Am I too preoccupied with death?

[Neil]

I think it would be safe to say almost every day or two I have periods of thinking/concidering/worrying about my death, or a loved ones death. It may be a few passing thoughts, or a good few minutes on the subject, but I'd say almost every day or two I go through some sort of death related angst. This freight train heading towards us is always in the back of my mind, and I feel I consider its arrival maybe too often Am I alone on this? I'd say a particularly bad patch is if I wake up in the early hours of the morning - I seem very predisposed to this line of thinking then.

[Mike70]

I think it would be safe to say almost every day or two I have periods of thinking/concidering/worrying about my death, or a loved ones death. It may be a few passing thoughts, or a good few minutes on the subject, but I'd say almost every day or two I go through some sort of death related angst. This freight train heading towards us is always in the back of my mind, and I feel I consider its arrival maybe too often Am I alone on this? I'd say a particularly bad patch is if I wake up in the early hours of the morning - I seem very predisposed to this line of thinking then. have you lost anyone close you recently? in my case, whenever someone close me dies i almost always brood on death - my own, other loved ones. i think we all are preoccupied with death in some way - esp. if you are a parent. it is completely natural to worry about what would happen to your kids if you weren't around. unless it is interfering with your day to day life, you probably are not too preoccupied. It is when something begins to intrude on your ability to function in a normal manner that you have to seriously stop and take a look at what is going on. I think it is natural for us all to wonder/imagine about death. BUT Neil, if you are having nightmares, you should get out in front of that. I only mention this because you wrote about waking up in the middle of the night and having these thoughts. Nightmares that are revolving around a particular theme usually will get worse unless treated.

[Neil]

No not lost anyone recently... and it's been a continuiing theme for as long as I can remember, to a lesser/greater degree. It certainly doesn't "interfering with my day to day life," just annoys regular agnst I don't have nightmares... just if I wake up in the early hours, my mind seems more prone to sombre thoughts. Maybe it's "The Hour of the Wolf" Sheridan in B5 talked about!

[AcesandEights]

I've always been one to linger and be preoccupied with death, even as a child. It's infintely worse as an adult now that I equate it with oblivion of the self. I think when you know you're going to die and that it will be the end of it...no self-sedation through a belief in an afterlife...it's easy to be preoccupied with the knowledge of one's eventual, inescapable end. Sometimes I'll be reminded of this in an otherwise peaceful moment (as you mentioned, comfortable in bed during the quiet of the night) and literally shudder, knowing that death will one day be upon me like every other important event in my life that had previously seemed so far away in a distant and untroubled future. Ever look forward to Christmas so bad as a little kid that it never seemed as though it would arrive? Well, sure as hell, before you knew it Christmas had come and gone--that's life. Oh, well. I just tend to tell myself that if I become too preoccupied with the thought of death I will miss out on living and enjoying what time I have.

[shootemindehead]

I think more about it now that my mother kicked the bucket than I did when I was younger. But, I was always aware of it. I'm not religious, so I have no real comfort there, but in saying, that I also reserve the right "not to know" if that makes sense. Logic dictates that there's nothing beyond, but if there is, then woohoo. To be honest, I am more concerned with screwing up life at the moment (or life screwing me, more to the point), than pondering my inevitable death.

[Mike70]

No not lost anyone recently... and it's been a continuiing theme for as long as I can remember, to a lesser/greater degree. It certainly doesn't "interfering with my day to day life," just annoys regular agnst I don't have nightmares... just if I wake up in the early hours, my mind seems more prone to sombre thoughts. Maybe it's "The Hour of the Wolf" Sheridan in B5 talked about! as a fellow B5 fan, i think the analogy is spot on. we all have those moments, man. there is another thing at work here, brother: your age. we are similar in age and i wonder if like me (and a few of our other fellow brethren) you have come to the realization that while you are still young at the present time, it is all going to come to end soon and grey hair and retirement loom closer and closer. I wouldn't worry too much. enjoy life, watch your kids grow up, and age gracefully.

