ZomBub
24-May-2010, 03:56 PM
So I figured, 'What better crowd to flesh out this incomplete list than the patrons at the Homepage of the Dead forums?' Have at it, fellas...
The Rules
Rule #1: Cardio. "When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties."
Rule #2: Double Tap. "In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really dead dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean one more clean shot to the head."
Rule #3: Beware of Bathrooms. "It wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever; when you're at your most vulnerable, somehow they could just smell it. Don't let them catch you with your pants down."
Rule #4: Seatbelts. "Pretty basic."
Rule #5:
Rule #6: Cast Iron Skillet. "A zombie takes one of these to the head, he isn't getting up. . . . When you're done, you can make a Denver omelet."*
Rule #7: Travel Light. "And I don't mean just luggage."
Rule #8:
Rule #9:
Rule #10:
Rule #11:
Rule #12: Bounty. "It is thick. It is quilted. It's absorbent. . . . There are all sorts of unwanted fluids everywhere."*
Rule #13:
Rule #14:
Rule #15: Bowling Ball. "Nothing says massive head trauma like a bowling ball. (Preferably sixteen pounds.) . . . This you can drop from above, or else you can swing it in a see-saw."*
Rule #16:
Rule #17: Don't be a Hero. "Maybe the most important rule of all."
Rule #18: Limber Up.
Rule #19:
Rule #20: Ziplock Bags. "You've got enough problems; moisture shouldn't be one of them." **
Rule #21:
Rule #22: When in Doubt, Know Your Way Out.
Rule #23:
Rule #24:
Rule #25:
Rule #26:
Rule #27:
Rule #28:
Rule #29: The Buddy System. "Take a queue from our zombie neighbors and have each other's backs."
Rule #30:
Rule #31: Check the Back Seat.
Rule #32: Enjoy the Little Things.
Rule #33: Swiss Army Knife. "It has a magnifying glass, a ball-point pen, a little thermometer (it's celsius), a fish scaler, it has a pruning blade, a miniature reamer . . . . gets out the piece of orange that I have stuck in my tooth."
* Zombieland theatrical promo trailers.
** Ziplock Bags is from the Zombieland deleted scenes, but was originally rule number two, and has therefore been relegated to rule number twenty here.
Get brief on what's tasty, what's cheesy, and what's plain old rancid, at Bub's Zombie Movie Reviews (http://zombiecinema.webs.com).
The Rules
Rule #1: Cardio. "When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties."
Rule #2: Double Tap. "In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really dead dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean one more clean shot to the head."
Rule #3: Beware of Bathrooms. "It wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever; when you're at your most vulnerable, somehow they could just smell it. Don't let them catch you with your pants down."
Rule #4: Seatbelts. "Pretty basic."
Rule #5:
Rule #6: Cast Iron Skillet. "A zombie takes one of these to the head, he isn't getting up. . . . When you're done, you can make a Denver omelet."*
Rule #7: Travel Light. "And I don't mean just luggage."
Rule #8:
Rule #9:
Rule #10:
Rule #11:
Rule #12: Bounty. "It is thick. It is quilted. It's absorbent. . . . There are all sorts of unwanted fluids everywhere."*
Rule #13:
Rule #14:
Rule #15: Bowling Ball. "Nothing says massive head trauma like a bowling ball. (Preferably sixteen pounds.) . . . This you can drop from above, or else you can swing it in a see-saw."*
Rule #16:
Rule #17: Don't be a Hero. "Maybe the most important rule of all."
Rule #18: Limber Up.
Rule #19:
Rule #20: Ziplock Bags. "You've got enough problems; moisture shouldn't be one of them." **
Rule #21:
Rule #22: When in Doubt, Know Your Way Out.
Rule #23:
Rule #24:
Rule #25:
Rule #26:
Rule #27:
Rule #28:
Rule #29: The Buddy System. "Take a queue from our zombie neighbors and have each other's backs."
Rule #30:
Rule #31: Check the Back Seat.
Rule #32: Enjoy the Little Things.
Rule #33: Swiss Army Knife. "It has a magnifying glass, a ball-point pen, a little thermometer (it's celsius), a fish scaler, it has a pruning blade, a miniature reamer . . . . gets out the piece of orange that I have stuck in my tooth."
* Zombieland theatrical promo trailers.
** Ziplock Bags is from the Zombieland deleted scenes, but was originally rule number two, and has therefore been relegated to rule number twenty here.
Get brief on what's tasty, what's cheesy, and what's plain old rancid, at Bub's Zombie Movie Reviews (http://zombiecinema.webs.com).