I have shamed myself... (again) - I watched.. Piranha 3D

[LouCipherr]

Oh dear lord, what I thought was going to be a throw-back to campy, nutty late-70's/early 80's horror films turned out to be one of the biggest piles of dog shit I've ever stepped in. What were the people who made this movie thinking?!

I thought Sharktopus was the bottom rung of the ladder, but this movie took that spot without any compeition.

First off, a massive colony of Pirhana (ancient pirhana at that - ones that were supposed to be 'extinct') end up surviving in an underground cave - somehow survive for millions of years, only to escape present day due to a seismic shift of the earth's crust under a particular lake? Really? Weak premise to begin with, me thinks. How the hell did those bastards stay alive so long in there? What, so they're actually ancient cannibalistic Pirhana in 3D? :duh:

Oh, that's right, I need to "suspend belief" right? Ok, fine.

Second, I can't believe Richard Dreyfuss - of all people - actually made a cameo in this.. WHY, Dick, WHY?! :lol: The CGI duing his scene is shockingly bad. I mean, really bad.

Third, speaking of which - the CG in this flick looked absolutely terrible, especially during the "attacks" - I mean, eye-rolling-ly bad.

Fourth, after Jerry O'Connell's character almost gets wasted - then he has the balls to ask "did they get my penis?" WTF?! and the scene with the pirhana after that sequence was not only uncalled for, but completely fucking stupid. Period. It wasn't funny, it wasn't "cute" it wasn't "shocking" it was FUCKING RETARDED!

I have no idea why I wasted my time on this. I thought it might end up being some good, campy fun, but ended up being pretty bad. No, wait, what am I saying?! It sucked harder than a crack-addled porn starlet down to her last dime and one last movie in her career coming up. :lol: :D

Lou's advice: Don't waste your time. Watch Sharktopus instead.


[Lou's "I have shamed myself...." series is brought to you by the letters "C", "U", "N" and "T" and the number 6]

[Mitchified]

Best of all, Pirhana 3D 2 is in the works.

[LouCipherr]

Best of all, Pirhana 3D 2 is in the works.

http://500motivators.com/plog-content/thumbs/motivate/me/large/128-double-facepalm-when-the-fail-is-so-strong-one-facepalm-is-not-enough.jpg

[JDFP]

Eh, I thought it was funny as hell, but not funny in a haha sort of way -- more like a funny in a Lindsay Lohan sort of way.

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:bD7IK1ItdH-DRM:http://anythinghollywood.com/wp-content/2010/01/FP_4307444_PIS_Lohan_Sisters_EXCL_010410.jpg&t=1

It's just so disturbing and insanely stupid but at the same time you can't help but stare in disbelief and laugh at it. The film was purely for showing A LOT of scantily clad girls and A LOT of bad CGI blood and guts -- and it was a massive success in those regards. I thought it was fun for what it was. I'll definitely check out the sequel in hopes it brings more of the same.

Say what you want about it, but anyone who went to see any of the asinine "Jackass" films don't have a leg to stand on in dissing it.

j.p.

[LouCipherr]

Say what you want about it, but anyone who went to see any of the asinine "Jackass" films don't have a leg to stand on in dissing it.

Well, I can assure you of one thing - I've never seen the show nor the movie, and I never will. That shit is the bottom of the barrel as far as I'm concerned, and should be lower on the list than Pirhana..

If you ever see me do a "I have shamed myself...." post and it's about one of the Jackass films, you have my permission to give me two, not one, to the head with a large caliber rifle at close range.


I don't know JP, I just didn't "get" this flick. I understand what it was "trying" to do, but for me, it failed miserably in every way. :(

[AcesandEights]

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:bD7IK1ItdH-DRM:http://anythinghollywood.com/wp-content/2010/01/FP_4307444_PIS_Lohan_Sisters_EXCL_010410.jpg&t=1

Not to feed into the anger implicit in this thread, but am I the only one getting a Mason Verger vibe off this picture or a Fire Marshall Bill feel, maybe???

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZNsnyCjdKOM/SiFclZS4BeI/AAAAAAAAAnc/hG3jZOSWa4A/s400/bscap0009.jpg

http://gremlinbaby.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fire-marshall-bill.jpg?w=296&h=296

[Purge]

Saw it in theaters. I want that hour-and-a-half or so of my life back.

