In the theme of crasy Religous people...

[LoSTBoY]

100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist Christian chat rooms/ (http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greatest_Quotes_from_fundamentalist_christian_ chat_rooms/)

See if you can reach the bottom of the page before you close it in disgust. :annoyed:

[Arcades057]

Got 4 down and LoL'd at the "Gravity does not exist."

[kortick]

Oh this is the best
Im sending you a fruitcake for this one!

this ones going right in the bookmarks

heres a great one (so many to choose i feel like a kid at xmas)


A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

Are you calling them victims now? Should've stayed in the house where it's safe.

and:

A woman for president is a bad idea. Hillary for president is even worse. Do you think America never had a woman for president by coincidence?

You can transfer that logic to black people, seeing as there's been no black presidents.
Blacks should not ever be in positions of power. They should be suppressed back in to slavery.


and they believe all this.
I would so love to go to a meeting of theirs
and tell them that my goal is to save enough
money so I can have surgery to become
a black, jewish, lesbian woman who is a hooker
for drugs and has lots and lots of abortions.

[Chic Freak]

A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

Are you calling them victims now? Should've stayed in the house where it's safe.

and:

A woman for president is a bad idea. Hillary for president is even worse. Do you think America never had a woman for president by coincidence?

You can transfer that logic to black people, seeing as there's been no black presidents.
Blacks should not ever be in positions of power. They should be suppressed back in to slavery.


and they believe all this.
I would so love to go to a meeting of theirs
and tell them that my goal is to save enough
money so I can have surgery to become
a black, jewish, lesbian woman who is a hooker
for drugs and has lots and lots of abortions.


goddamn :(

It's even sadder when it's coming from women/ rape victims/ whoever themselves, e.g. a fundy woman once said to me that it is God's will that women don't hold positions of power, e.g. as presidents etc.

Me: But why couldn't a woman do just as good a job as a man?
Her: Well, you know what women are like.
Me: ?
Her: Well, imagine what it would be like if a woman prime minister got all angry and announced war or something because she was on her period.

I sh*t you not!! and this coming from a woman!!! :annoyed: :annoyed: :annoyed:

[p2501]

goddamn :(

It's even sadder when it's coming from women/ rape victims/ whoever themselves, e.g. a fundy woman once said to me that it is God's will that women don't hold positions of power, e.g. as presidents etc.

Me: But why couldn't a woman do just as good a job as a man?
Her: Well, you know what women are like.
Me: ?
Her: Well, imagine what it would be like if a woman prime minister got all angry and announced war or something because she was on her period.

I sh*t you not!! and this coming from a woman!!! :annoyed: :annoyed: :annoyed:

it's systemic of the fact that assholes come in all flavors and shapes. they tend to think that by reiterating something that a larger groups condones they somehow elevate they're own thinking. i dunno how that exactly works logically, but then again i also don't breather through my mouth on a regular basis.

[Danny]

ive said it before adn ill say it again, on the whole religions are all insane.

and dont confuse religion with faith, faith in something aids a person when there down, some people need that kind of supporting strength, religion however dictates, and if people truly believe that theres some spirit that governs everything, and really have been raised to think they will burn in a lake of magma for eternity if they think against it this ****s bound to occur.

faith cna inspire, religion however , of any sort, frankly terrifies me.

[Legion2213]

A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

Point 1: the person who said the above deserves to be shot, I know you folks don't need it explaining to you, but the idea that all rape victims are wearing a ton of make up and "revealing attire" is so ****ing stupid that makes my brain hurt. :mad:

Point 2: Apart from fundy Christians and rabid muslims....does anybody hear the same sort of sick bile coming from Sikhs or Hindus? This general nastiness seems to be confined to the first two religions I mentioned for some reason...but I am no expert, which is why I ask.

[SRP76]

Who cares what these people think? If they want to try to invade my yard and force their crap on me, that's fine. We'll get on the 6 o'clock news.

As long as they keep their worshipping selves away from me, it's not a big deal. Let them do their thing.

[DeadJonas190]

Wow, I actually made it through all of them.

I feel sad for those who are so ignorant they would say such things and believe it to be true.

[vissionaerie]

"If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol " quoted from some stupid Dufus....

so i guess that means i've been married since i was 6 when my parents friend molested me then ...right...do i get what that guy is saying...

or better yet ...i was cheating on that guy in god's eyes...with the guy that raped me when i was 12 and held a gun to my head....

i am completely and udderly disgusted....and to think my ex-husband goes to a fundamentalist church where's he taking my kids...

if they were to say something to me like that...oh wait they have...my 9 year old told me i'm going to hell for smoking cigarettes.....

ooooohhhhhasiodkhufpaisudnp ikjldbh...yeah i'm fustrated...i have Faith...but i will not go to church or any thing of that nature only for the fact...that christians can be the biggest hypicrates(sp?) out there..

i don't call myself anything...but i do have my beliefs...

[Chic Freak]

"If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol "

It's just bizarre. I'm reeeasonably familiar with the Bible (no expert by any means, but I think maybe more familiar with it than average) and I'm pretty sure that's not in there :|

Really sorry to hear what happened to you btw... and obviously, NONE of it was your fault in any way whatsoever! This is a bit of a boys' board so there's no "hug smiley", but *hugs*

[Danny]

This is a bit of a boys' board so there's no "hug smiley", but *hugs*

damn youse mods!, once again your lack of predperad-ness has failed the ladies!!!

[Mike70]

here is my favorite by far. the ignorance displayed in this is so shocking that i had to read it like 5 times just to make sure i hadn't been slipped a crazy pill. the person who wrote this doesn't possess the scientific knowledge or understanding of your average 2d grader.


The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)... but for a second can you imagine what these so-called 'scientists would have us believe --- If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH - A DREAM - A DELUSION - and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!

Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are 'tiny.' Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world... this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE... a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning "herd"... prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the "modern" superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: "It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories." Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU?

WOW. is all i can say.

i also am amused at all of the vile things said about people born with deformities and handicapped folks. another thing that just makes me go - WOW.

[mista_mo]

holy dog shi*t Scipio, that sounds like something i would say as a joke, in a kidding way...

[Mike70]

holy dog shi*t Scipio, that sounds like something i would say as a joke, in a kidding way...

yeah man i know it does sound like a joke and i wish it were but something makes me think that the person who wrote this was either perfectly serious or whatever institution they were committed to had internet access. maybe we have finally found out what happened to steve.:lol:

i do hope that it is the second.


i also hope that everyone reading this entertaining article understands that the opinions expressed do not represent those of 99.99% of the people who consider themselves either christians or religous. this is the ramblings and rantings of the lunatic fringe.

[mista_mo]

i hope these people just expire.


like so many magazine subsciptions....

[Chic Freak]

While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)...

Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are 'tiny.' Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2)

Like the loser I am, I just went and looked up those Bible verses.

Is.40:22: refers to the earth as a "circle", but as far as I'm aware, the word in the original language this was translated from can also mean globe, sphere, basically anything round.

Ez.7:2: God says to Israel, "The end has come upon the four corners of the land." What having four corners has to do with being a disc, I don't know, but anyway, He's only talking to Israel, not the whole planet.

The Daniel verses: 2:35 is about someone having a dream about a mountain that "filled the whole earth", 4:10, 11 and 20 refers to a dream about a "tree in the middle of the land". That's all it is.

Mt.4:8: "Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendour." Even if the world was the same size it is now but flat, you still wouldn't be able to see all of it. I suppose there were fewer established "kingdoms" at that point, maybe all the ones the writer knew about actually could be seen from the top of one mountain in the desert *ponders*

I might do the ones about the earth supposedly not spinning later, I'm being distracted with a Chinese takeaway menu atm.

[Mike70]

Like the loser I am, I just went and looked up those Bible verses.

Is.40:22: refers to the earth as a "circle", but as far as I'm aware, the word in the original language this was translated from can also mean globe, sphere, basically anything round.

Ez.7:2: God says to Israel, "The end has come upon the four corners of the land." What having four corners has to do with being a disc, I don't know, but anyway, He's only talking to Israel, not the whole planet.

The Daniel verses: 2:35 is about someone having a dream about a mountain that "filled the whole earth", 4:10, 11 and 20 refers to a dream about a "tree in the middle of the land". That's all it is.

Mt.4:8: "Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendour."Even if the world was the same size it is now but flat, you still wouldn't be able to see all of it. I suppose there were fewer established "kingdoms" at that point, maybe all the ones the writer knew about actually could be seen from the top of one mountain in the desert *ponders*

I might do the ones about the earth supposedly not spinning later, I'm being distracted with a Chinese takeaway menu atm.

wow. have we discovered a bigger geek than i am:lol:

i was gonna look those up but am way too lazy. thanks that was interesting to see where this person was supposedly getting this info from.

and chinese takeaway is one of the best things to be distracted by.

here are a few more i find entertaining:

this person has absolutely no idea what they are talking about nor do they have even rudimentary grasp of physics or chemistry:


One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]

this one just makes my brain hurt:

Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.

this one claiming that mental disabilties in children are caused by sins they committed in the womb is just flat disturbing:


[about a girl being born with mental disabilities]This girl is like a leper so what she needs to do is try and find god
if she really believes she can be healed from this state, she will be healed from this state
Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she'll always be like this
god tests every one of us [emphasis added]

this one makes me laugh:

If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James --- your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right.

this one makes me roar in laughter:

How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys heres a few questions for people who beleive that
1.If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys
2.Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them
3.do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years
4.how come we cant speak monkey
just for a fact ape like creatures are monkeys Just in case certain people get on this thread

this one floors me too - it seems to suggest that hebrew and greek, the original languages of the old and new testament were actually ripped off from english!


