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acealive1
15-Jan-2008, 05:27 AM
LONG list,but it works. trust me. these are by me,for all to learn from


1.never let a chick get ya down,peeps. im just telling you that from previous experience.

2.never give 100% cuz that means shes only giving 0%

3. Never close any options you might have in the avenues of dating, you never know when the girl you're talking to might leave you for someone in the navy just cuz "he's in the navy". (you'll only look bad if she leaves you for a marine,other than that you're just fine....then again.........no)

4. IF a woman ever says "yeah me and a friend have been hanging out all week" that's a red flag to get the hell outta there and that all bets are off.

5. Women do stupid things in general,so don't feel bad if she can't make up her mind. she might just be talking to too many guys and think she can get away with it

6. Women think all guys are dumb,they think that they can just have you on the back burner on a string til something better comes along. not always the case since most leave before the tide gets too high (i.e. a girl you're talking to says you can only be friends for right now just so she can go after someone else)

7. NEVER date a girl from a small town,it will not EVER work.

8. NEVER tell a girl you love her just cuz she said it first. even if she gets mad that you didnt say it back. swimfan,anyone? it'll only lead to HORRIBLE things like her being "scared away cuz YOU are moving too fast" even though shes the one that was going 100MPH

9.See how the friendship is going, if you've driven TWO hours to see her three times and she's had to be dragged along to see you just once then it's NOT WORTH IT.

10. and FINALLY...............If you drive two hours to see this girl and you're in town all week and you see her zero times because she's "really sick" then calls and is really apologetic.............................im sorry to say that you've been had because she's probably screwing someone else by now.

11: Make her count backwards from 100. If she can't do it fluently without missing some numbers, you probably should not invest too much time or emotion into her. (submitted by Joe B.)

12. NEVER TAKE AN EX BACK!!! no matter how much they beg and grovel. if anything, use em for the cheap ass and then be done with em again.

13. dont be nice to an ex, it never works for the better. they are constantly looking for ways to belittle you if they have a new significant other and you dont.

14. If you go on a date and the girl keeps wanting to eat at the same spot over and over, then thats exactly what your relationship is going to be like............boring,repeatative,same thing over and over...........

15. Never date a lush(professional drunk) people who drink all the time have a better chance of getting somethin in their head while in that state of lushness and will dream it in to reality until they totally stand by it. and plus i mean ANYTHING is possible this way. hell..........you might even get the person telling you that you threatened to cut their head off and put them on the 10 o'clock news.

16.If you date a girl more than 20 minutes from you distance wise.........BEWARE because you're not the only one she's talking to. i experienced this first hand and it isnt pretty. end it with them before they end it with you.

17. FORGIVENESS: In the rare event your ex bf/gf has contacted you 6 months after dumping you out the back door like yesterday's garbage to apologize, it's more than acceptable to forgive them most girls will never own up to dogging you....let alone call you to apologize.....notice i didnt say anything about dating them again. but thats not out of the question either if you feel its worth a second go round and that she had enough substance to apologize in the first place

18. Make time for your friends if you're involved with someone.....not saying spend every waking moment with your friends but hang with them from time to time. that way everyones happy and no one gets hurt or stepped on. most friends have a good enough relationship to where they dont step into each others lives as far as their bf/gf goes. plus this way its a LOT better since the mutual repsect is there enough to not be up under that particular friend and give them space and vice versa.

19. You DO NOT have to intermingle your bf/gf with your friends if you dont want to. most people prefer to keep those two aspects of their lives separate to avoid any confusion as to if someones being neglected. or if they just prefer to keep their relationship quiet because of that fact. the most they have to know is that you're seeing someone,beyond that its YOUR decision.

20. Is it possible to be friends with your ex's friends and family? Sure is! believe me when i tell you,nothing is holding you back from making new friends and that (the ex) shouldnt be an exception. once those people get to know you, they accept you for what you are and not because of how the relationship with the link to them turned out. it's a beautiful thing because not only do you have new connections in a new place, you also have a permanant way to piss off your ex.

21. can u move on from your ex and date their friend? HELL YEAH YOU CAN! why not? it's not like you two love birds formed an agreement before hand saying so. always remember,in the back of her mind she'd date your friends if your relationship took a dive.

22. Most women are carnivores......meat eaters..... or riders.... or..........you get the point. it doesnt matter how you look,dress,smell, or if you live at home with your momma. if they can get it easy,they will. no commitment is better since bedhopping is a sport amongst them just like some guys do it. (dont be fooled guys,women do it more than guys proclaim to. they just rarely get caught,and when they do it's REALLY REALLY ugly.)

23. Do you have to pay for your date when you go out? if you just started dating,trust me she doesnt consider you two an item yet..........therefore shes still playing the field....sometimes she goes into extra innings (dont ask). anyway, NO you dont have to pay. do it dutch and pay for yourself cuz once you start paying, she wont let it stop.

24. NEVER volunteer to loan her money if she asks. you can politely say no by say "motha****a naw!" or just looking at her like shes got five eyes. once you take the bait that she might wanna date you,she's gonna perceive that as "oh he's just GIVING his money away and i dont have to pay it back" keep your money,fellas.

25. Let her pick what you two will have on your pizza,or co exist. cuz sometimes you might wanna have to drop a lung if what she ordered doesnt sit well with your stomach. also if you're paying just get something you both will like.

26. Don't EVER get ANYTHING in YOUR name for another male/female! They'll **** you over!!!

27. NEVER believe someone that's in jail and you seriously thought they "Loved" you!

28. Never "fall head over heels" for someone who wants you to "come see them first" and then "take it from there", they usually stop talking to you for whatever reason and it's never your fault. this person knows who she is and it was a total waste of time i can never get back. heres another hint, this tall drink of water got scammed by some guy from the UK for OSU tickets for the game last weekend..........****in dumb ass.

29. Love the one you're with, if not.............you need your ass kicked and theres 50 guys out there waiting to take your place and marry your girl if you **** up.

30. PLEASE dont' waste time on a chick who tells you "no". if you get told no once no matter what for then its time to MOVE ON!! the first sign of rejection is the last one for me.

31. If you and a girl are getting along,say via email phone or internet and its working BEAUTIFUL.......................BEWARE. she might just only want a friend after stringing you along for a month. either that or their parents are racist and or they are already talking to someone besides you( the ex).

32. If your girl goes out of town every weekend for "her job",then break if off,shes screwing some other ding bat.

33. don't ****ing be all gloomy over a chick, why you say? well for starters, women are pretty vicious and they dont believe in a "grace period" after they get out of a relationship. hell, they probably are already talking to someone while you're still going out with them. in my case, i got dropped a day after everything was going fine and i was interrupting her and her boyfriend at dinner.............true story.

34. Should you talk to your ex after you get done dating? **** NO! in the words of an ex of mine "**** that ****!" ol' colonel mustard had some good catch phrases,didnt she?

35. if you take a chick 2 hours away on a trip with you and your boy,she should be forever indebted to you because you let her into your world so early. and if she ****s that up and drunk texts you from her phone saying you threatened to kill her.....and THEN calls your mom in a blind drunken rage(and adds more to her previous story) and says you threatened to cut her head off and put that **** on the 10 o clock news,then it's time to drop her. crazy girls from the burbs arent good for you.......or me.

36. if a chick says she "just wants to be friends"..leave it at that cuz she doesnt know what she wants and by the time she comes around just tell her to "**** off" cuz its too late.



37. do not EVER and i repeat EVER keep talking to a girl if she says "so would be alright for me to go out with someone and no i would never stop talking to you". that means get the hell away NOW! (MCS) cuz she's gonna do it whether you say yes or not. same with when they cheat on you,the relationship is over when they mes around. the chick who asks this magic question is not worth the heartbreak,struggle, or pain.......or wallet lightness. keep your money and buy yourself something.

acealive1
15-Jan-2008, 05:28 AM
38. If your phone keeps ringing at 12:30 am and you say "hello" and get a hangup, it's your ex trying to get back with you but knowing nothing she says can fix what she ****ed up........................NEXT!

39.never date midwest girls, it never goes right..........well sometimes but i havent had any luck yet. green bay,anyone?

40. if your ex is constantly telling you about how her and her new bitch are doing then just leave her alone. shes always up to no good and doesnt mean you any good. just let it go,thats all. end of story. (a friend of mine had this sorta happen but yeah, just airing that out so everyone else knows what to avoid.)

41. do NOT and i repeat do NOT buy anything for a "platonic friend" who happens to be a girl for any reason (x mas, valentines, sweetest day) once again,fellas. save your friggin money,man!! we all know the falsehoods in this so i wont even go into it.

42. DO NOT give your favorite shirt to someone you're dating. i made that mistake and now i have nothing to show for being a bouncer for so many years. you cant get it back cuz that'd be a lil rude to ask for something like that back..............probably knowing she uses it as a cum rag now anyways.

43. if you're talking to a girl and she's all about me me me 24 got damn 7 then cut her ass off. women like that are just horrible, especially the ones who always are sick or have to one up you on everything.