[rongravy]

Saw it in theaters. I want that hour-and-a-half or so of my life back.

Wasn't that bad. I saw it in 3D high as a kite. Yeah, it was retarded, but I don't think the FX were bad. I think pretty much everybody went in there knowing it wasn't going to be Sling Blade Underwater...
Packed theater, rowdy bunch? It was a big crowd movie, just having fun and being 'tarded. I'd never rent it on dvd, but it was fun for a one time viewing...

[LouCipherr]

Saw it in theaters. I want that hour-and-a-half or so of my life back.

That's how I felt.


Wasn't that bad. I saw it in 3D high as a kite. Yeah, it was retarded, but I don't think the FX were bad. I think pretty much everybody went in there knowing it wasn't going to be Sling Blade Underwater...
Packed theater, rowdy bunch? It was a big crowd movie, just having fun and being 'tarded. I'd never rent it on dvd, but it was fun for a one time viewing...

Perhaps that was my problem - I wasn't stoned enough. :lol:

That scene in the beginning w/Richard Dreyfuss - you don't think the "whirlpool" looked completely fake? I mean, I realize they probably didn't have a massive budget for this movie, but I think they could've done a much better job than they did. Same with the "attack" sequences where all you saw was an underwater shot and swarms of the pirhana flying around. It just looked... I dunno, cartoonish?

I guess I should've expected less heading into this movie. :lol:

[MoonSylver]

Perhaps that was my problem - I wasn't stoned enough. :lol:

Isn't it always? :lol:

[LouCipherr]

Isn't it always? :lol:

Shhhhh! Moon, you're giving away my recipie for sanity! Stop that! :lol:

[MoonSylver]

Shhhhh! Moon, you're giving away my recipie for sanity! Stop that! :lol:

You've tried rolling up bacon & smoking it, haven't you? :rockbrow: :lol:

[AcesandEights]

You've tried rolling up bacon & smoking it, haven't you? :rockbrow: :lol:

I think most of us would be surprised if that wasn't the case :lol:

[LouCipherr]

You've tried rolling up bacon & smoking it, haven't you? :rockbrow: :lol:

I would like to plead the fifth on this one.... :shifty:

[MoonSylver]

I would like the plead the fifth on this one.... :shifty:

I would like to drink the fifth on this one...:shifty:

http://www.jayski.com/jack/decanter16.jpg

[LouCipherr]

I would like to drink the fifth on this one...:shifty:

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e104/LouCipherr/Useless%20Shit%202/dancingracoon.gif

:D

[slickwilly13]

That is the problem. You were not fucked up enough. I was able to enjoy the movie, because I knew what to expect. Plus, I had a craving for carnage, gore, and female nudity. It satisfied all.

[AcesandEights]

I had a craving for carnage, gore, and female nudity.

http://www.eteinc.com/template6/images/qa_clipboard_guy_30.gif

Check.

Check

Aaaaand check!


It satisfied all.

[LouCipherr]

That is the problem. You were not fucked up enough. I was able to enjoy the movie, because I knew what to expect. Plus, I had a craving for carnage, gore, and female nudity. It satisfied all.

See, I was fucked up, but not that fucked up, so in addition to carnage, gore and female nudity, I wanted a decent story, decent acting, and good SFX.

I guess 3 out of 6 isn't that bad. :lol:

[bassman]

I wanted a decent story, decent acting....


Out of THIS movie? Did you not see the trailers?!?

[LouCipherr]

Out of THIS movie? Did you not see the trailers?!?

I did, but apparently I was too stoned at the time. :lol: :lol: :D

[AcesandEights]

Out of THIS movie? Did you not see the trailers?!?

Lou's been GAR conditioned.


"But what are the Piranha's an analogy for?!"

[LouCipherr]

If I had been GAR conditioned, wouldn't I know the answer to that question? :D :lol: :p

Actually, I know - the pirhana (how the fuck DO you spell that?) are an analogy for... a bad movie? :lol:



Hey, I'm a glutton for punishment.. if it's not Sharktopus, it's Pirhana. What can I say? I'm a masochist. :elol:

"Coming up next on Lou C's "I have shamed myself..." - Death of a Ghost Hunter"

(yes, i did watch that, and yes, it's yet more shame to pile up on my already monmental pile of shame :lol:)

[AcesandEights]

the pirhana (how the fuck DO you spell that?)
http://images.hollywood.com/site/snooty_usher.jpg
With spellchecker, sir. With spellchecker.