The word of God has been in heaven forever. The KJV has always been there. The so called Hebrew words like Alleluia are English words. The English did not borrow them from the Hebrew but rather the Hebrew borrowed them from the English. If the KJV has always been there and is the original word of God then there is no other conclusion. The same can be said for any so called Greek words that were borrowed from the Greek or transliterated. It is a matter of what bias you approach this particular subject.

i am so tempted to register at one of these sites and see these people in their natural habitat but i think would probably get banned after like 3 posts.

[vissionaerie]

I know the way the guys are on this page...

I wasn't trying to get sympathy or anything like that i just exploded...just trying to prove how stupid the comment sounded...

It pisses me off with the way these people think...that's all

it's scarey to think these people walk the earth....they think the way they think is the right way...they are so closed minded...

and I too am familiar with the bible and know thats not in there...like i said i got pissed and exploded...

and i think my second quote in my signature explains it all with these people

ONE MORE THING....if women weren't supposed to have power then why did God give US the power to carry life in us for 10 monthes...i want to see a man carry a baby for 10 monthes and push it out their ****....if we weren't meant to have that power then why doesn't god just bring every human being to life the way he did adam and eve....huh!!!!!

[mista_mo]

*gives vissionaerie a hyper masculine pat on the back*

There There umm...so.....how bout beer guts?

*not mocking you or anything, just trying to play up the manly man guy who can't comfort people*

I believe, in all seriosness, that these people are the cancer that is slowly eroding the church away from within....there is so much wrong with what they say, and it has very little, if any, grounding in biblical teachings.

[Marie]

i am so tempted to register at one of these sites and see these people in their natural habitat but i think would probably get banned after like 3 posts.

I could get banned in one post...:evil:

M_

[slickwilly13]

I couldn't get past the 5th quote. These people are as stupid as they are nuts. As a former atheist, they do not have a clue to what they are talking about.

[Mike70]

thank you very much lostboy. this has been a completely entertaining thread to say the least. and much like kortick, this is one that went immediately into my bookmarks for future perusal/mockery.

you deserve a gift basket.:)

[Chic Freak]

ahahahahahahaha

"The more sin, the heavier something is."

"Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb."

Well how very scientific. I bet I weigh less than Jesus did. And I love that little qualifier, "most". As though "most afflictions" have nothing to do with genetics or mother's lifestyle and environment :rockbrow:

"If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James --- your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right."

King James even inserted his own verse into the Bible, that "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" bit.

"1. If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys
4. How come we can't speak monkey"

Because we aren't "monkeys" any more, hence "evolved FROM."

"The so called Hebrew words like Alleluia are English words. The English did not borrow them from the Hebrew but rather the Hebrew borrowed them from the English."

Despite the fact that the English language didn't exist back then :rockbrow:

I'm not against people having faith in things they can't prove, but when it can be proved wrong... it's very irritating to me.

[Danny]

I could get banned in one post...:evil:

M_

i whent on one after this and gave my "the devil created relgion since why would a gratious god require you to build temples and pray" speech i thought up one day during hot fuzz and got banned as a heretic:lol:

[Mike70]

i whent on one after this and gave my "the devil created relgion since why would a gratious god require you to build temples and pray" speech i thought up one day during hot fuzz and got banned as a heretic:lol:


hellsing got to be someone's troll of the month:lol::D

[Marie]

i whent on one after this and gave my "the devil created relgion since why would a gratious god require you to build temples and pray" speech i thought up one day during hot fuzz and got banned as a heretic:lol:

Yep, that would do it. Important safety tip, REMEMBER: These people get off on thinking God is a spoiled child subject to tantrums and illogical judgements.

M_

[Danny]

oh i know, im in fact bartlebe from dogma:lol:

[LoSTBoY]

thank you very much lostboy. this has been a completely entertaining thread to say the least. and much like kortick, this is one that went immediately into my bookmarks for future perusal/mockery.

you deserve a gift basket.:)

Hey I'll be calling you on that. ;)

I only got about a third of the way down last time before going out looking for something to kill something. :blood:

Anyway, here are a couple funnies I noticed the second time round:

[Am I in discussion with a human who has a functioning brain?]

What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible?

[One Christian speaking to another]

You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don't accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian.

