I have shamed myself.... I watched... Snow White & The Huntsman

[LouCipherr]

I went back and started reading through some of my old threads and came upon my "I have shamed myself.. I watched.. Sharktopus!" post - then I saw Aces had posted this:


We need a weekly, "I've shamed myself" thread from you, Lou. Each week, a new theme. Surely you can shame yourself a bit more on our account.

And no, I'm not kidding. :)

So screw it, it's time to catch up!


So, my wife wanted to see this movie - and against my better judgement, I said ok (hey, I'd like to get laid at least a few more times before I die, thank you very much! :lol:)

The basic premise of the flick is what you think it is: it's just a darker re-telling of Snow White. Normally, this is where I'd rail against the whole "remakes" and "re-imagining" thing, but I digress.

So, THOR (yes, I'm going to call him Thor. :p :lol:) is sent into the woods by Ravenna (the 'evil queen' played by Charlize Theron... giggity!) to capture Snow White so she can suck the life from her and live forever. Nasty little queen isn't she?

Well, THOR ends up helping Snow White, and trieS to protect her from <giggity> The Queen.

Snow White, aka Kristen Stewart - does this chick have any ability to show ANY emotion whatsoever in a film? She's more wooden than most of the 100 year old oak trees in my back yard! If you've ever seen any of the Twilight films (sorry about your luck) then you know what I mean. She's just... terrible.

I won't go too much into the story for fear of spoilers, but let's just say I felt better about myself after watching Sharktopus than I did after watching this flick. How anyone thought it was a good idea was beyond me.

Theron and Thor do a good job with what they're given, but Stewart brings the film to a screeching halt every time the bimbo is on screen.

If you can handle Twilight without ripping your eyes out of your skull one at a time with a rusty butter knife, you might like this flick. If you're a sane individual with a taste for good actors and a good story, just.... don't. It just wasn't that exciting, and the story of Snow White has already been told 100 times over. More than it needs to be.


I also caught Men in Black III - more about that in another thread - but at least I didn't feel shamed after I watched that one!

[AcesandEights]

Ha! I also saw this with the wife and, goddamn, was it bad! I don't fault some of the actors, but the pacing and directing of the film...had to be one of the longest feeling 127 minutes ever!

The one good thing were the sets and set design, but when the film has you yawning to the point of dislocating your jaw, what's the point?

[Tricky]

Glad I left my G/F and mum to go watch this while me & my dad went to see Prometheus then! :cool:

[Kaos]

Lou, your shame could not be redeemed by Christ himself. You... Are... DAMNED! Yes, damned to have the inanity of this movie run through your thoughts for eternity. Not even death shall save you.

[Monrozombi]

They would have been better off not casting anyone in the role instead of Stewart. The other actors should have been acting against nothing, at least the range of emotion would have been better.

[Mike70]

well, i've brought shame upon the next 7 generations of my family by watching "bigfoot" with danny bonaduce and barry williams in it. it was like the proverbial train wreck: awful in the extreme but for some reason i just couldn't look away.

and i thought the people who made "lake placid 3" ought to have been ashamed of themselves...

[LouCipherr]

Ha! I also saw this with the wife and, goddamn, was it bad! I don't fault some of the actors, but the pacing and directing of the film...had to be one of the longest feeling 127 minutes ever!

You're not kidding, it felt waaaaay too long.


Lou, your shame could not be redeemed by Christ himself. You... Are... DAMNED! Yes, damned to have the inanity of this movie run through your thoughts for eternity. Not even death shall save you.

:lol:

"WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN!" No truer words have ever been spoken!


They would have been better off not casting anyone in the role instead of Stewart. The other actors should have been acting against nothing, at least the range of emotion would have been better.

No shit - I've seen more emotion from a head of lettuce! :lol:


well, i've brought shame upon the next 7 generations of my family by watching "bigfoot" with danny bonaduce and barry williams in it. it was like the proverbial train wreck: awful in the extreme but for some reason i just couldn't look away.

Fuck it, Mike - you win! :lol: :lol:

[Mike70]

Fuck it, Mike - you win! :lol: :lol:

guess i should take the opportunity to own up to having watched "Piranaconda." funniest things about that film other than the title:

a. Michael Madsen looks as embarrassed as he should be.
b. Rachel Hunter has completely, totally let herself go. someone please keep her away from the chicken mcnuggets and doughnuts.
c. not funny but i'll still mention it - everyone involved in this film should be god damn well ashamed of themselves.

[LouCipherr]

guess i should take the opportunity to own up to having watched "Piranaconda."


