I need the opinion of both sexes.

[DeadJonas190]

Humm where to start...

OK, so me and my ex were still friends up until the other day. I thought we were still pretty close because we would still talk about almost everything. I saw on My Space that she has posted a new pic, so I checked it out and while on her page saw something that made me think she was dating somebody.

Now here is a little backstory. While we were dating, she was nervous about telling her ex because she didnt know how he would react and since they were still friends she didn't want to hurt him. She never really told him, she eventually told him what was going on when he asked and he was cool with it and wished us his best.

Back to now. Since I thought she was dating somebody I sent her an e mail asking if she was and letting her know that if it were the case that I would be ok, she wouldn't have to worry about anything.

So then I get a phone call a few hours later with her all mad at me asking me why it is my business if she is and it was a total flip of the coin, she had never been mad at me like that before. I explained that because of what happened while we were dating, I was simply saying that if she was worried about telling me anything not to, I will be fine if she started dating again. So basically, I think she thought I was being intrusive and just trying to digg for information instead of me honestly saying that I would be ok.

The night before, we had talked for over an hour on the phone and since up until this phone call where I was yelled at, she never let me believe anything except that we were still really good friends. The reason I sent the e mail was because there is a lot of other stressful things going on in my life and I honestly wanted to tell her that even with everything going on, she wouldn't have to hide anything from me while trying to not hurt my feelings, that I would be ok.

So do you think that it was intrusive and wrong to ask that question?

[Trencher]

No you did not do wrong but she is your ex after all so she is probably angry at you for something, I suggest you leave her by herself.

[Shadowofthedead]

you still have feelins for her at least thats what im gettin at... heres an idea to see how she feels on the situation... mkae her jealous. go out with one of your "friends" and tell her you are and see how she acts heck even post pics of the date. nothing like diggin answers and truths out of someone like showin the proof is in the puddin on your side that you are doin something they dont like but they wont tell you anout it face to face. if nothing else well private message me and ill tell ya i dont want to offend some of the gals and "lady" actin gentlemen in here. best thing i could honestly tell you to do is forget her and move on havin a relationship with an ex is tricky especially if its plutonic... i would know. oh and its not bein intrusive shes just bein well ive said enough and obviously shes guilty of somethin otherwise she wouldnt act like that:elol: peace

[Danny]

^ thats the worst advice ive heard since "try lighting a firework in your subarus exhaust".

[Legion2213]

Mate, you can never be "friends" with somebody you used to sleep with, it just doesn't work like that IMO.

If you break up with somebody, you break up, end of. That doesn't mean that you have to totally ignore them if they say hello in the street, but regular contact is a no-no (unless children are involved).

You should both be getting on with your own lives now. Find yourself a nice woman and forget about the ex, you don't need to be putting yourself through any of this crap, it won't do you any favours.

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh or preachy, I just think it the best course of action for all involved.

[Danny]

not that i agree with that 100% but if you whent out with someone and lived with them and got so sick of that person you had to call it quits then you probably dont have very connecting personalities.

[Arcades057]

Try lighting a firework in your Subaru's exhaust.

If that doesn't work, detach yourself from her. Time to move on, bro. Wimminz are odd ducks and they have one idea of how a friendship should go (them being in charge and not having to tell you anything that might hurt your feelings--like "hey, I've moved on"--and we have a different way of thinking how things should go (you know, that thing called being honest?

I just had a conversation the other day with my ex about her new boyfriend for whom she is "wild." This comes three weeks after we had decided we were still in love and were going to try the dating thing again. She disappeared for the three weeks and came back with a new guy.

[Dtothe3]

It seems to me like you've been right on the money with how you acted, no faults, kudos due.

You took previous situation, and just tried to make her at ease (i assume so you could still be her friend). Seems like she's the one with issues. So next time she calls, tell her you're just going out. If she says hello in the street, say hello and walk on (after she stops).

The simple fact is, you've made accomodations to keep her in your life, she hasn't made them for you. So **** her and the asshole she rode in on. Before long she'll realise that you're one of the good guys, and she made a bad mistake by ****ting on your friendship.

Let your last gift to her, be a lesson in life about not ****ting on the friendship you (and others) offer/ed.

[Chic Freak]

It's weird that she'd go from being totally cool with you to being furious just over you *nicely* asking if she was dating someone- are you sure there isn't another reason she's reacting like this?

[Marie]

I'm not being judgemental but the tone of my question is going to sound like it. She's your Ex right? Even though your still friends what business is it of yours that she's dating someone?

That may be why she's angry. The way you made it sound, you were giving her permission to date, which isn't your responsibility. Just an observation.

M_

[Yojimbo]

I am inclined to agree with Marie. The last thing your ex wants to get is your permission to get along with her personal love life. Which is not to say that your intention was to be intrusive (certainly far from it) but that she may have perceived it as this way.

It's a zero-sum game to be sure, so I would just forget about her and move on. Be her freind, just as you are friends with others, and be no more than that, and expect no more than that.

Find another woman and write this one off as an old friend that you do not hate. Don't bother to check in on her to see if she is OK, stay away from combing through her myspace postings for indications of her mindset.

[clanglee]

The ONLY reason I stay in touch with my ex is because of my daughter. Otherwise, I would never bother. It's not that I don't think she's a good person or anything, It's just that there is no real point in keeping a relationship up with someone that you have been that intimately involved with. It just makes it weird for your next relationship. No future in it.:rockbrow:

[kortick]

I think your intentions were good
considering she had a hard time telling her ex she
was dating again
you were only trying to tell her not to be
afraid to let you know she was dating
like she was with her ex before you

it was kind of considerate on your part
but like the song says
"lots of people talking
few of them know
soul of a woman was created below"

its hard to remain friends with an ex
I am friends with one
cuz I dated her from when I was 13
on and off till i was 30. So we know each other
so well, I can ask her for advice and she can me
and we both can cut right thru the crap and tell the other
whats up

maybe you should do as the others say
and give her space and move on
dont forget her completely
I suggest honesty and not games
tell her whats up and why you are putting distance
you didnt expect the reaction you got
and you didnt think it would come to this but it has
and if she ever wants to talk about it then you will listen

[SymphonicX]

I think you did a noble thing and she took it totally out of context.

[Neil]

Unfortunately what you intend is not necessarily what someone else can interpret... So you may have said something, but it was construed another way...

Also, we are not always logical or fair... So you may have said something which simply triggered X number of other events/emotions...

I'd simply phone or write, apologize if you upset her, and say that you simply wanted to make sure if she was dating/seeing someone else that she wasn't concerned about any ill-feelings from you...

That's all you can do... Do not argue back... Do not over explain... It's up to her then...

[AcesandEights]

I agree with Neil for the most part. Explain, but do not over-explain. Make it clear that you did not intend any offense or mean to imply she needed your permission to 'move on' and leave it at that.

I believe she probably over-reacted, though it's hard to tell secondhand. So, in summary, if she's worth her salt as a 'friend' then she'll put the matter to bed and apologize for b1thcing out on you. Alternately, she may decide distance is important for whatever emotional reason, in which case you'd want to honor her wishes. Either way, if she can't be arsed, then she's not worth it and you're better off. Do not further feed any drama by providing emotional ammunition and good luck.

[kortick]

and dont forget
sometimes a woman needs
an open handed smack in the mouth when they get bitchy.

its just the way it is.

[Neil]

and dont forget
sometimes a woman needs
an open handed smack in the mouth when they get bitchy.

its just the way it is.

W T F !

[Chic Freak]

and dont forget
sometimes a woman needs
an open handed smack in the mouth when they get bitchy.

its just the way it is.

As long as you don't mind getting a swift kick in the balls in return :kiss:

[Danny]

^true dat.

[kortick]

As long as you don't mind getting a swift kick in the balls in return :kiss:

No.
Thats not a problem.
If you smack them on the mouth
often enough and hard enough,
they quickly learn their place.

And remember, you dont have to wait
until they do something wrong
to give your girl an open handed slap on
the mouth.

Sometimes you have to give them one out of nowhere
just so they dont forget their place.

Im only going by the writings of Shahrazad Ali
and she is WOMAN witer:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shahrazad_Ali

Quote from her book:
"her belief that a man has the right to discipline a woman—going as far as slapping her on the mouth—no matter how strong or liberated she is."

You cant kick a woman in the balls

[Danny]

:stunned:

[Arcades057]

:lol: ROFL, Kortick. You are a crazy man and I would sign up for your newsletter.

That being said, hitting a woman is wrong, but we all know that already. Well, besides Kortick the mouth-slapper.

[DeadJonas190]

Thanks for the advice people. I think Marie hit the nail on the head with saying that it sounded like I was giving her permission to date, even though I didn't mean it that way.

The only advice I didn't take was the smacking in the face part, she doesn't deserve that at all.

Plus I wouldn't hit a woman unless it was in self defense.

[kortick]

good luck jonas
If she's your friend Im sure you can work it out.


dont rule out the mouth smack thing though.

If you dont want to hit her,
the next best thing is to sleep with her
best friend or her sister. take pictures too.
(is it a wonder why one of my girlfriends stabbed me
with a meat fork?)

and as a point of reference,
do you ever notice how when a woman gets
pissed off her foot goes straight for your jewels?

say something wrong...kick in the nuts
look at another girl...kick in the nuts
forget to put the toilet seat down...kick in the nuts
and so on...

what is it with you broads?
that hurts
in case you didnt know.
not a little hurt, a big hurt.

soul of a woman was created below

[Chic Freak]

(is it a wonder why one of my girlfriends stabbed me
with a meat fork?)

...do you ever notice how when a woman gets
pissed off her foot goes straight for your jewels?

say something wrong...kick in the nuts
look at another girl...kick in the nuts
forget to put the toilet seat down...kick in the nuts

Maybe all that mouth-slappin' discipline isn't working for you... either that or YOU'RE being disciplined with nut-kickin' :lol:

[DeadJonas190]

good luck jonas
If she's your friend Im sure you can work it out.


dont rule out the mouth smack thing though.

If you dont want to hit her,
the next best thing is to sleep with her
best friend or her sister. take pictures too.
(is it a wonder why one of my girlfriends stabbed me
with a meat fork?)

and as a point of reference,
do you ever notice how when a woman gets
pissed off her foot goes straight for your jewels?

say something wrong...kick in the nuts
look at another girl...kick in the nuts
forget to put the toilet seat down...kick in the nuts
and so on...

what is it with you broads?
that hurts
in case you didnt know.
not a little hurt, a big hurt.

soul of a woman was created below

Yeah, sorry Kortik, but most women think I'm a sweetheart so I have never had them act like that.

[kortick]

well as I said good luck to you
and obviously your not like me
cuz your friendship with her means a lot to you
and that says real good things about your person

and as a final word here
there is a big difference between a smack in the mouth
and a kick in the nuts
that kick can prevent us from having kids

besides, its not like we can kick a girl in the crotch
it would ruin the shine on our shoes.

love ya chic
happy new year
i hope you dont kick liam too often
he may want to reproduce

[Legion2213]

I'm thinking that a kick in the nuts from Chic Freak wouldn't be such a terrible experience if she was all dressed up like she is in her site banner. She's lookin' good! :D

[Yojimbo]

Thanks for the advice people. I think Marie hit the nail on the head with saying that it sounded like I was giving her permission to date, even though I didn't mean it that way.

The only advice I didn't take was the smacking in the face part, she doesn't deserve that at all.

Plus I wouldn't hit a woman unless it was in self defense.

Jonas, you are a good guy. Don't let her get you down, brother. Move forward and put it behind you. Have a great new year!

[Marie]

good luck jonas
If she's your friend Im sure you can work it out.


dont rule out the mouth smack thing though.

If you dont want to hit her,
the next best thing is to sleep with her
best friend or her sister. take pictures too.
(is it a wonder why one of my girlfriends stabbed me
with a meat fork?)

and as a point of reference,
do you ever notice how when a woman gets
pissed off her foot goes straight for your jewels?

say something wrong...kick in the nuts
look at another girl...kick in the nuts
forget to put the toilet seat down...kick in the nuts
and so on...

what is it with you broads?
that hurts
in case you didnt know.
not a little hurt, a big hurt.

soul of a woman was created below

Stabbed with a meat fork and repeatedly kicked in the yarbles.... Since I've only had occasion to do that once when a guy jumped me and tried to force me into a van in a parking lot I have to assume it's something you're doing.:evil:

Or maybe you need to be more circumspect in your dating?:annoyed:

M_