50 reasons why Return of the Living Dead sucks

[bassman]

Got this idea from MZ....

First of all, I know i'm in the minority about this film. Second, I know the creators claim they made it funny so as to not step on Romero's toes. Maybe they shouldn't have mentioned his films, then. I don't buy that crap.

So here's a handfull of reasons why I hate it. I could have done more, but I refused to pause it to write down each reason. As a result, several reasons were missed. I just wanted to run through it and hopefully I'll never have to see it again....

1. "Based on true events"? Wow....scary. Never heard that one used before.
2. "UNEEDA MEDICAL SUPPLY" Get it? You-need-a? cack cack cack.
3. Is Freddy intentionally dressing like an over-grown and strung-out Dennis The Menace?
4. Punk kids! They're speaking to the youth of the day. How cliched....I mean "hip".(additional note: Is that Juwanna Man?!?)
5. "Did you see that movie, Night of the Living Dead?" - To quote an episode of MST3K: NEVER mention a good movie in your horribly crappy movie.
6. So let me get this straight. 425 Trioxin is this HUGE government cover up....but this old man who works at a medical supply store knows ALL about it just because these few containers were accidentally shipped to them? Did these hazardous containers also come with classified government papers?
7. RETURN of the Living Dead? Where are they returning from? This must be a sequel! Nope....it's another shot at ripping off Romero's classic.
8. *whiny voice* "I just wanna paaaartyyyy"
9. "Burt is a slave driver" on the poster. So Burt made this film? That would make perfect sense.
10. Why is this chick getting naked??? It's pointless. I like tits as much as the next guy, but this is just f*cking sad...
11. Romero rape number 4. "Destroy the brain, right?"
12. WHY THE F*CK DO THEY KEEP CRYING?!?!?!?
13. "You think this is a costume? This is a way of life!" - Daddy forgives you, cliched punk "teenager"....
14. Burt? Ernie? Burt and Ernie? Really? *whistles the theme to Sesame Street*
15. Burt and Ernie don't ever question why the other two are grey and sweating like they've just run a marathon?
16. Smoke from a crematory and rain equal acid rain? I know it's a scifi film....but how does that work....THAT fast?
17. Somehow the rain in this town seeps through 6 feet of dirt much faster than everywhere else....
18. The whole 911 phone call? Kinda pointless isn't it? Trying desperately to reach that 90 minute runtime requirement, Dan?
19. Tarman can pronounce his "B's" really well without having lips or moving his jaw.
20. Why is Tarman slow when the audience already knows that these zombies run?
21. The paramedics didn't seem to notice the acid rain burning their skin...
22. So it's BACK into this acid rain that burns so bad? Good idea, folks.
23. It's nothing but skeleton that comes up through the ground, but somehow it's eyes and eyelids are intact?
24. Paramedics clearly have rain water all over their skin, but still no mention of acid rain?
25. Zombie jumps through an exterior window....but can't do the same through a thin interior door window?
26. "They're all over the cars!" He only saw one.....and it was missing legs...
27. Of course, in the middle of a catastrophy, the phonelines go dead for no apparent reason.
28. "Come in dispatch. Send...more....paramedics!" What the flying f*ck???
29. Burt(the boss) doesn't know what kind of chemical it is....but his employees do?
30. The skeleton pulling the mohawk guy through the window sure is strong. especially with no muscles on her arm....
31. Burt says they're no stronger than humans....but they could dig upward through 6 feet of dirt?
32. Once again, no lips and perfect pronounciation.
33. "The pain of being dead" lol
34. Brains...make pain go away? The rest of the body does nothing to help these things? Wasteful bastards....
35. Maybe I missed it....but when did Trash get buried???
36. Lots of exterior lights around this cemetery wall for it to have been boarded and chained shut in the beginning...
37. "I never did like you, but hold me tight!" Do we really not comic relief? The film is laughably sh*tty enough...
38. As if it wasn't mind-numbingly stupid enough the first time..."Send more cops!"
39. The two UNEEDA employees were "gone" and had full blown rigomortis, but managed to totally change positions in the floor for the next scene?
40. Not only is Freddy dead, but apparently he has a flaming case of the rabbies.
41. "No....I'll drive" "F*CK YOU!". That's it? That's the huge inner conflict of this P.O.S.?...
42. Who closed the cemetery gates?....
43. Frank couldn't move at all a minute ago and now he's able make it to a different room all on his own, get on one knee to pray, and climb into the friggin furnace?
44. "Sounds like the sh*t's really hittin the fan out there" NOW you realize this?
45. The phone is kept right beside the illegal tanks from the government. Convenient.
46. So shouldn't have Frank's smoke started more acid rain and the cops would be feeling it? Once again, no mention.
47. The entire conversation with the head military guy....is all that "What happened then?" "Then what"?, etc, etc really necessary?
48. I can see the conversation now. "How do we end this movie?" "Just blow everyone up! It's quick, easy, and just like the rest of the film, we don't have to really try!"
49. This atomic blast that supposedly hit the cemetary didn't alter the landscaping or tombstones at all?
50. Recycled footage, anyone? Once again, skeleton with perfect eyes and eyelids...