You sir should start your own "I have shamed myself..." thread for that one. :lol:

[Eyebiter]

Watched SW&tH a few weeks ago.

The first half of the film was decent. The second act was at least 15 minutes too long. The entire scene in the glen with the stag was unnecessary. I'm guessing the script had major problems with the third act. It was cheaper to pad the 2nd then to enhance the castle siege. The third act was brief by design, obvious set up for a sequel.

Who in their right mind tries to assault a castle with cavalry? A half dozen archers on the walls with long bows and three guys on the ground with pikes could have easily held that gate.

[Mike70]

You sir should start your own "I have shamed myself..." thread for that one. :lol:

:lol: i watch a lot of these things with my nephew. he's 9 and these "dinoshark vs. octosaur" type movies are his generation's "godzilla vs. mothra" flicks.

[LouCipherr]

:lol: i watch a lot of these things with my nephew. he's 9 and these "dinoshark vs. octosaur" type movies are his generation's "godzilla vs. mothra" flicks.

I'm telling ya, with all these crappy movies we and everyone else watches, we should have a "We Have Shamed Ourselves" sub-forum! :lol:

Last night I watched "Chillerama" - OMG, that one I will post about next week in "The Continuing Saga of Lou's Self-Shaming" :D

[rongravy]

...we should have a "We Have Shamed Ourselves" sub-forum!
Why limit it only to movies? I shame myself daily in all aspects of life.

[LouCipherr]

Why limit it only to movies? I shame myself daily in all aspects of life.

:lol:

Don't feel bad Ron, I do the same - but we have to draw the line somewhere! If I let out on HPotD all the things I do daily to shame myself, It'd get embarrassing REAL freakin' quick! :D

[Mike70]

:lol:

Don't feel bad Ron, I do the same - but we have to draw the line somewhere! If I let out on HPotD all the things I do daily to shame myself, It'd get embarrassing REAL freakin' quick! :D

i think i've hit rock bottom folks. i watched "Critters" last night - voluntarily. maybe it's billy zane getting ripped apart, maybe it is dee wallace (whom i've always had the hots for), or maybe it is the completely ridiculous nature of the entire production. i keep trying to console myself with the old "but there are worse movies." what's next? i think only a Leprechaun marathon can eliminate this pain i feel.

i am a strange, strange person. i'd rather rip my eyes out than watch one of those new spider-man movies, i don't think the new batman movies are all that interesting, and i will probably never bother with the iron man, superman, the avengers or any of the x-men movies (can you tell i can't stand superhero movies?) but you mention a cheesy movie/tv show from the 70s or 80s and i'm all about it.

well to make up for it, i did watch "island of terror" and "nothing but the night" yesterday afternoon.

[LouCipherr]

i think i've hit rock bottom folks. i watched "Critters" last night - voluntarily. maybe it's billy zane getting ripped apart, maybe it is dee wallace (whom i've always had the hots for), or maybe it is the completely ridiculous nature of the entire production. i keep trying to console myself with the old "but there are worse movies." what's next? i think only a Leprechaun marathon can eliminate this pain i feel.

I fully expect to see your "I have shamed myself..." post this week, Mike. Especially with Critters and Leprechaun on your list! :lol:

I will get one up soon regarding my "CHILLERAMA" experience from last week. Dear jesus, how do people get money to make these kinds of films?!?!!

[MinionZombie]

Why would anyone be ashamed of seeing Critters?!?! Yes, without Gremlins there would be no Critters, and Critters 4 was a bit shit and boring, but 1-3 rocked my socks. :cool:

[LouCipherr]

Why would anyone be ashamed of seeing Critters?!?! Yes, without Gremlins there would be no Critters, and Critters 4 was a bit shit and boring, but 1-3 rocked my socks. :cool:

Well, lemme ask you this, MZ - have you watched it lately? Does it still hold up?

That might be the answer to your question. :D

[MinionZombie]

Well, lemme ask you this, MZ - have you watched it lately? Does it still hold up?

That might be the answer to your question. :D

I watched all four of them recently, and they still hold up. #1 still rocks but has less Critter action than you remember (they really upped the ante for #2 and #3), but #4 is practically Krite-free, which was shit. They must have blown the cash on the spaceship set and forgot that it's a movie about murderous balls of fur with spikes, claws and sharp teeth.

Both Gremlins movies are "better films" sure, but I love the Critters movies too.

[LouCipherr]

I watched all four of them recently, and they still hold up.

Cool! I haven't watched a Critter movie in well over a decade. Perhaps it's time for me to re-visit.

