What movie remake would you... "un-make"?

[LouCipherr]

I guess this is the right place to post this. Mods, feel free to move this topic if you feel it fits better somewhere else.



It's time we discussed this in more detail. Everyone, I'm sure, knows about my disdain for remakes, so I figured this would be a good topic to discuss. Are there was any remake(s) that you wish you could wipe from existence? If so, which would they be? No remakes are off limits, they can be horror or even non-horror.

I'll start with the first 5 off the top of my head:


RZ's Halloween & Halloween 2
The Wicker Man
Nightmare on Elm Street
The Thing

I have plenty more I'd like to see gone, but we'll start with just those. What do you think?

[AcesandEights]

The Thing



Saw this remake this weekend...talk about limp film making. I'll usually totally forgive a remake if it's at least makes for fun film-going, but this pretty much fumbled an awesome set-up, by making a by-the-numbers, flimsy as fook (<-- channeling, MZ), cardboard cutout of the original with absolutely zero tension.

Complete waste of my time.

Talk about pissing all over potential and adding yet another reason At The Mountains of Madness will never be made. :(

[bassman]

Chalk up another vote for the recent The Thing. Not an absolutely horrible movie, it could have been much worse, but it's just so unecessary that it leaves the viewer thinking "what's the f*cking point?!?".

[shootemindehead]

'The Thing' was a prequel, not a remake.

Have to say that I actually thought it was ok. Utterly pointless though.

As for unmaking remakes:

Psycho
The Wicker Man (fkn' ell)
Halloween I and II
Total Recall (not that the first one was that great)
Dawn of the Dead (here we go!!!)
Day of the Dead
Conan The Barbarian
Sahara (managed to take a crap Bogart propaganda vehicle and make it even worse)

[bassman]

'The Thing' was a prequel, not a remake.

Sure, it was about the Norweigan camp, but c'mon. That was just their loop hole and excuse to call it a prequel. Essentially, they used the untold story from Carpenter's flick, basically told the same story in a less enjoyable way, then gave it the exact same title. It was a remake....

[LouCipherr]

Sure, it was about the Norweigan camp, but c'mon. That was just their loop hole and excuse to call it a prequel. Essentially, they used the untold story from Carpenter's flick, basically told the same story in a less enjoyable way, then gave it the exact same title. It was a remake....

^^ This.



Shootem - good picks. I forgot about Psycho and Total Recall. Psycho certainly deserves to be on the list, but since I haven't seen Total Recall yet (and don't really have a desire to), I can't really comment on that one.

[AcesandEights]

Shootem - good picks.

No, that list is f*ckin' garbage.





















































































Dawn '04 is great! :D

[MinionZombie]

Clearly Aces isn't channelling the MZ vibe enough - Yawn04 would be right up there as number one un-make for me. What a load of old buggery bollocks that movie was! I'll stop there though, my hatred of it is well documented. :elol:

Add to that The Fog remake, Day08, The Thing (when is a remake not a remake? when it's a prequel that only wants to be an immitation, while simultaneously ignoring the entire Modus Operandi of the titular beasty :rolleyes:), The Wicker Man, A Nightmare on Elm Street (good god that was awful), and any Night remake/cash-in that isn't Tom Savini's 1990 version.

There's more out there that'll spring to mind, I'm sure, but not just now...

[krakenslayer]

I'da said Conan the Barbarian, but thankfully that one actually is getting un-made: http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2012/oct/26/arnold-schwarzenegger-conan-the-barbarian

[shootemindehead]

^^ This.



Shootem - good picks. I forgot about Psycho and Total Recall. Psycho certainly deserves to be on the list, but since I haven't seen Total Recall yet (and don't really have a desire to), I can't really comment on that one.

Don't Lou...just don't lad.

That's going to be a long "I've shamed myself" post.

:p

- - - Updated - - -


Dawn '04 is great! :D

GET 'IM!!!!

Actually, the older I get, the less I dislike '04. I must be mellowing.

- - - Updated - - -


A Nightmare on Elm Street (good god that was awful).

Aye, I forgot that. What a bucket of pish that was.

[EvilNed]

The Fog, Day 08, the upcoming Suspiria film...

Infact, most, if not all, of the horror / scifi remakes these last 8-10 years. With a few exceptions. I'd let Dawn 04 stay, for instance, as it's so much it's own film and actually did get a lot of praise when it came out.

In general, I would like to see less popcorn horror flicks and more slow gothic horror flicks.

[Danny]

I'm gonna say the crazies if only because i dug it, but felt it really could have been better done with a bigger budget, the second half was just 4 people walking through empty open spaces for a large part.

[Neil]

Total Recall (not that the first one was that great)
Ban +1

[MinionZombie]

I'm gonna say the crazies if only because i dug it, but felt it really could have been better done with a bigger budget, the second half was just 4 people walking through empty open spaces for a large part.

Now I'd disagree here. The Crazies, while it has faults and does some things worse than the original, also has a lot going for it and does some other things better than the original. So I'd put it on level-pegging with the original. I was all up for hating it from the get-go, and then I saw some clips and trailers and I started to thaw out on it, and then me and a mate went to the cinema to see it and we enjoyed the hell out of it. I've been meaning to give it another spin on my Blu-Ray, but haven't got around to it yet. It's one of the handful of remakes that have been worthwhile - and I'm a fan of the original flick.


Ban +1

:lol::lol::lol:

Aye, the original Total Recall was kick arse. A pulpy, gooey classic.

[LouCipherr]

Dawn '04 is great! :D

:lol:


Add to that The Fog remake, Day08, The Thing (when is a remake not a remake? when it's a prequel that only wants to be an immitation, while simultaneously ignoring the entire Modus Operandi of the titular beasty :rolleyes:), The Wicker Man, A Nightmare on Elm Street (good god that was awful), and any Night remake/cash-in that isn't Tom Savini's 1990 version.

YES! The Fog remake. What a piece of shit that was. Ditto Day08.


Don't Lou...just don't lad.

That's going to be a long "I've shamed myself" post.

While that could be quite an entertaining writeup and read, I really don't want to subject myself to it. At least not yet. Maybe it''ll sting less if I watch it a few years from now. :lol:




I'm gonna say the crazies if only because i dug it, but felt it really could have been better done with a bigger budget, the second half was just 4 people walking through empty open spaces for a large part.


Ban +1

:lol:

I really liked the crazies for some reason. I wasn't expecting too, and I've never really been an Timothy Olyphantastic fan (shoots look at MZ and laughs) but I kinda dug it.


Here's a few more:

Friday the 13th
Dark Shadows
21 Jump Street
Fright Night (what a pitiful job done on this one, too. Only redeeming factor was Serandon's cameo! :lol:)
Let Me In
Clash of the Titans
The Wolfman


Looking back over the past few years, it almost seems as if there's more remakes than originals coming out. :rolleyes:

[bassman]

I quite enjoyed 21 Jump Street and Dark Shadows. Granted, I've never seen the original DS TV series, but I thought the flick was more of a return to the Tim Burton of the past.

[AcesandEights]

I quite enjoyed 21 Jump Street

Yeah, it was quite fun for me.

[shootemindehead]

Ban +1

YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS HERE, YOU CAN'T TE...




Oh, wait a minute...you are...

[LouCipherr]

Dark Shadows was weird for me. Had that movie been called anything but Dark Shadows, I would have been able to accept it for what it was. However, being one of the people that got caught up in the original series (long after it aired originally, I'm not THAT old! :lol:), the remake of it was so far off base from the source material it didn't make it that enjoyable for me.

Besides, Dark Shadows was never a comedy. The movie sure tried to be though.

[shootemindehead]

'The Crazies', yeh...I really liked that. Much better than the original.


Some more rubbish remakes:


Planet of the Apes (featuring 'Annoyed and Confused' star Marky Mark)
Get Carter
The Day the Earth Stood Still (Keanu Reeves hahahahahahahahaha...end of review)
The Omen
Straw Dogs
King Kong (both of them)
The Vanishing (alright til the end)

[AcesandEights]

Planet of the Apes (featuring 'Annoyed and Confused' star Marky Mark)

The Planet of the Apes remake is one of the worst conceived and horribly executed major film releases of our time...perhaps ever.