[MoonSylver]

Everyone else is spot on. And you're not alone. But I don't know if it's normal. And I don't know if you're asking the right group per se. As long time fans of the genre I would venture to say we're all a bit obsessed with death &/or have certain outlooks &/or mindsets concerning life. And death. That said, yeah, I think about it a lot. Always have. More as I get older. More as my folks get older. Imagine what it's going to be like when they're gone. Imagine what it's going to be like when I'M gone. What it'd be like if the kids, or my ex, go before me. I've lost all religion a few years now, so no comfort there. One of the things that bothers me most is other than the kids, no one will mourn me when I'm gone. My folks will likely be gone by then. I have no one else in my life. Worse, when the kids are gone someday, it'll be as if I never was. Everything I ever was or did, none of it will matter. Gone & forgotten. I think about all the generations of nameless, faceless, people who lived average lives, died average deaths, never did anything historic or memorable, gone & forgotten. The stupid, brutal unfairness of it. The powerlessness against it. Inevitable. Cheerful subject.

[Neil]

Everyone else is spot on. And you're not alone. But I don't know if it's normal. And I don't know if you're asking the right group per se. As long time fans of the genre I would venture to say we're all a bit obsessed with death &/or have certain outlooks &/or mindsets concerning life. And death. That said, yeah, I think about it a lot. Always have. More as I get older. More as my folks get older. Imagine what it's going to be like when they're gone. Imagine what it's going to be like when I'M gone. What it'd be like if the kids, or my ex, go before me. I've lost all religion a few years now, so no comfort there. One of the things that bothers me most is other than the kids, no one will mourn me when I'm gone. My folks will likely be gone by then. I have no one else in my life. Worse, when the kids are gone someday, it'll be as if I never was. Everything I ever was or did, none of it will matter. Gone & forgotten. I think about all the generations of nameless, faceless, people who lived average lives, died average deaths, never did anything historic or memorable, gone & forgotten. The stupid, brutal unfairness of it. The powerlessness against it. Inevitable. Cheerful subject. Christ, this really is a cheerful little thread... NOT! But therapeutic I suspect!

[MinionZombie]

You're not alone on pondering death, Neil. I didn't think about it that much when I was growing up - even though several relatives died during my formative years - but seeing my Gran on her death bed during Easter break while I was in my final year at uni certainly changed me in several ways. When she died I no longer had any grandparents - meanwhile most of my friends still have at least one, but often is the case that they've got at least two or even all of them still living (one of my four I never got to meet as they died many years before my birth) ... and seeing her on her deathbed (after a considerable stroke as well) with machines beeping and so forth really stuck in my head. I still think about that Easter quite often - sometimes it'll just pop into my head randomly ... anyway, it certainly made me ponder death much more seriously than I had before, and it was the point at which I really understood the gravity of death. That time also made me want to be a better person - improve on less-than-stellar character traits, stop being so selfish and self-important (as you often can be when you're around 20 years old), think of other people more and generally be more considerate ... and I'm certainly a better person than I was, it made me grow up in certain ways, as I was determined that something positive should come of that horrible situation. On the one hand I think of all the family members we've lost over the years during my lifetime, and how I barely got to know some of them, but on the other hand it makes me more appreciative of the family members I still have in my life ... so death can be a very two-handed thing. Anyway, after that point I did find myself focusing a lot on death - not my own death, but the death of family members - it has become a recurring fear of mine, to be honest, and I've had numerous dreams/nightmares that relate to death or grief in very visceral ways ... oftentimes such dreams will include a sensation of total paralysis with either me being trapped within my own body, or me (either as who I actually am, or some fictional version of me, or someone entirely made up) suffering extreme grief that leads to a sense of total energy drain - an awfully overwhelming feeling that's pretty messed up, yet at the same time, has a slight sense of catharsis to it too. It's a bit weird. Most recently we lost my aunt to cancer, and it was a very aggressive form that took her within a year, so that was a bizarre and awful situation - I distinctly remember the feeling of just standing alone in a room processing the news that the doctors had stopped treatment and that was that ... and then when I hear stories of how my father survived cancer when I was just a baby, but that it could have gone the other way (and that I might have never known him) give me a big moment to pause for thought. When I read books or see films etc like The Road, they really have a big impact upon me that they wouldn't have had a decade ago, say... So yeah, you're not only in that train of thought, Neil ... I think it's just important that we don't allow ourselves to get too wrapped up by it - respect it enough that you want to savour the good moments in life and be a better person, but not allow it to take over and sap the life out of, well, life. heh ... yeah, a cheery old thread ... but cathartic. Interestingly this hasn't affected my enjoyment of zombie media at all (I know it has for some other people), and actually I get more out of it than I used to because of that deeper understanding of death (than compared to, say, my formative years) ... so the emotional cost of a zombie apocalypse situation figures more heavily in my interest in the genre. Indeed, the notion of death - now that I think about it - has weighed very heavily on my writing, in that across several screenplays in the last couple of years have all featured death in one form or another to various emotional extents. Our old friend catharsis, again...

