Neil
25-Aug-2015, 11:58 AM
...but enough about Kanye West ;)
Just one of the funniest jokes from Edinburgh this year :)
The top 10 funniest jokes of the Fringe:-
"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" - Darren Walsh
"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis
"Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess
"What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter" - Masai Graham
"If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go" - Dave Green
"Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas" - Mark Nelson
"Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day" - Tom Parry
"The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" - Alun Cochrane
"Clowns divorce. Custardy battle" - Simon Munnery
"They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for..." - Grace The Child
The judges also released a list of jokes which just missed out on the shortlist:-
"I never lie on my CV…because it creases it." - Jenny Collier
"If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" - Ian Smith
"I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time" - Tom Ward
"Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't" - Gyles Brandreth
"Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'" - Ally Houston
"Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism" - James Acaster
Just one of the funniest jokes from Edinburgh this year :)
The top 10 funniest jokes of the Fringe:-
"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" - Darren Walsh
"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis
"Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess
"What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter" - Masai Graham
"If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go" - Dave Green
"Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas" - Mark Nelson
"Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day" - Tom Parry
"The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" - Alun Cochrane
"Clowns divorce. Custardy battle" - Simon Munnery
"They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for..." - Grace The Child
The judges also released a list of jokes which just missed out on the shortlist:-
"I never lie on my CV…because it creases it." - Jenny Collier
"If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" - Ian Smith
"I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time" - Tom Ward
"Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't" - Gyles Brandreth
"Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'" - Ally Houston
"Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism" - James Acaster