Creative juices are going again

[rightwing401]

I've got a new idea for a short story. I'm quite a ways into it, but I want to see how the opening does for building up the coming events of the tale. Just so no one's confused, I making a story about a traveling alien that passes by earth, and notices that the planet seems kind of dead, so it decides to take a closer look.
I know this has been done a couple of times before, but I want to try my hand at it. Let me know what you think.


It was a truely beautiful night. Stars twinkled in the open night sky like a giant stretch of black paper sprinkled with white confette. Added by the light of a bright half moon, the summer constellations were etched like a giant blue print.
The lack of lights anywhere greatly helped to enhance their majestic appearance. But it also stood as a grim testement to the world that had ceased to be. Now nothing more than decaying hulks remained to tell of a time that had passed.
One on of the insignificant buildings in great darkness, a young woman lay on her back as she stared longingly up at the heavens. The small roof that she rested on was deserted, leaving the young lady to her own thoughts, of which she had more than enough time to dwell on.
Cathy's vision slowly paced across the sky from where the sun had set up to the moon. Her eyes watered up as she spotted a small streak of light race across the belt of Orion. It was a stunning site as she watched it trace a line across the heavens. Despite everything that she had suffured for so long, it was spotting sites like this that brought her peace.
All she had to do was to gaze up at the vast emptyness of it all and marvel at its beauty, and the horrors that she faced daily melted away. Oh how she wished to be up there, soaring among the heavens, free from it all. Far away from the cursed world that she lived in. She became momentarily mesmurized by the thin line that continued to etch its way through the night sky. It must have been a large object, maybe a satillite or something else big. And now it's journy through the cosmoses was over, and it was returning to the land of nightmares, just like she was.
Wipping her eyes clean, Cathy rolled over onto her side. "Just a dream." she told herself. "A stupid dream." Resting her head against a raggedy pillow, her eye lids slowly closed as sleep overcame her.
Little did Cathy realize that if she hadn't turned over to sleep, she would have noticed that the streaking light in the sky was rapidly becoming brighter. And it was beginning to slow down.

[losherman]

sounds cool so far rightwing, keep us posted.

[rightwing401]

Ok, I know that it's been a while, but here's the update. I'm just about done with the rough draft of this piece of work. And if anyone's willing, I'd like someone to read over this bit and give me a constructive critique on what's working and what isn't. What I have here is an interaction between the alien and a sole survivor that it managed to run into, and I'm trying to see if the emtions fit right.


The Traveler carried the inhabitant away from the abominations. With its nano machine enhanced muscles, it covered a great distance in a short amount of time. The small being proved to be of little bother to the Traveler. It took the inhabitant to a large open space and placed it down.
The inhabitant glanced around nervously. Clearly its vision capabilities were severely hampered in the dark phase of the planet’s rotation. “Are you sure that this place is safe?” it asked in a worried voice.
The Traveler recalled the probes to its position. “Do not worry.” It said, issuing several quick commands with its synaptic link to the suit’s comm. systems. “I’ve activated the ship, it will reach this location soon. Until then, the sentry probes will protect us.”
As if to underscore its claim, one of the probes floating overhead fired its onboard photon cannon into a dense clump of vegetation. A hoarse scream emitted from the foliage, followed moments later by an abomination stumbling out, its frame consumed in flame. It thrashed about wildly before falling to the soil, never to rise again.
The Traveler took no notice of the incident, but the inhabitant watched in awe of the spectacle. “That’s unbelievable. I don’t know how you did that.”
“Condensed photons emitted….” The Traveler began to explain.
“No wait; don’t tell me, you’ll just confuse me.” The inhabitant told it.
A strange silence fell between the two. Both having many questions working through their minds, but neither knowing exactly how to approach the other for answers. Finally, after a short time, the Traveler posed the biggest question on its mind.
“What has happened to this world?” it questioned.



Cathy looked up at the large alien. “What happened?” she asked the question to herself as she sought an answer to its question.
“No one knows. At least, no one knew what had caused it when everything stopped.”
The alien stared at her blankly. Cathy thought of a way to explain it to the thing that would make sense. “When our society collapsed.”
“You speak of when coherent coordination and communication ceased to exist.” It said.
“Yeah, that’s it.” She looked at the ever present sites of destruction and decay around them. “I’m sorry I can’t give you any answers.”
The alien said nothing, turning its back to her. Cathy fought down a swelling lump in her throat, and gently tapped the alien’s back. “I have to ask you something.” She said to it as the alien turned around. “Did…..did you find anyone else?”
“Anyone else?” it questioned.
“Yeah. Like me.” She said, pointing at herself. “Alive, not like those things.”
She looked longingly into the alien’s eyes. Hope coursed through her as she waited for its answer.
“I did a high altitude scan of the planet before I descended….” It trailed off.
Cathy stepped closer to the alien. “And?” she pleaded.
“Nothing. It appears the same everywhere, all over the entire planet. There were no life signs matching your people’s bio data. I believe that you are the last of your kind.”
The answer struck her as hard as the alien could have hit her. Her mind crumbled at that instant, and she collapsed to the ground. In front of the alien, she began to wail uncontrollably.


The Traveler didn’t know how to handle the situation. Never before had the Traveler ever encountered a being that was presumably the last of its kind. It heard the inhabitant cry out several names, all with the alien ring of its home world. Seeing it in this state, the Traveler instantly made its decision for the being.
The Traveler scooped the pained female into its arms and silently waited for its ship to arrive. As it tracked the ship’s progress to the position, the Traveler’s enhanced vision caught a slight glisten in the extreme corners of its vision. Looking to it, it saw that the inhabitant, to its own surprise, was leaking fluid.
“Why does fluid seep from your vision receptors?” it asked.
“Because….I’m sad.” The inhabitant said in a broken voice, looking up at it.
What happened next the Traveler was completely unprepared for.


Cathy looked up at the alien and stared into its eyes. The lime-green irises were so bizarre, but felt so comforting, so nurturing, so protecting. A raw storm of unbelievable emotions flooded through Cathy, and she lost it. With very little knowing or care, she threw herself up at the alien, wrapped her tender arms around its thick neck, and began pouring her heart out.
The tears flowed from her like they had only once before. So many years of pain, misery, and absolute sorrow that had been buried under raw desire to stay alive seeped through her crying. In the rational part of her mind, the part that was the faintest at the moment, she knew that the alien didn’t know her actions.
How could it understand? It wasn’t even human.
But after so long without seeing another living soul, of never letting her emotions surface, going weeks without speaking, Cathy was finally able to let her feelings come out. And as the droplets of water dribbled all over the alien’s neck, she felt it place a hand on her back.


“Please, hold me!” the inhabitant pleaded to the Traveler. The Traveler touched the being’s shoulder, and felt its grip tighten. “I need to feel something alive!”
The meaning wasn’t entirely clear to the Traveler, but the inhabitant’s actions were universal. With great care, it took the smaller being into its arms and cradled it as though it were a youngling.
As it held the inhabitant, the Traveler thought of everything that this creature must have endured. Untold horror and suffering that it had been forced to exist with, of being all alone without a sole companion for solace. As it thought of this, the Traveler felt deep pit form within its chest.
Both it and this being were alike in so many ways. Both of them were alone, traveling through darkness without any companion, and the Traveler realized for the first time how very much alone it was. In that moment, a rumble echoed in it and the Traveler felt absolutely despicable.
“What…” it began, searching for the right meaning. “What are you called?”
Still sobbing, the inhabitant slowly pulled away from its neck and stared longingly at the Traveler’s face. “What….am I….called?” it sniffled through tattered breaths. The Traveler nodded. “Cathy.” It whispered.
“Cathy.” It repeated the name. “I am known as the Traveler.”
The creature called Cathy stared at the Traveler, and it saw something flash in its eyes. They hadn’t changed physically one bit, but something deeper in them had transformed.
Cathy didn’t say anything to the Traveler. Instead, she buried her head in its chest.


Cathy didn’t know why, but she felt safe in ‘Traveler’s’ arms. Like he/she/it, was some kind of guardian angel. Sent down, quite literally, from heaven to protect her. It had been years since she had seen another living person. And here she was, pouring her heart out to a thing that wasn’t even from her world, dreaming but having very little hope that it would understand the pain that she felt. But it had, and it held her the way her father had when she was just a child.
The feeling was one of absolute bliss. For the first time since the dead had begun to return to life, Cathy felt her mind completely at ease. She just felt that, being in Traveler’s arms, nothing could ever hurt her.
And so, with this tender feeling of comfort, Cathy snuggled her face on Traveler’s chest armor, the armor of her knight from space, like it was a giant teddy bear.
When the Traveler’s ship arrived above them, Cathy was in a deep slumber. The most peaceful one she had ever had in her entire adult life.