Whenever I go to the cinema, I attend matinees - it's a bit cheaper (although it's all just bloody expensive these days), and you don't get any gloyts.
Bassman - it all depends, like anywhere I guess, what cinema you attend, where, and when - the one I often go to is in Wales, and in a part of Wales that is often joked about for being a bit rough, and yet it's incredibly rare for anyone to cause a modicum of grief in the theatre. Not to say it hasn't happened, but in my personal experience - for which I'm most certainly grateful as a film fan - I've never really had any bother with idiots.
At most there was one time, I think Pineapple Express, and there was this double date going on a few rows back, with the two lads on either side of the two girls - and the girls wouldn't shut the fuck up nattering and chuckling at anything and everything that wasn't funny from the first advert to the end credits ... fortunately, the speakers were so loud that I couldn't hear them for 95% of the movie.
What annoys me though, are the people who insist on getting a hotdog covered in onions and mustard and all that rank crap - it stinks out the entire theatre, and barely anyone buys a hotdog, so it's a special kind of idiot who buys one - at cinema prices - and offends the olifactory senses of everyone else.
A funny one way back - seeing Doomsday - was this guy who commented something like "have you got it up loud enough?" when the film first began, because it was ridiculously fucking loud - I've never heard a film so loud in a theatre so small. Now, everyone laughed at that, but then the guy got cocky and thought he was a comedian, and he made two more comments along a similar line in quick succession, but nobody laughed and his ego was thus returned to its previous station ... which made me smile again. 
...
However - I did recently experience a very annoying audience experience, but not at the cinema; in fact it was in Edinburgh during the Festival, and I'd gone to see one of the 'Best of the Fest' events (one hour, five different acts, and a compere). Now, in the row directly in front of us there was this group ... maybe a family, or maybe two couples ... anyway, throughout the entire show practically, they wouldn't shut the fuck up amongst themselves. Going to get a drink became a massive ordeal, they kept telling jokes mongst themselves (AS A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN IS DOING HIS SET ON STAGE NOT 50ft AWAY) ... boy, was I getting pissed.
Everytime I was getting close to being decidedly un-British about the whole thing, they'd shut up, but then they'd get going again later and blimey - I was a nano-second away from leaning over the guy's shoulder to say "excuse me, but we all paid to listen to professionals, not a bunch of cunts, now shut the fuck up" - but the show ended. I was extremely close to telling them off, and I wish I had ... although I did make sure I said on the way out to who I was there with "the twats in front of us wouldn't shut the fuck up" or something like that, whilst said twats were behind us on the way out ... but I do wish I'd told them off now. In fact one of them looked remarkably like an American actor - although it wasn't the actual person - but the resemblance was quite striking from my viewpoint.
The show itself was surprisingly unruly though - and not in a good way where everyone is laughing together - rather, many people seemed more intent on getting their fourth drink and making a lot of noise doing so, rather than watching the actual fucking show. The line-up wasn't as good as the one in 2010 though, but that's not an excuse ... thankfully when we went to see Ed Byrne later on the crowd was great and respectful of each other (and there was alcohol served there too - but everyone was much more polite about everyone else having a good time too).
They were kind of young-middle-aged and seemingly upper-middle-class, so it wasn't about not wanting to get my head kicked in or anything, but I am a very polite sort of person day-to-day ... although if pushed far enough, I'll fucking explode ... it's only happened a couple of times, and I'm not proud of it. For instance, in first year uni living in res, two of my housemates came back drunk and one of them smashed my window trying to get my attention for some stupid reason - and I was in a foul mood anyway at the time - and I. FUCKING. BLEW. UP. I've not since felt a rush of adrenaline and fury like it. I shouted my head off until my voice literally just cut out, and - the part that really disturbed me and for which I was really sorry the following morning - all the girls in the hall (who naturally came out of their rooms to see what was going on) were genuinely scared. I was quite disturbed by that ... but then on the other hand, I did manage to stun the stone thrower (who's about a foot taller than me) so much that he thought he was going to get chucked out of halls. That part made me chuckle a bit ... however, unintentionally scaring four very concerned female friends of mine was something that shocked me and something that I've always regretted - indeed I never saw the reaction coming, but I was in a very foul mood that was quite persistent at the time that I'd been bottling up, so it just all came out that night.
Point being - if I'm pushed far enough, I'm liable to go absolutely fucking mental ... thankfully it's only happened a couple of times in my life.
Blimey ... got a bit deep there.
Where was I? Oh yeah, noisy twats in cinemas/theatres ... aye, they're twats, and deserve the collective wrath of the audience. I don't understand people who go to a cinema or theatre - PAY to go as well - and then do everything they can to ignore what they've paid for.  These people should not be allowed to breed. 
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Originally Posted by Danny
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