Predators and Editors Readers Poll (Poet Category)

[Desertwomble]

Desertwomble, aka Paul A. Freeman, has his epic narrative horror poem, 'Robin Hood and Friar Tuck: Zombie Killers - a Canterbury Tale', in the running in the Preditors & Editors Readers' Poll (Poet Category).

If you think an 80-page zombie narrative poem is worthy of your consideration, feel free to consider casting your vote in Paul A. Freeman's direction. See below:

http://www.critters.org/predpoll/poet.shtml

DW:)

[Mike70]

If you think an 80-page zombie narrative poem is worthy of your consideration, feel free to consider casting your vote in Paul A. Freeman's direction. See below:


if the rest of it is anything like this laugh inducing excerpt, then the answer is a massive HELL NO.


When lion-hearted Richard ruled the roost
Of England, he decided that to boost
His regal reputation he should mount
A war to wrest from Turkish men the fount
Of Christendom; yet in that desert land
A zombie plague emerged from ’midst the sand.
A necromancer’s alchemistic spell
Reanimated corpses bound for Hell
(And even bound for Heaven’s pearly gate).

Soon after ’twas apparent that the fate
Of all on Earth--the evil and the good--
Was in the hands of Robin of the Hood
Whose outlaw men, along with Friar Tuck,
Against rampaging hordes of zombies struck.

and this goes on for 80 fraking pages and you expect people to pay for this??


i am in favor of making the next fool who tries to introduce zombies into a pre-existing literary tradition run the gauntlet between these guys:
http://lh6.ggpht.com/_1v_1_hhWp84/SntXKtvQjtI/AAAAAAAABn8/VDNZz7uXjyk/s640/pain_sticks.jpg

[mista_mo]

I love it when people post here to show off their story, but make no attempt to integrate with the community beforehand.

[Desertwomble]

I love it when people post here to show off their story, but make no attempt to integrate with the community beforehand.

Actually, although I joined this forum yesterday, the Readers' poll for P&E was only announced today.

Pity we've started off on the wrong foot, but never mind, it's only cyberspace.

DW:)

[Mike70]

I love it when people post here to show off their story

or beg people to vote for them or try to get people to buy their crap. folks who pull that aren't much better than spambots. come to think of it, they are probably worse than spam bots. at least most bots are pushing something interesting.

[losherman]

...........poetry.........epic 80 page narrative.........Soon after ’twas apparent that the fate
Of all on Earth--the evil and the good--
Was in the hands of Robin of the Hood
Whose outlaw men, along with Friar Tuck,
Against rampaging hordes of zombies struck.......holy crap!

[Arcades057]

Ahem...

So zombies harr'sd our hero Robin Hood
who carried a yew bow made of wood
his arm was strong, the range was long
his hunt for vengeance, a hero wrong'd

And happen'd upon a vile mess, our hero
Maid Marianne gone, population zero
well, count the living dead, combine arrow with head
but Robin cried "lord, not that word, call them Zed!"

His search did lead to woods near'y to find a Friar
Tuck was his name, religion his game, and you know I ain't no liar :p
Robin said, "yo Friar Tuck, man, what the fuck?"
and Friar said back, "God says we're shit outta luck!"

"He sended them Zeds you see out there
"to steal away your maiden fair
"they've gone to Rome, to castles roam,
"upon the Palatine they make their home."

Pond'r the Friar's words did Robin, a tear was shed
"They can be stopped, aye with arrow in head,"
So Robin whistled for a cab and when it came near
he saw the license said FRESH and it had dice in the mirror!
If anything he could say this cab was rare
But he thought, "naw forget it, yo homes to Bel Air!"

He pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And he yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
He looked at his kingdom
He was finally there
To sit on his throne as the Prince of Bel Air

[krakenslayer]

Ahem...


LOL! :lol::lol:

The poem is actually very amusing. Great sutff! I'm assuming this was done with tongue in cheek, if so well done. It reminds me of William McGonagall, the so called "worst poet in the world" (actually incredibly entertaining). Here's a wee McGonagall excerpt for comparison:



The Tay Bridge Disaster

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers' hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

[Arcades057]

Definitely tongue in cheek. I'm not a poet and actually despise the art of poetry. Personal opinion and all. I get flashbacks of high school every time I read a verse.

[Mike70]

His search did lead to woods near'y to find a Friar
Tuck was his name, religion his game, and you know I ain't no liar :p
Robin said, "yo Friar Tuck, man, what the fuck?"
and Friar said back, "God says we're shit outta luck!"



:lol::lol::lol:

this verse is golden. cracked me right the fuck up.

bravo.

[krakenslayer]

Definitely tongue in cheek. I'm not a poet and actually despise the art of poetry. Personal opinion and all. I get flashbacks of high school every time I read a verse.

In that part of my post I wasn't referring to your verses (although they were a hilarious imitation ;)) but to the original poster's poem.