Dear Lou...

[AcesandEights]

Dear Lou, Longtime reader, first time writer! My local restaurateurs bacon cheeseburger is scrumptious, only one problem--THE BACON! Fine quality pork, I'm sure, but it's cooked too crisply and too 'scrunchy' for my tastes. I'm not a big fan of overly crisp bacon, but if it's going to be crisp, I prefer baking, if it's going to be medium or 'soggy' I like it in the pan. But that's all beside the point. My problem is this extra crispy bacon, complete with 'waves' forces an uneven, off-kilter fit for the bun and promotes bacon-waste (wavy bacon that is crisp is notorious for its inability to 'stack' well and throws of the aerodynamics of the burger or breaks in a brittle fashion and pieces falls by the wayside during eating). Firstly, is it okay to bring this to the proprietor's attention, and, if so, what is the best way to recommend a busy local restaurant prepare crispy, but not overly wavy bacon for their lunchtime crowd? --Porked in NY

[DjfunkmasterG]

Dear Lou, Longtime reader, first time writer! My local restaurateurs bacon cheeseburger is scrumptious, only one problem--THE BACON! Fine quality pork, I'm sure, but it's cooked too crisply and too 'scrunchy' for my tastes. I'm not a big fan of overly crisp bacon, but if it's going to be crisp, I prefer baking, if it's going to be medium or 'soggy' I like it in the pan. But that's all beside the point. My problem is this extra crispy bacon, complete with 'waves' forces an uneven, off-kilter fit for the bun and promotes bacon-waste (wavy bacon that is crisp is notorious for its inability to 'stack' well and throws of the aerodynamics of the burger or breaks in a brittle fashion and pieces falls by the wayside during eating). Firstly, is it okay to bring this to the proprietor's attention, and, if so, what is the best way to recommend a busy local restaurant prepare crispy, but not overly wavy bacon for their lunchtime crowd? --Porked in NY Well Porked, looks like you're screwed

[Mike70]

bacon is as bacon does.

[LouCipherr]

Dear Lou, Longtime reader, first time writer! My local restaurateurs bacon cheeseburger is scrumptious, only one problem--THE BACON! Fine quality pork, I'm sure, but it's cooked too crisply and too 'scrunchy' for my tastes. I'm not a big fan of overly crisp bacon, but if it's going to be crisp, I prefer baking, if it's going to be medium or 'soggy' I like it in the pan. But that's all beside the point. My problem is this extra crispy bacon, complete with 'waves' forces an uneven, off-kilter fit for the bun and promotes bacon-waste (wavy bacon that is crisp is notorious for its inability to 'stack' well and throws of the aerodynamics of the burger or breaks in a brittle fashion and pieces falls by the wayside during eating). Firstly, is it okay to bring this to the proprietor's attention, and, if so, what is the best way to recommend a busy local restaurant prepare crispy, but not overly wavy bacon for their lunchtime crowd? --Porked in NY Ok, I was on a lengthy hiatus due to xmas, but I'm back, and I'm here to help, Aces. After careful consideration of your letter, I believe the best course of action would be to march back into your local restaurant with a baseball bat and DEMAND better bacon! Bacon is a sacred food - ambrosia (ie: "Food of the Gods") if you will - and for any place to disrespect the bacon, it demands drastic action. Too crisp of bacon is unacceptable. Some 'crunch' is needed for texture, but when the bacon is SO crispy it falls apart, well... then the cook deserves a good ass-whipping for not adhering to the proper bacon cooking rules: 1) don't overcook the fucking bacon. 2) see rule #1 It's as simple as that. So, in closing, I suggest you go back to the place where you bought the bacon cheeseburger, bring a bat with you and demand to see the owner of the place. Then you should start in about "teamwork" and how important it is, as well as the proper way to cook bacon. If he gives you ANY grief, you smack him in the head with the bat, then call the bacon abuse hotline at: 1-LOU-BACONABUSEISUNACCEPTABLE I will promptly fly to your state of origin and speak to the proprietor of your local restuarant myself. -Lou HPotD's Bacon Connoisseur

[DjfunkmasterG]

Ok, I was on a lengthy hiatus due to xmas, but I'm back, and I'm here to help, Aces. After careful consideration of your letter, I believe the best course of action would be to march back into your local restaurant with a baseball bat and DEMAND better bacon! Bacon is a sacred food - ambrosia (ie: "Food of the Gods") if you will - and for any place to disrespect the bacon, it demands drastic action. Too crisp of bacon is unacceptable. Some 'crunch' is needed for texture, but when the bacon is SO crispy it falls apart, well... then the cook deserves a good ass-whipping for not adhering to the proper bacon cooking rules: 1) don't overcook the fucking bacon. 2) see rule #1 It's as simple as that. So, in closing, I suggest you go back to the place where you bought the bacon cheeseburger, bring a bat with you and demand to see the owner of the place. Then you should start in about "teamwork" and how important it is, as well as the proper way to cook bacon. If he gives you ANY grief, you smack him in the head with the bat, then call the bacon abuse hotline at: 1-LOU-BACONABUSEISUNACCEPTABLE I will promptly fly to your state of origin and speak to the proprietor of your local restuarant myself. -Lou HPotD's Bacon Connoisseur Bring Bail Money when you head up there too

[LouCipherr]

Bring Bail Money when you head up there too That goes without saying, Dj.

[DjfunkmasterG]

That goes without saying, Dj. Just pointing it out... some people neglect the obvious... but OBVIOUSLY you are not one of those people.

[LouCipherr]

Just pointing it out... some people neglect the obvious... but OBVIOUSLY you are not one of those people. Obviously.