[LouCipherr]

With spellchecker, sir. With spellchecker.

"The Chin" for THE WIN! :lol:

[MoonSylver]

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e104/LouCipherr/Useless%20Shit%202/dancingracoon.gif

:D

:lol:

http://www.bronxbanterblog.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/rodney-dangerfield.jpg

"Boy I tell ya, it's rough out there! Rough!"

[wayzim]

Saw it in theaters. I want that hour-and-a-half or so of my life back.

Honestly, it couldn't have been worse than the bond film 'View To A Kill. ' with that oddly uninspiring Special Effect, Tanya Roberts. It was so bad that when Ms. Roberts is trapped in an elevator shaft, screaming for 007 to save her, the entire audience yells as one 'Let Her Die! '

On the other hand, as a veteran matinee fan in my youth, I guess I'm just used to seeing some real stinkers on the big screen. You spoiled kids with your MTV (Not 1985 MTV ) and CGI ...

And stay off my lawn!

Wayne Z

[Mike70]

you have all inspired this gourmand of the ridiculous to check this film out.

if i can sit through a movie about one of little red riding hood's descendants hunting werewolves, i can probably make it through this.

[Neil]

Watch Sharktopus instead.

Never thought I'd see those words!! OMG!

[rongravy]

It wasn't that bad. And the GAR references are getting old. We get that some don't like his newer shit. WTF are some people doing here if they hate it so much. I got the same at the Adam ant forum. Get over it, he's making movies and you're not...

[LouCipherr]

you have all inspired this gourmand of the ridiculous to check this film out.

if i can sit through a movie about one of little red riding hood's descendants hunting werewolves, i can probably make it through this.

*hands Mike a bucket* Here, you'll need this to vomit in while watching. :lol:


Never thought I'd see those words!! OMG!

I never thought I'd type those words!!! :stunned:

[DjfunkmasterG]

Out of THIS movie? Did you not see the trailers?!?

I don't think he did Bassman. I watched the Trailers and I knew the minute I would watch this I would have to set my expectations gutter low.


"The Chin" for THE WIN! :lol:

The CHIN always wins.

[LouCipherr]

I don't think he did Bassman. I watched the Trailers and I knew the minute I would watch this I would have to set my expectations gutter low.

Yeah, I watched the trailer and thought "wow, this will be another Legends of the Fall or Rob Roy"

:rolleyes:

I knew what to expect - I just didn't expect it to be executed so POORLY.

How anyone, no matter how 'campy' it was supposed to be or expected to be, could consider this movie "great" is completely beyond me.

[DjfunkmasterG]

Yeah, I watched the trailer and thought "wow, this will be another Legends of the Fall or Rob Roy"

:rolleyes:

I knew what to expect - I just didn't expect it to be executed so POORLY.

How anyone, no matter how 'campy' it was supposed to be or expected to be, could consider this movie "great" is completely beyond me.

Then I guess it is beyond you... I thought it was great. Even Spielberg loved it. :lol:

[LouCipherr]

Then I guess it is beyond you... I thought it was great. Even Spielberg loved it. :lol:

Oh, yeah, the movie is "beyond" me..

Now that is a fucking laugh... :lol:

[DjfunkmasterG]

Oh, yeah, the movie is "beyond" me..

Now that is a fucking laugh... :lol:

I can't understand how you could not like the tittie buffet, the over the top gore and B movie cheesiness.... You liked Chopping Mall right? You should love this....

[LouCipherr]

I can't understand how you could not like the tittie buffet, the over the top gore and B movie cheesiness.... You liked Chopping Mall right? You should love this....

Tits, I don't mind... it moronic lines like "DID THEY GET MY PENIS?!" that completely destroys any titty goodness. :lol: :p

[DjfunkmasterG]

Tits, I don't mind... it moronic lines like "DID THEY GET MY PENIS?!" that completely destroys any titty goodness. :lol: :p

Actually he said... THEY ATE MY PENIS... THEY ATE MY PENIS... Remember the guy is supposed to be Joe Francis from the Girls GOne Wild vids. The real JF is a douchebag and Jerry O'Connell's character played it to perfection. Self Centered douchery at its finest.

