Rate the last movie you've seen

[beat_truck]

Scalps (1987) A western directed by Claudio Fragasso & Bruno Mattei. The IMDB description: "The commander of a Texan fort in the Civil War refuses to surrender to the Northerners, and tries to buy the local Indian tribe chief's daughter. The sage man refuses, and the Southerners massacre the tribe and abduct the young squaw anyway. The noble squaw manages to escape, and hides out with a rough rancher, who dislikes Indians, but hates the Southerners more. The odd couple joins forces, and tactics, to exert ultimate vengeance on the men at the fort." It was surprisingly not bad considering the source. The plot was actually pretty decent and had a few unexpected turns. It had some of the usual cheesy dialogue and a few romantic scenes, but at least it didn't appear to have any stock footage in it. Lost In Translation (2003) I ran across it on Internet Archive and watched it because I like Bill Murray and because Scarlett Johansson is, well.... hot. The IMDB description: "A faded movie star and a neglected young woman form an unlikely bond after crossing paths in Tokyo." The DVD cover claimed it to be incredibly funny or some BS, but I didn't think so. Maybe I just don't get that type of humor? It was basically the two main characters meeting in various places and hanging out and bitching about their lives. And then a long, drawn out ending when it was time for Bill Murray to leave Japan. They could have easily shaved 30 minutes off the movie as it felt like it was about six hours long. Autopsy Of The Dead (2009) Documentary containing interviews mostly from the zombies, crew members, and behind the scenes folks involved in making NOTLD '68. Some behind the scenes footage and photos, too. Pretty interesting. I couldn't find it anywhere on the 'net, and being out of print, it took a good while to find a copy that I was willing to pay for on Ebay. Maybe once we move and no longer have shitty internet, I'll upload it to Internet Archive so others can see it.

[JDP]

Grizzly II: Revenge (1983, but actually officially released in 2020) Easily one of the top contestants to the much coveted title of "Worst Movie Ever Made". It actually features an impressive cast: George Clooney, Charlie Sheen, Laura Dern, John Rhys-Davies, Louise Fletcher, Charles Cyphers... but no matter who you put in it, there is no way of saving this train-wreck of a movie. Clooney, Sheen and Dern are hilariously given top-billing, since they are very well-known nowadays (but not back when the film was actually made), yet they are on-screen for like only 5 minutes, LOL! The whole movie looks rushed, haphazardly edited together from the surviving original footage, and actually incomplete. As a result, some sequences are simply incomprehensible. You can rewind and try to piece together what is it that just supposedly happened, but good luck with that, you won't succeed at making any sense of it. The final death sequence, where the titular foe is finally dispatched, is a prime example of this. Get ready to scratch your head in amusement and disbelief and asking yourself: "what the fuck did just happen???"

[EvilNed]

Looks amazing.

[MinionZombie]

Totally Killer It's on Prime and is kind of like Back to the Future meets a slasher comedy. The movie's okay, some parts better than others, but it's very 'surface level' in a way, very throwaway (e.g. all the stuff with the time machine - yes, it involves an actual time machine, which is being worked on by a high schooler ... ... indeed). When a girl's mother is killed by the same killer who terrorised the town in the 1980s, she accidentally winds up travelling through time to her mother's high school year, just days before the original series of murders began. There's some fun to be had with the setup, this fish out of water trying to get these reckless teens to resist their primal urges and own stupidity in order to save them, and there's even a neat idea to do with the murders changing and the repercussions being noticed in the future as evidence of the time machine working - but none of it is really delved into deeply enough to really make any of it worth much of a damn. It's also desperately trying to be 'hip' by inserting 'woke jokes', which just turn out to be distracting and irritating. The main character is from 2023, so going back to the 1980s gives all these opportunities to whine about all sorts of issues, which are just dreary and suck the life out of every moment they occur - and it really feels like middle aged writers trying to sound 'with it' and 'teenage', but they just end up sounding like your average Twitter feed. Complaints aside, it is a fun movie for the most part - but after you've enjoyed the ride (well enough, at least), you quickly realise more and more just how threadbare the whole venture was. There's little to really stick in your mind afterwards, the concept has little to no depth to it, there's plot holes and internal logic gaps galore, and it all speaks to something that feels like it was cobbled together as something to flog to a streaming service rather than a great idea that simply had to be made: such as Back to the Future or The Final Girls - that latter of which did the essentials of this movie faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar better years ago and is one I'd definitely recommend watching. So all said and done, it's a 5/10. There's fun to be had, but it's mere candy floss entertainment and quite forgettable, unfortunately.