44. if a chick says she likes you and u get all cozy and spend time together and all that good stuff,dont put 100% into it. what she'll do is just go ahead and screw a couple of guys after you and then complain about how good it wasn't then will try to get back with you. DONT DO IT.........NEXT!

45. everyone is born with one emergency second chance,after that.....it all goes in the 'give a damn' folder which is located in the circular file.

46.only get married once,huh? make it count,fellas. the only way you should get married more than once is if your wife was a total slut. then, if she stunts you take the whole finger.

47. hey bruiser, is it a good idea to let your ex back in as a friend after months of not talking? **** NO! leave her alone,man. she's an ex for a reason. maybe cuz she dates navy guys,who knows.

48. If a girl you're talking to goes on a "DNA collection spree" 4 weeks in a row,puts you through the wringer and makes you jump through hoops to date her then asks "why dont u want to date me?" its time to let her go cuz she's probably more diseased than a pet coon......or a SKUNK!

49. NEVER date someone with a **** load of kids(if they dont have their head on straight) women in particular are known for dating guys with 3 or more kids and call him a "stand up guy" just cuz of the fact he was able to be a sperm donor for 3 different women. yet they love the guy and want to have more kids with this guy if they dont have any by him yet. they must think he's "going to change"............um.....no. not really. just another kid,another woman,period. one case in particular is a girl i know whos 21 and her "man" is 29. THREE kids. all of them the same age, follow me? i have no idea, maybe its the sluttiness that attracts these women to these guys. if he is taking care of the kids,then ok. fine. no problem. but if i see him at the club i work at dancing with other women, then sorry to say but you've been had royally. that is all for now. women? try not to have kids with guys who have 79 of them already. the most prime example is kevin federline who had TWO when britney met him. what does she do? have two of his and he didnt even have a job.........her fault.

50. fellas........if you get turned down by this said chicken head, dont take her back after she realizes she messed up. she has a kid to show for it as well. leave her alone and turn over a new leaf. telling you from experience.



51. Fellas,if you're trying with all your heart for one girl and she gives you the standard excuse about how she can "never get in touch with you" or never gets to talk to you AFTER she tells you she's got a new boyfriend.........DO NOT and i repeat DO NOT settle for being friends with her, you're lowering your standards and devaluing yourself. i cannot tell you what to do beyond this,but it's the only way i know to stop from layin' hands on her since she's pissed you off so much after supposedly being interested.

52. Question: if she's so interested then why arent you two dating? EASY AS PIE,she isnt interested. you're arm candy so she's not alone til something better comes along. most women cant stand to be alone even for a second. that's what gay guy friends are for, so dont fall into this category.

53. Bruiser,what do i do when a best friend's friend is trying to get with you? my honest answer? RUN LIKE HELL! they probably wanted to be friends with your buddy then saw you and went "oooh, feisty". leave it alone,man. leave it.

54. do not date a girl with kids who wants you to quote on quote "man up". that only means she wants you to take care of her 52 kids of all different nationalities without skipping a beat. a REAL woman wouldnt want you to take over being the father, it's just a cheap way out for her. if you do insist on playing part time daddy and having to knock out the sperm donor every once in awhile........ask her for the child support money. (used by permission of angelic diablo)

55. always keep your eyes open for sudden changes in a woman's behavior.............at all times. this may mean the end of you and the beginning of some dirty pie faced fruit loop who picks his nose on camera and has the mentality of a 3 year old.

56. if you're not a pussy, you can have a better handle on who you're dating. not saying a guy is superior cuz we arent. it should be equal. 50/50 but dont get walked on by some no good hooch.

57. this is a very serious one,im not joking at all when i say this following dating do and dont................ if you consider yourself a person able to love everyone and like everyone no matter their nationality,then why would you ever date a skin head or some kind of socialist idiot(and know he's this way) who only likes white people period? think about that one.

58. if a girl you're dating tells you that she bought u a bunch of stuff but everytime u hang out she says sheepishly "ohh, i forgot it",just forget it. you'll never see that stuff as long as u live. it's meant for the next boyfriend. why even keep bringing it up if you're gonna lie?

59. Military people lie, male or female. there's a reason they get penicillin and "other" shots every month. they're sluts. the uniform just gets em the ass,they're not superman or ANYTHING. they're human just like me and you.

60. if a girl says she'll call you back, dont answer. keep your distance and she'll want to see/hear more of you.....gee, if only i woulda known this sooner.

61.when a girl says "dont call me anymore" it means just that. well.......maybe. in my book when a girl writes me off,im done. end of story, no second chances. but some people go "ohh, she's playing hard to get" or "she likes me and i cant live without her".

62. if you know someone like this,call them over to where you are in the room or invite them over and calmly slap the **** out of them with a hammer......that'll teach em to "ACKRITE". if they continue this pattern, u may stomp them like the four horsemen did to people. P.S. to humiliate them even more, wear open toed sandles while doing this.

acealive1
15-Jan-2008, 05:29 AM
63. ladies,ladies,ladies.......when you first talk to a guy,dont assume he's a player because he's got pictures with women on his myspace. you wouldnt want him to have pics with all guys,would you? if anything it should be a turn on knowing a potential love interest has admirers meaning you've found yourself a catch(dont **** it up,ladies)

64. about never assuming he's a player,also never judge a guy before you meet him(it scares us away) and makes you look a bit shallow in the process

65. Ladies, if you ask for a date.........DO NOT expect the guy to pay. i know it's customary and all that but cmon. it's YOUR idea.

66. being on the phone at dinner while you're with your man is bad. stop it.

67.do not introduce your ex boyfriend to your current man, people have come up missing for less.

68. fellas, if this girl tries to introduce you to her ex........run.

69. never give second chances in dating or anything else. it hurts to do so and it also inhibits you from meeting new girls.

70. "hey,bruiser.... im talking to this one girl and she's telling me about how she read this book call "he's just not that into you" and said that if i dont call her all the time,that means im not interested...is that true?" well in short.......NO! if you've called her back and all you've gotten is a voicemail and you've alread left one message......then leave it alone, you've done your part. wait for her to call back and dont call her back. period. if not,then she'll be like "whys he calling me all the time?" its a fine line between caring and being a bug a holic. try the former.

71. fellas, if a girl assumes anything about you on your first conversation ever then it's time to call it a night. go home get a pizza and a six pack and watch wrestling.

72. gentlemen of the world, do me a favor....if you dont have kids, dont collect disney movies or have "under the sea" as your cell phone ring tone. you aint catching **** but michael jackson charges if you do that. and after all its a "man law"

73. if your ex calls,comes by, or messages you online telling you that shes pregnant with her new man's kid....you therfore have permission to laugh in her face for her thinking you actually give a **** AFTER she cheated on you.



74. spend money on a chick and i'll kill you myself. if shes not your woman,dont do it. if she doesnt call you at least once a week,keep your damn money.

75. if you hang with a chick and you cant get a straight answer at all about you and her.......leave

76. if you get the "im busy with school" excuse,that means shes triyng to **** on you lightly. so calm turn around and exit the room or in most cases just ignore her if you're not in the room when she says it.

77. for a first meeting, for god's sake dont try to be diplomatic and "be a gentleman" by going to see her,you're only one of 10 guys shes talking to trying to weed the bad ones out soo make her do the footwork.

78. ask if she has kids,BEFORE you meet. if she has a myspace,find out there. its ok to do some snooping because you do have the right to know and she doesnt have the right to lie to you like that.

79. like mase said "get in they head befo' you get in they bed".....nuff said

80. dont be all hugged up on one girl. why? because you arent their only one either. its kinda tricky,they dont want you getting attached too early yet they want you to tell them "how you feel". so before she goes off and marries some guy a for the sole reason he's white or because they grew up together and tells you that "you're moving way too fast",consider the source of why shes saying this and then ask her siblings or an in law what her ****in deal is.

81. if someone says "oh i'd never cheat on you,im not like that" that means holla out. be gone. dip.

82. If you girl needs to desperately tell you that her ex "dominates her thoughts",kick that bitch to the curb.....for real. im not playing. DO IT. (courtesy of Rob Borer)



83. "stay at home mom" or "full time mom" is NOT a real job. whens the last time u had a job where u had to pay and not get paid? thats called an investment,people.

84. if a woman says "i need a man to make my life easier" that means she has issues and wants to be able to not work anymore.

85. any woman who puts her man(daddy or not) before her kids needs to have her ass whooped.

86. if a woman lies about how many kids she has then goes "i was gonna tell you,i swear" that means DIP OUT!!

87. if u get ahold of a girl who can only manage to contact you every 2 weeks and act like its only been one day.......time to call it a career. distance yourself from that chick.

88. do NOT get with a crazy girl! sorry about the emphasis.

89. if a girl is only with you because she "doesnt want to be alone" then thats bull**** cuz you're being played and or used til someone else comes along for her.

90. if the same girl tells you "i dont want to get married" then thats a bad sign. you better evacuate with the quickness cuz shes not in it for the long haul.

91. watch for racist parents and or potential dates who give every excuse for dating everyone under the sun before they date a brotha. example: "i've never dated a black guy,but......." or "i've never been in a serious relationship"

92. never give up your creature comforts for anyone you may date. (favorite tv shows,movies,etc.)

93. if a chick likes your style....JUMP ON IT. she wont be waiting around for long despite what she says. we ALL know women change their mind every nanosecond


94. if u and some girl have a falling out(shes mad at u about somethin and leaves your crib mad) and she gets back to u like 2 months later like "hey why havent u called me?" LEAVE!

95. it doesnt matter what you have to offer a girl. u can be a millionaire and own the lakers,but let one thing be wrong....like your car died or something and she'll leave you faster than some gametime chicken wings. remember,women are pretty damn superficial and claim not to be.

SRP76
15-Jan-2008, 05:41 AM
:lol: These are hilarious.

It can all be summed up easily, though:

"All the opposite sex is good for is just that - sex. There is nothing - NOTHING - that you can do with your so-called mate that you can't do with your friends other than sex."

Real simple. Just go with your mating drive, and understand that's all it's worth.

acealive1
15-Jan-2008, 06:14 AM
:lol: These are hilarious.

It can all be summed up easily, though:

"All the opposite sex is good for is just that - sex. There is nothing - NOTHING - that you can do with your so-called mate that you can't do with your friends other than sex."

Real simple. Just go with your mating drive, and understand that's all it's worth.

LOL u have a point......

wyvern1096
15-Jan-2008, 06:17 AM
96: Nothing says "I love you" like a BJ in the morning.

97: All rules null and void after marriage...

acealive1
15-Jan-2008, 06:56 AM
96: Nothing says "I love you" like a BJ in the morning.

97: All rules null and void after marriage...


i got 96 a LOT when i was with this one girl. *drools*

Chic Freak
15-Jan-2008, 02:39 PM
I take it someone's been unlucky in love in the recent past...?!


63. ladies,ladies,ladies.......when you first talk to a guy,dont assume he's a player because he's got pictures with women on his myspace. you wouldnt want him to have pics with all guys,would you? if anything it should be a turn on knowing a potential love interest has admirers meaning you've found yourself a catch(dont **** it up,ladies)

Just as long as you're equally cool with your gf having lots of "admirers" too ;)

I'd say a good rule for relationships is along the lines of "give as good as you get." That way you don't get taken advantage of, but also don't miss out on someone really great through false suspicion (e.g. assuming that *every* woman is only stringing you along while looking for someone else..!).

acealive1
15-Jan-2008, 04:41 PM
I take it someone's been unlucky in love in the recent past...?!



Just as long as you're equally cool with your gf having lots of "admirers" too ;)

I'd say a good rule for relationships is along the lines of "give as good as you get." That way you don't get taken advantage of, but also don't miss out on someone really great through false suspicion (e.g. assuming that *every* woman is only stringing you along while looking for someone else..!).


VERY true........was that u that added me on myspace?

SymphonicX
15-Jan-2008, 05:06 PM
Is it hard to be that cynical about relationships? Certainly seems a lot of effort.

Chic Freak
15-Jan-2008, 05:30 PM
was that u that added me on myspace?

Yep :)

acealive1
15-Jan-2008, 05:41 PM
Yep :)


oh bollocks. im sorry. can u re add me :o

Chic Freak
15-Jan-2008, 06:03 PM
oh bollocks. im sorry. can u re add me :o

Done.

I didn't realise American people said "bollocks" :)

kortick
15-Jan-2008, 06:08 PM
well I can tell this is a young crowd

everything doesnt revolve around your relationship with your girl/boyfriend

and it is possible to remain friends with an ex
it all depends on how the split was
im still very close to a girl I dated for years
we broke up because she got accepted to a college in california
i wasnt gonna get in the way of her life goals, and moving out there
for me wasnt possible

now of all things i date a stripper (hi Jade)
she is also bi sexual
i dont get upset when one of her stripper friends
gets out of jail and wants to come over to have sex with her
sometimes im invited, sometimes not
sometimes i watch

she dont care if i see other people either

but when it comes down to it
in the end its me and her
the others are just passing thru people
if i need her all i got to do is call

we both been thru too much to play
the games that we both hate

acealive1
15-Jan-2008, 06:37 PM
Done.

I didn't realise American people said "bollocks" :)

well i have friends over there. and no most of us dont say it. hehee


well I can tell this is a young crowd



and you're how old?

clanglee
16-Jan-2008, 09:30 AM
Amusing, but mostly silly BS. Too many rules there bucko.