Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 32

Thread: Night of the Living Dead 3D My Review

  1. #1
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Deadlands, USA
    Age
    52
    Posts
    7,663
    United States

    Night of the Living Dead 3D My Review



    SPOILERS GALORE

    This movie is exactly that, laughable. This so called remake or whatever it is, does nothing but ruin not only the zombie genre, but puts a stain on the title Night of the Living Dead.

    Basically the movie starts off using the original night of the living dead playing on a TV screen and then slowly moves itself into present day where we find Barb and a very F U C K I N G annoying Johnny, whom constantly talks through his nose, on their way to a family funeral. On the way BARB receives text messages on her cell phone from her mom about their tardiness, yet 2 minutes later when they arrive and find the funeral site in disarray Barb is attacked by zombies, one being her mother. When Johnny gets attacked he gets bitten and drives off in his Mini Cooper leaving Barb to fend for herself.

    Barb begins her run and ends up at TOVAR's mortuary where she finds a cache of corpses in decomposition and some walking around, including one eating a priest. She barricades herself inside a garage when suddenly a zombie flips open the door, as it is about to attack Sid Haig busts in and hits it in the head with a Shovel, then in pure comedic Capt. Spaulding fashion he informs young Barb (Don't call her Barbara) that... "As you can see Ms. we are having some issues today, so if you are here to visit a loved one you might wanna come back tomorrow. Meanwhile ths zombie he pitted in the noggen gets up and he begins hitting it again and calling it by it's name... saying Mr. So So, ytou don't want to behave like that, now stop that, and settle down.

    Folks... it only gets worse from here. Barb now on the run again, runs into ben, a white male early 20's, who takes her to a near by farm house owned and occupied by the Cooper family, a weed growing selling red neck bunch not willing to help because of the fear of the cops finding their stash. Not too mention they don't believe Barb because as they Watch NOTLD they laugh at it, and tell her someone mutherf*cker must of gave her bad acid. When the zombies do invade it is only just a matter of minutes before the eye rolling begins.

    Out in the barn while the zombies attack the house, Tom and Judy have some wild sex. Lotsa o Boob Shots and Sex Scenes appear and suddenly during Judy's climax the zombies start heading for the barn. When they bust in on the very naked and horny couple Tom gets up to fight them off only to of course lose the battle. Judy barricades herself inside a pickup truck but doesn't close the back glass window and WHAM a zombie reaches in and bites out the back of her head getting himself some Brains.

    the zombies, well there are 2 types, the silent slow ones and the ROTLD style whom talk and look normal like you or I, then blam suddenly full zombie make-up and ready to chomp your ass. Also, you find out the origins of the zombie outbreak. It is Sid Haig's fault. 60 minutes into the movie after a 50 minute absence he shows back up to explain it all.

    I am just going to stop here because this is a travesty to the genre. This film makes House of the Dead look stellar. I S H I T you not! No words can describe how bad it is, not too mention the lack of any decent gore. The acting and camera work are horrible. I mean this is just a few steps above those of us who churn out $10,000 zombie films.

    If you want to watch a decent remake of Night besides the 1990 version, go watch Reese's version on Google Video. Otherwise stick to the Original and the 1990 remake.

    This is one turd that needs to be flushed. 2.5 out of 10
    Last edited by DjfunkmasterG; 02-Aug-2007 at 11:57 PM.
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

  2. #2
    certified super rad Danny's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    simply walking into mordor
    Age
    35
    Posts
    14,157
    UK
    so pretty much exactly what i was expecting then.

    you just saved me a tenner dj ,cheers.


  3. #3
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Deadlands, USA
    Age
    52
    Posts
    7,663
    United States
    You're welcome. I figured it was my turn to take one for the team.
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

  4. #4
    POST MASTER GENERAL darth los's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    New York City Baby !!
    Posts
    9,958
    United States
    I didn't read the spoilers because i still intend on buying it. I'm a collector, what can i say? But did it come with some cool 3d glasses?


    Is it worse than notld 30th?
    FEAR IS THE OLDEST TOOL OF POWER. IF WE ARE DISTRACTED BY THE FEAR OF THOSE AROUND US THEN IT KEEPS US FROM SEEING THE ACTIONS OF THOSE ABOVE US.

    I DIDN'T KILL NOBODY. I DIDN'T RAPE NOBODY. THAT'S IT. ~ Manny Ramirez commenting on his use of a banned substance.

    "We kill people who kill people to show people that killing people is wrong" ~ Unknown

    "TO DOUBT EVERYTHING OR TO BELIEVE EVERYTHING ARE TWO EQUALLY CONVIENIENT SOLUTIONS: THEY BOTH DISPENSE WITH THE NEED FOR THOUGHT"

    "All i care about is money and the city that I'm from, imma sip until I feel it, Imma smoke it till' it's done, I don't really give fuck and my excuse is that I'm young,and I'm only getting older, sombody shoulda told ya, I'm on one !"

