since are on a joke kick...

[Mike70]

a newfie went ice fishing,
he caught 50 pounds of ice and his wife drowned trying to cook it.

(newfie is a derogatory term used in canda in reference to folks from newfoundland who are considered to be rather slow and simple-minded by the rest of the country)

#2

a genie stops 3 men- one from newfoundland, one from quebec and one from toronto.

he says "you each have one wish."

the guy from newfoundland says, "my grandad was a fisherman, my dad was a fisherman and so am i. i wish for the seas to always be teeming with fish.

the genie says "done." and off goes the newfoundlander to fish.

the man from quebec (speaking only in french of course) says " i want you to put up a huge wall around quebec so nothing can get in or out."

the genie says "done." and off goes the dude back to quebec.

the guy from toronto looks at the genie and says "tell me about this wall around quebec."

the genie says "it is 150 feet high and 50 feet thick- nothing can get in or out.

the guy from toronto says " good. now fill it with water."

#3
the Newfie wife and Viagra

A Newfoundland woman of a certain age, visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's sex drive.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, no, doctor, I couldn't do dat," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin.

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh Jaysus Mary and Joseph, doctor, twas horrid. Just terrible!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did like you said and slipped it into his coffee, lard. De effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging something fierce! With one swoop of his arm he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and then, Lard tunder and Jaysus, didn't he take me right then and there, making wild,mad passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!"

"Why so terrible?", asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was not good?"

"No, no, no, Doctor. The sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I had in 25 years. But, oh me son, I'll never be able to show me face in Tim Horton's ever again!"


for those of you not in the know tim horton's is a huge chain of donut and coffee shops in canada and the northern US.

[wyvern1096]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, an d you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Ted. It's winter in Chicago, and I'm driving the salt truck."