Rate the last movie you've seen

[MinionZombie]

A few from recent weeks... Woodstock 99: Love, Peace, and Rage: This 2021 HBO-made documentary pre-dates the Netflix docu-series, but covers a lot of the same ground, and even makes some of the same silly points - e.g. blaming "Fight Club" for its participation in the toxic cultural zeitgeist that inspired the disaster of Woodstock 99 ... problem with heaping blame on Fight Club, though, is: 1) read the book and watch the film without the mindset of a moron and you'll clearly see a celebration becomes a nightmare, and most importantly 2) Fight Club (the film) wasn't released in US cinemas until October 1999 - several months AFTER Woodstock 99 - where it promptly bombed at the box office. It's success only came with rediscovery on home video over a number of years. It's also curious to note that this doc doesn't touch anywhere near enough on the failings of the organisers, rarely - if ever - taking them to task for their basic functional fuck ups. The Netflix doc did a much better job of that, with the key players allowed to skate so easily with their pathetic attempts to scapegoat Limp Bizkit in particular - it wasn't us and our terrible organisation of this disastrously ill-considered event, it was all because of the nookie!. Another aspect is this doc decries the cultural exploitation of women in the 1990s (Girls Gone Wild gets particularly slagged off - even though it only started in 1997 and closed shop in 2011, so it was still pretty niche in 1999) - but this doc continually shows footage of topless women whilst discussing this topic and throughout ... bemoaning the pay-per-view feed of Woodstock 99 for fixating on boobs while, you guessed it, showing lots of half-naked women. So what's the deal here? Curious, don't you think? Hypocritical, most certainly. They also take chants of "show your tits" from footage where the crowd were indeed chanting that and paste them over footage where the crowd aren't chanting it to make it look worse ... tut-tut, HBO. It at least makes the point about Woodstock 69 being romanticised, and that that festival had its own fair share of disasters and even deaths, but if you're gonna watch a doc about Woodstock 99, make it the one on Netflix, even though that makes some of the same weak-sauce arguments when searching for 'cultural blame'. Curtains: A sleazy, mentally abusive director (played by John Vernon - he of Dean Wormer fame) brings a selection of actresses to his private retreat to compete for a part in his new film, all-the-while one of them is bumping off the competition. I'm kinda surprised this flick hasn't been remade in the post 'MeToo' era, or perhaps it's so obvious that folks who'd be minded to do it can't even see it right in front of them? The copy on Amazon is a really fudgy VHS-rip, which was a shame, but it's a decent flick that was well ahead of its time. It's a bit weak on the slasher aspects, but worth a watch. Prisoners of the Ghostland: Visually lush, but narratively baffling half the time. I always felt a bit left out in the cold with this movie, unsure of the tone at times, unsure of whether it was being literal or figurative with its characters and setting. Considering it took 17 years to get it made, you'd have thought there would've been time to work on the storytelling in the script, no? It's a bit of an obtuse kind of film, starring Nicolas Cage, Bill Moseley, and Sofia Boutela. The world it takes place in is an intriguing mish-mash (primarily leaning towards a dream-like modern-ish feudal Japan), making for a visually arresting film, but the story and characters are so baffling it just didn't click with me. Creepshow 2: It's been a while since seeing this one, and while it's just not as great as the original was, it's a surprisingly effective movie nonetheless. All three tales are memorable, if slightly too brisk in their storytelling, and it's generally good fun. The visual flair of the film isn't as potent as the original, which really went out-there ... the sequel feels much more calm by comparison. Strange in some ways to watch it now - e.g. The Raft, where the male lead thinks sexually assaulting the sleeping female lead in the midst of a nightmare encounter with killer pollution is a good idea (!!!), or Old Chief Wooden Head with it's Native American central character who is played by a white actor (mind you, the character is an absolute scumbag, and his good and respectful father is played by an actual Native American) ... but I'm not meaning it's a knicker-twister of offense, it's just weird in today's context, but that's fine. It has its flaws as a movie, but on its own merits it's still a solid flick ... ... not keen on the animated segments, mind. Ted K: Sharlto Copley plays the unabomber in this very well directed film that mostly covers how he got to that point, albeit starting with him already as a hermit living out in the woods. Great central performance, great score from Blanck Mass, and there's a wonderful use of a zoom lens throughout that illustrates the director's love of Kubrick, but it's a stylistic choice that really works very well here for this material and the overall mood of the movie. Private Lessons: Wow ... talk about movies you couldn't make today! A coming-of-age sex comedy starring Emmanuelle herself, Sylvia Kristel, and an actual fifteen year old boy. It's kind of surprising this movie is still allowed to be out there, in some regards ... it's bizarre it was even allowed to be made back then, too - but then again, it was the same vintage as Blue Lagoon, so ... very strange. Outside of that, the movie has some genuinely humorous moments or narrative ideas, but it starts falling apart after the first half and gets all a bit tangled up in a not-terribly-well-told tale.

[JDP]

Creepshow 2: It's been a while since seeing this one, and while it's just not as great as the original was, it's a surprisingly effective movie nonetheless. All three tales are memorable, if slightly too brisk in their storytelling, and it's generally good fun. The visual flair of the film isn't as potent as the original, which really went out-there ... the sequel feels much more calm by comparison. Strange in some ways to watch it now - e.g. The Raft, where the male lead thinks sexually assaulting the sleeping female lead in the midst of a nightmare encounter with killer pollution is a good idea (!!!), The movie was made before all the PC and "Woke!" nonsense. Guess what? Some guys are horny as hell, and they will not pass an opportunity to pull an underhanded "move" on a girl even when danger is just around the corner. Just a fact. Plus it was obviously done to make the supposed "hero" of the story to be less likeable, that way the great twist-ending is more justified. BTW, if they ever remake that story, they should address the issue of what would that "blob" thing do if two or more of the human characters decided to jump into the water at the same time and swim for shore in different directions, a kind of "divide & conquer" tactic. What would it do then? Sure, it will manage to get one of them, but the other(s) would make it to a shore. I always thought that is the only flaw in the story. The "blob" thing could be outsmarted. BUT... what happens if "the blob" thingy can actually divide itself into several independently thinking & moving "selves" and go after each of the swimmers at the same time? The human characters would then truly be screwed, there would be no way of outsmarting that thing. or Old Chief Wooden Head with it's Native American central character who is played by a white actor (mind you, the character is an absolute scumbag, and his good and respectful father is played by an actual Native American) It was his uncle, actually. And the guy who plays Sam did a nice job in the role (he delivers Romero's funny & amusing lines very well), plus with the make-up he is characterized to also look the part. Again, this movie was made before all the PC and "Woke!" hypersensitivity nonsense. ... but I'm not meaning it's a knicker-twister of offense, it's just weird in today's context, but that's fine. It has its flaws as a movie, but on its own merits it's still a solid flick ... ... not keen on the animated segments, mind. The animated segments were cool too.

[MinionZombie]

The movie was made before all the PC and "Woke!" nonsense. Guess what? Some guys are horny as hell, and they will not pass an opportunity to pull an underhanded "move" on a girl even when danger is just around the corner. Just a fact. Plus it was obviously done to make the supposed "hero" of the story to be less likeable, that way the great twist-ending is more justified. BTW, if they ever remake that story, they should address the issue of what would that "blob" thing do if two or more of the human characters decided to jump into the water at the same time and swim for shore in different directions, a kind of "divide & conquer" tactic. What would it do then? Sure, it will manage to get one of them, but the other(s) would make it to a shore. I always thought that is the only flaw in the story. The "blob" thing could be outsmarted. BUT... what happens if "the blob" thingy can actually divide itself into several independently thinking & moving "selves" and go after each of the swimmers at the same time? The human characters would then truly be screwed, there would be no way of outsmarting that thing. It was his uncle, actually. And the guy who plays Sam did a nice job in the role (he delivers Romero's funny & amusing lines very well), plus with the make-up he is characterized to also look the part. Again, this movie was made before all the PC and "Woke!" hypersensitivity nonsense. The animated segments were cool too. Even in the context of The Raft, the girl the guy feels up (while she's asleep) isn't even 'his' girl and it's not even really hinted at that he's crushing on her (it also doesn't help that there's only about 22 minutes to tell the tale). She's with the big buff dude in the yellow budgy smugglers. It smacks more of having to insert a scene to get some T&A shoved in there, but narratively it's a gear cruncher. It would've been more satisfying had they both tried to swim out together in separate directions come the morning - then yeah, have the blob of pollution split in two and get them both simultaneously. Holt McCallany (Fight Club, Mindhunter) does indeed do a very good job in his role as the preening robber. Yes, I'm well aware it was before political correctness. I'm not calling for the movie to be banned or censored. I just said it's odd watching it now in today's context, much in the same way as any other aspect of old films being different to today - e.g. like how much smoking there used to be in films. I adore Ghostbusters and that movie is filled with people smoking - nowadays it'd be very unusual to see that sort of casual smoking in a film (or something like Casablanca or The Maltese Falcon, where barely a moment passes without a cigarette and/or hard liquour getting enjoyed). Merely pointing out the then/now of it all ... calm down.