  5. #5
    Dead RustyHicks's Avatar
    Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    52
    Posts
    609
    Canada
    You did save me some money too,
    I like adding Zombie movies to my collection,
    but not something that may contaminate the rest.
    Thanks for the heads up man.
    Much appreciated

  6. #6
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Deadlands, USA
    Age
    52
    Posts
    7,663
    United States
    Quote Originally Posted by darth los View Post

    Is it worse than notld 30th?
    DUDE, it makes House of the dead and Contagium watchable!
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

  7. #7
    Team Rick MinionZombie's Avatar
    Super Moderator

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    The Mandatorium
    Posts
    24,165
    UK
    lol, "acquiring" as we speak

    Who'd pay for this sh*t in their right mind? ... has anyone been kissed by Rant Casey recently? Maybe that explains people insisting on dropping dosh on a movie that'll just drop a fat load on their chests without so much as a reach around for a "thanks, mate".

    (for clarification, Rant Casey is a character from Chuck Palahniuk's latest book, I'm near the end, but haven't finished yet, so if anyone has, don't go dropping spoilers like a dickhead...cheers )

  8. #8
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Deadlands, USA
    Age
    52
    Posts
    7,663
    United States
    Well someone was suckered into putting up the money for this flick.
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

  9. #9
    Team Rick MinionZombie's Avatar
    Super Moderator

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    The Mandatorium
    Posts
    24,165
    UK
    Quote Originally Posted by DjfunkmasterG View Post
    Well someone was suckered into putting up the money for this flick.
    Probably an idiot investor who got conned, or some small time production company looking to make a splash, but bolloxed it up because:

    1) Remakes most likely suck
    2) "Cming 4 u Barb"
    3) 3-D still sucks, it's only gonna get awesome when James Cameron says so
    4) A sack of sh*t dressed in a wedding dress is still a sack of sh*t


  10. #10
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Deadlands, USA
    Age
    52
    Posts
    7,663
    United States
    According to Box Office Mojo... This film is the #10 film in Russia taking in just under $1,000,000 in 6 weeks. Now Russia doesn't have 4000 movie theater complexes like we do, but For a POS to make that kind of scratch over there... sheesh. Their standards must be low.
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

  11. #11
    POST MASTER GENERAL darth los's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    New York City Baby !!
    Posts
    9,958
    United States
    Quote Originally Posted by DjfunkmasterG View Post
    Well someone was suckered into putting up the money for this flick.
    To quote a line from pulp fiction, "that's a bold statement."
    FEAR IS THE OLDEST TOOL OF POWER. IF WE ARE DISTRACTED BY THE FEAR OF THOSE AROUND US THEN IT KEEPS US FROM SEEING THE ACTIONS OF THOSE ABOVE US.

    I DIDN'T KILL NOBODY. I DIDN'T RAPE NOBODY. THAT'S IT. ~ Manny Ramirez commenting on his use of a banned substance.

    "We kill people who kill people to show people that killing people is wrong" ~ Unknown

    "TO DOUBT EVERYTHING OR TO BELIEVE EVERYTHING ARE TWO EQUALLY CONVIENIENT SOLUTIONS: THEY BOTH DISPENSE WITH THE NEED FOR THOUGHT"

    "All i care about is money and the city that I'm from, imma sip until I feel it, Imma smoke it till' it's done, I don't really give fuck and my excuse is that I'm young,and I'm only getting older, sombody shoulda told ya, I'm on one !"

  12. #12
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
    Zombie Flesh Eater

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Deadlands, USA
    Age
    52
    Posts
    7,663
    United States
    Quote Originally Posted by darth los View Post
    To quote a line from pulp fiction, "that's a bold statement."
    When you see the film you will understand and agree with that statement.
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

  13. #13
    Chasing Prey Yojimbo's Avatar
    Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Age
    55
    Posts
    2,497
    United States
    Quote Originally Posted by MinionZombie View Post
    Probably an idiot investor who got conned, or some small time production company looking to make a splash, but bolloxed it up because:

    1) Remakes most likely suck
    2) "Cming 4 u Barb"
    3) 3-D still sucks, it's only gonna get awesome when James Cameron says so
    4) A sack of sh*t dressed in a wedding dress is still a sack of sh*t

    One of the more hilarious lists I have seen and right on target. Especially #4 which my late grandfather used to repeat a variant of that as one of his life lesson mantras. He would have liked Minon's!
    Originally Posted by EvilNed
    As a much wiser man than I once said: "We must stop the banning - or loose the war."

  14. #14
    Team Rick MinionZombie's Avatar
    Super Moderator

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    The Mandatorium
    Posts
    24,165
    UK
    Probably because they barely make a film themselves, at least none we see (except for the odd flick now and then), they're best known for Communism and the Cold War (which Putin seems to be eying up a sequel to )...plus, it's not exactly glamorous and they all appear (to us outsiders anyway) to all be rather serious and miserable...

    Mind you, they do have a crazy ass TV show where members of the public pretend to be criminals and attempt to outrun the police in real car chases...takes all sorts really.

    Anyway, they're probably so chuffed to have a film from the outside world making it in...I'm not sure how many imports they get, but I wouldn't be surprised if some films never make it there, or get there and are cut to shreds...I'm thinking along the lines of Germany "seizing" all copies of Dead Rising, and China taking issue with (apparently) "anti-Chinese" plot points in Rush Hour 3 ... i.e. pathetic loserishness.

  15. #15
    Just been bitten Monrozombi's Avatar
    Member

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Hershey PA
    Age
    43
    Posts
    227
    United States
    so how does this compare to Children of the Living Dead in the ultimate sack of **** film department?

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •