a little poem I wrote up today..

[mista_mo]

Tell me what you think okay? I really like hearing feedback on what I write.

There are times when you don't feel your best
when you want to lay down to perminant rest
when you go through your day feeling unloved
when your bright summer days turn too dark winter months
Nothing you do is working out
all you feel is incredible doubt
all your thoughts focused on your inner pain
a shell forms around them, an inpenitrable membrane
your feelings turn mainly to anguish
you become so engrossed you want your life estinguished
never give up hope, never stop trying
try to let it out by crying
never give up the fight
I know everything will be allright
In this state you don't realize what you will do
believe me, many would miss you
no matter what you feel or where you are
that shoulder is never very far
always try to do your best
to talk and get it off of your chest
there are people who love and care
even if all they do is hold you there
remember these words and never forget
these lines close to your heart are kept
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"
these words will keep you due
Even when you feel lower then low
Realize that Gods love will always flow

[kortick]

not bad
seems reflective of the mood you have been feeling

it started off negative
but ended with a note of hope

it is good for you
to express yourself

keep those feelings from being
kept inside

good luck to you my friend

[LoSTBoY]

Nice, you could turn that into a song so easily.

[bassman]

good shtuff, man.

I like Lostboy's idea for it. It's always a fun thing to do.

[mista_mo]

thanks guys, I don't know how to write songs tho, so I guess i'm screwed when it comes to this kinda stuff..I think I'll stick with poems for now

[Debbieangel]

wowww wonderful poem so full of hope and God's love! That is one thing I dont have a knack for is writing any kind of thing. GOOD thoughts MO when ya feel down read what ya wrote here! :)

[AssassinFromHell]

Very good. The rhyming goes and it doesn't create a feel of being forced. The mood is set, depressing and as mentioned before, ending with a ray of hope. You got a knack for this kind of stuff. You should get one of those DeviantArt accounts...:D (Shameless promotion of favorite websites, how could I resist? :rolleyes: )

Songwriting isn't too hard. I write for my geetar and keyboard mainly, but have integrated other instruments in. But if you want to be big on the charts, all you have to do is grab your balls, wave your hands, and have a beat machine. :eek:

On a serious note, well written here. I enjoyed reading it. I hope things are getting better for you. If ya every need someone to chat with, this geniune stupidass is here :D

Take care buddy. Get better. And take it from someone whose been through this, writing is the best ventilation.

[tju1973]

Tell me what you think okay? I really like hearing feedback on what I write.

There are times when you don't feel your best
when you want to lay down to perminant rest
when you go through your day feeling unloved
when your bright summer days turn too dark winter months
Nothing you do is working out
all you feel is incredible doubt
all your thoughts focused on your inner pain
a shell forms around them, an inpenitrable membrane
your feelings turn mainly to anguish
you become so engrossed you want your life estinguished
never give up hope, never stop trying
try to let it out by crying
never give up the fight
I know everything will be allright
In this state you don't realize what you will do
believe me, many would miss you
no matter what you feel or where you are
that shoulder is never very far
always try to do your best
to talk and get it off of your chest
there are people who love and care
even if all they do is hold you there
remember these words and never forget
these lines close to your heart are kept
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"
these words will keep you due
Even when you feel lower then low
Realize that Gods love will always flow

different guy, sort of the same meaning maybe--

"Never let you down"-- by Andrew WK


Never wanna break your heart
Never wanna make you cry
Never wanna give up and die

Even if you can't stand up
Even if you lose your life
I'm a friend by your side
You're never gonna be alone

You can never let down
Never let down
You can never let down
Never let down

Never wanna make mistakes
Never wanna do no wrong
Never have a place to belong

And I'm never gonna leave you out
If you ever lose your way
Not alone or betrayed
I'm always gonna be around

You can never let down
Never let down

You're doing alright
You're doing ok
Just follow your heart
And don't run away

You can never let down

You're doing alright
You're doing ok
Just follow your heart
And don't run away

You can never let down

You're doing alright
You're doing ok
Just follow your heart
And don't run away

Never wanna break your heart


-------------------------------------

oh well your poem made me think of this song...

:)

[bassman]

different guy, sort of the same meaning maybe--

"Never let you down"-- by Andrew WK



Is that the same dude with that "We Like To Party" song and likes to make himself bleed by bashing his mic into his face?:rockbrow:


:lol:

[tju1973]

Is that the same dude with that "We Like To Party" song and likes to make himself bleed by bashing his mic into his face?:rockbrow:


:lol:

Ok, I do have my guilty pleasures--- :)