The Monty Python Thread...... It's

[Cykotic]

Are there any fellow Monty Python fans here? If so, make your presence know with a quote from this rather very good show...

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet"

[Adrenochrome]

Are there any fellow Monty Python fans here? If so, make your presence know with a quote from this rather very good show...

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet"
Observe for example that ewe in that oak tree. She is clearly trying to teach her lamb to fly. (baaaaaa...thump) Talk about the blind leading the blind.

City Gent - But why do they think they're birds?
Rustic -Another fair question. One thing is for sure; a sheep is not a creature of the air. They have enormous difficulty in the comparatively simple act of perchin'. (crash) As you see. As for flight, its body is totally unadapted to the problems of aviation. Trouble is, sheep are very dim. Once they get an idea in their heads, there's no shifting it.

[Cykotic]

What exactly are the commercial possibilities for flying sheep?

[Adrenochrome]

What exactly are the commercial possibilities for flying sheep?
Bonsoir - ici nous avons les diagrammes modernes d'un mouton anglo-français ... maintenant ... baa-aa, baa-aa... nous avons, dans la tête, le cabinc.

[Cykotic]

Well, I follow the moth in the helicopter to lure it away from the flares, and then Roy comes along in the Lockheed Starfighter and attacks it with air-to-air missiles

[Adrenochrome]

Bonsoir - ici nous avons les diagrammes modernes d'un mouton anglo-français ... maintenant ... baa-aa, baa-aa... nous avons, dans la tête, le cabinc.
how 'bout this one?

Voice Over: The Adventures of Biggles. Part one - Biggles dictates a letter.

(Mix through to Biggles and secretary in an officce.)

Biggles: Miss Bladder, take a letter.

Secretary: Yes, Senor Biggles. Biggles Don't call me senor! I'm not a Spanish person. You must call me Mr Biggles, or Group Captain Biggles: or Mary Biggles if I'm dressed as my wife, but never senor.

Secretary: Sorry.

Biggles: I've never even been to Spain.

Secretary: You went to Ibiza last year.

Biggles: That's still not grounds for calling me senor, or Don Beeg-les for that matter. Right, Dear King Haakon...

Secretary: Of Norway, is that?

Biggles: Just put down what I say.

Secretary: Do I put that down?

Biggles: Of course you don't put that down.

Secretary: Well what about that?

Biggles: Look. (she types) Don't put that down. Just put down - wait a mo - wait a too. (puts on antlers) Now, when I've got these antlers on - when I've got these antlers on I am dictating and when I take them off (takes them off) I am not dictating.

Secretary: (types) I am not dictating.

Biggles: What? (she types; puts the antlers on) Read that back.

Secretary: Dear King Haakon, I am not dictating what?

Biggles: No, no, no, you loopy brothel inmate.

Secretary: I've had enough of this. I am not a courtesan. (moves round to front of the desk, sits on it and crosses her legs provocatively)

Biggles: Oh, oh, 'courtesan', oh aren't we grand. Harlot's not good enough for us eh? Paramour, concubine, fille de joie. That's what we are not. Well listen to me my fine fellow, you are a bit of tail, that's what you are.

Secretary: I am not, you demented fictional character.

Biggles: Algy says you are. He says you're no better than you should be.

Secretary: And how would he know?

Biggles: And just what do you mean by that? Are you calling my old fictional comrade-in-arms a fairy?

Secretary: Fairy! Poof's not good enough for Algy, is it. He's got to be a bleedin' fairy. Mincing old RAF queen. (sits at the desk)

Biggles: (into the intercom) Algy, I have to see you.

Algy: Right ho. (he enters) What ho everyone.

Biggles: Are you gay?

Algy: I should bally well say so, old fruit.

Biggles: Ugh! (he shoots him) Dear King Haakon ... oh ... (takes the antlers off) Dear King Haakon. (the secretary types) Just a line to thank you for the eels. Mary thought they were really scrummy, comma, so did I full stop. I've just heard that Algy was a poof, exclamation mark. What would Captain W. E. Johns have said, question mark. Sorry to mench, but if you've finished with the lawn-edger could you pop it in the post. Love Biggles, Algy deceased and Ginger. Ginger! (puts the antlers on)

Secretary: What?

Biggles: Rhyming slang - ginger beer.

Secretary: Oh.

Biggles: (into the intercom) Ginger.

Ginger: Hello, sweetie.

Biggles: I have to see you.

(The door opens, Ginger enters as a terrible poof in camp flying gear, sequins, eye make-up, silver stars on his cheeks.)

Ginger: Yes, Biggles?

Biggles: Are you a poof

Ginger: (camp outrage) I should say not.

Biggles: Thank God for that. Good lad. (Ginger exits) Stout fellow, salt of the earth, backbone of England. Funny, he looks like a poof. (takes off the antlers) Dear Princess Margaret.

(Pantomime Princess Margaret enters from cupboard.)

Margaret: Hello.

Biggles: Get back in the cupboard you pantomimetic royal person. (she goes)

(Quick cut to a loony.)