And as a bonus....
WHY DO THEY REPLAY CLIPS DURING THE CREDITS? I JUST SAW THIS GARBAGE AND YOU'RE GOING TO SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT AGAIN AS I'M LEAVING/TURNING IT OFF???

I need to take a shower. This thing makes me feel like dirty sh*t...

[Zombie Snack]

After reading that I have to go watch ROTLD now.....I love this movie

[clanglee]

Tell us how you really feel Bass. :D:rolleyes:

[Mike70]

i really like return but some of this just cracked me the fook up. particulary the parts about the tarman zombie having perfect pronunciation despite his lack of lips.:lol:

[C5NOTLD]

I can't think of one reason why it would suck.

I always enjoyed it - Fun movie.:lol:

[DubiousComforts]

1. "Based on true events"? Wow....scary. Never heard that one used before.
I hate to piss in the cornflakes so early into the list, but wouldn't "based on true events" be poking fun at movies that have used it before?

[capncnut]

I can't think of one reason why it would suck.

I always enjoyed it - Fun movie.:lol:
Totally agree. As far as zombie comedies go, I'd watch this over Shaun anyday.

[MinionZombie]

Nice list, dude.

While I still like the movie (despite it being rather silly), you did raise many a good point, such as the inconsistency of the acid rain...and the whole pronunciation thing...and that repeated footage of the skeleton at the end always bugged me, it's so blatant.

You know another movie that subjects you to repeated clips during the credits? Children of the Living Dead ... must be a requirement for gash movies. :D

[bassman]

I hate to piss in the cornflakes so early into the list, but wouldn't "based on true events" be poking fun at movies that have used it before?

Don't worry, my cornflakes were full of piss the minute I started the DVD.

It may be poking fun of other movies to some extent, but I saw it as a chance at ripping off NOTLD with the laughable "It really happened!" subplot.


Totally agree. As far as zombie comedies go, I'd watch this over Shaun anyday.

See, I don't buy that they intended this movie to be funny. I think they thought they were doing something "new" and "inventive" for the 80's and then when they saw the results, they realized how cheesy it was and tried to parade it around as a comedy. True, there are a few things that were meant as obvious gags, but you can't convince me that they intended the entire film to turn out that way. Just look at the promotion for the film - they advertised it as a horror!

[capncnut]

I don't buy that they intended this movie to be funny.
How can anyone think up Tarman without breaking into fits of laughter?

At the end of the day, if it was made as a serious horror movie and the producers later promoted it as a comedy then they made the right decision. Actually, I think it's a perfect balance of the two.

[DubiousComforts]

It may be poking fun of other movies to some extent, but I saw it as a chance at ripping off NOTLD with the laughable "It really happened!" subplot.
The latter may have been the case with the original story (you'd have to ask John Russo), but not with the film. It's not an entirely original idea to use the "true story" slant tongue-in-cheek. SQUIRM did it in the mid-70s with an equally absurd premise (killer sandworms) though nobody seemed to read it as humorous, either.

But how can anyone not see ROTLD as black comedy? A punk thug stands in a graveyard waxing introspectively, "Nobody understands me. You think this is a costume? This is a way of life!" You simply can't have that as a "gag" and not expect the entire film to be perceived as humorous.

[bassman]

Even IF it was intended to have a good bit of comedy, I still can't stand it. I understand why people like it, but it's just not my thing. Then again, I usually don't care for any zombie films outside of Romero's. In fact, I'm not even really a fan of "horror" films...

If I had to give ROTLD a rating, it would probably be a 1 out of 5. Maybe 1.5 if you caught me on a good day....

[DubiousComforts]

Even IF it was intended to have a good bit of comedy, I still can't stand it. I understand why people like it, but it's just not my thing.
That's cool. Nobody is saying that you have to like it.

For the most part, I absolutely hate the so-called horror-comedy and forced camp that was vomited on the genre by the likes of Troma and Fred Olen Ray throughout the 80s and early 90s. But ROTLD and Re-Animator are two films that I can appreciate for pulling it off very well.

[Danny]

1: these numbered lists are starting to wear thin.
2: the film used satire and comedy as much as scares to create a good blend and youve kinda missed that and just bitched about stuff that occurs and not really why its bad, as compared to what?

[bassman]

1: these numbered lists are starting to wear thin.
2: the film used satire and comedy as much as scares to create a good blend and youve kinda missed that and just bitched about stuff that occurs and not really why its bad, as compared to what?

1. It was requested. Don't read the numbered lists if you're getting tired of them.
2. I didn't miss anything.

Are you about to have one of those mood swings that you seem to have about every 3 weeks?:moon:

[MinionZombie]

Hellsing, like I'd say to a Christian burning their TV license, if you don't like it, don't watch it ... or in this case, don't read it. :p

Also - ROTLD ... and satire ... ??? Satire ... in ROTLD??? ... ROTLD ... and satire?

*gets stuck in a confusion loop*

The point in a bitch list is to stomach sitting through a sh*t movie, but have fun doing so...kinda like a written version of a conversation you might have with a few mates as you watch it (like I did with COTLD originally when I bought it at uni, we all drank and took the piss out of it for weeks thereafter). Then post it for the fun of those who'd appreciate it.

Seriously - bit of fun, goddamn...:bored::eek::dead::moon:

[clanglee]

I'm not gonna bust your balls Bass. I do, personally, love the movie. But I respect the fact that you don't. You do bring up some good points, but since the movie was meant to be silly, the points don't particularly resonate with me. I did like your point about the acid rain tho. . . never noticed that.

[ZombieGrrL]

Your list gave me a good laugh bassman311. Very good points!

I think ROTLD is a great film - obviously it's not without it's faults, which I think really adds to the charm. The overacting, music, nudity & "punk kids" are so typical of the 80's comedy/horror genre - WITH zombies. :thumbsup:

[MikePizzoff]

Totally agree. As far as zombie comedies go, I'd watch this over Shaun anyday.

Yes sir, same here. I bet we get crucified for this!

[bassman]

Yes sir, same here. I bet we get crucified for this!

Nah, I wouldn't crucify you guys for it. Obviously I'm one of the few around here that doesn't like ROTLD(I know of a few others, but for some reason they don't seem to be coming forward:shifty:).

The only reason why I don't agree with your opinions on these two films is because Shaun was meant as a comedy while I know people argue otherwise, I don't believe ROTLD was meant to be.

[kortick]

Well Bass ol pal, as far as it goes
you are free to hate any movie you like
for any reason. so its all cool.

But i remember seeing Return when it came out
back in 1985.
And it was most definitley promoted as
a horror/comedy.

The people in the theater were laughing
their asses off.

and lines like:
"do you hear that? thats dead people screaming?"
and

"are you crazy? are you on PCP"?

and the best:
"It worked in the movie"

the movie was a total laugh
and yeah the ending was lame
but it was all in fun

[bassman]

Well....the trailer doesn't seem to be promoting it as a comedy. Just the typical 80's cheese....

9FoteAueNUI&hl=en

I think it was only labeled as a comedy because it got a sort of cult following like Reefer Madness or Manos: The Hands of Fate. All films that were made to be serious but turned out funny by accident.

[Mike70]

a couple of things about that vid bass:

it does seem to be playing up the comedy aspects. though lots of folks have different ideas on what is funny.

and i've never heard a trailer (which are usually approved for all audiences) use the phrase "god damn" or the word asshole. both no go's on TV and in theater trailers (at least in 1985). so i wonder what the original source was for this?

[kortick]

That is definatley not the original trailer.

The original trailer had the girl dancing
in the grave yard.

I remember that very clearly.

I dont know what that was
but it wasnt the movie theater trailer.

Maybe the one they put on vhs tapes.

And I am 100% certain it was billed as a
horror/comedy.

It may have been 1985, but i still remember
the difference between the way
they marketed Day of the Dead
and this film, which came out close to each other.

Totally different.

Why what do you remember about it when it came out?
Do you remember Tv commercials showing it as horror?
The ones I remember had the song
"Tonight we make love (until we die)" in them.

Maybe they marketed it different where you lived.

I never thought if that.

[bassman]

I don't know how they marketed it. I'm just going off what I've seen in the trailer. But you guys are saying that's not the trailer, so I don't know.

I thought that was the trailer i've always seen..

[MinionZombie]

*prepares crucifix ... gathers some rusty nine inchers ... digs a poo moat running down the mountain for the inevitable ROTLD rubber poop monster birthed from the effluence of ROTLD-over-Shaun-preferers*

(I'm watching Dogma :D)

...

Oh wait, what? You won't crucify them for that?

Damn ... now what the hell am I gonna do with this crucifix ... and, and these nine inchers ... ... ... and this poo moat?

...

Goddamnit. :mad::rant:

:lol:

[MikePizzoff]

The trailer Bassman posted is a fan-made one.

Here is the real trailer, which I feel makes it quite obvious that the movie is a comedy-horror.

QIixbptdfUE

[bd2999]

Eh, to each there own. I really liked the movie and still think of it as one of the best non Romero zombie movies out there. Plus it did not bother me at all that they were able to run and unkillable, I thought it was a nice spin on the whole thing. I think it has more wiggle room than movies like children or the Day remake and what have you though, because the movie is as much a comedy as a horror film.

I disagree with several of the points though about it raping Night of the Living Dead. I think movies like Children of the Living Dead and such do that pretty well by trying to make something to close to the original that ends up being utter trash. This movie made the connection and then basicly said the only thing he got right in that movie was that the dead could come back. I think the whole point of the movie, at least from commentary, was to get away from that sort of zombie in a sort of fun way that acknowledges Romero but at the same time goes off into something new. Everyone gets an opinion though, but at the same time at least this movie was fairly original at the time, compare that to the sequels that came after it. Now some of those are trash.

[DubiousComforts]

I don't know how they marketed it. I'm just going off what I've seen in the trailer. But you guys are saying that's not the trailer, so I don't know.
The film was absolutely marketed as a horror/black comedy. The original poster had a cartoony punk corpse spray painting the title on a tombstone with the tagline "they're back from the dead and ready to party!"

[Andy]

1. It was requested. Don't read the numbered lists if you're getting tired of them.

The real irony is that no-one made you watch this movie :lol:

[kortick]

Ouch.

Hellsing,

Thats one you owe Andy.

[Mr_Shadow]

Looks like 50 reasons to dust off my dvd and watch it again LoL

[mista_mo]

OI! HOWS ABOUT REEZON 51!

it's ookie :( :( :( :( :( :(

[bassman]

The real irony is that no-one made you watch this movie :lol:

:rockbrow:
Of course no one made me watch it. Just as no one made MZ watch the crap films that he made lists for. In one of those threads I threw out the idea of doing one for ROTLD because I've always disliked it and certain people said I should. Unfortunately I have the film on DVD, so I decided to make the list.

[SymphonicX]

Man ROTLD is a piece of trash. I can't sit through it, although I have...I never watch it if its on....such lame-ness. really boring, silly jokes that hit and miss, terrrible characters, just plain awful effects and NO THAT GIRL IS NOT HOT.

ROTLD 3 has the hot chick, that movie was at least passable...but let's face it...its trash..."no we aint going to the hospital even though our friend is choking up blood, we've gotta hunt down that scary girl who bit him in the shop first!!"....erm...yeah right....

[Andy]

:rockbrow:
Of course no one made me watch it. Just as no one made MZ watch the crap films that he made lists for. In one of those threads I threw out the idea of doing one for ROTLD because I've always disliked it and certain people said I should. Unfortunately I have the film on DVD, so I decided to make the list.
i was simply pointing out the irony of the fact that your whining at hellsing for posting in a topic he dosn't like, while the whole purpose of the topic is moaning about a film you dont like :p

[MinionZombie]

But Bassman, and myself, are getting enjoyment from creating bitch lists for sucky films - some of which were flat out requested even - meanwhile hellsing doesn't seem to be getting any joy from it, so it just complaining in general - which hooks a 180 back to "if you don't like it, don't read it" ... so the irony is ultimately silenced by the assassin of "ahhh, but". :p

I'm beginning to think you're such a joyless, picky bunch...:dead::skull::rolleyes:

[kortick]

Im sorry.
But it is still ZING to Andy.

