mista_mo
30-Nov-2007, 04:15 PM
now, i am not exactly known for being an amazing omfg writer, as i tend to write to either relieve stress or organize my thoughts. I am aware this will need some cleaning up, but i am actually happy with how it has come out. This is the first page or so of a many page story/crossover i have in my head atm (or for the past 2 weeks). The first paragraph (in italics) represents the future of the story, how it will play out, and reveals some plot points and information that is going to occur within the next few writing sessions/pages.
For the record, no, there will be no aliens per se, but the situation the main character will find himself in will be entirely alien. The other world thing also doesn't refer to anyone from anouther culture, it means from anouther world, literally. There will be no aliens whatsoever, an entirely human cast with some odd twists (the inspiration comes from a universe for anouther love of mine which will remain unknown atm). It is a zombie fiction first and foremost however, but unlike most others out there. My premise is the character being sent to anouther locale via mysterious means to be revealed later, and how he copes in a new, unzombiefied situation. It will also show genuine human interaction, and how he copes with the loss of his loved ones and everything he ever valued in this new place, while attempting to integrate himself in with a new crowd of people who take him in.
tl;dr, it is a zombie story with a twist, which will focus very little on the undead (however, i plan to make a full backstory for the character at a later point in time, detailing life pre-undead, and during) for most of THIS piece of fiction. I want criticism, not insults to my writing ability (which I agree isn't as good as most) so i can make it that much better. enjoy and leave your comments.
Their meeting wasn't some random, freak occurance of nature. It wasn't even natural. It was planned years ago, years before they were born, before their parents even thought of having children. They come from 2 completely different worlds, two different cultres, two different ways of life. Now that his world had been reduced to but a fraction of it's former glory, through acts and deeds and mis-adventures aimed at enslaving the human gene-code, and bringing it under the complete control of man, it was determined that the time had come. Change was about to occur, at a rate and level neither parties had ever seen, or heard of before in their relitivley short lives. A change into a new world, new customs, new ways of living, and eventually, new friends. So had it been decreed ages ago, and so it was about to happen.
The moonlight shined onto the forested earth below, the silver light illuminating the night for every creature. The earth is a virtual hub of animal activity, things coming and going about their buisness, doing what they do to survive. Foraging ants run about the earth, locating food stuffs for their colonies, and leaving pheromone trails behind for others to follow. Mice scurry through the thick foliage, searching for fallen seeds amoung the piles of dead leaves. They are, in turn, being watched by the large, illuminated eyes of a great horned owl. The creature pauses in it's over watch as it spots the prey and begins to think it's strike. A group of dear are drinking out of the river, all the while peaking up from their drinking to survey the surrondings, being watchful for any predators that may be lurking in the dense bushes and trees at the rivers edge. A chilly wind rustles through the trees, swaying their branches lightly causing more of their leaves to spill unto the forest floor. The wildlife has noticed the tempurature and seasonal changes, most began to migrate to warmer climates, while others forage for nuts and berries and food to fatten up for the long winter hibernation that is to come. It is as normal, and natural as nature can possibly be, and always has been.
The moonlight bathing the land begins to falter as a thick covering of smoke blows past it recklessly. The winds have brought the smoke from the city blowing eastword, towards some arbitrary goal. The night sky stained grey, the stars blotted out, as the long smoke trail is blown eastword. 3 miles the smoke has travelled, 3 miles from the human city. It isn't from a factory, or from the exhaust pipes of the numerous vehicles, nor is it from a forest fire or building collapse. The city itself is burning. The fire department is no longer able to put it out, for they are no longer there. No one is. The fire rages on throughout the desolate cityscape, burning through the accumulated arcitecture of 100's of years of urbanization. All the sweat, blood, pain, and joy that went into erecting the steel and concrete megaliths is all but forgotten, for they stand empty and desiccate. The office building on spaulding street was once a beacon of activity, cleaners and security officials coming during the night to prepare the place for the work force which would begin to arrive at 5:30 a.m, ready to work 8-12 hours of the day, doing their various jobs, sitting at their desks, compiling and filing reports. It was an ugly 5 story building, but it was well kept and maintained. A crew of maintenance officials would come to check on the buildings vitals, recalibrate anything that was off, and fix any problems. The parking lot was usually full of employee vehicles, people parking their cars to begin a new day of work at the office. Now the building was desolate, and falling apart from wear and tear. No one is there to fix it, to correct any problems. No one is there to clean and secure it. No one is there to work and put in their 8 hours of labour.
__________________________________________________ _______________
end so far, about a page or so, and i allready have it thought out for many, many, many more (i get my ideas when i goto sleep, so i tend to think of the situation, adapt it, picture it in my head, how it will go etc.)
For the record, no, there will be no aliens per se, but the situation the main character will find himself in will be entirely alien. The other world thing also doesn't refer to anyone from anouther culture, it means from anouther world, literally. There will be no aliens whatsoever, an entirely human cast with some odd twists (the inspiration comes from a universe for anouther love of mine which will remain unknown atm). It is a zombie fiction first and foremost however, but unlike most others out there. My premise is the character being sent to anouther locale via mysterious means to be revealed later, and how he copes in a new, unzombiefied situation. It will also show genuine human interaction, and how he copes with the loss of his loved ones and everything he ever valued in this new place, while attempting to integrate himself in with a new crowd of people who take him in.
tl;dr, it is a zombie story with a twist, which will focus very little on the undead (however, i plan to make a full backstory for the character at a later point in time, detailing life pre-undead, and during) for most of THIS piece of fiction. I want criticism, not insults to my writing ability (which I agree isn't as good as most) so i can make it that much better. enjoy and leave your comments.
Their meeting wasn't some random, freak occurance of nature. It wasn't even natural. It was planned years ago, years before they were born, before their parents even thought of having children. They come from 2 completely different worlds, two different cultres, two different ways of life. Now that his world had been reduced to but a fraction of it's former glory, through acts and deeds and mis-adventures aimed at enslaving the human gene-code, and bringing it under the complete control of man, it was determined that the time had come. Change was about to occur, at a rate and level neither parties had ever seen, or heard of before in their relitivley short lives. A change into a new world, new customs, new ways of living, and eventually, new friends. So had it been decreed ages ago, and so it was about to happen.
The moonlight shined onto the forested earth below, the silver light illuminating the night for every creature. The earth is a virtual hub of animal activity, things coming and going about their buisness, doing what they do to survive. Foraging ants run about the earth, locating food stuffs for their colonies, and leaving pheromone trails behind for others to follow. Mice scurry through the thick foliage, searching for fallen seeds amoung the piles of dead leaves. They are, in turn, being watched by the large, illuminated eyes of a great horned owl. The creature pauses in it's over watch as it spots the prey and begins to think it's strike. A group of dear are drinking out of the river, all the while peaking up from their drinking to survey the surrondings, being watchful for any predators that may be lurking in the dense bushes and trees at the rivers edge. A chilly wind rustles through the trees, swaying their branches lightly causing more of their leaves to spill unto the forest floor. The wildlife has noticed the tempurature and seasonal changes, most began to migrate to warmer climates, while others forage for nuts and berries and food to fatten up for the long winter hibernation that is to come. It is as normal, and natural as nature can possibly be, and always has been.
The moonlight bathing the land begins to falter as a thick covering of smoke blows past it recklessly. The winds have brought the smoke from the city blowing eastword, towards some arbitrary goal. The night sky stained grey, the stars blotted out, as the long smoke trail is blown eastword. 3 miles the smoke has travelled, 3 miles from the human city. It isn't from a factory, or from the exhaust pipes of the numerous vehicles, nor is it from a forest fire or building collapse. The city itself is burning. The fire department is no longer able to put it out, for they are no longer there. No one is. The fire rages on throughout the desolate cityscape, burning through the accumulated arcitecture of 100's of years of urbanization. All the sweat, blood, pain, and joy that went into erecting the steel and concrete megaliths is all but forgotten, for they stand empty and desiccate. The office building on spaulding street was once a beacon of activity, cleaners and security officials coming during the night to prepare the place for the work force which would begin to arrive at 5:30 a.m, ready to work 8-12 hours of the day, doing their various jobs, sitting at their desks, compiling and filing reports. It was an ugly 5 story building, but it was well kept and maintained. A crew of maintenance officials would come to check on the buildings vitals, recalibrate anything that was off, and fix any problems. The parking lot was usually full of employee vehicles, people parking their cars to begin a new day of work at the office. Now the building was desolate, and falling apart from wear and tear. No one is there to fix it, to correct any problems. No one is there to clean and secure it. No one is there to work and put in their 8 hours of labour.
__________________________________________________ _______________
end so far, about a page or so, and i allready have it thought out for many, many, many more (i get my ideas when i goto sleep, so i tend to think of the situation, adapt it, picture it in my head, how it will go etc.)