Loony: Lemon curry?

(Cut back to Biggles.)

Biggles: Dear real Princess Margaret, thank you for the eels, full stop. They were absolutely delicious and unmistakably regal, full stop. Sorry to mench but if you've finished with the hairdryer could you pop it in the post. Yours fictionally Biggles, Oh, PS see you at the Saxe-Coburgs' canasta evening. (puts the antlers on) That should puzzle her.

Secretary: (sexily) Si Sefior Biggles.

Biggles: Silence, naughty lady of the night!

(Bring up heroic music and mix through to stock film of fighter planes in dog-fight.)

Voice Over: Next week pan two - 'Biggles Flies Undone'.

(Then a very noisy and violent animation sketch.)

[Cykotic]

Ahh yes... I know that one!

Surely there cannot be only two fans of this show???

[Adrenochrome]

Ahh yes... I know that one!

Surely there cannot be only two fans of this show???
No, there are plenty here, they just haven't posted yet.

oooo what was the one where Chapman was sitting in a wheelchair rubbing a dead rabbit and saying, "Poor Flopsy, now he's dead and he never called me Mother"? That line literally made me pee my pants.
was that the Spanish Inquisition?

[Cykotic]

Man: I'd like to have an argument, please.
Secretary: Certainly, sir, have you been here before?
Man: No. This will be my first time.
Secretary: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument or were you thinking of taking a course?
Man: Well, what is the cost?
Secretary: Well, it's £1 for a five minute argument, but only £8 for a course of ten.
Man: Well, I think it would be best if I started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
Secretary: Fine. I'll see who's free at the moment. Mr. Bakley's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Ah yes, try Mr. Barnard, room 12.

[Adrenochrome]

Man: I'd like to have an argument, please.
Secretary: Certainly, sir, have you been here before?
Man: No. This will be my first time.
Secretary: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument or were you thinking of taking a course?
Man: Well, what is the cost?
Secretary: Well, it's £1 for a five minute argument, but only £8 for a course of ten.
Man: Well, I think it would be best if I started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
Secretary: Fine. I'll see who's free at the moment. Mr. Bakley's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Ah yes, try Mr. Barnard, room 12.
Man: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Mr Barnard: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Man: Well, I was told outside that...

Mr Barnard: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

Man: What?

Mr Barnard: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

Man: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!

Mr Barnard: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.

Man: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.

Mr Barnard: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.

Man: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.

Mr Barnard: Not at all.

Man: Thank You. (Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)

Man: (Knock)

Mr Vibrating: Come in.

Man: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?

Mr Vibrating: I told you once.

Man: No you haven't.

Mr Vibrating: Yes I have.

Man: When?

Mr Vibrating: Just now.

Man: No you didn't.

Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.

Man: You didn't

Mr Vibrating: I did!

Man: You didn't!

Mr Vibrating: I'm telling you I did!

Man: You did not!!

Mr Vibrating: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?

Man: Oh, just the five minutes.

Mr Vibrating: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.

Man: You most certainly did not.

Mr Vibrating: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.

Man: No you did not.

Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.

Man: No you didn't.

Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.

Man: No you didn't.

Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.

Man: No you didn't.

Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.

Man: You didn't.

Mr Vibrating: Did.

Man: Oh look, this isn't an argument.

Mr Vibrating: Yes it is.

Man: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.

Mr Vibrating: No it isn't.

Man: It is!

Mr Vibrating: It is not.

Man: Look, you just contradicted me.

Mr Vibrating: I did not.

Man: Oh you did!!

Mr Vibrating: No, no, no.

Man: You did just then.

Mr Vibrating: Nonsense!

Man: Oh, this is futile!

Mr Vibrating: No it isn't.

Man: I came here for a good argument.

Mr Vibrating: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.

Man: An argument isn't just contradiction.

Mr Vibrating: It can be.

Man: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

Mr Vibrating: No it isn't.

Man: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.

Mr Vibrating: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.

Man: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'

Mr Vibrating: Yes it is!

Man: No it isn't!

Man: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.

(short pause)

Mr Vibrating: No it isn't.

Man: It is.

Mr Vibrating: Not at all.

Man: Now look.

Mr Vibrating: (Rings bell) Good Morning.

Man: What?

Mr Vibrating: That's it. Good morning.

Man: I was just getting interested.

Mr Vibrating: Sorry, the five minutes is up.

Man: That was never five minutes!

Mr Vibrating: I'm afraid it was.

Man: It wasn't.

(Pause)

Mr Vibrating: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.

Man: What?!

Mr Vibrating: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

Man: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!

Mr Vibrating: (Hums)

Man: Look, this is ridiculous.

Mr Vibrating: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!

Man: Oh, all right.

(pays money)

Mr Vibrating: Thank you. (short pause)

Man: Well?

Mr Vibrating: Well what?

Man: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.

Mr Vibrating: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.

Man: I just paid!

Mr Vibrating: No you didn't.

Man: I DID!

Mr Vibrating: No you didn't.

Man: Look, I don't want to argue about that.