Like I said, Bass can hate any movie
he wants for any reason
We all know that.

"But Bassman, and myself, are getting enjoyment from creating bitch lists for sucky films " MZ

"I need to take a shower. This thing makes me feel like dirty sh*t..." Bass


yeah things i get enjoyment from always make me feel that way. LOL


"these numbered lists are starting to wear thin." Hellsing

"meanwhile hellsing doesn't seem to be getting any joy from it, so it just complaining in general" MZ

I really dont see that as a joyless complaint just an observation.
we all know Hellsing could have put it much stronger if that was his intent.

"the film used satire and comedy as much as scares to create a good blend and youve kinda missed that" Hellsing making an observation


" See, I don't buy that they intended this movie to be funny"
"Just look at the promotion for the film - they advertised it as a horror!"
Bass. These assumptions were proven incorrect.

So Hellsing did nothing wrong. He expressed his opinion on something
then questioned the basis Bass was using to judge the movie which turned out to be false, it was always marketed as a horror/comedy, and of course
it would have jokes about NOTLD it was co written by John Russo, hello?

"I was simply pointing out the irony of the fact that your whining at hellsing for posting in a topic he dosn't like, while the whole purpose of the topic is moaning about a film you dont like" Andy

i cant see a flaw in Andys logic. It is terribly ironic.

"I'm beginning to think you're such a joyless, picky bunch..." MZ

This is of course, true. No need for doubt.

But beleive it or not I like these lists.
You guys come up with stuff I noticed but never paid attention to.
I couldnt list 50 things about a movie i hate.

[MinionZombie]

Geez, try and bring a bit of quick fun to the forum, and it all turns into some pick-fest...:rolleyes::moon:

[DubiousComforts]

Geez, try and bring a bit of quick fun to the forum, and it all turns into some pick-fest.
Them's the breaks. :p

[11ZOMBIES]

bassman, your words are full of truth. ROTLD is trash, I wrote a blog on Myspace about it not too awfully long ago.

But- you missed the worst thing that "film" has done to our beloved sub-genre. Ever since it came out, the mainstream AUTOMATICALLY thinks "braaaaains" when zombies are mentioned. And THAT really sucks.

Long time lurker, first time poster!

:D

[kortick]

Oh its all in fun

Like i said i enjoy these lists
The list Bass put together is great.

ROTLD was a fun movie to watch when it came out.
i guess cuz i knew it was a comedy and having seen
Day only a short time earlier, and it being so dark
maybe the contrasts between the tones of the 2 films
affected how I viewed it.

it was supposed to be stupid
i mean my god, the acting, the lines its all over the top.

Really Dan O'Bannon wrote it. He wrote the original Alien script
as well as Dead and Buried and 2 segments in Heavy Metal.
He is more than capable of writing horror.
He put humor in there on purpose.
it was what was known in the 80s as "splatterpunk".

And as for your not liking brains as a zombie catch phrase
it only seems obvious people would latch on to that
seeing how Romeros zombies dont talk.

Next movie to trash is what?

I'm ready for it.

[Mike70]

Next movie to trash is what?

I'm ready for it.

i say that someone needs to do the 30th anniversary edition of NOTLD. MZ doesn't have a copy of it (i;ve already agitated for him to do one) but someone out there with a sense of humor that has copy, should take a stab at it.


house of the dead is another obvious target.

[DubiousComforts]

i say that someone needs to do the 30th anniversary edition of NOTLD.
I'd do it, but I don't think I can count that high.

[MinionZombie]

Someone gimme a copy and I'll do it. :D

Or if I found it *ahem* then I'd do it, purely on the new stuff of course, the actual movie is awesome. Heck a print is in that library or whatever, really famous collection of art works or something, in America innit? :cool:

[dirtydwarf]

1 reason it didn't suck:

1). Linnea Quigly's boobies...