[When asked to prove the existence of a soul, in order to validate his claim that life begins at conception]

I don't have to "prove" anything.

You see, I have this wonderful thing called "faith" and with that I have no need of proof.

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Mike70]

this little gem made me literally roar in laughter once i made in down towards the bottom of the page:


In my opinion, if an animal in the wild like a swan is caught being gay it should be shot on sight, disinfected, and used to feed the poor.


i would love to know what prompted this dulcet tidbit of wisdom.:lol::D

this one might even be funnier:


No one knows what's happening until the flood comes (according to Matthew). And the flood is here - it refers to the apocalypse. There is a huge amount of supporting evidence on the site. For example, there is evidence for the wh0re of Babylon due to a 666 mile long penis in Mexico.

WTF?!!

[Marie]

oh i know, im in fact bartlebe from dogma:lol:

Well, don't expect me to claim to be Bethany Sloan that's one scarey situation there.:p

M_

[Chic Freak]

For example, there is evidence for the wh0re of Babylon due to a 666 mile long penis in Mexico.

Any Mexicans on the board want to take credit for this one? :evil:

[SymphonicX]

I'm not mexican but it was my penis for sure...check out the aerial photographs on Google maps..

[Danny]

thats what that was, there i was looking for my house adn i though the world was being devoured by a dirty cobra:lol:

[SymphonicX]

thats what that was, there i was looking for my house adn i though the world was being devoured by a dirty cobra:lol:

well its so big, its very hard to clean!! next time you pass by would you mind giving it a wipe?

[ProfessorChaos]

did anyone hear about the loonies from the kansas crazy cult* planning on picketing Heath Ledger's funeral? did they go through with it?

*if you've not heard of them, prepare to be amazed:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church

[Cykotic]

i've just seen those quotes...

and threw up.... seriously...

thank goddess i'm a wiccan... and not one of those oddballs

[Chic Freak]

I wouldn't be suprised if they did picket the funeral because of Brokeback Mountain. No connection is too tenuous for this lot, it seems.

However- if I ever marry another woman, I so want people to carry "Brides of Satan" signs outside. That would be awesome. We could even make "Brides of Satan" the wedding theme, with matching blood red satin dresses and stuff :evil:

[Cykotic]

what an imagination!

[Mike70]

did anyone hear about the loonies from the kansas crazy cult* planning on picketing Heath Ledger's funeral? did they go through with it?

*if you've not heard of them, prepare to be amazed:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church

just don't understand how these folk's minds work. the whole america tolerates gays, fags& troops, thank god for ieds signs and what not that they carry around.

how did these people come to these conclusions when:

a. homosexuals are not allowed to openly serve in military.
b. as a vet myself i can say that the environment in the military is quite hostile to homosexuals on the whole
c. that several states and even the federal govt. are contemplating legislation that would prohibit homosexual couples from marrying or in some cases even having their relationships legally recognized.
d. that there are tons of people in the US who are not too enamoured of gay folks and their lifestyle.

so i fail to see where this whole "america tolerates gays" rant come from.:mad::annoyed:

maybe they had a rant raffle and this is one that they pulled out of the hat.:evil:

they are nothing but a bunch of fookin muttonbirds.

[dannoofthedead]

UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy.

I couldn't make it to the bottom. That quote above was quite possibly the best written statement in the 50+ entries I did manage to get through before I had to close the window. I like to believe that there is a god somewhere in the universe that is compassionate and loves mankind. Then I see people like this (refer to the link and the above quote) and I truly have to wonder. Then again, I would hope evolution would have weeded out most of these sort of people through a series of genetic advancements and inbreeding.

[Mike70]

funny thing is and i would have never expected this, CARM the webboard where is seems the craziest of these quotes comes from, actually does provide rooms for different points of view and debate- and unlike some of the other christian sites, doesn't have a mile long list of rules about not posting anything that even appears to question the bible.

[Graebel]

That was vomit inducing. I think I am now truely depressed about the state of the world.

[mista_mo]

Hey guys, if the world was perfectly flat, then how coem the oceans don't spill off into space, how come we can't see the edge of the world, and if plate tectonics are true, then how come one of the continants hasn't slipped off the edge yet???

*edit*

If the sun was 3000 miles away and only 32 miles in diameter, how come we haven't been roasted alive yet? How come all those nasa photographs show the sun to be absolutely gigantic and approximately 91 million miles away from us? How come nasa photographs show that the earth is indeed a globe, and not a tile floating around in space?

and how come we don't melt from our dna? like, you'd think we would as it is acid. Oh, and why aren't human babies born as monkeys (even though humans and apes are entirely different species with different genetic make-up).

[Mike70]

because NASA is obviously nothing more than a liberal, intellectual conspiracy.:D:lol: