So maybe i'm moving back to Pittsburgh?

[Trancelikestate]

as some of you may know, my fiance still lives in pittsburgh and goes to the art institute. well, so far we have been doing this ok for over a year, and more recently its just getting so hard. i know cap has a long distance relationship too. its real tough. i usually fly here out about every 6 weeks, but she possibly has 8 more months. i just really dont want to go through 8 months without her as much as i dont wanna move all my shit back to PA. but i was thinking if i could find a good enough f/x job, i could come out without my furniture and just get a furnished place here. yes this would mean i'm paying rent in 2 places which would be tough and kinda pointless, but it just cost me 2500 dollars to move all my stuff. what if i didnt bring my stuff and just paid rent in 2 places? then as soon as she graduates we can come here, or stay or whatever we want to do. also a factor in this whole thing is my younger brother who i live with now. he's real nice and all, but has lots of emotional problems and personality disorders. his temper is completly out of control which incidently hurts my feelings. not to mention he has this girl/exgirl that lives with us who is even more unstable than he is. it's not fun to live with and it sorta makes me wanna leave too. i'd need a damn good job to pay for all this crap, so it mostly depends on that. however the reason i'm posting this is because i'd like a few outside opinions just thrown at me good or bad. so let me have it guys.

[Yojimbo]

I have no doubt that it is difficult to be separated from your girl, and that compounded with your brother and his strange girlfriend and the issues that they are coping with makes you want to split all the more.

I had a schizophrenic uncle (who has since passed, may he rest in peace) who was a nice guy overall, but caused the family a lot of pain and stress via his episodes and his refusal to get help. Eventually, after years of sheltering him and cleaning up after him and bailing him out of situations that he got himself into due to his bad judgement, we eventually had to cut him loose to live our lives unburdened of the strife he was bringing us - in addition to letting him live his life the way he wanted to.

Trance, you are a good guy who has always seemed a reasonable dude. At the risk of sounding trite, I am certain that if you follow your heart you will come to the right decision. Whatever decision you come to, I think that you need to think of your own needs and have that guide you rather than familial responsibilities of looking out for you brother. Certainly he is your blood, but inevitably you need to live your own life on your own terms and you have every right to pursue your own path of happiness.

My thought is that if you can find a gig that will support the move that you should put you crap in storage so that you don't have to deal with it and immediately go and be with your girl! Logistics are always going to be an issue to be sure, but a way can always be worked out if you are willing to go for it!

Good luck brother Trance!

[Trancelikestate]

I have no doubt that it is difficult to be separated from your girl, and that compounded with your brother and his strange girlfriend and the issues that they are coping with makes you want to split all the more.

I had a schizophrenic uncle (who has since passed, may he rest in peace) who was a nice guy overall, but caused the family a lot of pain and stress via his episodes and his refusal to get help. Eventually, after years of sheltering him and cleaning up after him and bailing him out of situations that he got himself into due to his bad judgement, we eventually had to cut him loose to live our lives unburdened of the strife he was bringing us - in addition to letting him live his life the way he wanted to.

Trance, you are a good guy who has always seemed a reasonable dude. At the risk of sounding trite, I am certain that if you follow your heart you will come to the right decision. Whatever decision you come to, I think that you need to think of your own needs and have that guide you rather than familial responsibilities of looking out for you brother. Certainly he is your blood, but inevitably you need to live your own life on your own terms and you have every right to pursue your own path of happiness.

My thought is that if you can find a gig that will support the move that you should put you crap in storage so that you don't have to deal with it and immediately go and be with your girl! Logistics are always going to be an issue to be sure, but a way can always be worked out if you are willing to go for it!

Good luck brother Trance!

hey thnx jim. i think that was exactly what i needed to hear. although even if i'm not actually "abandoning" my brother, if something bad did happen i would of course feel guilty. however i've never met someone who hates life so much. it pains me. i try to show him a hot girl, a pretty flower, or a puppy playing, just to symbolize lifes brighter side but he seems like a lost cause. i guess sometimes these ultra large crossroads in life can make people edgy, and i'm def feeling that. i dont know what to do. i have pets to consider as well as my happiness. i'm an avid snowboarder, and without snowboarding, a part of me is missing. eh. things are way too complex. i'm sorry to hear about your uncle though. where should families draw the line? or should they draw the line? how do you help people that dont want help? if i go back to the burgh, will it be the best thing? as you stated i feel like your heart def guides you, but man o man sometimes its hard to just listen to it.

[kortick]

hey Zac
jim gave u good advise.

put ur things in storage and go be with ur girl.

I dunno what u need to do about ur pets cuz u
werent specific on that part, but im sure u can do
something.