[shootemindehead]

'Knock at the Cabin' M. Knight's adaptation of Paul Tremblay's book 'Cabin at the End of the World' is a case of nearly, but not quite. A story of a gay couple with a young girl who's holiday in a remote country cabin is cut short with a home invasion by four people claiming to have had visions of the end of the world which involves tsunami's, disease and planes falling from the sky, and that the only salvation will be a result of one of the gay men choosing to kill the other. An interesting, if ludicrous, premise for sure. But Shyamalan does manage to wrench some tension out of the ridiculous story and even gets a decent performance or two from the cast. But it's all a bit too silly to really take in and become invested, so the audience ends up mostly marking time to see how things will play out. Also against the movie is the fact that it's all so tame and for the most part depicts a decidedly PG-13 version of the apocalypse, even if its real rating was an R in the US. The ending, too, wraps up things just a bit too nicely and from reading a synopsis of the Tremblay book, the movie leaves out certain much need shocks and also does away with the novel's more downbeat denouement, which I think was a very bad move indeed. As a final note the movie also contains a laughable scene in its ending moments, which sees a diner packed with customers still being served by a waitress, while in the near distance there's plumes of smoke rising from several crashed aircraft. All in all, might be worth a look if you really have nothing else to do with your time. 5/10 'The Pope's Exorcist' Hopelessly derivative of William Friedkin's 1973 movie, Julius Avery's 2023 effort is destined to be endlessly compared with that superior product, which is a bit of a shame because Avery's slice of religious hokum isn't all that bad in and of itself. While it's true to say that 'The Pope's Exorcist' could never live up to the standards set by 'The Exorcist', there's still a lot to like. Standout amongst the good parts is a charming, if a bit hammy, performance by Russell Crowe as Father Gabrielle Amorth, the exorcist at the heart of the yarn. Crowe has taken the role by the horns and has just gone with it and infuses the character with one or two quirks that keep him, and the movie, watchable. There's decent support, too, from Daniel Zovatto as his young accidental second in the exorcism, and Alex Essoe, the mother of the possessed. It was also kinda nice to see Franco Nero turn up as an unnamed Pope, even if it's clearly not supposed to be Pope John Paul II, the Pope in place during the 1980's, the period in which the movie is set. The problem, though, with Avery's movie is that it all gets out of hand in the way that Friedkin's never did. Whereas 'The Exorcist' remained contained in a reality of sorts, its central possession being excused of course, 'The Pope's Exorcist' feels that it needs to go "bigger" and therefore becomes absurd in the final act. It's not that things become terrible, it's just that all the subtlety gets destroyed, which is a problem a lot of these exorcism movies face. The supernatural elements become so overblown and outrageous that the audience no longer feels anything in the face of lurid CGI madness and people being thrown around like rag dolls, but still managing to survive bone crushing abuse. Plus there's subplot of sorts that claims some sort of conspiratorial shenanigans going on within the church regarding the inquisition that never really comes off and at times makes the movie feel like a Dan Brown story. 'The Pope's Exorcist' is certainly not the worst of its type in this particular subgenre and, in fact, is quite entertaining in parts. But its main issue is that the best exorcism movie is 'The Exorcist' and it probably always will be. As an aside, the real Father Amorth believed that Friedkin's film was the closest to a "real" exorcism that a movie has ever come. 6/10

[Neil]

I sort of enjoyed Knock at the Cabin...

[MinionZombie]

Air The latest Ben Affleck movie - and it's about a shoe. Now, granted, I know fuck all about basketball, the NBA, Michael Jordan, etc etc etc, so a lot of this movie was lost on me ... however, it is nonetheless an enjoyable watch. You've got that underdog story going on with Nike trying to land MJ and beat out Adidas and Converse, going all-in on it. However, it is also still a movie about a fucking shoe ... so despite some heroic attempts to up-the-stakes at times and add some weight, it's still a movie about a shoe. Now, the most impressive part of the movie is the little bit at the end explaining some of the knock-on effects - such as players getting participation in their merchandise (quite right), and how it changed the game for all other athletes following on. Affleck leans-in hard to the 1980s setting (it takes place in 1984). Needle drops ahoy throughout, and there's so many references to famous products of the time it must've been a hell of a job for the clearances department to get all these companies signed-off ... but at the same time, it does help add some context to the time and place and the general mindset of the 80s then and the context within which these famous shoes were made. So, despite being a movie about a pair of fucking shoes, it does work fairly well ... ... but it's still a movie about shoes! Mind you, I did enjoy it a lot more than his previous movie (Live By Night, IIRC), which was an odd misfire after three belters in a row (Gone Baby Gone, The Town, and Argo). There seems to be a flurry of this type of 'cultural product' movies coming along lately. There was the movie about securing the rights to Tetris, now Air (about Air Jordan shoes), and coming soon there's a movie about the Blackberry phone! Erm...

[MinionZombie]

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins Supposedly this was to be America's answer to the Bond franchise (bringing over a screenwriter from the series as well as several-time Bond director Guy Hamilton) ... but seeing this movie makes me think the originators of this project hadn't the foggiest idea what a Bond was, because this has nothing in common with Bond. Most of the movie is Remo getting trained, so there's a lack of oomph to proceedings, and all the bullshit Hollywood 'mystical Korean trainer' stuff is so cheesy. Meanwhile, the big bad of the movie is basically a dude making shitty assault rifles for the American military, who's also a general bastard and greasy sod fixing it for people to get top jobs and, well, there's no real pull there either. Also, considering Remo is inducted into this super secret agency that's been going for generations, it's kinda laughable that the agency had lasted any time at all considering how quickly Remo is noticed by his newfound enemies as well as how public their training methods are. It's got a couple of moments and some genuinely good stunt work, but it's a bizarre miss IMHO ... and fuck me, how many times did they have to play that themetune? Be Cool A sequel to the awesome Get Shorty ... and this time it's PG-13 ... ... yeah. It's got some moments, and isn't as terrible as I thought it would be considering how it was pretty much shat on from the get-go, but at the same time it's so far below Get Shorty, which Be Cool regularly rips off quite lazily. It's also overlong at two hours and annoyingly tame for the most part (apparently the switch to PG-13 was a last minute decision, with the director now regretting staying on the project).

[EvilNed]

I sort of enjoyed Knock at the Cabin... It's alright, but I think another director would have handled the script better. I enjoy some of M Nights older films, but his style of directing his actors are almost becoming too much like Wes Anderson. They act like dolls in a doll house. Again - I had an alright time in the cinema. Last movie I saw was Transformers: Rise of the Beasts and it had the exact same plot as the first five films, and I got exactly what I wanted.

[MinionZombie]

The Boondock Saints I've been hearing about this movie for years now, and while not all into it like the real cult fanbase for it, I certainly enjoyed myself throughout. The editing is a bit ... ... rough ... ... mind you. The Midnight Meat Train You could've found five minutes to trim out of this easily, I think, and the 'art world' stuff earlier on kinda grates in that typical fashion (I think the opening passage of the film could've been tweaked a bit for better efficiency in the set-up of the story) ... anyway ... it's a pretty decent and gory (very gory) horror piece based on a Clive Barker short story. There's not a great deal to tell, so that's why even clocking in at around 95 minutes (before credits) feels a bit baggy. A lean and mean 80 minutes would've been the business and made it as efficient as one of the serial killer's swings of his meat tenderising gleaming steel mallet. Certainly brutal, albeit with some iffy CGI blood sloshing about from time to time for some of the more creative gore moments. Would I be likely to rewatch it? Mmmm... probably not, ultimately, but I did enjoy it well enough (even if the central relationship between Bradley Cooper and his dime-a-dozen blonde American actress girlfriend was about as hot as a pebble growing moss in the shade).

