zombie poem

[Billythezombie]

my heart is beating
they are coming fast
the wind is howling
i dont think i can make it past...
i dont think i can take this horror
the end of the world is near
the dead are rising and multiplying
this is the one greateast thing ive ever feared
their mouths tearing at random flesh
the screams of agony are terrifying at best
they are coming...coming for me..
i run away, i try to flee
but they crowd around....and i can see the blood dripping off their mutilated chins
in this situation....i dont think i can win.
Everyone is gone..there will never be any help...
i have to give in...there is no hope for me, as these undead beings come closer...they want to eat..they need to feast on me.

corpses feeding, i am pleading, waiting for my life to end...
they are grabbing..they are biting...all my fleshy wounds will never mend
as they finish, and with one last gulp of my meat...
and i can feel them dragging off the last remains of my feet
they back away, and find another victim to brutally slay
my eyes are closed...my mind feels hazy...


then a sudden urge to eat humans suddenly makes me crazy!!!!!

By billy the zombie xxx


lol hope u thought it was okay...its just my first so dont be too harsh!!!!

[Bub666]

That was a really cool poem.

[capncnut]

Pretty good for a first poem attempt - feels more like song lyrics but yeah I liked it.


with one last gulp of my meat...
Was that intentionally humourous because I nearly spat out my morning coffee? :D

[blind2d]

That was all right, but it felt a little forced in places. also it was kind of redundant to have two forms of "sudden" at the end there, but overall quite good.

[Craig]

It's pretty good, definitely heard much worse poetry from other people my age.

[Thorn]

I think it takes courage to put yourself out there with any artistic endeavor, and I could feel the passion in what you were writing and the pace of it was good. I would say with some refining and fine tuning it could be great.

The key to anything is being open to constructive criticism and stepping away from the piece and looking at it with honest eyes with a mind for improving it.

Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.

My favorite line was: "corpses feeding, i am pleading, waiting for my life to end..."

[DawnGirl27]

I agree with Thorn - it takes guts (no pun intended) to put something out there for everyone to read, and feel so passionate about.
You did a great job of putting the reader in the midst of the action, and had some really good lines. Maybe edit a bit and do some condensing, and it'll be even better.
Great effort!

[Debbieangel]

Billy that was very good!
Keep on writing them hon...I enjoyed it!
It isnt easy to put yourself out there for people to critic your work. Just enjoy the experience and let the creative juices flow. :)

[Yojimbo]

I agree with Thorn - it takes guts (no pun intended) to put something out there for everyone to read, and feel so passionate about.
You did a great job of putting the reader in the midst of the action, and had some really good lines. Maybe edit a bit and do some condensing, and it'll be even better.
Great effort!
I also agree with Thorn and DawnGirl and Debbie. It takes a lot of courage to let others see your work, and I think your poem rocks.

Please remember to always take criticism in the spirit is intended, and never let anything says in a critical light make you feel bad.

[Philly_SWAT]

I agree with most of the others. Definately good for an intial effort. I think that the song-like rythmn doesnt lend itself as well to the somber tone of a zombie poem as perhaps I different style would. Definately like it though. Have you written any stories? I would like to read them.

[Billythezombie]

yes yess i do have zombie storyyy im actually in the progress of writing one lol...i do have another one not finished...but i think a guy like u would like it theres alot of man on man action and quite graphic rofl. its a love story...with zombies. lol. but yeah i gotta write another one XD lol.

zombie omg! i actually wrote a zombie story for my english sac lolll. the essay question was about the future and how it hinders rights and stuff...and i fitted zombies in there lol :P