[LouCipherr]

Actually he said... THEY ATE MY PENIS... THEY ATE MY PENIS... Remember the guy is supposed to be Joe Francis from the Girls GOne Wild vids. The real JF is a douchebag and Jerry O'Connell's character played it to perfection. Self Centered douchery at its finest.

I thought he asked when he was first pulled out if they got it, not saying they did get it.

Regardless, it was that kind of killer line of dialogue that really made me think "this movie ROCKS!" :rolleyes:

Ummm, and I know what the reference is to, no need to point it out, Captain Obvious. :lol:

[DjfunkmasterG]

Ummm, and I know what the reference is to, no need to point it out, Captain Obvious. :lol:

Well I had to make sure... since you didn't like the movie you may have missed the more OBVIOUS references. :lol: :elol:

[LouCipherr]

Well I had to make sure... since you didn't like the movie you may have missed the more OBVIOUS references. :lol: :elol:

Just because I didn't like the flick doesn't mean I didn't get all the piss-poor jokes in the movie. :p

[DjfunkmasterG]

Just because I didn't like the flick doesn't mean I didn't get all the piss-poor jokes in the movie. :p

OBVIOUSLY you didn't get the JOKES... yu found them to be piss poor. :p

[LouCipherr]

OBVIOUSLY you didn't get the JOKES... yu found them to be piss poor. :p

Oh, so when I tell you the joke "Why did the rubber fly across the room? Because it got pissed off"

You can't "get" the joke and still think it's piss-poor?

Dj, dude, you said the Chantix wasn't affecting you... :lol:

[DjfunkmasterG]

It's not... Piranha still rocked though. :D

[LouCipherr]

It's not... Piranha still rocked though. :D

It must be with a comment like that. :lol:

[DjfunkmasterG]

It must be with a comment like that. :lol:

Nope, Watched Piranha the day i started Chantix, and it could not have taken over my system that quickly to affect my judgement. So therefore my comment is legit and should be counted as such.

[LouCipherr]

Nope, Watched Piranha the day i started Chantix, and it could not have taken over my system that quickly to affect my judgement. So therefore my comment is legit and should be counted as such.

Oh, really? So when you ingest any drug, it takes days/weeks to take effect? <buzz> wong. Perhaps it takes weeks for you to start noticing a difference, but the minute you put that pill in your mouth and swallow, it affects you wether you realize it or not.

So, it must be the Chantix. What did I tell you about that shit?! :lol: :lol:

At least there's a valid explanation as to why you're so high on this film. :lol: :p

[bassman]

DJ and his Chantix are taking over every thread around this place....

[LouCipherr]

DJ and his Chantix are taking over every thread around this place....

It's almost like bacon, isn't it? :shifty:

:lol:

[MinionZombie]

I'm gonna pick up a copy of this on Blu-Ray soon, so I'll get to see what all the lurid fun is about. :p

Apparently Gianna Michaels is in it - so I'm looking forward to that. ;) What's more, a 2 hour and 9 minute making-of ... I love me a making-of. :D

[DjfunkmasterG]

and I expect an MZ review

[MinionZombie]

and I expect an MZ review

And I'll post it here as-and-when I've gathered my thoughts on it. Suffice to say for the moment though, I really enjoyed it. The anaglyph 3D is rubbish, but I watched it in 2D anyway to enjoy the visuals. ;)

[DjfunkmasterG]

Now to just convince Lou it is a great movie

[bassman]

So MZ enjoyed it, huh? Might have to give this one a puchase if the price is right. Sounds like good, giggling fun.

[MinionZombie]

So MZ enjoyed it, huh? Might have to give this one a puchase if the price is right. Sounds like good, giggling fun.

It's the sort of flick that features a Piranha regurgitating a half-eaten penis into the camera lens ... it's just all about the tits, gore, and fun.

Watched the 2 hour making of last night and they said over and over how they wanted to make a 1980s throwback horror movie where it was just a good bit of fun. Gore wise it's fantastic too, KNB got really creative with it.