[Neil]

Bullet Train (2022) Brad Pitt stars in a stylised tongue in cheek action flick. Fairly good fun. Think Kill Bill on the Orient Express 7/10

[MinionZombie]

Savage Island Cobbled together from two different 'women in prison' movies, with a tacked-on day of shooting with Linda Blair (in order to get a star name on board), this movie is an absolute mess - and the fudgy VHS-rip doesn't help either. There's a vague sort of a plot involving stealing the precious jewels from the prison/work camp where the inmates are made to dig up the precious stones, but it's really mostly just a procession of typical WIP scenes (including, but not limited to, naked ladies having a communal shower, torturous punishments for transgressions, and the inevitable uprising against the captors). One thing that really irked me about this movie was the pasted-on dialogue in so many scenes ... just a slew of generic, empty statements or literally saying what's happening ... lots of "come on, come on!" and "get movie, we ain't got all day!" etc ... really bugged me. "Come on! Come on!" - oh, shut up you silly tit. Dollman A man from another planet lands on Earth - but he's only 12 inches tall here. It's like Land of the Giants meets the gangsters of the Bronx in the wake of New York's depressed period of sleaze and decay. There's plenty of story elements thrown-in that are juicy, but few are ever really followed-up or explored well enough, and there's surprisingly little in the way of 'small man, big world' effects going on. The budget just can't sustain the requirements of the setup, but it still works as a movie despite its limitations - there's even some excellent exploding bodies early on, too. Dollman vs Demonic Toys At a mere 61 minutes long (about 54 minutes when you take out the credits), it's pretty brisk and acts as a sort of 'Full Moon Pictures universe monster-mash-up' sequel to Dollman, Bad Channels, as well as (obviously) Demonic Toys, bringing the leads of each movie to tackle the titular beastly play things. There's much more 'scale work' done in this one, such as a shrunken nurse living on a kitchen counter, or being menaced by a devilish baby doll inside a doll house. It's strange that the movie is so short, and there are little bits here and there where more could've been made of the odd subplot or two, but it does mean that there's little in the way of 'second act bloat' going on. Good fun. Bullet Train (2022) Brad Pitt stars in a stylised tongue in cheek action flick. Fairly good fun. Think Kill Bill on the Orient Express 7/10 Now that was a really fun one - John Wick on a train. I must re-watch it sometime soon, damn enjoyable.

[MinionZombie]

