Laws of the playground...

[MinionZombie]

Any UK folks been watching Laws of the Playground on Channel 4?

Oh man, it's hilarious, cos it's all true and (except for era specific things - like the Joey Deacon thing) I remember it from my days. Calling someone a "gaylord" for anything at all, drawing nobs everywhere...

So, I figured I'd ask folks here what you guys remember from your schooldays, your laws of your playground.

One thing I'll start it off with, an extension of the "nobs in textbooks" thing:

In biology we'd always rush through the pages trying to find cool graffiti from other students (the bio books were notoriously filled with cocks and fannies ... doodled cocks and fannies, on top of the pictures of real hoo-hoo-dillies and cha-chas). Anyway, one classic textbook graffiti was when people would write "turn to page #" - you'd go there and then be referred to another page and another page and another page and another for ages (the good ones, some folk were really half-assed and after 3 page turns you'd find a craply done cock) ... but after pages and pages you'd find an intricately drawn cock/fannie/animal combination (often involving "SLAP" written on a person's forhead on a photo, often a baby or an old man) joined with a written insult/congratulatory insult ... which often ended up with calling you a bender/gaylord/cock jockey or saying something derogatory about your mum.

*sigh*

Now those were biology lessons well spent. :cool:

Okay, you folks' turn to whip out some classic school-bound laws/rituals/whatever.

[Tricky]

Your a legend :lol: i remember those days!huge badly drawn cocks on everything,even better in an RE book when it was some biblical scene,with a great big badly drawn bellend coming from heaven or something like that!do you remember in school textbooks when everyone who had that book before you had written their name in the front,part of school rules,but people had written comments after their name for example "6/5/1993 john smith 8C sucks cocks" :lol:

[MinionZombie]

I do remember the names in textbooks, that was always fun to see who had had your book before you. Or the debacle that was putting sticky back plastic over the cover of your French books (some people made a computer mess, I got my sister - a S-B-P genius - to do it for me). Then the German language books which smelt of damp and had huge holes in the S-B-P, you'd spend the lessons either drawing Swastikas on people's foreheads or subtly peeling the S-B-P off even further without the teacher knowing.

Also, talking among your friends on your table thinking the teacher sat four feet away could never hear you in a million years.

Standing outside in the middle of winter in nothing more than your school uniform (no jacket), or standing outside in the rain wearing no rain coat - school kids are waterproof it seems.

The school computers - dial up shared amongst 20 or 30 computers, ha! Also those content blockers, the kids were always smarter than the IT teachers (quite something when you think about it), so the computers would be filled with porn and the teachers would have no idea.

Year 7 or 8, copying games onto floppy discs (Risk, Lemmings, Wolfenstein 3D - the latter we were banned from playing!) - "don't copy that floppy" indeed, we got such a lecture about the evils of software pirating, lol, then we'd just run off to the supply office and buy another pack of floppy discs and copy the games some more.

Ahhh, those were the days, anyone got any more?

[Tricky]

How about flicking fountain pens at the person sat in front of you if they had a white shirt on,they were totally oblivious to all the splodges of ink hitting their backs :lol:
Or taking the insides of a biro out,then chewing up some paper into a soggy ball,putting it in the biro & using it as a blow pipe to stick the paper to the blackboard while the teacher was writing on it.
And in classrooms that had those blackboards on a roller,you'd draw a huge cock (a badly drawn one of course) on there,or some abuse about the teacher "Mr Corscaddon is a kiddyfiddler" for example,then roll the board round to a clean bit before the teacher arrived,later in the lesson they would roll the board round,& it would be class detention for a week!:lol:

[Exatreides]

Ah the textbooks, same thing these days with the numbers, gota love it. Was almost in a riot a few years back that developed from a hastily planned out rebellion and food fight in the lunch room.

Think it was...8th grade? (4 years ago now, crazy) our principle was a evil controling bitch named Miss E. She cracked down on the rules really really hard, people were getting suspended for swearing in the halls and for having navels exposed and baggy pants.

Towards the end of the year I Think.. during lunch she imposed some crappy "assigned alphabetical seating" to some 250-300 students due to our "disruptive behavior". The first day of this she started on her rant over the microphone over something or another and some brave kid somewhere. Some Che Guevara of middle school cafeteria's started banging on his table with his tray.

it spread to the other kids at the table... then leap frogged to another near by table, and soon enough the whole cafeteria was drowning her out.

Well Miss. E wasn't about to surrender, she fell back into the lunch ladie's area and tried to gather support to stop the rapidly spreading anti authoritarian revolution that had gripped the lunch room. The lunch ladie's didn't give a damn. IT was wonderfull, the evil authortarian imperialistic naval hating wench came out and was pelted by a handfull of corn..

Well the doors leading out of the cafeteria were on the other side... So she had to run through 250 angry students throwing their lunch at her. It was possibly the greatest thing I have ever been a part of.