---------- Post added at 06:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:05 AM ----------

My thoughts on Piranha:

http://deadshed.blogspot.com/2011/02/quadruple-bill-mini-musings-february.html

Piranha 3D (Blu-Ray):
I wasn't particularly interested in seeing this in the cinema - not least because of the jacked-up price of a 3D cinema ticket - and for the same amount of cash I was able to get the Blu-Ray, which features the movie in 2D as well as both Stereoscopic and Anaglyph 3D. I don't have a 3D telly, but if I knew someone who had one sometime in the future I could watch it over at their place.

As it is though I watched the flick in good old 2D - with a skim-through afterwards in Anaglyph 3D, which, let's be honest, hasn't improved as a technology in the slightest. Even in a darkened room the 3D effect was minimal at best, and just gave me sore eyes with the red/blue glasses. Perhaps the Stereoscopic version works better, but Anaglyph 3D - for sure - is still rubbish. In fact you can practically watch the Anaglyph 3D version without the glasses on as most of the time the layers are so close together there's barely any noticeable difference.

In 2D however it was an enjoyable, 1980s throwback-style romp. It's the sort of flick in which a CGI piranha regurgitates a bitten-off and half-eaten male member into the camera lens ... which pretty much sums up the approach this flick has to the subject matter at hand. It's not meant to be taken seriously by any stretch of the imagination, it's not supposed to be scary either - it's supposed to be lurid, funny, gross-out, and just a bloody good chuckle.

Richard Dreyfuss cameos as "a version of his Matt Hooper character from Jaws" at the very beginning, and indeed Christopher Lloyd resurrects his crowd-pleasing wild scientist schtick as a fish-fascinated pet shop owner. From the outset the flick is drenched in gore, nudity, and silliness - this is a movie custom made for six-pack home viewing with some buddies.

It licks along at a fair old pace too (the deleted scenes clearly being cut to keep the flick under 90 minutes, as they're mostly pretty good scenes in themselves), so it never outstays its welcome, and it all builds towards an end-of-second-act orgy of boobs, blood and gruesome gore at a marina party. It's an audacious, over-the-top, gag-a-second drag race through as many naked bodies and half-devoured limbs, torsos, and faces as possible - in no uncertain terms, KNB FX have royally out-done themselves on this flick. The gore is copious, entertaining, and endlessly creative - so you gore hounds are most definitely catered for here. In fact, it's the ideal teenage movie - chock full of sex, violence, and general daftness - I really enjoyed it as a 20-something, and I would have likewise enjoyed the hell out of it as a teenager.

Apparently a sequel is in the works, and if it's as good as this flick - one of the handful of worthwhile horror remakes out there (including The Hills Have Eyes, also directed by Alexandre Aja) - then I'll be there with bells on.

[DjfunkmasterG]

It's the sort of flick that features a Piranha regurgitating a half-eaten penis into the camera lens ... it's just all about the tits, gore, and fun.

Watched the 2 hour making of last night and they said over and over how they wanted to make a 1980s throwback horror movie where it was just a good bit of fun. Gore wise it's fantastic too, KNB got really creative with it.

---------- Post added at 06:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:05 AM ----------

My thoughts on Piranha:

http://deadshed.blogspot.com/2011/02/quadruple-bill-mini-musings-february.html


Good review there MZ. You pretty much mirrored my thoughts. BTW, the sequel is titled Pirahna 3 DD

[MinionZombie]

3DD eh? lol - noiiice. :D

[bassman]

Finally got around to checking this thing out. My god that was sooooo awful. Just a horrible, horrible mess of a movie....









....and I loved every second of it!:p


Seriously, if you understand what you're sitting down to watch, it's a blast. Total cheese that kept me grinning the entire time. Picking the br up for four bucks at a closing Blockbuster makes it even better. I'm super happy with the purchase and can't wait to check out the special features.

[MinionZombie]

Yeah, it's an enjoyable flick, and I too bought the BR on sale ... although $4 is a decidedly better price than what I got it for - but then, as I've said numerous times, BRs in the UK are piss-take expensive (like, Iron Man 2 still goes for £15, meanwhile you can get the DVD for £3-£5).

The deleted scenes/storyboard sequences are quite good - it's a shame they were cut mostly, but then you can totally understand why - pacing - but on their own, even in storyboard form, they're rather entertaining. Perhaps they could bring some of those pieces into the sequel...

The huge making of is pretty good too - although, I must say, a bit overlong in places ... but it certainly covers all the ground. Perhaps it's best viewed in chunks, rather than the 2+ hours in one sitting...