[Mike70]

there is always quantum state consciousness and quantum state immortality to consider. if they are correct, then all of this may never end - in your own reality. smoke a bowl and ponder that... i rather think it would horrible to be immortal. truly horrible.

[shootemindehead]

Of course. Everything has to die. Can you imagine how bloody awful things would be if nothing died? I think we'd all succumb to madness. That makes me want to watch 'Zardoz'... To me it's not that you will die, it's how you die. Some people's deaths fill me with terror, they really do. Death would be wonderful if the person just switched off. Lights on/Lights off. Unfortunately, it's rarely like that.

[rongravy]

Preoccupied with death? Well, we are hanging out on a living dead message board where you are the admin...

[Rancid Carcass]

i rather think it would horrible to be immortal. truly horrible. I dunno, I'm a pretty big fan of existence (in fact it's my favourite pastime!), if someone offered me immortality I'd jump at the chance. Granted the heat death of the universe might be a pain the arse, but I'd worry about that later... Maybe one of the reasons us folk are drawn towards zombie media is that aversion to dying. Perhaps on a weird subconscious level we see zombies as a way of cheating death, that last chance to exist just that little bit longer when all else has failed - or at least until someone puts a bullet in your head!

[MoonSylver]

Christ, this really is a cheerful little thread... NOT! But therapeutic I suspect! That's me, spreading joy & sunshine where ever I go. there is always quantum state consciousness and quantum state immortality to consider. if they are correct, then all of this may never end - in your own reality. smoke a bowl and ponder that... I would...but after burning my brain out contemplating the simulated universe last year, I've unfortunatly come to the place where I don't believe in anything. Trying to believe in some of the esoteric scientific theory that has been advanced requires the same level of faith as beliving in a supreme being for me, & I just don't have it in me anymore. Pretty much the only thing I can believe in is what is. What I can see, hear, experience, etc. The rest of it seems like make believe. Hell, even reality doesn't feel real, so, uh, yeah... i rather think it would horrible to be immortal. truly horrible. I'd take it compaired to the alternative. Even though life sucks, it beats dying. If freed from the specter, the fear, the limitation, of death, not having to work a job to earn money to buy food, a place to live, I can't help but feel like it would free one from the mundane life, from limitation. Not rational. Know it wouldn't work if every one were, but on a viceral, emotional level that's just the way I feel. Maybe it's just my twisted view, but for me death renders everthing meaningless in the end. Everything we ever have, or will, say or said, do or did, think or thought, feel or felt, none of it will matter, as it all ends the same, & in a couple generations time even your very name or the fact that you ever were will be forgotten as if you never were. All for nought. (Unless you accomplish something historic, significant, etc, but how many of us ever do that?) In MZ's case the awareness of mortality made him want to be a better person. In my case, it made me decide "why bother? who cares?". Not trying to throw a pity party here, but really, it all seems an excercise in futility to me. No purpose. No point. Death is the last proof for me that the universe is an uncaring, unjust, unfair place. Life sucks & then you die indeed.

[Neil]

respect it enough that you want to savour the good moments in life and be a better person, but not allow it to take over and sap the life out of, well, life. Nicely put!