Any bad road trip/vacation stories?

[MissJacksonCA]

I was reading on AOL bad vacation stories and they were too funny so anyone have any?

I have a few that all taught me something entirely different...

When visiting a boyfriend who moved far far away... and is living in the country far far away from a CVS (drug store) check the expiration date on condoms befooooore you retire for the nite.

If you're packing more than one suitcase and you're flying anywhere try to mix it up a bit... dont end up with one suitcase entirely devoted to shoes and toiletries because when it gets lost you will have no shoes to go with the outfits you spent five hours trying to coordinate juuuuust right.

My mum believes that its best to drive across the border at night because at 2am the Canadien border officers are less likely to want to tear apart the car looking for something a 46 year old woman and her 2 teenagers are smuggling to their summer home. Well she was sorta right, they didn't search the car. Instead we wound up in what's basically the middle of nowhere on a seldom traveled road with a flat tire and no means by which to fix it because its hard for an old woman to jack up a huge van and unbolt tire nuts and bolts when they're rusted to the tire rim or whatever. Ironically about 3 hours of yelling about whos fault it was a car came by... the immigration officer who let us pass. Thankfully she lived somewhere nearby in what had to resemble Ted Kazynskis Montana shack and called someone who towed the car and the OPP gave us a ride to the garage where we had to sleep in the car because there was no hotel until the garage opened up. Note: this was before cell phones but doubt those would work in the wilds of Ontario

Interestingly enough... Three years later I was moving my mum to her summer house with all her furniture and belongings and we got through the border just fine at 2 or 3am but not long after going through the border my mom was having an emergency and had to be taken to the nearest hospital. Her nurse? The border patrol lady apparently became a nurse, and remembered my mum.

When flying from Canada to California to go back to school and live with your dad who makes hitler look like a slack-ass ruler... do not get pulled over by the RCMP for driving under the influence and tossed into the drunk tank... only to force your mum to pack your bags for you... which is how she finds your porno stash... which she later burns... and then she has to pick you up at the police station... and drive you 2 hours to the airport with you puking your guts out while lecturing you on how porn is vile... and of course you end up the guy no one wants to sit next to on the flight because you can't stop vomiting. I'm not sure what he told my dad when he got to Cali but my brother no doubt didn't get away with it.


When you're on vacay in Mexico... do not under any circumstances... leave the room in your briefs. Apparently my dad was chasing a huge flying creature out of the hotel suite only to lock himself out of the room in his briefs. With no maids around he had to walk almost entirely naked in punk panties around the entire hotel... past the restaurant ...across the parking lot where there's busloads of tourists... into the lobby... and then ask for a room key.

Other Mexican vacation tips...

When you're on a tour bus with people who are all doctors and wives of doctors you assume they're all reasonably intelligent. Thats where you'd be wrong. During a bus trip the bus was robbed atop a mountain and everyone went along with it thinking its some kind of joke and that it was all part of the experience. But no... they were robbed.

General vacation tips...

You wouldn't drink and drive a car so why would you drink and jet ski? I'm not sure what posesses me sometimes but my friends and I took our jet skis out to the isle we cliff dive on... had some liquid courage and just chilled on the island... upon leaving the water became quite wavvvy and subsequently I fell off ... as my jet ski floated away from me and I couldn't stop laughing... my friend jumped in to help me... hers began to float away from her and when we finally caught up to them and could contain our laughter we still couldn't get on... every time we fell off we laughed again and began to get tired fast... our only saving grace was someone who lived on a local island was going to mainland and saw us and helped us into his boat and then we towed out skis home and he told us how stupid we were. We figured driving drunk isn't safe I mean you can hit so many things in a car but when you're floating on water what's the harm?

[MikePizzoff]

I never went on vacation or a family road trip but...

If you're ever in a band that's going on tour... no matter who books your tour for you, make sure you call up everyone and check to make sure things are okay BEFORE you hit the road.

The last tour my band did, we had this guy from a band, that has toured around the world, tell us he'd book it. So we figured "Okay, great, he's been all around the world".

To make an extremely long story short: he didn't do shiv involving his bands tours. Nor did he do a damn thing involving ours. Turned out 27 out of the 30 dates weren't booked after we called around (once we were in Ohio after traveling from Philly to Boston to Rochester to Pittsburgh to Ohio; 4 days time). Luckily we knew enough people and met enough people that we just booked the whole tour whilst actually doing the tour.

Turned out to be the funnest month of all of our lives. Not sure if it was a lesson learned or what? I would not mind doing it again. There's nothing like having nowhere to sleep and being in the middle of the New Mexico desert out of gas with a tent about 30 miles from any town. It was seriously a time I really enjoyed and will never forget.

[MissJacksonCA]

I think sometimes the best trips are the ones that go wrong because they're the ones you look back on and laugh about with family and friends. I dont remember the bars my friend Sheri and I went to during biker week in Myrtle Beach but I remember the old man who showed us his tata's and asked for beads.

[DVW5150]

In 1988 , I was playing in a band "Interval ", we got some gigs in Austin Texas at what was then the Black Cat, don't remember the street in Austin.
We drove from DC to Austin in a '70 VW bus that had transmission issues. Only 40 miles mph going uphill. Anyway, when we were loading the bus , (I) someone wasn't watching it in front of the house. By the time we were somewhere in West VA Norman (drummer) noticed my Axe was gone. We were just starting to feel the acid we took when I had realized it was gone .We pulled over and it was gone : Body-neck were Chandler, had a Floyd tailpiece w/ the Schaller finger locking nut. EMG active w/ the guts showing. One volume , thats all I needed because I used a capacitor to make tone get brighter as I turn up. Custom painted, I wish I had pic of it at least .
GONE ... I rented a G&L in Austin, and it wasnt the same at all ... We did make some $ ... I still play, but Ill always wonder who the frack has that axe ? :mad:

[coma]

DVW5150, I feel your loss. That is awful. And the Acid part. Been there pleanty. I hate when **** goes bad when your dosed. Like when I was getting areested. I ended up getting bounced at the last minute but it was a rough ass hour. Or when Me and 3 of my friends fought a bunch of Crack Dealers on the block. Getting bucked at on 2 blotters aint anyones idea of fun.

I had a BC Rich Warlock. I went into the studio and the Headstock was snapped off and NOBODY was man enough to fess up. I still am not exactly sure what happened. Bitches:mad::mad:


I have done a lot of travelling around the US and had wierd stuff happen, but luckily nothing horriffic ever happened. Onc I was in Colorado and these dickhead kids rolled up and started making all these fag comments to me and my friend. Im no metrosexual guy, so it was wierd. hey thought they were all tough till I told him His mom didnt think so when I was ***** (use your imagination), my buddy threw a beer at one kids head. They turned and ran. Pussies. It was like 10 vs 2.

Usually when I travelled I would get wasted and meet girls and crash somewhere and it ruled. Though I get a lot of hostile crap in the South and Midwest small towns. Its wierd cause Im really friendly.:(. I went into a music store in Nebraska and asked for drum sticks. He actually said "what, You big city folks thinjk we're too country for drum sticks". What an asshole.:mad:

[MikePizzoff]

In 1988 , I was playing in a band "Interval ", we got some gigs in Austin Texas at what was then the Black Cat, don't remember the street in Austin.
We drove from DC to Austin in a '70 VW bus that had transmission issues. Only 40 miles mph going uphill. Anyway, when we were loading the bus , (I) someone wasn't watching it in front of the house. By the time we were somewhere in West VA Norman (drummer) noticed my Axe was gone. We were just starting to feel the acid we took when I had realized it was gone .We pulled over and it was gone : Body-neck were Chandler, had a Floyd tailpiece w/ the Schaller finger locking nut. EMG active w/ the guts showing. One volume , thats all I needed because I used a capacitor to make tone get brighter as I turn up. Custom painted, I wish I had pic of it at least .
GONE ... I rented a G&L in Austin, and it wasnt the same at all ... We did make some $ ... I still play, but Ill always wonder who the frack has that axe ? :mad:

Hmmm I don't understand. Where was the guitar stolen? The way you put it makes it seem like when you were in VA (almost back home to DC) you noticed the guitar was missing... meaning it got stolen in TX at your show. But then you say you had to rent a guitar for your gig in TX? So was your guitar stolen from your van while you guys were at a rest stop on your way to Texas or something?

[MissJacksonCA]

So my bfs friend just joined New Found Glory and they're touring in Japan and he's telling this story of himself and the bands manager just walking through Hong Kong and there's all these girls selling sex and they're just not into the STD thing so they're just walking around and eating from the street vendors and finally they get a little tired and hop into a cab... not speaking Japanese they give the driver the card of their hotel and the cabbie was like oooo heeeeooo... and smiling... and they're like umm can we go now... and the cabby kept saying the same thing... finally the driver starts pointing out the window and at the business card and out the window... HEEEEOOOO ....they're like ohhh we're here... DOH

I can see that happening men have such a lousy sense of direction

[DVW5150]

Hmmm I don't understand. Where was the guitar stolen? The way you put it makes it seem like when you were in VA (almost back home to DC) you noticed the guitar was missing... meaning it got stolen in TX at your show. But then you say you had to rent a guitar for your gig in TX? So was your guitar stolen from your van while you guys were at a rest stop on your way to Texas or something?