[LouCipherr]

The Day the Earth Stood Still (Keanu Reeves hahahahahahahahaha...end of review)

:lol: :lol: :lol:

And I totally agree with King Kong. That was 3 hours of my life I'll never get back, goddammit. :D

[MinionZombie]

I really liked the crazies for some reason. I wasn't expecting too, and I've never really been an Timothy Olyphantastic fan (shoots look at MZ and laughs) but I kinda dug it.


Here's a few more:

Friday the 13th
Dark Shadows
21 Jump Street
Fright Night (what a pitiful job done on this one, too. Only redeeming factor was Serandon's cameo! :lol:)
Let Me In
Clash of the Titans
The Wolfman

1) *high five* *knowing grin*

2) I've heard Olyphantastic is quite sarcastic at times, or used to be ... I think it was on a podcast (for Nerdist, IIRC) and he copped to being more bristly in his responses to people and situations in the past, but that he was mellowing his approach these days ... but on-screen, I've always been a Oly-phan ... yeah, pushing the name puns there a tad ... anyway, he's usually great in what he's in (or at least from what I've seen him in - e.g. Deadwood), and he was great in The Crazies 2010.

3) Friday 13th '09 - a problematic film for many reasons, but there is also fun to be had in there. Many reasons not to like it, but a surprising amount of reason to like it at the same time (one of which, naturally, being Julianna Guill :elol:). Nowhere near a patch on the original franchise, although I do prefer F13th09 to the original Part Five, or that pish known as Jason Goes To Hell (wtf was that?! :rockbrow:), but I do rather enjoy numerous aspects of that flick ... while at the same time groaning (even hating) other aspects of it.

4) Fright Night - I never grew up with the original (which I did enjoy as a bit of 1980s fun when I finally saw it last year), and I did actually rather enjoy the remake generally speaking, even if it wasn't great by any means. Although I can totally understand someone who grew up with the flick hating on the remake, but with me, I never did grow up with it so I have no personal attachment to it (and only just saw both versions last summer).

5) Let Me In - aye - totally ruddy pointless. The original is absolutely fantastic, and barely has any dialogue in it anyway (subtitles), but the remake was just utterly perfunctory and pointless. WATCH THE ORIGINAL - IT'S LOADS BETTER. FACT.

6) Clash of the Titans - oh heck yes, that bullshit with Sam Worthington in it was mind numbingly bad. I can't believe I watched the whole thing on Sky Movies last year, or whenever it was ... utter dreck.

7) The Wolfman - now, I enjoyed this, but the original is lightyears ahead. My main gripe with it though (aside from Sir Anthony Hopkins' "Tour of Britain" accent :lol:) is the CGI. There was all this bluster about practical effects, but then - just like with The Thing 2011 - they slapped CGI over every damn inch of practical work, so it just ended up looking like it had always been CGI (i.e. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT?!). I've only seen it once though ... I've not had the compunction to revisit it.


Planet of the Apes (featuring 'Annoyed and Confused' star Marky Mark)
Get Carter
The Day the Earth Stood Still (Keanu Reeves hahahahahahahahaha...end of review)
The Omen
Straw Dogs
King Kong (both of them)
The Vanishing (alright til the end)

The Day the Earth Stood Still - the original - is fantastic. The remake? Oh boy. What a load of pish. They completely messed up Gort too. :mad:

Straw Dogs - aye. The remake was utterly pointless, and really quite toothless. I read articles about it and they kept going on about how 'raw' the rape scene was, and when I saw the flick I was like "This?! I take it none of you had seen The Last House on the Left (ORIGINAL, of course), I Spit On Your Grave (ORIGINAL, of course), or the original Straw Dogs" - all of which feature really brutal rape scenes. Plus, I can't stand Kate Bosworth (she was dreadful as Lois Lane, she sucked in 21 - which was a terrible movie full stop - and I just can't be doing with her, she just annoys me and I don't like any of her performances ... not sure what it is, but she's a total turn off to me in all film-viewing regards).

King Kong - I've not seen the 1970s version, but I have seen the Peter Jackson one a couple of times (including in its extended form) and I really enjoy it. Is it overlong? Sure, even if I cruised through the movie far easier than I initially thought I would. Is it a bit over-the-top? Yeah ... but at the same time, I really enjoy it.

