Ok, you guys asked for this. I'm gonna break the Resident Evil film totally (but just the first one, haven't seen the second one).
First off, the zombies are super pussy. No makeup, growling like some kind of angst ridden teenagers. I mean, they are pale. That's it. We never see ANY feeding, just a bunch of zombie arms reaching out and pull someone into the crowd. And how many zombie scenes do we have? Two. That's it. I just rewatched this ****fest and I was just as disappointed as the first time I saw it. The angst ridden teenagers come in mass twice and attack our heroes. But these scenes are just filled with action, action, action. And not "Aliens" kind of action either, even though it tried to copy that film, but real weak action. The sound effects of the machine guns sound like crap, and we get a dozen quick shots of zombies getting shot and fall down, cut to that ANNOYING BITCH Michelle Rodriguez yelling something, cut back to zombie being shot. That's how our entire two zombie sequences go. They're short, they're just action and they feature Michelle Rodriguez. I mean, what else do you need to stamp down one huge "F for Failure" on a zombie film?
That stupid monster in the end looks horrible and in the second act he replaces the zombies as the main threat. Big mistake, because no matter how many times they show us that cranberry sauce jellyfish he doesn't scare me. He makes me want to throw up, but just because of the fact that he looks so horrible. Mortal Kombat 2 graphics anyone? And why the hell does he catch on fire when he's being dragged behind the cart? That doesn't make any sense at all. I watched Showdown in Little Tokyo last night where the main baddie gets impaled on a fireworks wheel. Suddenly, the entire thing explodes, even though there were just some weak firecrackers on there! That's the kind of "What the hell?" effect you get from the ending in Resident Evil.
Paul W.S. Anderson must have felt that his action was horrible (becuase it was, just LOOk at that zombie dog scene! Most stupid scene ever) so he fit it in an overly complicated plot that's A) not interesting and B) totally unnecessary. Sure, it's complicated. But complicated don't mean good. Why the hell should we care for any of these characters? Why the hell didn't Michelle Rodriguez bite the bullet in the first scene? And all those SWAT team members? Remember the old Star Trek series where there would always be some expendable crew members that could take a dive for the team and show us how serious the situation was? That's what these SWAT team members are for, but the sole exception is that in the most hip and cool style, they still get some screentime, pulling away precious time from our main characters. We know everyone is going to die, and soon, so just kill them off and let us follow our main characters instead. Because once the action starts, there's ONE "character" scene. One. Between all the horribly ugly zombie dogs and laser tag chases, they slow down to talk once. But by that time, the chase is already lost and the director cannot possibly unravel the overly complicated plot intime for the next action scene.
This film suffers from many problems: Suck ass action scenes, 1968' angst ridden teenager zombies and a plot that doesn't make any sense. They should have decided to either do a plotfilm with zombies or action in it, or an action film with a plot to match. They can't do both, because the end result is truly horrible.
Michelle Rodriguez should never star in another movie ever again.
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Originally Posted by axlish
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