It was stolen in front of my drummers house(DC) , where we were loading the van for the trip . Norman just happened to look in the back while we were on the road . My writing can be convoluted , cheers .
I failed to mention the horrid trip I had because I had just dropped a little piece of paper on my tongue . I ended up in a cornfield on the side of the road ripping cornstalks out of the ground screaming. Everyone calmed me down and we got to Austin , still played . I did meet a very nice woman who a waitress at the Cat ... We went to Mount Binoe ( or Benno) a park that is supposed to be the highest point in Austin . Very nice lady .

[7feet]

Only ever took one serious roadtrip, but it was a doozie.

So, 20 years ago...

Livin' in Jersey City, just broke up with the girl I was living with, 'cause I came back from work and walked into the bedroom while she was boning some dude she met at the bar downstairs - so hammered she denied anything of the sort had happened the next day.Dumped 'em off the mattress and they kept right on humping. Disheartening.

So me and my bud Antonio (kid from Columbia, cool dude) decided it was high time to go to Cali. Stashed our stuff , got the necessary supplies, and I got a car from a drive away service. Like in the original Hitcher movie (I think), give you a car with a full tank of gas and you deliver it to another city. Pick up the ride, pack up and bail to the west.

Except I'd never really driven in Jersey, and didn't know you just couldn't stay in the left lane on the Turnpike (strictly passing). And it was a kinda sub compact, so I couldn't really see the lights on top of the State Trooper car that was supposedly on for a mile and a half before he hit the siren. And, well, I was also pretty freakin' baked. He wasn't too happy with us.

Getting the screweye, "license and registration", but not too bad until the pack ofpapers fell out of my friends wallet. Oops.

"Where is it?!?" "What?..." "I know you're stoned, where the %@#& is it?" "Wha? Don't know what yer talkin' about..."

Searched the car 3, count 'em 3, times. He was getting frustrated. "Give it up, or I'm gonna take this car apart and your going to jail!". So Antonio reached in the glove compartment, unfolded the AAA map of New Jersey and forked over a, um, significant bit o' stuff. Boy, did he feel dumb.

So he threw my boy's green card in the dirt, took him over to his cruiser, and spent 10 minutes yelling at him while picking bits of bud out and throwing them in face.

10 minutes! Oh, the humanity! When it was empty, he said "Get the hell outa here!", got back in his car, and drove away. What the?... Whew. An Auspicious Beginning.

Then it was boring for a bit. No Stuff, straight run to Ohio to drop off the first car. Sorry if there's anybody from there but I thought Columbus was Booooooring. And the next car was a heap. Worn out,smelly, busted tape deck. Ah, well, it was a ride, and another free tank o' gas. Oh yeah, it was also a stick, and the first time I ever drove stick was trying to pull that bastid out of the parking lot. I knew the concept, but the execution was lacking.

It's a limited time you have the car for, and we wanted to have some time with it to find a place to live at the other end, so we thought we might boogie pretty quick. Urf.

Ever get highway hypnosis? 6 hours or so of dead flat land, dead straight highway, at 2 o'clock in the morning, in Missouri. Spaced for a second, and that was bad.

Become alert again going down an embankment. More not good. Hit a gravel service road, and I thought it might be okay. But my foot couldn't quite figure what was the brake and what was the clutch. And then first a small tree (bye bye windshield) the side wall of a concrete storm drain got in the way.The car did a momentary accordion bit, flipped over all action movie style, and slid down, upside down, in between the
walls of the storm drain, nice as pie.

This is my introduction to Odessa, Missouri.

If you've never hung upside down from a seatbelt, I can't say much to recommend it.

Knocked my contacts all awry, so I couldn't see ****. Except for a flickering orange light , with a whiff of gasoline for good measure, and I'm soaked. And the engine is still running. I suspect it was a truly world class string of freaked out profanity spewing there as I tried to find that friggin' seatbelt buckle.Pop! Crash! and scramble.

My contacts moved back where they should be, and I could see that flicker that had convinced me I was gonna die was the flashers, the wetness was was from the water jugs in the back seat (it was August, those Great Plaind are HOT). Damn, how do I flip this sucker back over (yeah, you think really stupid stuff at first).

Antonio undid his seatbelt, and crawling out almost fell into the drainage pond that was about a foot from his window.

I guess a couple of truckers saw us go over, and stopped. We had to go back about 100 feet to find a spot where we could get back up on the highway (I guess the plains ain't entirely flat), and came up behind the truck drivers.

"Damn, that's a mess." "Ain't nobody gettin' outta there..." Then we walked (stumbled?) up and shocked the bejeesus out of them. I had eaten the steering wheel, he had an eyebrow shaved off by the busted windshield, various cuts and contusions.