...

Another entry - The Last House on the Left ... so much talk about how brutal it was (it wasn't), and even though I'm a big fan of Garrett Dillahunt, the movie was crap. Way too glossy, devoid of subtext (i.e. the original's subtext about the Vietnam war), and unlike the original, the remake didn't have any real importance culturally or socially.

[bassman]

Totally agreed on Burton's Planet of the Apes. As a big fan of the original five films I still can't understand how that abysmal film was given the green light. Someone at Fox must have been f*cking high....

HOWEVER, the recent Rise of the Planet of the Apes was great. I can't imagine a reboot/remake being any better. Plus, they kinda combined Escape and Conquest, both of which I feel are vastly underrated. Conquest is actually my favorite of the series....

[LouCipherr]

3) Friday 13th '09 - a problematic film for many reasons, but there is also fun to be had in there. Many reasons not to like it, but a surprising amount of reason to like it at the same time (one of which, naturally, being Julianna Guill :elol:). Nowhere near a patch on the original franchise, although I do prefer F13th09 to the original Part Five, or that pish known as Jason Goes To Hell (wtf was that?! :rockbrow:), but I do rather enjoy numerous aspects of that flick ... while at the same time groaning (even hating) other aspects of it.

And WTF was Jason X? I mean, they drifted so far from the original idea.. it was pathetic.

The only thing I learned about Jason and the franchise from the most recent Fri13th remake is that he wasn't a mindless killer. He was a mercenary marijuana farmer and the idiot kids at Camp Crystal Lake were getting too close to his stash/operation so he had to... "correct" them. (if we wanna use Grady's term for it.. :lol:)

Other than that? :whatever:


:lol:

[AcesandEights]

And WTF was Jason X? I mean, they drifted so far from the original idea.. it was pathetic.

You mean to tell me that Jason X isn't universally regarded as the best FtT since the original? Hell, they were all crap, it's just arguing over different shades of shit, as far as I'm concerned.

Learn something new everyday, I suppose.

[bassman]

Every year I watch the F13th film marathon on AMC in an attempt to try and understand the genre love. Yet every year I just can't understand it. I'll give them the first three films, but other than that it's just garbage. That's only the polite way of describing it....

[MinionZombie]

Every year I watch the F13th film marathon on AMC in an attempt to try and understand the genre love. Yet every year I just can't understand it. I'll give them the first three films, but other than that it's just garbage. That's only the polite way of describing it....

Only the first three?!

What about four? That was one of the best F13th flicks ... and part six was awesome fun. I'm a big fan of the franchise and would lump in parts 7 and 8 personally in addition. Jason X I enjoyed the hell out of originally, but it's gone further and further down in my estimations - it hasn't aged too well - even though it has interesting elements.

I think with the Friday the 13th franchise, ultimately you're either into it or you're not ... might sound like a bit of a redundant statement, but it made sense to me. :D

[shootemindehead]

Every year Bass?

That's the cinematic equvilant of self flagellation.

The first and second pictures are grand, but I couldn't sit through the whole shebang. If the entire series had never even existed, we wouldn't have missed a thing.

[AcesandEights]

And I totally agree with King Kong. That was 3 hours of my life I'll never get back, goddammit. :D

I didn't especially mind either of the newer Kong films, and both of them have some things I appreciate...but the recent one was and felt incredibly long.

[bassman]

I loved Jackson's remake of Kong. It was a beautiful re-telling of the original, imo. It payed enough tribute to the original, yet took it's own path. As with RotPotA, I can't imagine a better remake.

[LouCipherr]

You mean to tell me that Jason X isn't universally regarded as the best FtT since the original?

I'm glad you feel it was Aces, but no, it's not. :lol: :p


Only the first three?!

What about four?

That's where it ends for me. I like 1-4, and after that, it just kinda felt unnecessary. There were 'some' things I liked about several of the following sequels, but as far as complete movies? Part 1-4.


I didn't especially mind either of the newer Kong films, and both of them have some things I appreciate...but the recent one was and felt incredibly long.

It was way too long. And Jack Black?!