Well she ran out, covered from head to toe in various types of food, dripping with milk and juice. Screaming for other teachers to come and help her out. Well the seating stuck for the rest of the year, two dances were called off because of that, and 13 people were suspended, and over 40 received detentions(including me).

lang lebe die revolution lmao.

[MinionZombie]

We flicked fountain pens, but not on people, we'd flick them on the desks, the walls and on the concrete outside. I remember one time in English class (Year 8) I was flicking a pen at someone (okay, we did now and then) and it semi-ran out. I tried getting it back going and was flicking it down to my side, looked down a minute later and the wall (that sh*tty plastic-like board they used to quickly knock up interiors during the 1990s) was splattered all over with blue and it'd all dried. I then raced to erase said ink (with one of those double-barrelled eraser pen/re-inker thingies) before the teacher noticed. He came around to check out work mid-way through and I just managed to hide it, hehe.

As for those wicked rolling boards, I remember one time (Biology class I think), we'd gotten wind that the teacher (Mr Herbert - famous for his comb over, which would stand upright after a breezy walk through the playground to the classroom ... and he'd not notice!) was off that day and we had a replacement teacher coming in (Mr Urqhart - famous for his body odour, gruff demeanour and multi-coloured sweat patches under his arms). Our work for that lesson had been laid out - including home work - so we rolled the board around so it was not facing outwards. The replacement came in and we feigned ignorance and that we should probably just do something out of (badly drawn cock packed) textbooks.

Detention, hmmm, I had it once ... but I can't remember what on earth it was for now, I think it was something to do with ... AH YES! ... woodwork class (although it was the woodwork room we were working with plastic), I had been slowly filing down the edges of my plastic pieces (for my construction) for the entire hour - and when the teacher came around (forget the name, but he was a grumpy old giant) he was not best pleased at my lack of work...however, my mate (Stuart - I think) had done considerably less than I, and only I got the detention!!!

I was livid about the pink slip, but ah well, missing my 15 minute second morning break to sit in an R.E. room with a bunch of drongos wasn't so bad, I missed half of it just walking there from class, lol.

Ooh! Another thing!

Walking through the corridors, it was often a dangerous thing, but once we got to GCSE we were big enough to just barge out way through the masses - which was considerably helped by having a "Head" bag (remember those ones which stretched long ways, not like a back pack), which increased your width by a good half-foot in both directions. The number of freshers I clocked around the cheeky mouth with that bag, ah those were the days. We called it "crowd surfing", although it was more "crowd barging".

Another!

In the canteen (before the other half was turned into the new music rooms), in Year 7 ... or was it 8 ... anyway, in a packed lunch time canteen I let out the hugest belch (which became known as "The Canteen Silencer of '96" amongst my friends), and the entire canteen dived into silence and all looked at me - hilarious, I laughed my ass off.

Oh yeah, another lunchtime thing - Mark (who had the same birthday as me) had a Frube (yoghurt in a tube), he laid it on the table, aimed it at me, thumped it and I was promptly blasted with strawberry frube. I did a comedy "eye wipe" and there was a Nick shaped frube shape on the wall behind me. Stung like crap in my eyes, but it was hilarious in hindsight, man alive did I scare Mark when I said so determinedly that I was going to tell on him, haha! He even offered a bribery. I didn't tell and I didn't take the money (wish I had taken the money).

BTW - Exatreides - that was a great story, viva la revolution! We never got anything quite that bad though.

Holy f*ck - anyone remember "Slim Jims" - as in how you tied your tie. Rather than having the fat end exposed, you'd tie the tie backwards and have the thin bit exposed. The head mistress (who looked like a partial clone of Maggie Thatcher's Spitting Image puppet) tried to ban Slim Jims and anyone found wearing one would get detention, but nobody complied and nothing came of it as she realised it didn't matter in the least, ha! :cool:

[Danny]

How about flicking fountain pens at the person sat in front of you if they had a white shirt on,they were totally oblivious to all the splodges of ink hitting their backs :lol:
Or taking the insides of a biro out,then chewing up some paper into a soggy ball,putting it in the biro & using it as a blow pipe to stick the paper to the blackboard while the teacher was writing on it.
And in classrooms that had those blackboards on a roller,you'd draw a huge cock (a badly drawn one of course) on there,or some abuse about the teacher "Mr Corscaddon is a kiddyfiddler" for example,then roll the board round to a clean bit before the teacher arrived,later in the lesson they would roll the board round,& it would be class detention for a week!:lol:

oh mani got a legendary pen one!

see at my primary school i waas THE umber one badass, allwys on report in detention...i dunno maybe it was add or something but i calmed down as i matured...sort of but people still whispered and expected stuff so one day im ****ed with this science techer that looked and sounded like a rat on helium and she shredded my coursework by mistake and just said "do it again"...bastard.