Mr Vibrating: Well, you didn't pay.

Man: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!

Mr Vibrating: No you haven't.

Man: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.

Mr Vibrating: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.

Man: Oh I've had enough of this.

Mr Vibrating: No you haven't.

Man: Oh Shut up.

(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)

Man: I want to complain.

Complainer: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.

Man: No, I want to complain about...

Complainer: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.

Man: Oh!

Complainer: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.

(Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)

Man: Hello, I want to... Ooooh!

Spreaders: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.

Man: uuuwwhh!!

Spreaders: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.

Man: No.

Spreaders: Now..

Man: Waaaaah!!!

Spreaders: Good, Good! That's it.

Man: Stop hitting me!!

Spreaders: What?

Man: Stop hitting me!!

Spreaders: Stop hitting you?

Man: Yes!

Spreaders: Why did you come in here then?

Man: I wanted to complain.

Spreaders: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.

Man: What a stupid concept.

(Detective Inspector Fox enters.)

I use the line "Shut your festering gob, you tit!" on occasion when someone isn't going my way.

[HLS]

This is my favorite show ever. I love the episode of the Spanish Inquisition and the episode of the silly walks. And we can not forget the movies!! The life of Brian. The best scene is the centurion and his friend Biggus Dickus!

[Adrenochrome]

This is my favorite show ever. I love the episode of the Spanish Inquisition and the episode of the silly walks. And we can not forget the movies!! The life of Brian. The best scene is the centurion and his friend Biggus Dickus!
yes, yes,....we get it....there are movies.
Bigus Dickus is funny? yes, it's a giggle..... BUT......the best line from Life of Brian is "Centurian, why do they titter so?" That line should make the Pope pee his robe!

[Tricky]

Surely the ministry of silly walks is the most legendary sketch ever! :lol:

And in case you missed my other post on this http://www.iguk.co.uk/products/monty-python-knight-of-ni-hat-3874.aspx

[bassman]

"Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father;
hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy,
flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie."

"I'm afraid I don't understand that banter at all..."

I love Monty Python. Greatest comedy troupe of all time. I own ALL MP on dvd....

You guys should invest in the "16 Ton Megaset" of "Flying Circus". It's well worth the 100 bucks(although I didn't pay for mine....the ex did. Stupid bitch:mad: )

[zombie04]

Are there any fellow Monty Python fans here? If so, make your presence know with a quote from this rather very good show...



I may not be able to give you a quote, but I do know an interesting song about lumberjacks.

[bassman]

I may not be able to give you a quote, but I do know an interesting song about lumberjacks.

Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.

CHORUS

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars???????

CHORUS

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
Suspenders and a .... a Bra????
(mounties break off song, and begin insulting lumberjack)


They could write some funny songs. With the help of George Harrison, of course.:cool:

I would like to see "Spamalot" but it's too far to go at the moment:dead:

[MaximusIncredulous]

"Ohh, you're no fun anymore."

MP is/was the best skit-com around. That and SCTV.

[wayzim]

Are there any fellow Monty Python fans here? If so, make your presence know with a quote from this rather very good show...

"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet"

Dindale?

Or

Lemon Curry?

But it's all part of growing up and being British.

or watching too much American Public TV as a kid.

Wayne Z
"Are all your pets called Eric? "

[Wooley]

Behold! The ultimate evil!
What? Behind the rabbit?
No! It is the rabbit!

This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be!

Bring us a shubbery!

We are the knights who say...NI!

F-ck off!
How shall we f-ck off oh lord?

[HLS]

[quote=Tricky]Surely the ministry of silly walks is the most legendary sketch ever! :lol:

And in case you missed my other post on this http://www.iguk.co.uk/products/monty-python-knight-of-ni-hat-3874.aspx[/


Sometimes if i am typsy i will do some of those walks. lmao

[Adrenochrome]

[quote=Tricky]Surely the ministry of silly walks is the most legendary sketch ever! :lol:

And in case you missed my other post on this http://www.iguk.co.uk/products/monty-python-knight-of-ni-hat-3874.aspx[/


Sometimes if i am typsy i will do some of those walks. lmao
you're weird.

[livingdead7]

BBC Voiceover: And now, a plea for sanity by the Reverend Arthur Belling.
Rev. Arthur Belling: [Cut to studio. A vicar sitting facing camera. He has an axe in his head] You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives. It is up to people like you and me who are out of our tiny little minds to try and help these people overcome their sanity. You can start in small ways with ping-pong ball eyes and a funny voice and then you can paint half of your body red and the other half green and then you can jump up and down in a bowl of treacle going 'squawk, squawk, squawk...' And then you can go 'Neurhhh! Neurhh!' and then you can roll around on the floor going 'pting pting pting'...
[he rolls around on the floor]

[Guru ofthe Dead]

"Number one the Larch" Or even "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!":cool:

[kortick]

the one where the guys mother dies
and they cant decide whether to bury her (the worms)
or cremate her (crackle crackle)

so they decide to cook her and have him eat her
and if he changes his mind
he can dig a hole and throw up into it...