What would annoy the fanboy brigade most?

[BillTheButcher]

Suppose one were to go out of one's way to write a story which, while remaining a serious story, would have as one of its main objectives to irritate or anger the typical zombie genre fan to the maximum. How would one go about it?

Here are a few possibilities I'm considering:

1. Make it so deliberately over the top, using the cliches of the genre in such an in-your-face manner, that even the most immature gun-worshipping gore-loving brain-dead fanboy would have no alternative but to realise that he is being mocked.

2. Use farce as a tool. Make it as much of a Monty Pythonesque farce as possible. I have already attempted this, but I want to know if there are better approaches.

3. Play it "straight" but force the fanboy to use his imagination. Fanboys hate that.

Any other suggestions would also be welcome.

[JDFP]

My personal favorite idea is to create a zombie story with no zombies in it.

[AcesandEights]

Angsty high school zombies who go on at length about the problems of their unlives. They're hip, they're now and they're annoying as hell.

[bassman]

Angsty high school zombies who go on at length about the problems of their unlives. They're hip, they're now and they're annoying as hell.

That's pretty much what "Ahh Zombies" is, isn't it?

[Rancid Carcass]

Use farce as a tool. Make it as much of a Monty Pythonesque farce as possible.

Hmmm, how about the dead parrot sketch - with zombies?

"This is an ex-human!"

:D

[AcesandEights]

That's pretty much what "Ahh Zombies" is, isn't it?

I don't know, I was too much of annoyed fanboy to watch it :D

[Trin]

Make the zombies say "Braaaainnns" over and over again. All of them... All the time.

Make the survivors ignore obvious safe places for stupid unsafe places. Have them choose stupid weapons amidst better choices. Have them save the stupid girl who goes after the dog. Make them steal money when there is nowhere to spend it. Have an OK-Coral style gunfight at the end where no one can hit each other.... oh, crap... I digressed.

[Andy]

Seeing land...

[rongravy]

You should suck a dick oncam. No, seriously. That'd do it...

[brer]

I have thought about incorporating some over the top characters before in a story. The characters will generally get eaten as they really would not contribute much to the story other than a bit of humor.

I was wanting to use a twelve year old hit man in one story, but I actually would want to see him evolve into a caring, this is relative mind you, person. Another character I have thought about is a survivalist type picking his kid up on a real bad day. He gets makes a showing, shows off how bad ass he is, and then is eaten.

[glazedoverdead]

Suppose you have the zombies detest the taste of human flesh and instead of eating the survivors, they simply follow them around like lost puppy dogs, waiting for the survs to feed them jerky and dog treats. AND the survivors can be a bunch of tree hugging hippie types who, although terrified and annoyed by the zombie paprazzi, cannot seem to bring themselves to shoot them. Instead, they try to lure them and corrall them into large, fenced in pastures and spend the rest of their survival years trying to teach the zombies to be vegetarians! Oh wait shoot...you said serious zombie stories... my bad

[Skippy911sc]

Just watch the remake/re-visioning of Day of the Dead... That was as bad as most can get. It not only had super Zs, but the vegetarian, and it tarnished the name of a great movie. Or maybe "Dawn of the dead Episode 1 the phantom Z". That could piss me off just a bit more.

[Trin]

Oh wait shoot...you said serious zombie stories... my bad
You know, this statement rules out Diary and Survival being part of the discussion. GAR said they were a bit tongue in cheek.


AND the survivors can be a bunch of tree hugging hippie types who, although terrified and annoyed by the zombie paprazzi, cannot seem to bring themselves to shoot them. Instead, they try to lure them and corrall them into large, fenced in pastures and spend the rest of their survival years trying to teach the zombies to be vegetarians!
This is definitely where a serious zombie storyline could become very irritating. Basically take a group of people and insert some bolsterous nujtobs who want to protect zombie's rights and are willing to sacrifice safety and security for the cause and you have the perfect irritating movie plot. And don't pretend like this bs could never happen.

[Neil]

My personal favorite idea is to create a zombie story with no zombies in it.

My story "Testament", doesn't really have any zombies in it...

[JDFP]

My story "Testament", doesn't really have any zombies in it...

I will have to check this out, Neil. And now that I can without hitting my "max number of reads per week", etc. then I'll be happy to do that too. It's been awhile since I've read a good zombie story.

j.p.

[Mitchified]

Pretty sure when Neil gets my novel posted up in the Fiction section it's going to piss of some fanboys. I certainly hope so.

[JDFP]

Pretty sure when Neil gets my novel posted up in the Fiction section it's going to piss of some fanboys. I certainly hope so.

I write prosaic poetry for fun and publish at a poetry web-site. My rule of thumb when it comes to writing has always been: "If I didn't piss at least a few people off with this poem, I'm not doing something right."

j.p.