We didn't need an hour on the boat, an hour on the island and an hour in NYC. Give me 15 minutes of boat and island, and then an hour of King Kong destroying the living shit out of NYC. That would've been more entertaining IMO. :lol:



Some more entries that deserve to be in the Hall of Shame:

Fame
Get Smart (Steve Carell. 'nuff said)
The Hitcher (Rutger Hauer vs. Sean Bean? Not even in the same ballpark!)
House of Wax (fuck this movie if just for Paris Hilton alone)
The Longest Yard

What did you guys thing about My Bloody Valentine? I'm kinda on the fence on this one. It's not better than the original, it was a bit better than I expected, but the original holds a special place with me as it was one of those movies I saw as a kid and was terrified.. The new one didn't give me the same feeling, but then again, not many horror movies do anymore.

Damn I'm jaded. :lol:

[AcesandEights]

Damn I'm jaded. :lol:

I'll alert the news media. :)

[MinionZombie]

What did you guys thing about My Bloody Valentine? I'm kinda on the fence on this one. It's not better than the original, it was a bit better than I expected, but the original holds a special place with me as it was one of those movies I saw as a kid and was terrified.. The new one didn't give me the same feeling, but then again, not many horror movies do anymore.

The original is great - although the copy I've got on DVD is cut to ribbons (:(, but I have seen the uncut scenes on YouTube) - but the remake ... meh ... wasn't keen on it, and certainly didn't like that wishy washy digital look that it had either. Some good elements, but like a lot of Lussier/Farmer team-ups (such as Drive Angry, which was better than MBV3D), there's good stuff in there accompanied by some rather dull/predictable elements/characters that leave the final film feeling more like an earlier draft than a finished product.

Drive Angry, for instance - loads of cool stuff in there, but the main bad guy is surprisingly dull - indeed the entire aspect of the cult is pretty boring most of the time - meanwhile Amber Heard, kick arse cars, and William Fichtner all made it worthwhile watching in the end ... but then you also have to contend with some pretty plain CGI that's placed front-and-centre, and some really predictable plot points.


I'll alert the news media. :)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6c/His_Girl_Friday_still_2.jpg/325px-His_Girl_Friday_still_2.jpg

[shootemindehead]

You can add 'Black Christmas' to the list.

FFS.

[LouCipherr]

I'll alert the news media. :)

Damn Aces, you been eating a lot of these lately?

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e104/LouCipherr/smartass_zps91572f85.jpg

:lol: :lol: :lol: :D :p

[AcesandEights]

Damn Aces, you been eating a lot of these lately?



Every morning with my centrum.

[LouCipherr]

Every morning with my centrum.

:lol: :D


Here's a link to some Horror remakes (1982-Present) and their box office grosses. Sad.

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/genres/chart/?id=horrorremake.htm (http://www.boxofficemojo.com/genres/chart/?id=horrorremake.htm)

[AcesandEights]

:lol: :D


Here's a link to some Horror remakes (1982-Present) and their box office grosses. Sad.

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/genres/chart/?id=horrorremake.htm (http://www.boxofficemojo.com/genres/chart/?id=horrorremake.htm)

So many on that list I wouldn't bother seeing.

Someone made a remake of Scanners? Crazy.

[Trin]

The Stepford Wives - I mean, seriously, they ended up being robots?

I was okay with The Crazies. I had never seen the original prior to watching them both after the remake came out. While I enjoyed the original a great deal it was kinda hard to watch because it was so very dated.

Dawn '04... gosh... I am not a huge fan of it in general (zombie baby... grrrr) but I wouldn't un-make it. It was entertaining enough and if you don't compare it to the original it is an okay zombie movie.

The Shining - Yeah, I know the remake was a mini-series done ala King's unique style of cremating his own work, and sometimes that works very well (i.e. The Stand)... but the original Shining with Kubrick and Nicholson was just so freakin iconic.

I am an Apes guy. I enjoyed all of the original movie franchise and I liked the obscure ones like Conquest and Battle. I have avoided all of the Apes remakes. I will consider the Rise though after hearing the praise around here.

[AcesandEights]

Miss your posts, Trin!

Hope all is well, man :)

[LouCipherr]

The Stepford Wives - I mean, seriously, they ended up being robots?

That was slightly eye-rolling, wasn't it? :lol: