Something for the female members (guys can look too)

[DjfunkmasterG]

:D An oldie, but stilla goodie... upgraded for 2006.


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as World Cup Soccer 20.06, Super 14 Version 5.0, Tri-Nations 3.0, Limited Overs 7.2 and especially Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background, that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources.

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These
are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. Y ou might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot
Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

[HLS]

:D An oldie, but stilla goodie... upgraded for 2006.


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as World Cup Soccer 20.06, Super 14 Version 5.0, Tri-Nations 3.0, Limited Overs 7.2 and especially Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But
remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background, that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources.

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These
are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. Y ou might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot
Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support!
LOL@ mother-in-law 101 I just loved it!

[Debbieangel]

wowww you hit the nail right on the head lollll...only thing wrong with it downloading the tears does NOT work!!!lol But I loved it!! You gotta be married or been involved with someone for a long time to know all that or a good observer!!!?

[zombiegirl]

Darn. Nothing available for slob 6.2 Guess I'll keep looking. LOL :lol:

[Graebel]

hehehehe

But you forgot the other option. Hacks!!! If they can hack the Xbox and the Lego computers. Why can't we hack men? (Oh sheesh, chainsaws, yes chainsaws work.:o )

[Debbieangel]

DJ sorry I didnt see u got this from the internet.. blonde moment what can I say...omg yes I am a blonde well blondish! But, still good insight you are gonna make some girl a good husband! lol

[DjfunkmasterG]

I am divorced Debbie... and keeping it that way. :D

[Debbieangel]

I am divorced Debbie... and keeping it that way. :D
I dont blame you in this day and age.
Myself I have been married 31 years to GREAT guy and would NOT I repeat would NOT want to do it again!!!!!lol

[HLS]

I dont blame you in this day and age.
Myself I have been married 31 years to GREAT guy and would NOT I repeat would NOT want to do it again!!!!!lol

I had a very bad marriage to an abusive man. I have a restraining order on him and everything. But I still believe there are good people out there that are a perfect match. I am not sour towards remarrying but I know the next time I am going to be wiser about it.

[Debbieangel]

I had a very bad marriage to an abusive man. I have a restraining order on him and everything. But I still believe there are good people out there that are a perfect match. I am not sour towards remarrying but I know the next time I am going to be wiser about it.

Believe me we went through alot of tough tough times hon...there two things I told my hubby I would not stand...beating on me or him going out on me...I told him I would feed his balls to him if he did(sorry so graphic). I am glad you got away from him h on infact I am PROUD of you cause it takes alot to get away from an abusive man. My sil stayed with her hubby who was a psycho nut and she finally got rid of him one kid later and years of abuse.
What I was saying in last post I dont want to do it again cause ... one thing I would be afraid to..and another I can be gullible and naive sometimes so i am told...it has taken alot of time for my hubby and me to have such a good marriage and as you know its alot alot of work...I am getting older now ( i know i am not that old)and just dont have the strength. I do believe there alot of good men out there..but, to find them is the question? I wouldnt know where to start..I married when I was 18 yrs old...things seem to be different so I hear from other people! That was what I was saying..not putting down marrying again.

[Graebel]

Things are different now. I'm scared about venturing back into the dating ocean.

A girlfriend was just telling me about the DL Boys. DL=Down low. Apparently some men in the black community have decided that its okay to have sex with men occassionally. But this doesn't mean that they're gay...and it doesn't mean that they have to tell their wives and girlfriends.

I was like WTF!!!!????

Seriously AIDS creeps me out. And people irresponsible enough to spread it? Ughh.

[MapMan]

You scare me. I could have gone the rest of the day without knowing about this group.

[Graebel]

You scare me. I could have gone the rest of the day without knowing about this group.

After everything I've said - this is the first time I've scared you?

Seriously I thought she was joking. But I asked another friend who was black and she'd heard of them too.

[Debbieangel]

After everything I've said - this is the first time I've scared you?

Seriously I thought she was joking. But I asked another friend who was black and she'd heard of them too.

OMG..ewwwww I mean gay is gay right? either u are one or ur not right?
I never heard of such a thing either, again I say EWWWWWWWW!!
NOW I would REALLY be afraid to be out there in the dating world...ya just creeped me out and it takes alot of crap to creep me.ewwww..lol

[HLS]

Believe me we went through alot of tough tough times hon...there two things I told my hubby I would not stand...beating on me or him going out on me...I told him I would feed his balls to him if he did(sorry so graphic). I am glad you got away from him h on infact I am PROUD of you cause it takes alot to get away from an abusive man. My sil stayed with her hubby who was a psycho nut and she finally got rid of him one kid later and years of abuse.
What I was saying in last post I dont want to do it again cause ... one thing I would be afraid to..and another I can be gullible and naive sometimes so i am told...it has taken alot of time for my hubby and me to have such a good marriage and as you know its alot alot of work...I am getting older now ( i know i am not that old)and just dont have the strength. I do believe there alot of good men out there..but, to find them is the question? I wouldnt know where to start..I married when I was 18 yrs old...things seem to be different so I hear from other people! That was what I was saying..not putting down marrying again.

Me leaving my ex was a huge ordeal. I ended up homeless. I was lucky that someone from work took me in for a while. It was a bad chapter of my life and it still haunts me. It is funny, my exhusband does not seem to reconize me. I walked past him in a wallmart about a year ago and he did not even notice me. I guess that is a good thing. I WILL BE DEVORCED 10 YEARS AS OF DECEMBER 2ND 2006! AND I AM CELEBRATING!

[Adrenochrome]

After everything I've said - this is the first time I've scared you?

Seriously I thought she was joking. But I asked another friend who was black and she'd heard of them too.
My girlfriend is black and she's told me about male cousins of hers that believe this also. I can't figure this out.....two men together sexually is NOT gay as long as you don't "call it gay" you call it "male bonding"????
It's an insult to the gay community and an insult to humanity.

[Graebel]

Me leaving my ex was a huge ordeal. I ended up homeless. I was lucky that someone from work took me in for a while. It was a bad chapter of my life and it still haunts me. It is funny, my exhusband does not seem to reconize me. I walked past him in a wallmart about a year ago and he did not even notice me. I guess that is a good thing. I WILL BE DEVORCED 10 YEARS AS OF DECEMBER 2ND 2006! AND I AM CELEBRATING!

Yay!!! If you lived closer I would buy you a drink. I haven't ever seen karma in action - but here's hoping it kicks in for him.

[MapMan]

Two good looking women sexually together is not gay........ It's art.

Two guys....that's just gay.

[Debbieangel]

Two good looking women sexually together is not gay........ It's art.

Two guys....that's just gay.

either way gay gay gay lol
what is it about guys liking to see two women together ewwwWW?
I just had to say it! lol


Me leaving my ex was a huge ordeal. I ended up homeless. I was lucky that someone from work took me in for a while. It was a bad chapter of my life and it still haunts me. It is funny, my exhusband does not seem to reconize me. I walked past him in a wallmart about a year ago and he did not even notice me. I guess that is a good thing. I WILL BE DEVORCED 10 YEARS AS OF DECEMBER 2ND 2006! AND I AM CELEBRATING!
I feel for you...at one time I thought I would have to leave my hubby years ago..he used to be a drunk and he verbally abused me. I am lucky he stopped drinking .
But, I am gladyou got away from your ex you may have just ended up dead. Soo, you celebrate hon and on Dec 2nd I will have a little bit of wine to celebrate with you. I get drunk easy thats why I said wine...I dont usually have booze in the house but I will get some just to celebrate with you. I hope life is treating you alot better now? BTW hubby says I am acheap drunk loll Matter of fact we all here should have a drink on you to celebrate right guys and gals?

[Marie]

Matter of fact we all here should have a drink on you to celebrate right guys and gals?

Lets DO this. I'm in, lets make a date to raise our glasses to HLS's liberation from tyranny!;)

M_


either way gay gay gay lol
what is it about guys liking to see two women together ewwwWW?
I just had to say it! lol

They like to imagine themselves in the middle.:evil:

M_

[Graebel]

Lets DO this. I'm in, lets make a date to raise our glasses to HLS's liberation from tyranny!;)

On December 2nd, women around the world lift one glass of wine in celebration....and promptly all get drunk.:lol:

I am a light weight too. Once or twice a year I'll drink more. This year it was on my birthday and my neighbor almost had to carry me home....all two doors down. I think I drank 4 glasses.:o





....about two girls things. Wasn't there a study that showed that women are more naturally bisexual than men? Don't get me wrong, there are definitely reasons to keep the male species around. :sneaky:

[DjfunkmasterG]

Don't get me wrong, there are definitely reasons to keep the male species around. :sneaky:

:shifty: Oh really, and what might those reasons be? If I may ask on behalf of the male brethern lurking the earth. :sneaky:


either way gay gay gay lol
what is it about guys liking to see two women together ewwwWW?



To us it is arousing, and sensual. I will clarify this...

Just seeing two women going at it really does nothing. It is the sensuality of how they do it. I am not saying you need to tickle each others asses with feathers or anything, although I won't complain if you do, but just actually watching two women getting together and seeing them enjoying it is very stimulating for the male sexual prowess.