Son Of Frankenstein I'm on a Universal Monsters kick at the moment, and am now going through the Legacy Collection of the Frankenstein movies. I'd already seen the first two a couple of times each, but the ones beyond I've not seen. Anyway, despite being a bit overlong (100 minutes rather than the more usual 70), this was a really good film with lots of highlights. Bela Lugosi steals the entire movie as Ygor, a body snatcher who survived a hanging (and now has a broken neck bone distending his flesh), but there's some really nice touches throughout. For example - when the Monster encounters his reflection for the first time, unawares at first that it's himself and then coming to realise that he is he hideous to himself and he doesn't look like 'normal' people ... it's a wonderfully performed sequence by Karloff, doing it all without dialogue, just physicality and grunts. There's also a moment between the monster and Basil Rathbone's son (the grandson of Frankenstein, if you will), when the little kid puts out a hand to help the monster to finish climbing a ladder and the look on Karloff's face says so much in that moment. Also, Lionel Atwill as the one-armed Inspector is superb (I wonder if he was part-inspiration for Dr Strangelove?) Fantastic stuff. Ghost of Frankenstein Of the four I've seen thus far, this is the least - but considering just how great the first two were, and how solid the third one is, it's going up against a high bar. Reining it in at a more reasonable and brisk 67 minutes, Ygor once again steals the show, however Lon Chaney Jr as the Monster works fairly well. He can't compete with Karloff, but considering the backstory of gentle giant Chaney and the child actress Janet Ann Gallow (he cared for her a great deal and they became great friends), the scenes with the Monster and the little girl hold a real impact and sweetness. The stuff involving Ludvig Frankenstein (the other son of Frankenstein! ) is a bit of a stretch, but it was a good flick all said and done. Colors A rookie cop is teamed-up with a veteran nearing retirement in the fight against LA gang violence. It's directed by Dennis Hopper, which is kind of surprising, and the film no doubt takes on a slightly weird outsider vibe that doesn't quite gel everything together. It's got some moments, and is certainly a product of its time (circa 1990 IIRC) in tone and aesthetic, but I wasn't too fussed about this one. Smokin' Aces Saw it when it first came out and really enjoyed it, so it's been a long old while since I last saw it - but it's still jolly good fun. It's got a hell of a cast, plenty of crazy humour and action, and rattles along quite nicely as an informer on the mob holds up in a hotel penthouse while all manner of assassins and FBI agents try to get their hands on him. The Taking of Pelham One Two Three I saw the remake many years ago and wasn't all that bothered by it, so I'm coming to the original film quite late - but damn, what a great film! Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death It's kinda surprising this film hasn't been remade recently, what with it's men vs women comedy, but then again identity politics is so po-faced and extreme these days that the joke would be lost of anyone who tried. There's really only one joke running through the film and it certainly gets played to death, and it's not really laugh-out-loud funny either ... it's an okay flick. It's got some good stuff going on, but it does feel a bit over-long for what it is. Green Room Punk rockers vs skinhead Nazi bastards in a remote music club. Great casting, continual tension, well-woven sardonic humour, blasts of kinetic violence - I was impressed with it the first time I saw it and I'm just as impressed the second time around. A modern classic, if you ask me.

[Daoyinyang]

Had there been some sort of twist or if they saved the reveal for the end, it would have been cool. I think the fact that they for the most part confirmed that it was all true, kind of ruined it for me. Basically, I think it would have had more suspense if the cultists came off more like crackheads rather than actual prophets with weapons lol - - - Updated - - - It's alright, but I think another director would have handled the script better. I enjoy some of M Nights older films, but his style of directing his actors are almost becoming too much like Wes Anderson. They act like dolls in a doll house. Again - I had an alright time in the cinema. Last movie I saw was Transformers: Rise of the Beasts and it had the exact same plot as the first five films, and I got exactly what I wanted. Had there been some sort of twist or if they saved the reveal for the end, it would have been cool. I think the fact that they for the most part confirmed that it was all true, kind of ruined it for me. Basically, I think it would have had more suspense if the cultists came off more like crackheads rather than actual prophets with weapons lol

[EvilNed]

Had there been some sort of twist or if they saved the reveal for the end, it would have been cool. I think the fact that they for the most part confirmed that it was all true, kind of ruined it for me. Basically, I think it would have had more suspense if the cultists came off more like crackheads rather than actual prophets with weapons lol speaking of weapons, they're never explained why they're all weird like that

[MinionZombie]

The Super Mario Bros. Movie Now that's how you make a fun movie for all the family! I'm not even much of a Mario fan (I was a Sega Mega Drive boy back in the day, and only played a bit of Mario occasionally on friends' consoles), but this movie had me laughing and grinning throughout. I had to remind myself to stop smiling so much or else I'd end up with sore cheeks. Great script (slick pacing, no wasted scenes, solid characterisation, no bullshit forced identity politics shite), beautiful design and animation, and just so much damn fun throughout. You get so used to new movies mostly being either 'meh' or out-right shite, so when something truly wonderful comes along you almost don't know what to make of it. Fan-bloody-tastic and good to see it hoovered up at the box office. It was also interesting to note in the extras that everyone involved never harped on about silly identity politics either, they were all focused on what they should be doing - making a damn fine and entertaining movie with well-honed characters and respecting the source material while doing so. Gosh, what a curious idea that is!