Suicide - Am I an asshole for not crying?

[EvilNed]

Ok so I just recieved the news that an old "acquitance" from High School killed himself. Me and him were relatively good friends, I guess, even though I didn't really like him. Thing is:

He had some socializing problems. When you said "Hi!" to him or "How is your day?" he immediately assumed that you were best friends with him and wanted to get to know him more. I didn't, I was just being polite and I'm actually quite sociable so I talk to everyone. Friends told me that others had recieved the same treatment from him - he wanted to get to close to someone just after they'd exchanged a few greetings and superificial exchange of interests or jokes. I already had my friends and to be frank, this guy was pretty annoying. He would follow me around even though I tried to avoid him. He would pester me and literally hang just at my back, peaking over my shoulder whenever I was sitting at a table with friends - or doing whatever.

We were not close at all. We hardly knew each other, yet he seemed to believe that we were great buddies. Once he asked if I wanted to go to the cinema with him, but I said no because there weren't any good films to see and it's expensive (it is here. roughly 10-12 bucks). That was not a lie, I rarely go to the movies. I saw Spider-man 3 this year. The film I saw before that was X-Men 3. That's a year inbetween. But he could not accept that and kept asking and pestering me with staying close. Sometimes I admit I snapped and just told him to stop following me around. Then we graduated and I never saw him again. Years passed. And now I heard that he committed suicide a few days ago.

Well, I know I wasn't always kind to him. But I'm only human, and he was very annoying. I feel sorry for him, and I didn't know the situation was as bad as it is now. But should I blame myself for anything? Because right now, I don't know. I'm not all that devestated by the news, to be honest... I care, but not overly much. It's sad that he passed away, I wish that he hadn't. But it's not my fault, right? Or? Well?

[acealive1]

ur not in the wrong for not crying. u might just have a delayed reaction to things like me. my great grandpa died and i didnt even cry. then six months later i just broke down.

[Marie]

I don't know if you should feel bad or not. The only suicide I knew had a Wife and two kids and did the act where the kids would be almost certain to find the body. Frankly all I can feel is anger. What kind of selfish b_____d DOES that?

Suicides are incredably selfish IMO. It's not a cry for help, it's a last ditch bid for attention.

Sorry, this just pushes a button with me.

M_

[EvilNed]

I think people who say "Oh I'm so depressed, I'm going to commit suicide" are desperate for attention. But people who actually do it? I don't know.

[_liam_]

**** man i have a mate just like that, i hope he doesnt kill himself.
i dont think youre wrong for not crying, youre obviously a bit rattled by it, who says what the standard way to be bothered about something like this is? everyone is going to react differently.
most people would have just been a bastard to that guy from the start, which means youre a good person.

[Marie]

I think people who say "Oh I'm so depressed, I'm going to commit suicide" are desperate for attention. But people who actually do it? I don't know.

I think people who actually do it and do it where they are bound to be found by loved ones, especially little kids are saying "So THERE" in the worst possible way. And I think it sucks.

As you can tell I have a bit of unresolved anger here.:mad:

M_

[MissJacksonCA]

Generally how a person commits suicide says a lot about why they're doing it. People who slash their wrists or inner thighs tend to want to be found because it takes a while to bleed to death and most people dont do it correctly. People who overdose also want to be found. People who shoot themselves want to die though. Additionally people who cut themselves, burn themselves or beat themselves also want to talk to someone.

I imagine this accquaintance of yours had been calling out for help in some small minor ways for a number of years to everyone he could find. I dont think you're an asshole for not crying but i'm not an emotional person so I'm prolly a bad judge of whether you should be.

I can see why you're concerned over whether or not his choice was somehow in some minor way influenced by your rebuffing his social advances. It seems like he desperately wanted someone to take an interest in him. I doubt you were the first person or only person to be put in that situation by him. From personal experience I can only suggest that you not take too much time dwelling on this. He couldn't ask for help or bring himself to talk to someone about his personal problems. Its hard for people to reach out to others especially from a dark place and to people who aren't interested. Even if he had friends its doubtful that he would jeopardise the relationship with them by confiding in such thoughts and feelings to them.

Suicide may be selfish to some people but often those who commit it feel that its their only choice to spare the people they love the heartache of knowing how they really feel. People who commit it often feel alone and detatched from the rest of the world and get along with others merely for the sake of everyone thinking they're okay and not being bothered by them. Sort of like they're acting for everyone else.

As for people who kill themselves in places where they're going to be found and are sure to die aren't necessarily doing it so their children and family will find them... I think they do it because that certain place means something to them... like that was the last place they were happy. At least that's my objective view on why they would do it there.

If you need help or want to talk to someone who has a lot of experience here's a few websites...
http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com
http://www.suicideology.org

[EvilNed]

He hanged himself in the backyard. I don't know if he jumped from something and snapped his neck or just strangeld himself to death. Hanging can be a quick death if you snap your neck, a somewhat quick death if you get no air, and a very slow death if you can get some air. I assume he died rather quickly.

I'm not really dwelling on it I just wanted to make sure. To be honest, when I left school I did not miss the guy one bit. Saying stuff like that is a bit harsh now that he's gone, but it's true. Now? I don't know. I wish he hadn't done it, but hey. Hindsight.

[Tricky]

Some people who commit suicide genuinely believe its the only way out,its not right,but if mental illness is involved i can understand it.that probably isnt the case here,but not everyone does it for attention.I nearly did it a couple of years ago when i was at my worst,if your mentally ill you cant escape from it,24 hours a day it nags at you & makes life pretty unbearable.I didnt want attention,i just wanted it to stop.Im still not 100%,but im still here & better than i was so i guess its probably good i didnt do it.And on the grand scheme of things what ive got isnt a major mental health problem,i dread to think what it must be like for schizophrenics :eek:

[capncnut]

Well I read your post Ned and no, you are not an asshole for not crying. To be blunt, your 'acquaintance' seemed like a pain in the ass and if you had let him into your life any further, you would've probably killed him yourself. I agree it is a shame that such a terrible illness affects people like that but even with mental health, there is a certain degree of control involved and the chances are he knew that he was being a nuisance to others. It's the helplessness of these repetitive situations that force sufferers (be it depressive or schizophrenic) into making harsh decisions, things they are certain can never be corrected.

But it does sound like his death has affected you in some small way at least, I wouldn't be surprised if you start feeling something a little bit later. At the end of the day, we are only human after all...

[darth los]

I think people who say "Oh I'm so depressed, I'm going to commit suicide" are desperate for attention. But people who actually do it? I don't know.



I will say one thing though. If a person really wanted to kill themselves there isn't a thing in the world that you could do to stop them. :(

[MissJacksonCA]

he didn't say this about suicide he was speaking about riots but I feel it fits and was well written

"They happen when a sense of disconnect settles in and hope dissipates. Despair takes hold and young people all across this country look at the way the world is and believe that things are never going to get any better."