[DubiousComforts]

1 reason it didn't suck:

1). Linnea Quigly's boobies...
That's two reasons.

[bassman]

That's two reasons.

:lol:
They were a nice pair, but very pointless...

I mean, what reason was there for her to go through all that "I want to be eaten...." speech and rip off her clothes other than be a naked zombie? The original Night had a naked zombie. Did we need a pointless scene to explain to us why she was naked?

And then on top of that, she apparently get's burried off screen just so she can rise out of the dirt? :rockbrow:

[dirtydwarf]

:lol:
They were a nice pair, but very pointless...

I will have to go back and look but I don't remember em being pointless...in fact they looked like they could cut glass :D

[DubiousComforts]

:lol:
They were a nice pair, but very pointless...
They weren't "pointless."

They're called "nipples." :D

[bassman]

Pointless to the plot.....

[MinionZombie]

Yes, yes, bewbs are awesome. But I too thought that explanation was just shoe-horned in, in fact it's well blatant that it's shoe-horned in just to 'justify' the boobies...but boobies justify themselves!

They should have just had her f*cking the punk or something, or cut out the silly explanation and just have her strip, because there's no surprise when it's been said...like in Yawn04 when Sarky Arse says 'if I become one of those things, shoot me in the f*cking head' - you flat out KNOW it's gonna happen now...it's like a spoiler within the film. :lol:

Speaking of bewbs ... *runs back to South Park 12x03* :D

[ProfessorChaos]

Speaking of bewbs ... *runs back to South Park 12x03* :D

great episode. loved when gerald cheesed and went back to boobville and saw the woman, saying to her:

"i tried to stay away but couldn't....curse you and your rockin' tits.":lol::lol:

[MikePizzoff]

1 reason it didn't suck:

1). Linnea Quigly's boobies...

Mmmmmmmmm. :hyper:

[DjfunkmasterG]

I love Return of the Living Dead. The director has always omitted this film was a dark comedy and even mentions in the commentary and the featurette he didn't want to trample on Romero's work. His references are there simply because it is one of the most well know films in horror.

I know its your opinion Bassman, but how you could enjoy LAND, a craptastic turd over ROTLD, a great masterpiece of zomedy cinema is beyond me.

[MinionZombie]

We could equally say the same for you and liking Yawn04 over Land ... but you know what, it's all the opinions of us gruff 'n' surly HPOTD folk. :)

[Choas]

I love ROTLD. Part 2 was okay,part 3,4,5 was god awful.:barf:

[dirtydwarf]

I love ROTLD. Part 2 was okay,part 3,4,5 was god awful.:barf:

I actually Liked Part 3. And the first one of course. I thought part 2 sucked, they tried to copy the chemistry/comedy between Freddie and Frank that worked so well in the original and I thought it came off really bad. As for part 4 and 5..well....I am embarrassed for everyone involved in those 'films'.

[bassman]

The director has always omitted this film


If I were him, I would omit this film from my filmography too!:lol: Sorry, couldn't help but run with your typo.

I think MZ summed it up nicely for me...

[SRP76]

Got this idea from MZ....

First of all, I know i'm in the minority about this film. Second, I know the creators claim they made it funny so as to not step on Romero's toes. Maybe they shouldn't have mentioned his films, then. I don't buy that crap.

So here's a handfull of reasons why I hate it. I could have done more, but I refused to pause it to write down each reason. As a result, several reasons were missed. I just wanted to run through it and hopefully I'll never have to see it again....

