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Thread: Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse...

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    Webmaster Neil's Avatar
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    Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse...

    ...but enough about Kanye West


    Just one of the funniest jokes from Edinburgh this year



    The top 10 funniest jokes of the Fringe:-

    "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" - Darren Walsh

    "Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

    "Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

    "What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter" - Masai Graham

    "If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go" - Dave Green

    "Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas" - Mark Nelson

    "Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day" - Tom Parry

    "The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" - Alun Cochrane

    "Clowns divorce. Custardy battle" - Simon Munnery

    "They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for..." - Grace The Child


    The judges also released a list of jokes which just missed out on the shortlist:-

    "I never lie on my CV…because it creases it." - Jenny Collier

    "If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" - Ian Smith

    "I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time" - Tom Ward

    "Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't" - Gyles Brandreth

    "Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'" - Ally Houston

    "Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism" - James Acaster
    Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. [click for more]
    -Carl Sagan

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    And from this Yank.

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