As far as ur brother, he is who he is, and until he decides
to change things there is nothing u can do except be dragged
into his depression. I do hope he finds his way back.

And its so true how time is relevant.
Ur in ur 20s. 8 months seems like a real long time.
When u break the 30+ mark and older then
8 months is like the amount of time u spend waiting
for an elevator.

I think a change from living with people who are unhappy
to being with ur girlfriend makes complete sense.

Paying rent on 2 places, 1 u dont live at doesnt.
Start looking for storage and all the other things
u need to make the move.

Ur a good guy Zac. Just do what u feel u need to do.

[Trancelikestate]

I have no doubt that it is difficult to be separated from your girl, and that compounded with your brother and his strange girlfriend and the issues that they are coping with makes you want to split all the more.

I had a schizophrenic uncle (who has since passed, may he rest in peace) who was a nice guy overall, but caused the family a lot of pain and stress via his episodes and his refusal to get help. Eventually, after years of sheltering him and cleaning up after him and bailing him out of situations that he got himself into due to his bad judgement, we eventually had to cut him loose to live our lives unburdened of the strife he was bringing us - in addition to letting him live his life the way he wanted to.

Trance, you are a good guy who has always seemed a reasonable dude. At the risk of sounding trite, I am certain that if you follow your heart you will come to the right decision. Whatever decision you come to, I think that you need to think of your own needs and have that guide you rather than familial responsibilities of looking out for you brother. Certainly he is your blood, but inevitably you need to live your own life on your own terms and you have every right to pursue your own path of happiness.

My thought is that if you can find a gig that will support the move that you should put you crap in storage so that you don't have to deal with it and immediately go and be with your girl! Logistics are always going to be an issue to be sure, but a way can always be worked out if you are willing to go for it!

Good luck brother Trance!

well the pet part i mostly met i have some reptiles that are hard to store, or move. my boa is like 8 feet long and like 20 pounds. not hard to move cuz thier heavy but they need heat and blah blah. i think its all gonna come down to the job thing. if i can get a good enough job.

another unconsidered factor is i love my fiance, a lot, but part of me sorta wonders if i wanna get married at all. i think its natural, and i dont think it has anything to do with her cuz i honestly found the nicest most awesome considerate girl ever but i have that going on too. eh. life sux sometimes.

[MikePizzoff]

Move back, dude. As time goes on, it'll suck more and more without your fiance. Plus, why stay with your brother if he's nothing but a pain in your ass and causing you emotional distress?

[slickwilly13]

Move back, dude. As time goes on, it'll suck more and more without your fiance. Plus, why stay with your brother if he's nothing but a pain in your ass and causing you emotional distress?

Agreed. You cannot let people drag you down. Even family.

[Yojimbo]

i'm sorry to hear about your uncle though. where should families draw the line? or should they draw the line? how do you help people that dont want help? if i go back to the burgh, will it be the best thing? as you stated i feel like your heart def guides you, but man o man sometimes its hard to just listen to it.


Thanks, brother trance, for your kind words about my uncle. As to where families should draw the line, I think this is hard to say, but again at the risk of sounding trite it is kind of like finding out that you have fallen in love - the time will come when you know without a doubt where you stand. Only you can decide whether or not your move back to the pitt is the best thing.

In my world, the best thing is the thing that makes you happy. Life it way too fucking short not to be happy, so when you figure out what is going to light you up, I say that you shoud choose that thing.

Certainly, I know that on some level I am being simplistic. But just remember that you have your own life that is separate from that of your brother's. Inevitably, you need to do those things that you need to do, and if this means leaving your brother that so shall it have to be.

Understand that I am not saying that you should abandon your family just to fufill your own needs, but what I am saying is that you should not abandon your own path in life simply for your family.

Trance, whatever decision you come to, let it be your own, and whatever path you follow, let it be the one that you choose and not one that is chosen for you.

BTW: There is no need to hurry into marriage. Just be happy with your woman for the time being, and let things unfold on their own timeline.

Good luck brother.

[Eyebiter]

Your number one priority at this point should be to find a steady job.

The United States is in a recession. And if you think it's bad now, well it's going to be worse into 2010.

Pittsburgh currently has a 7.6% unemployment rate. No way I'd consider moving there. Not unless a good job (salary, 40 hours a week, benefits) was waiting for me.



Aren't most of the F/X places in Southern California? Wouldn't that be a better place to relocate to than the North East US for the F/X industry?


Anyway if the time apart is difficult get a webcam and Skype.

You need to find a good job NOW because if she graduates with an art degree it might be a LONG TIME before she finds a decent job in her field.