You can't just throw her on the bed and dive down like a homeless man eating his last meal... you have to get into the moment before we enjoy it. :D

[Debbieangel]

Lets DO this. I'm in, lets make a date to raise our glasses to HLS's liberation from tyranny!;)

M_
They like to imagine themselves in the middle.:evil:

M_

Alrighty then...Dec.2, 2006 we raise our glass of whatever in HLS's honor!! HOORAY HLS!!!!


:shifty: Oh really, and what might those reasons be? If I may ask on behalf of the male brethern lurking the earth. :sneaky:




To us it is arousing, and sensual. I will clarify this...

Just seeing two women going at it really does nothing. It is the sensuality of how they do it. I am not saying you need to tickle each others asses with feathers or anything, although I won't complain if you do, but just actually watching two women getting together and seeing them enjoying it is very stimulating for the male sexual prowess.

You can't just throw her on the bed and dive down like a homeless man eating his last meal... you have to get into the moment before we enjoy it. :D

ok ok I get the part of the sensuality of it all..but, still ewwwww! I could say more but my face is red lol:cool: the sunglasses are to hide my face lol

[DjfunkmasterG]

Alrighty then...Dec.2, 2006 we raise our glass of whatever in HLS's honor!! HOORAY HLS!!!!



ok ok I get the part of the sensuality of it all..but, still ewwwww! I could say more but my face is red lol:cool: the sunglasses are to hide my face lol

You can say ewwww. Lesbianism is not for every woman. Only a select few practice it. Sometimes those that practice it enjoy it, but still like the feel of a the ever present male tube steak.! :D

[Debbieangel]

You can say ewwww. Lesbianism is not for every woman. Only a select few practice it. Sometimes those that practice it enjoy it, but still like the feel of a the ever present male tube steak.! :D

yea ok.... ok u got me speechless...lol

[Graebel]

:shifty: Oh really, and what might those reasons be? If I may ask on behalf of the male brethern lurking the earth. :sneaky:


Pickle jars. :lol:


No seriously. Lots of reasons to keep men around. I can't enumerate them without getting thrown off this board. But the main one starts with a 'p' and ends with an 'is'.:D

What?! Its the truth. :o

[dmbfanintn]

My girlfriend is black and she's told me about male cousins of hers that believe this also. I can't figure this out.....two men together sexually is NOT gay as long as you don't "call it gay" you call it "male bonding"????
It's an insult to the gay community and an insult to humanity.

Tom I never knew you had Jungle Fever too!!!! It's a good thing to have!:D :D :D

I too have heard of the down low club, Not my cup o tea, but to each his own. Homosexuality is not any more disgusting, physically, than heterosexuality is, it's all about perception.



I am a light weight too. Once or twice a year I'll drink more. This year it was on my birthday and my neighbor almost had to carry me home....all two doors down. I think I drank 4 glasses.:o

I want to party with YOU!!!!

[Debbieangel]

Pickle jars. :lol:


No seriously. Lots of reasons to keep men around. I can't enumerate them without getting thrown off this board. But the main one starts with a 'p' and ends with an 'is'.:D

What?! Its the truth. :o
AMEN sister...your preaching to the choir now ROFLOL.

[DjfunkmasterG]

Glad to know we're still of some use. :rolleyes: :D

[MapMan]

Pickle jars. :lol:


No seriously. Lots of reasons to keep men around. I can't enumerate them without getting thrown off this board. But the main one starts with a 'p' and ends with an 'is'.:D

What?! Its the truth. :o

Some men can lick their own eyebrows:D .:rockbrow:

[HLS]

All programs failed with my ex-husband. I had to trade him in for a newer model. The newer model failed. The Jackass 2.5 and stupidity 3.0 is all that worked. lmao!:D

[DjfunkmasterG]

That is standard programming for any male. It comes at no extra charge and works with no furhter upgrades. :D

[Graebel]

Some men can lick their own eyebrows:D .:rockbrow:

Ummm, that probably wasn't one of the reasons I was thinking about. :rockbrow:




HLS, I think you forgot about Delusions of Grandeur 8.0. That one is usually functional too.

[DjfunkmasterG]

Ummm, that probably wasn't one of the reasons I was thinking about. :rockbrow:




HLS, I think you forgot about Delusions of Grandeur 8.0. That one is usually functional too.

:D :p

Thank God we come with "Silence Nagging Woman 1.1" Another great and functional program, no further upgrades needed either.

No man has delusions we all know we're great and hung like a horse! :sneaky:

[Graebel]

Thank God we come with "Silence Nagging Woman 1.1" Another great and functional program, no further upgrades needed either.


DJ, if you'd update your..."Do it the first time" 1.0 chip you wouldn't need that other program. :p

[DjfunkmasterG]

"Do it the first time 1.0" conflicts with "sit on your ass 1.0", which is another great piece of software that again requires no further upgrade.

Maybe the ladies should upgrade to "dinner and footrub 9.1", then maybe "do it the first time 1.0" wouldn't conflict with "sit on your ass 1.0" However, there are plenty of "Dinner and ???" programs you ladies could install but since the forum is rated PG-13 I really can't go into those programs at this time.

Oh for good measure, "Morning nookie 2.2" is another great program you gals should look into. I know you think jesus why so many programs... well in order to make the perfect female it requires a lot of upgrades and tweaks.


:D MWAH! :p

[dmbfanintn]

"Do it the first time 1.0" conflicts with "sit on your ass 1.0", which is another great piece of software that again requires no further upgrade.

Maybe the ladies should upgrade to "dinner and footrub 9.1", then maybe "do it the first time 1.0" wouldn't conflict with "sit on your ass 1.0" However, there are plenty of "Dinner and ???" programs you ladies could install but since the forum is rated PG-13 I really can't go into those programs at this time.

Oh for good measure, "Morning nookie 2.2" is another great program you gals should look into. I know you think jesus why so many programs... well in order to make the perfect female it requires a lot of upgrades and tweaks.


:D MWAH! :p

My new most favorite post ever!!!!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Graebel]

"Do it the first time 1.0" conflicts with "sit on your ass 1.0", which is another great piece of software that again requires no further upgrade.

Maybe the ladies should upgrade to "dinner and footrub 9.1", then maybe "do it the first time 1.0" wouldn't conflict with "sit on your ass 1.0" However, there are plenty of "Dinner and ???" programs you ladies could install but since the forum is rated PG-13 I really can't go into those programs at this time.

Oh for good measure, "Morning nookie 2.2" is another great program you gals should look into. I know you think jesus why so many programs... well in order to make the perfect female it requires a lot of upgrades and tweaks.


:D MWAH! :p


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Oh god, I don't think I could put enough smilies. I just fell completely off my chair laughing.

You're right if we were going to list programs we'd be here all night. I think my favorite would be Mandatory Fair Play 6.9 :sneaky: :o

Oh ****, the moderators are going to get me for that one.

[MapMan]

The way things are going in my life I'll be using Master Beta 1.0 for a while.:eek:

[DjfunkmasterG]

Don't sweat it...

Master Beta 1.0 works very well, and the nice part is, it ignores nagging 7.5 and bitch and moan 10.2. Most of all it comes in very HANDY during PMS 28.0. :D

[Adrenochrome]

Tom I never knew you had Jungle Fever too!!!! It's a good thing to have!:D :D :D


Indeed.....I do love the chocolate.:D


"Do it the first time 1.0" conflicts with "sit on your ass 1.0", which is another great piece of software that again requires no further upgrade.

Maybe the ladies should upgrade to "dinner and footrub 9.1", then maybe "do it the first time 1.0" wouldn't conflict with "sit on your ass 1.0" However, there are plenty of "Dinner and ???" programs you ladies could install but since the forum is rated PG-13 I really can't go into those programs at this time.

Oh for good measure, "Morning nookie 2.2" is another great program you gals should look into. I know you think jesus why so many programs... well in order to make the perfect female it requires a lot of upgrades and tweaks.


:D MWAH! :p

CLASSIC DJ!!!!!

[DjfunkmasterG]

Thank you thank You...


I'm here all year! :D

[Graebel]

Most of all it comes in very HANDY during PMS 28.0. :D

Wow. Your ex must have been running an old version.:lol:

[Adrenochrome]

Wow. Your ex must have been running an old version.:lol:
oh my.....that deserves a ^5. Touche, my dear,....touche.;)

[DjfunkmasterG]

Well I dunno if she upgraded or not, but DAMN, version 28.0 was no phucking picnic let me tell you!

Thank God for divorce 1.0, a program that has been around for quite sometime, only has one problem... The alimony virus! :D

[Graebel]

Well I dunno if she upgraded or not, but DAMN, version 28.0 was no phucking picnic let me tell you!

Wimp. :p


They still give alimony? Huh, learn something new everyday.

[MapMan]

:D :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :cool:
Well I dunno if she upgraded or not, but DAMN, version 28.0 was no phucking picnic let me tell you!

Thank God for divorce 1.0, a program that has been around for quite sometime, only has one problem... The alimony virus! :D