[MinionZombie]

Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget Most belated sequels fail to live up to the original movie (which in this case was released 23 years ago), and yep, it certainly does that. Talk about a completely unnecessary sequel, and one that seems to have almost entirely lost its funny bone, too. Very poor, also, considering that it's from Aardman Animation. The original movie was great and genuinely funny (I re-watched it not too long ago and it still held up), but this sequel? Woof. Don't bother. Meanwhile, I quite recently re-watched The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists (also from Aardman, circa about 2012 IIRC), and that was filled with all sorts of jokes and good solid storytelling.

[MinionZombie]

Candyman 3: Day of the Dead *insert Homer Simpon "boring!" gif here* Yeah ... woof. It started out okay, but then just got duller and duller as it went on. Zero tension, suspense, chills, or shocks as well, which for a horror movie is a major fail. It also seemed to have little understanding of its titular character. I only gave it a spin as I'd never seen it before, loved the original movie, and had seen the second movie a very long time ago (I don't recall anything about that one TBH). Laddie: The Man Behind The Movies Documentary about Alan Ladd Jr, a movie producer who has personally kept a low profile but has been involved in so many high profile films (for example, he was the main guy fighting for Star Wars during its troubled production). It's a heartfelt doc (made by his own daughter) and it sheds some light on the enigmatic man, obsessed with movies perhaps to a fault, and draws attention to just the sort of mindset Hollywood so desperately needs right now. Lone Wolf McQuade Chuck Norris, a bachelor cop who lives with a wolf, vs David Carradine, a cocky bad guy who knows kung-fu. What's not to like? I've preferred other Norris action pics, sure, but it's was good fun. Three Ages Buster Keaton film about finding love in three different periods of time. It's not his best, that's for sure, and yet it features two of his most iconic stunts - leaping from one building to another (and not quite reaching, thus tumbling down the side) and driving a car that falls to bits when it hits a rut in the road. Star Slammer It's like Star Wars meets a Women In Prison movie on a meagre budget. It fulfils that 1980s vhs rental vibe mostly, but it kinda falls apart more and more as it goes along. The sets are pretty good, though, especially for these modest finances. I've much preferred other films by the director (Fred Olen Ray), such as Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers or Evil Toons or Bad Girls From Mars, though. Infinity Pool Weird shit's afoot at a holiday resort on an otherwise poor island nation where criminal acts face stiff penalties, which are paid in an unusual manner that leads to all sorts of weirdo psycho-sexual mind games and indulgence. Mia Goth really is an up-and-coming star who has great taste in the projects she chooses, and always does something really interesting and different with her performances. The Fabelmans Anyone familiar with Spielberg's backstory will already know the main thrust of this semi-autobiographical film, and while it's far from his best work, it's still an enjoyable and heartwarming watch. Bonus points for an excellent cameo appearance by David Lynch playing a famous director from Hollywood history. The Old Way A Western starring Nicolas Cage. There's some lovely location shots, but man, this movie is pretty dull and is so generic it's kinda unbelievable why they even bothered. About the only interesting element are some brief moments dedicated to how Cage and his young daughter 'don't fit in' with normal society - it's clear that they're both either psychopaths or sociopaths, but at a time when there'd be no common public knowledge about these mental states it makes for some interesting scenes talking about how to fit in or emulate other people's emotions to fit in. Other than that it's so been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It's also weird that for all the talk of Cage's character being this ultimate badass, he actually does very little in the way of badassery in the movie. Skip it.

[JDP]

Lone Wolf McQuade Chuck Norris, a bachelor cop who lives with a wolf, vs David Carradine, a cocky bad guy who knows kung-fu. What's not to like? I've preferred other Norris action pics, sure, but it's was good fun. The intro sequence involving the fat Mexican horse thief and his gang is friggin' hilarious: [McQuade is shooting and blowing up some of their trucks from a long distance with a sniper rifle] Mexican bandit leader yells back at him: "Hey you, cabron!... You're hurting my cars, pendejo! WHY YOU DO THAT?!?!" LOL! Classic shit. PS: If you ever watch The Octagon, see if you can figure out why the hell does Norris' character spend half the movie ***whispering*** LOL! PS 2: Yes, I know, it's supposed to be his "thoughts". But why do "thoughts" sound like whispers with echoes??? LOL!

[MinionZombie]

Massacre Time - decent spaghetti western from Lucio Fulci, starring Franco Nero. It's a smidge slow in some parts, but it's got some surprisingly acrobatic action sequences when things kick off. Dinner In America - I fucking loved this movie. It's like punk rock misanthropy meets Napoleon Dynamite. It's great. Initially, Kyle Galner's punk rocker is a bit much and hard to like, but as the movie goes on you really get to know him and warm up, helped to no-end by Emily Skeggs' socially awkward and super-naiive character. There's some great supporting characters littered throughout, too. Naked Lunch - well this is a weird fucking movie, what with Peter Weller conversing with a giant typewriter insect who talks through a giant arsehole on its back, lol. Some parts I quite liked, other parts left me baffled, and you're kinda left grappling for a hold on anything through-line to see you right. Hell High - it's sort of a slasher film, but not quite. It's also sort of a rape/revenge movie, but not quite. It's a slightly odd one, with some truly awful dialogue at times, but it's also interesting enough to keep you watching. Certainly no classic of the 1980s horror era, but it's got enough going for it over-the-piece. The Last Matinee - a right old let down, this one. This neo-giallo is utterly devoid of suspense or tension, which is kinda pretty damn important to a giallo. The characters are also either super annoying or totally bland, also the structure and pacing is way off. Lux Aeterna - ultimately it's kind of not got an ending, and just sort of finishes in a vague and slightly pretentious way, but leading up to that conclusion (replete with Gaspar Noe's annoying use of strobe lighting yet again), I did actually quite enjoy the movie. It's all about a nightmarishly frustrating film shoot, which feels fairly authentic in the madness and chaos, the miscommunication and the scheming behind the scenes between the producer and the pompous DoP etc. It's only 52 minutes, so it rattles along (oftentimes it's showing you two scenes side-by-side), but it does feel like something a little bit cobbled together as opposed to his more fully fleshed-out films like Climax or Enter The Void. Hellraiser Bloodline - I'd only seen it once before, so many years ago on Sky MovieMax, and I'd forgotten almost everything about it. What a mess of a film. It was cut to ribbons and the director removed their name from it, so the story is a total hodge-podge and only vaguely makes sense and feels quite rushed and sloppy. It's also poor in that it really doesn't understand how to use Pinhead effectively, so he's just kinda there and feels totally like a 'movie villain', a long way away from the truly scary being that he was in the first two movies. That Guy Dick Miller - a fun, entertaining, and warm documentary about character actor Dick Miller. Well worth checking out.

[MinionZombie]

The Outlaw Johnny Black Being a huge fan of Black Dynamite, from many of the same people who have now made TOJB, I'm sad to say I was disappointed. Now, I did overall enjoy the film, but there are distinct asterisks next to that. For one, the film is a good half hour too long due to a screenplay that is too loose in its storytelling - in the words of Joe Bob Briggs, there's too much plot getting in the way of the story. The lack of pacing is keenly felt in the first hour of the movie (it's 2 hours and 16 minutes total - compared to the 84 minutes of pin sharp Black Dynamite), with the villain of the piece not being introduced until fifty minutes in. The second main issue is its unsure tone. The opening credits are an on-point recreation of the Leone spaghetti westerns, but the bulk of the film doesn't really follow up this stylistic flourish much at all. Indeed, the film does sometimes take itself very seriously, which then jars with the too infrequent bursts of genuinely laugh-out-loud humour. The tone is also complicated by having to adhere to a PG-13 rating. You can just tell the film desperately wants to unleash itself from those restraints (Black Dynamite was R-rated), but it's never allowed to roam free. Disappointing flaws aside, I did still enjoy it, but there was a much better movie in there somewhere if it had just been given a real tightening-up at script stage and been targeted at an adult audience.

[Neil]

Flashpoint (1984) - 6/10 A simple mystery action drama set on the border. The only reason I watched it was for the Tangerine Dream soundtrack Of interest is it featured Kurtwood Smith and Miguel Ferrer who would be cast in Robocop 3yrs later... (Then Rip Torn in Robocop 3 even later ) [shame these trailers spoil so much of the film]

[Neil]

Thief (1981) - 7.5/10 An early Michael Mann film starring James Caan about a jewel thief doing a heist. It's quite a nice watch from both a story and filmatic POV. I primarily watched it due to the Tangerine Dream soundtrack - I'm having a bit of a Tangerine Dream fix at the moment [shame these trailers spoil so much of the film]

[MinionZombie]

I thought "Thief" was alright, but I was a bit lukewarm on it from what I recall. ... The Bridge at Ramagen Epic WW2 action fest from 1969. Having recently watched The Guns of Navarrone just before it (which was 1960 IIRC), it was quite a stark difference in tone. TGON was okay, but a bit overlong and still had a whiff of the 1950s very much about it. TBAR, on the other hand, is full of 1960s cynicism and grit - and it's chock-a-block with explosive action, some of which is truly stunning. There's one particular shot that really knocked my socks off - an extreme wide shot of a street on which an American tank is progressing with a handful of soldiers following closely behind ... and an entire fucking building collapses right next to them, consuming them in dust. Now that's some serious stunt stuff right there! It's not got much of a story, but keeping it quite simple (the retreating Germans want to blow the final river crossing at Ramagen, the advancing Americans want to take it - but what they each want also flip-flops during the movie) helps keep the film pretty well focused. I don't think I'd ever even heard of the movie until I skimmed past it on Prime - well worth watching.

[JDP]

The only reason I watched it was for the Tangerine Dream soundtrack I primarily watched it due to the Tangerine Dream soundtrack - I'm having a bit of a Tangerine Dream fix at the moment Look me in the eyes... You are under my control now... Listen very carefully... You MUST watch this 80s TV show... And you WILL like it... You WILL watch it a zillion times...

[shootemindehead]

I thought "Thief" was alright, but I was a bit lukewarm on it from what I recall. ... The Bridge at Ramagen Epic WW2 action fest from 1969. Having recently watched The Guns of Navarrone just before it (which was 1960 IIRC), it was quite a stark difference in tone. TGON was okay, but a bit overlong and still had a whiff of the 1950s very much about it. TBAR, on the other hand, is full of 1960s cynicism and grit - and it's chock-a-block with explosive action, some of which is truly stunning. There's one particular shot that really knocked my socks off - an extreme wide shot of a street on which an American tank is progressing with a handful of soldiers following closely behind ... and an entire fucking building collapses right next to them, consuming them in dust. Now that's some serious stunt stuff right there! It's not got much of a story, but keeping it quite simple (the retreating Germans want to blow the final river crossing at Ramagen, the advancing Americans want to take it - but what they each want also flip-flops during the movie) helps keep the film pretty well focused. I don't think I'd ever even heard of the movie until I skimmed past it on Prime - well worth watching. 'The Bridge at Remagen' is one of the better Hollywood war movies which are, admittedly, a poor crop. I found it remarkably fair to the Germans for the most part, too, which is a refreshing change of pace for American war movies. They spent about a year doing location work and found a number of places in Czechoslovakia to shoot in, including a bridge that looked very like the real Remagen bridge. Also there was a town that was set to be torn down, so the producers could knock the crap out of it if they wished, which all lent a sense of reality to whole thing. Been a fan of the film for many years.

[Neil]

Yeh, I remember Streekhawk TG in the early 80s were epically EPIC! etc...