so im sitting in the science lab with this ****ty fountain pen, ****ed at her for possibly screwing up my future (i got a d suprisingly:rolleyes: ), and shes wearing a crisp white lab coat.....:sneaky:

so each time she turns here back i pull my arm back and flcik my fountin pen at her so a trail of blue ink streaks down her back, and i kept on doing it, eventally people noticed and laughed but she didnt realise why and i kept going till her coat was almost blue and people hated here and were banging there fists on the table trying not to laugh as i emptied a full cartridge on her back... and that last bit sounds creepy:barf:

point is she never knew, it was damn funny and a fond memory of science class in year 11:lol: .


and yeah i too, like all british kids, drew dicks and swastikas on any piece of school property i could, but the best, man , the best was the **** other people write in the school toilets, and lets get something straight british public toilets are cleaner than british school bathrooms.:dead:

but it was funny to just read stuff like "MATT IS A KNOB-ED!" "MR. KNIFTON IS A COCK BURGLER" OR THE INFAMOUS
"DA POO", which has covered two schools and four villages in the burton area :lol:


and as the years progressed as did schools you find more **** like in the special kids toilets there was like guys shoving dicks up teachers asses and hving them come out the teachers mouths and ****.:lol:


damn british kids are so gay.:shifty:



EDIT - OH!, this i never got at every, AND I GAURANTEE every british school when you go to the bathroom for a **** (cus ''only gypos **** in school'') when you come back the whole class turns and stares, like expecting this great "aaaaahhhhh, i ****ed like a horse!" or something.

every time. every.

it was creepy and awkward.

[Tricky]

I remember when i was a year 8,making me 13 years old,and got put in detention in the form room where some very attractive year 11 ladies were,the kind everybody in the school thought were "fit" and they proceeded to torture me through the whole detention,making me feel nervous as hell!running their hands up my leg & asking if i was a virgin,back then i'd never even kissed a girl so i was bricking it!they were only doing it to wind me up as they were all going out with "18 year old hardmen who had cars" but i was a red faced gibbering wreck by the end of that lunchtime! :lol:

[MinionZombie]

Damn good on you man for blowing your inky load on that teachers back! (ooh-err missus!) What a bitch, I mean ... damn. I'd have gone ape-poopy on her for f*cking up my coursework.

I remember once in GCSE (Year 11 I think), I was taking Graphics as my technology of choice (you HAVE to choose a technology class, how gay is that? Like you MUST choose a language - out of two that aren't taught properly)...anyway, we were doing this project designing packaging and I was doing a VHS sleeve cover for a wildlife video. Anyway, we spend months working away on this project and it's the penultimate week - the dumb f*ck, grumpy giant (same one who gave me detention in Year 9) had seen ALL my damn work thus far so he knew damn well what I was making - and then he says "it's not 3-D", which was apparently part of the project, but he'd just assumed we'd all make something 3-Dimensional.

I solved the problem by sticking a Lion's head inside the video box on a springy card construction and that sorted it out (ultimately I got a "B" for that course - originally it was marked at "D" (by a f*cking ELECTRONICS teacher!!!) which was complete bollocks so it was moderated at an "A" which gave me an overall "B").

Anyway, after he dropped the 3-D bombshell on me a week before it had to be handed in (which meant doing a shedload more work to justify the Lion's head and ra ra ra), I stormed out after class ended (about 5 minutes later) and went absolutely NUTS in the playground, slammed my Head bag against the wall, the floor, threw it in the air, kicked the wall and was screaming like a looney cursing him out.

Then at the next lesson someone had told him I'd completely flipped out after class and he was all jokey about it (oh thanks a bunch you giant twat) and I just didn't take part in the joke, I certainly didn't find it funny then, and I said - well you should have told me WEEKS ago to add some 3-D element to my project! Needless to say he shut-the-f*ck-up as he knew damn well he was wrong and the whole class was on my side.

Speaking of toilets - yes, they are f*cking sick in schools. I remember a few times we'd all be rallied into the main hall (usually on a Tutor Group morning - i.e. no assembly) and a male teacher would be charged with telling us that someone had "smeared fecal matter all over the sixth form boy's toilets". This happened about three times in my stay at the school, I never actually saw this mess, but I certainly head a LOT about it, haha, what a f*cking fruit loop did that eh?

Also, anyone remember "drug education day"? We were just told which drugs were out that and that they were "bad, mmmkay?" (quite literally), we learnt nothing and weren't educated in any way about drugs. I learnt infinately more at uni just from friends/experimentation!

Also, "sex education day" (now I was a dab hand a sex ed knowledge in high school, got a 25 out of 25 on a sex test for the sex unit in biology once, the only one in class to do so ... sadly it didn't afford me any poon :D). Anyway, our sex eduation day involved giggling at condoms being passed around (without being told how to put one on - therefore, what is the point in handing them around!?), and giggling when the girls were told to (when back at home that night) squat over a mirror and "see what you've got down there" ... absolutely hilarious!