1. "Based on true events"? Wow....scary. Never heard that one used before.
2. "UNEEDA MEDICAL SUPPLY" Get it? You-need-a? cack cack cack.
3. Is Freddy intentionally dressing like an over-grown and strung-out Dennis The Menace?
4. Punk kids! They're speaking to the youth of the day. How cliched....I mean "hip".(additional note: Is that Juwanna Man?!?)
5. "Did you see that movie, Night of the Living Dead?" - To quote an episode of MST3K: NEVER mention a good movie in your horribly crappy movie.
6. So let me get this straight. 425 Trioxin is this HUGE government cover up....but this old man who works at a medical supply store knows ALL about it just because these few containers were accidentally shipped to them? Did these hazardous containers also come with classified government papers?
7. RETURN of the Living Dead? Where are they returning from? This must be a sequel! Nope....it's another shot at ripping off Romero's classic.
8. *whiny voice* "I just wanna paaaartyyyy"
9. "Burt is a slave driver" on the poster. So Burt made this film? That would make perfect sense.
10. Why is this chick getting naked??? It's pointless. I like tits as much as the next guy, but this is just f*cking sad...
11. Romero rape number 4. "Destroy the brain, right?"
12. WHY THE F*CK DO THEY KEEP CRYING?!?!?!?
13. "You think this is a costume? This is a way of life!" - Daddy forgives you, cliched punk "teenager"....
14. Burt? Ernie? Burt and Ernie? Really? *whistles the theme to Sesame Street*
15. Burt and Ernie don't ever question why the other two are grey and sweating like they've just run a marathon?
16. Smoke from a crematory and rain equal acid rain? I know it's a scifi film....but how does that work....THAT fast?
17. Somehow the rain in this town seeps through 6 feet of dirt much faster than everywhere else....
18. The whole 911 phone call? Kinda pointless isn't it? Trying desperately to reach that 90 minute runtime requirement, Dan?
19. Tarman can pronounce his "B's" really well without having lips or moving his jaw.
20. Why is Tarman slow when the audience already knows that these zombies run?
21. The paramedics didn't seem to notice the acid rain burning their skin...
22. So it's BACK into this acid rain that burns so bad? Good idea, folks.
23. It's nothing but skeleton that comes up through the ground, but somehow it's eyes and eyelids are intact?
24. Paramedics clearly have rain water all over their skin, but still no mention of acid rain?
25. Zombie jumps through an exterior window....but can't do the same through a thin interior door window?
26. "They're all over the cars!" He only saw one.....and it was missing legs...
27. Of course, in the middle of a catastrophy, the phonelines go dead for no apparent reason.
28. "Come in dispatch. Send...more....paramedics!" What the flying f*ck???
29. Burt(the boss) doesn't know what kind of chemical it is....but his employees do?
30. The skeleton pulling the mohawk guy through the window sure is strong. especially with no muscles on her arm....
31. Burt says they're no stronger than humans....but they could dig upward through 6 feet of dirt?
32. Once again, no lips and perfect pronounciation.
33. "The pain of being dead" lol
34. Brains...make pain go away? The rest of the body does nothing to help these things? Wasteful bastards....
35. Maybe I missed it....but when did Trash get buried???
36. Lots of exterior lights around this cemetery wall for it to have been boarded and chained shut in the beginning...
37. "I never did like you, but hold me tight!" Do we really not comic relief? The film is laughably sh*tty enough...
38. As if it wasn't mind-numbingly stupid enough the first time..."Send more cops!"
39. The two UNEEDA employees were "gone" and had full blown rigomortis, but managed to totally change positions in the floor for the next scene?
40. Not only is Freddy dead, but apparently he has a flaming case of the rabbies.
41. "No....I'll drive" "F*CK YOU!". That's it? That's the huge inner conflict of this P.O.S.?...
42. Who closed the cemetery gates?....
43. Frank couldn't move at all a minute ago and now he's able make it to a different room all on his own, get on one knee to pray, and climb into the friggin furnace?
44. "Sounds like the sh*t's really hittin the fan out there" NOW you realize this?
45. The phone is kept right beside the illegal tanks from the government. Convenient.
46. So shouldn't have Frank's smoke started more acid rain and the cops would be feeling it? Once again, no mention.
47. The entire conversation with the head military guy....is all that "What happened then?" "Then what"?, etc, etc really necessary?
48. I can see the conversation now. "How do we end this movie?" "Just blow everyone up! It's quick, easy, and just like the rest of the film, we don't have to really try!"
49. This atomic blast that supposedly hit the cemetary didn't alter the landscaping or tombstones at all?
50. Recycled footage, anyone? Once again, skeleton with perfect eyes and eyelids...

And as a bonus....
WHY DO THEY REPLAY CLIPS DURING THE CREDITS? I JUST SAW THIS GARBAGE AND YOU'RE GOING TO SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT AGAIN AS I'M LEAVING/TURNING IT OFF???

I need to take a shower. This thing makes me feel like dirty sh*t...

You're my new hero.

I always thought this movie sucked. "It's a comedy!" So what? A lot of other comedies suck, too.