I liked the Gremlins movies, but Critters was a lot more....dark I'd say. Gremlins, at least you had Gizmo being all cute until all hell breaks loose. There's nothing "cute" about the Critters. :elol:

[Mike70]

Yes, without Gremlins there would be no Critters,

you know that to this day, the guy who wrote Critters swears up and down that it was written and in development for years before Gremlins came out. he even claims that a lot of Critters had to be rewritten to avoid similiarites between the two. he does not dispute that Gremlins success got him the money to make Critters, he just takes offense to the idea that Critters is little more than a rip off.

-- -------- Post added at 01:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:14 PM ----------


Why would anyone be ashamed of seeing Critters?!?!

because it is a movie about furry things from space that eat everything in their path and are being chased by a dude who looks like leif garrett and adam goodman's love child.

[LouCipherr]

because it is a movie about furry things from space that eat everything in their path and are being chased by a dude who looks like leif garrett and adam goodman's love child.

He does have a point there, MZ. :lol:

[MinionZombie]

Cool! I haven't watched a Critter movie in well over a decade. Perhaps it's time for me to re-visit.

I liked the Gremlins movies, but Critters was a lot more....dark I'd say. Gremlins, at least you had Gizmo being all cute until all hell breaks loose. There's nothing "cute" about the Critters. :elol:

Like I say, the 4th one (in space) is a real let-down ... looks good from a production stand-point, but good god, what a bore-fest.

1 is classic, while 2 and 3 are real monster mashes filled with Krites and good old black humour and gore ... and a Playboy centrefold with a giant staple stuck in her belly. :D


you know that to this day, the guy who wrote Critters swears up and down that it was written and in development for years before Gremlins came out. he even claims that a lot of Critters had to be rewritten to avoid similiarites between the two. he does not dispute that Gremlins success got him the money to make Critters, he just takes offense to the idea that Critters is little more than a rip off.

-- -------- Post added at 01:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:14 PM ----------



because it is a movie about furry things from space that eat everything in their path and are being chased by a dude who looks like leif garrett and adam goodman's love child.

Now that is interesting - I'd never heard that about Critters having been in development prior to Gremlins - fascinating. I've never personally considered Critters a "rip off" by any means, but yes - as the guy said - it certainly helped fund it. Personally though I just enjoyed the hell of it. I've never considered them low-rent or cheesy, but rather they've been hella good fun ... great little monster movies with a slightly harder edge than Gremlins ... I love both Gremlins movies (the second is especially barmy in a fantastic way), but they do go for a mostly cuter and zanier aesthetic (the odd microwaved gremlin or fireside chat with Phoebe Cates aside :elol:)

I must re-watch both Gremlins movies again. They keep doing the rounds on TCM, but I keep missing them, but it's annoying that TCM still insist in broadcasting in the incorrect ratio ... that really annoys me. Every other channel can get it right, but TCM and TCM2 are forever broadcasting in the incorrect format (not the programming itself, but rather the feed coming from TCM) and I hate degrading the quality by manually fixing the ratio with my remote (plus it ends up pushing half of the EPG info off screen as a result) ... /rant. :D


He does have a point there, MZ. :lol:

Point denied!!! :evil:

[LouCipherr]

Point denied!!! :evil:

Denied? He's actually quite right - the "concept" of critters is actually comical and looney. :lol: Doesn't mean it wasn't a decent flick, but still, the idea itself? Quite hilarious. :p :D

[Mike70]

Denied? He's actually quite right - the "concept" of critters is actually comical and looney. :lol: Doesn't mean it wasn't a decent flick, but still, the idea itself? Quite hilarious. :p :D

will it be pistols or swords, gentlemen? somebody needs to remember to bring frilly shirts and a hankerchief to drop. no duel is complete without frilly shirts and a hankerchief drop.

[krisvds]

Thought I'd get into the embarrassment and watched 'Chopping Mall' the other night. If you have ever seen it; it's as hilariously bad as you remember it with 'jokes' so unfunny they are ...
It deals mainly with a trio of security droids shooting lasers at some youngsters trapped in a mall overnight. Lots of running and screaming and 'POOF' exploding body parts ensue.


Pooof (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp_5FU5ikcE)

[LouCipherr]

will it be pistols or swords, gentlemen? somebody needs to remember to bring frilly shirts and a hankerchief to drop. no duel is complete without frilly shirts and a hankerchief drop.

http://www.legaljuice.com/Duel%20cats.jpg

Let's do this!

:lol:

[Mike70]

Thought I'd get into the embarrassment and watched 'Chopping Mall' the other night. If you have ever seen it; it's as hilariously bad as you remember it with 'jokes' so unfunny they are ...
It deals mainly with a trio of security droids shooting lasers at some youngsters trapped in a mall overnight. Lots of running and screaming and 'POOF' exploding body parts ensue.
url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp_5FU5ikcE]Pooof[/url]

for a second i thought this was the movie with Emilio Estevez where he gets trapped in the mall. that's an anthology called "nightmares" though. i don't remeber "chopping mall" but since i have a soft spot for 80s cheese, i think i might have to find a copy of this.

-- -------- Post added at 11:50 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:49 AM ----------


http://www.legaljuice.com/Duel%20cats.jpg

Let's do this!

:lol:

somebody better warn MZ that you only plan on taking 5 steps instead of 10. :lol:

the cat in the blue waistcoat has a determined and rather devilish gleam in his eye. the cat in the tan one has a rather resigned yet heroic look, as if he is has accepted his fate but is determined to face it through to the end.

[MinionZombie]

somebody better warn MZ that you only plan on taking 5 steps instead of 10. :lol:

the cat in the blue waistcoat has a determined and rather devilish gleam in his eye. the cat in the tan one has a rather resigned yet heroic look, as if he is has accepted his fate but is determined to face it through to the end.

1) That Lou, he's an underhanded rapscallion...

2) :lol::lol::lol:

You could just wait for your opponent to shoot first, most likely miss, then charge at him and shoot when your gun is pointed right in his face ... take that Mister 5 Steps Instead of 10. :elol:

[LouCipherr]

somebody better warn MZ that you only plan on taking 5 steps instead of 10. :lol:

the cat in the blue waistcoat has a determined and rather devilish gleam in his eye. the cat in the tan one has a rather resigned yet heroic look, as if he is has accepted his fate but is determined to face it through to the end.


You could just wait for your opponent to shoot first, most likely miss, then charge at him and shoot when your gun is pointed right in his face ... take that Mister 5 Steps Instead of 10. :elol:

Dammit, my plans FOILED AGAIN!

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FPk8Ac91urA/Te36AjPmO0I/AAAAAAAAAUA/stpaf1Z0NHo/s1600/curses-foiled-again.gif

:lol: :D


MZ - I could always do what Simon Pegg did to Duane (Peter Serafinowicz) in Spaced when they were playing paintball...

"It's not a bed set... It's a FLAT!"

<boom>

Right in the nuts! :lol:

[MinionZombie]

Dammit, my plans FOILED AGAIN!

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FPk8Ac91urA/Te36AjPmO0I/AAAAAAAAAUA/stpaf1Z0NHo/s1600/curses-foiled-again.gif

:lol: :D

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WeSTFaTvO-g/TqHof5MEnNI/AAAAAAAAAJw/HOPkI3i9Nf8/s1600/Claw2.jpg

http://media.onsugar.com/files/2011/03/11/5/1437/14373728/20f29ce4c42114e6_inspector-gadget-brain.jpg

Muahahahaaaaaaa...


MZ - I could always do what Simon Pegg did to Duane (Peter Serafinowicz) in Spaced when they were playing paintball...

"It's not a bed set... It's a FLAT!"

<boom>

Right in the nuts! :lol:

*ahem* Bed Sit, I think you'll find, good Sir. :sneaky: /OCD-spellcheck :p

[LouCipherr]

*ahem* Bed [I]Sit, I think you'll find, good Sir. :sneaky: /OCD-spellcheck :p


Hey, I'm from the US, I don't know your weird British terminology so I think I deserve a free pass on that one. :lol: :lol: :D

Oh, and EXCELLENT Inspector Gadget pull!

[Mike70]

Hey, I'm from the US, I don't know your weird British terminology so I think I deserve a free pass on that one. :lol: :lol: :D

Oh, and EXCELLENT Inspector Gadget pull!

:lol: i didn't know "Critters" could spawn an international incident.

[MinionZombie]

Hey, I'm from the US, I don't know your weird British terminology so I think I deserve a free pass on that one. :lol: :lol: :D

Oh, and EXCELLENT Inspector Gadget pull!

Just looking for a normal picture of Brains from Inspector Gadget, it's horrifying how much filth you have to wade through on Google Images ... is nothing sacred anymore?!


:lol: i didn't know "Critters" could spawn an international incident.

:lol::lol::lol:

Someone better call in the UN! ... No, wait, DON'T ... they're shit and useless. :D