANYTHING!!" when he then proceeds to beat the shit out of the bus stop...haha very odd.

    crackheads everywhere, gangstas, grifters and whores...why I moved out of London (or any city/built up area) years ago!
    Innocent victims of merciless crimes, fall prey to some madman's impulsive designs.

    Step after step we try controlling our fate. When we finally start living, it's become too late.

  5. #5
    certified super rad Danny's Avatar
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    The other week i was in nottingham, this filthy scrubber walks up to me, after ive seen her from the subway window do this to everyone outside, and she goes "could you spare me 20 quid?, im broke and need to take a train back to london", naturally i go, "no i have no money on me". I assume the exchange ends there but no, she's goes "oh... well can we go to your bank and we get it out for me?".
    So i just go "all right lets stop pretending shall we?, ive seen you scabbing money off people for the last 40 minutes, i know your some random crack head, now do you think i will take you to my bank for money i worked for?" her 'look of desperation' instantly turns to a snarl "bet ya make your money on the asses of young boys ya fukkin faggot!" and she runs off.

    Two hours later shes in a cop car screeching and banging on the bars like a baboon on crack. which upon reflection is entirely possible.

    s'why i like living in the country, i only get this bullshit in the city centers where these fucking roaches live. not the honest people who are genuinely homeless, but the wastes of genomes that choose to ignore lifes troubles and take that lovely trip all wasters go to the magical land of "away" which just entails booze and drugs and sleeping in a skip.

    tossers.
    Last edited by Danny; 24-Nov-2009 at 09:55 PM.


  6. #6
    Team Rick MinionZombie's Avatar
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    Symph, Hellsing, damn straight - I live in the country too and I'd much rather be here than in some city. I don't do cities ... too many goddamn people, not enough trees.

  7. #7
    capncnut
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinionZombie View Post
    I live in the country too and I'd much rather be here than in some city.
    Pfft. Dodgy accents, cowshit and bad internet connections.

  8. #8
    Team Rick MinionZombie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by capncnut View Post
    Pfft. Dodgy accents, cowshit and bad internet connections.


    You sound like a character in a script I'm putting the finishing touches to right now (gonna submit it to the BBC Writers Room, you see), hehe.

  9. #9
    Dead Skippy911sc's Avatar
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    Where the hell do you live??? I think its time to move.

  10. #10
    Rising kortick's Avatar
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    U people actually put up with this stuff?

    I was telling Cap that a common thing they do
    here is come up to you and say they ran out of gas
    and can they have a few dollars cuz thier car is stuck.

    Of course this is right outside a liquor store.

    The last guy that did that to me, i told him to
    fuck off and then called him a racial slur i wont
    repeat and flicked my lit cigarette in his face.
    Then i told him no one would even bother looking
    for the body of a piece of shit like him.

    well. lets just say he left and the people around me
    were all glad i chased him away.

    Now I give EVERYTIME when i am at the market to
    people collecting for veterans, kids sports, salvation army,
    and any other legitimate cause.

    But i am not supporting someones addiction. And if u make
    the mistake of getting mouthy with me when I tell u to get away
    from me, I will chase u down and god help u if i catch u.

    And no, I could never live in the country.
    I got a friend who lives out there and he told he he saw
    a deer in his backyard.
    I asked him if he was lucky enough to watch it shit, cuz that
    would be an all natural country thrill.

    and those country people got that Deliverance quality about them....

  11. #11
    Feeding Tricky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SymphonicX View Post
    More sinister stuff is like "oi,you got 50p? if I search you will I find 50p??"
    Thats the worst one when they start with the "prove it" shit, been a few people including one I know killed over that kind of dispute its always some rat faced spotty lanky chav as well


    Ive even heard the immortal line "ere merrt, lend us 20p so I can buy a cig off yer"
    or one time probably about 9 years ago now in the local nightclub "ere mate, me mams sick in australia and I need 50p to call her mate,go on mate lend us 50p mate, if your mam was sick i'd lend you 50p to call her"
    me - "sorry mate I havent got any change"
    chav - "dont be fucking tight you, its only 50p ya fuckin' dickhead, fucking give us it now,fuckin' bang you out"

    They've learned that from school & it probably worked there, but in the real world not everyone is scared of scrotes like that!

  12. #12
    Just Married AcesandEights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by capncnut View Post
    Pfft. Dodgy accents, cowshit and bad internet connections.
    Small price to pay for living in such a green and pleasant land.

    "Men choose as their prophets those who tell them that their hopes are true." --Lord Dunsany

  13. #13
    Twitching BillyRay's Avatar
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    Yeh...the standard lead-in to being hit up for money 'round by me is "I don't mean to offend you, but..."

    I usually reply: "How wise of you. The best way to avoid offending me is by not mooching cash off me."

    I gotta start doing what a buddy of mine used to do. Right when they made eye contact, ask them "Spare Change?"

    Throws the mooches off their game.
    Last edited by BillyRay; 25-Nov-2009 at 06:49 PM.
    Those aren't real problems, Sam.


  14. #14
    capncnut
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tricky View Post
    "dont be fucking tight you, its only 50p ya fuckin' dickhead, fucking give us it now,fuckin' bang you out"
    <hand curls into a fist>

    Trick, I would fucking disfigure the little chav cunt for life.

  15. #15
    Feeding Tricky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by capncnut View Post
    <hand curls into a fist>

    Trick, I would fucking disfigure the little chav cunt for life.
    ha ha mate I wasnt all that long out of school then so I was still scared of twats like that at the time, I think I just walked away! I would lamp him if it happened now! I dont tend to get any grief from people like that now though, I wouldnt say I look hard because I dont, but I do work out a fair bit so that maybe puts them off

    My latest sport at the moment (and im far too old for this, but il never grow up ) is giving chavs drive by abuse as I pass them in my car using the megaphone I bought from a lucky lucky man on holiday,its funny as hell shouting something at a gang of them lurking on a street corner & hearing the whole group of them start screeching & shouting & seeing them in my rear view mirror kicking bins over in angry frustration

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