[EvilNed]

Well, 50 reasons for why ROTLD sucks is probably nothing agains the 1,000 of reasons why it rules. :)

[mista_mo]

The zombies remind me of Paris Hilton. Has anyone else gotten that vibe from the film or is it just me.

and for some reason my keyboard is starting to type french...sh-it.

É"'"ÉÈÈÈèèèèÈÈ^^^¨¨çÇ^^çÇÀà\//\

wtfÉ

[MinionZombie]

Paris Hilton? Nope...

Maybe you pressed ALT or CTRL and something, I duno...that usually wigs something out by accident.

I remember watching this movie and my sister came in to use the computer and she just looked absolutely disdainfully at the movie and asked "what on earth is this absolute sh*t?" :lol:

I haven't seen it in a long time, maybe my next viewing I won't be as kind on it, who knows...at least it's intentionally silly, in my estimation anyway...and despite my liking (I neither love it nor loathe it) of the movie, Bassman's list still gave me a chuckle and I respect his opinion.

[mista_mo]

nude goth chick in graveyard.

reason enough to watch the movie.

Oh, and i dunno what it is, i didnèt any buttons or anything that say Èspeak frenchÈ

[bassman]

You're my new hero.

I always thought this movie sucked. "It's a comedy!" So what? A lot of other comedies suck, too.

:lol:

I knew I couldn't be alone.....

Down with Return!:p

[DubiousComforts]

Down with Return!:p
Aren't you like 20+ years too late?

[bassman]

Aren't you like 20+ years too late?

It's never too late.:D

[living dude]

i loved Return untill my ex burned me out on it. "congrats honey you memorized it." i knew it word for word already, now i hear it in my sleep

it might be ten years before i can watch it again

[Mutineer]

Return rules; great horror comedy. Awesome characters, over the top deliveries.

The list is NO GOOD. :cool:

[bassman]

:lol:

Ohhhh, this thread.

It just popped up in the current activity section, so I thought I’d give an update seeing as it’s now been over a decade. I’ve come around to enjoy the film for what it is. It’s just cheesy eighties B-movie fun.

So I can admit I was wrong! To an extent, anyway. I like the movie now and own the spectacular Scream Factory blu ray, which gets a spin on fairly regular occasions. Some of this thread is still pretty funny though, even if I have matured a bit and not quite as hard on films.

[Moon Knight]

I love ROTLD so much lol.

[Mike70]

Bassman gives in
1471

[bassman]

Bassman gives in
1471

:lol:

I’ve noticed I’ve been tending to lighten up on movies as I get older. I try to find enjoyment in everything I watch because why sit and be overly negative for ninety minutes, ya know? Return is fun little flick, I was unfairly comparing it to Romero’s more serious efforts rather than enjoying it for what it is.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have it’s fair share of faults, though. The key is to enjoy those faults too. My love of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and bad movies probably has a hand in helping me enjoy them, as well.

Speaking of....they’ve said they’re trying to include Dawn in the next season of MST3K! I’ve wanted to see Dawn on that show for years and years. If they’re able to get the rights, it should make for a great episode!

[MinionZombie]

Speaking of....they’ve said they’re trying to include Dawn in the next season of MST3K! I’ve wanted to see Dawn on that show for years and years. If they’re able to get the rights, it should make for a great episode!

Hmmm ... will that really work, though? Dawn is a legitimately great movie and is an all-time classic of the genre.

Mind you, apparently Rubenstein splashed wads of cash on that pointless 3D version that barely anyone's seen, so who knows. Hell freezed over and we've got the new Blu-Ray edition on its way, after all.

[bassman]

Hmmm ... will that really work, though? Dawn is a legitimately great movie and is an all-time classic of the genre.

Oh yeah, it could work phenomenally well! We all love Dawn, but there are tons of things in there that fun could be had with. Besides, MST3K has done versions of movies that are quite liked throughout the years. They recently did the pilot to Stranger Things and they used to do oscars episodes, for example. It doesn’t necessarily mean the subject film can’t be loved and enjoyed

Dawn is one that’s always screamed for the treatment. I actually had a MST3K/Dawn signature image for years because I’ve always known it was a perfect match. The current lead of the show, Jonah Ray, said it’s one of his top five favorite movies of all time, yet he still wants it on the show because he knows it’s a perfect match.