Right about then was the first time we could see each other (it was a new moon, so the truck lights were it) and comparing notes later, we both had the same first

thought. "He's gonna die." Probably woulda made some class "A" fresh zombies, it was mighty mighty bloody. Didn't die, of course, but I did kinda fall over at that point.

Then the 65 mile ride to the nearest hospital. Now, let me point out that I had had my wallet sitting on the dashboard. Hose 'em off, stich 'em up, how ya gonna pay for this? Uhhhhhh.... The COOL state trooper comes in right about then. He fished my wallet out of the drainage pond (along with my special FX portfolio - I really wish I knew his name) and hands it to me. The grand is tucked in behind the pictures, so seeing nothing in the fold, they hand me some papers to sign and tell me to get lost. Antonio comes out, same deal, so we grab a c-note cab ride back to where the car is supposed to be, in Glorious Odessa (only 55 miles this time, we did the smash
and jibber a bit out of town).

So we're sitting on the curb outside the only service station for ever( where the car, such as it is, is supposed to come), as the sun comes up. Blood crusting on the cHlothes
others we'd been wearing for 5 days, looking quite America's Most Wanted. So, of course, the town clown's try'n roust us. Papers, insults, run my boy's green card again, more insults, and they eventually leave us to sit waiting for the car (I'm Still hoping). Turns out it's not coming there, it's going 10 miles farther down the

road, but we don't get the head's up for another 4-5 hours. T'hell with it, we walk

a mile and get a room at the nearest truck stop / motel. Which is also downtown

Odessa.

Stuck there for a week, 'cuz I had to wait that long to get another car (coming up).

I mostly sat in the room and had lovely migraines from the concussion. Antonio boned

the local Sheriff's daughter who worked as a maid in the motel. The epitome of

blond, corn fed small town hotness and a little Indeo kid who grew up on the side of

a Southy American volcano. F&*^n-A. I was kinda bummed I couldn't find some play,

but I was also occupied in trying to continue the mission.

So I got on a Greyhound to St. Louis to get yet another car from the same service.

What were they thinking? The car was mad wrecked. Just really, really squashed and

flat and wrecked and not very good at all. Though there was a kid at the repair shop

who said he'd get it up and running enough to get out to california for 400 bucks,

but he musta been a little inbred, because that was never gonna happen. And I didn't

want to drive through the desert in some spit and paper clip kludge. Whatever, get

on the bus.

St Louis bus station, attempted muggging, lots of walking, and I get to the Arch. I

smell something. I go up a bit and sit on the steps near the river, and get another

waft. I'm sitting next to this kid whose trying to sell some hash joints, but mostly doing up his own supply. I was just gonna stay up anyway, but I ended up getting mighty toasty and getting a walking tour of some of the black areas of St. Louis. The biker bar was one of my favorite places I've ever been. I've been to a bunch of biker places, and that was the only one (from the next 20 years) I was really welcome in, no BS. Places I went to with my dad we're almost always "whatcha doin' here, college boy", there it was just buy me a beer and chicks grabbing my thigh, eh?

Ended up crashing at this guys house, and had a kinda wierd conversation with his older brother as he talked about the joys of smoking dust while driving a forklift at the factory he worked at. Hmmmm. That was real strange ("Want a sherm?")

Got up in the morning, got the next car (actually a pretty fat ride) and zipped back to Odessa. The girl said her father was getting suspiscious (that couldn't be good) so we used the better part of discretion and got the hell gone.

Most of the rest was driving through the desert, which I loved. I'll climb a butte any day. Even though they're roads, roads running through crazy twisting arroyos are very cool.

Then we got to Denver. Finally found a little something, a shopping bag of scraps from a guy met in the park in the middle of the city. Went up as high as we could, right next to a glacier, and did up a bomber sitting on the hood of the car looking at the milkyway, which I'd never seen before. You just don't see it near cities, and the elevation was pretty high so you really could, and it was bloody beautiful.

Some more kick ass desert, getting thrown out of a few casinos in Vegas for my buddy (he did good on the nickle slots, before the shutdown) being under age and then the E.T. shot looking down on LA.

Even with all the oddities and bangin' about, a real trip, certainly.

Will it fit? I Dunno, lets see, but that that was my road trip.

[MissJacksonCA]

Its a warehouse biker bar and its preddy sweet if anyone ever in town skip Market Street Saloon and head there...

[Danny]

a few weeks ago i was going with a few freinds down to the coast, since england is actually way smaller than you might think driving from the centre of the country were i live to the sea takes an hour and a half.

....if you dont get stuck in a traffic jam on the m one when its the hottest day to occur yet this year, though my friend whos more than a little chav thought it would be funny to turn off his dance music ,leve the base on full and put a HIM cd in , the looks on the other drivers faces were...odd to say the least:D