Perverted Joke of the Day

[Edison Carter]

2 for 1 Ladies get in free until 9 There once was a man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it There was a young lady from Kew Who said, as the bishop withdrew Oh, the Vicar is quicker And thicker and slicker And four inches longer than you

[capncnut]

Okay, I'm going to hell for this. Unravel the spoiler at your peril... What's Jade Goody's new job?   Babysitting David Cameron's son.

[Dtothe3]

She's dead? Lets go! --- I bought a Jade Goody calender. Got screwed, it only went upto May. --- People have been invited to take a carrier to her Cremation. And take away a Goody bag. --- There were more but I forgot

[capncnut]

Here's a load more for ya. I bought a Jade Goody calendar the other day. I'm taking the f**king thing back 'cos it only goes up to March... Have you seen the latest edition of Hello magazine. “How I beat Jade Goody” by cervical cancer. Jade Goody, Jack Tweed and the kids were walking in the park. Jade says “Is that snow on my shoulder?” Jack replies, “Well it’s not f**king dandruff!” I hear Jack Tweed was sent to prison last year. Nice to know the police are cracking down on beastiality. What’s Jade Goody getting for her birthday? Cremated. Jade Goody wants to donate her organs to other patients after her death. They will be delivered in ‘Goody bags’. Hear about the latest deal at Jade Goody’s salon? 20 quid for a bald c**t. Newspapers are f**king useless. Everytime I read an article about Jade Goody, there’s a picture of Matt Lucas next to it. I hear Jade Goody has cancer. It will be interesting to see which parasite wins. Jade Goody has revealed that she wants her final moments broadcast live on television to promote cancer awareness. I hope nothing clashes with it. Jade Goody has converted to Islam in a bid to refute the claims of racism. Her new name is Yufat Fuqa. What's Jade Goody's new job? Babysitting David Cameron's son. Actually, is a tad stange how the top joke predicted that she would be dead by March. Was the creator in on something? Mmm... Here's a few more: What's the difference between Jade Goody a moped? A moped can reach 30. What's got 12 legs and a c**t on it's shoulders? Jade Goody's pallbearers. "New from Mattel. Jade Goody Barbie Doll. Complete with three interchangeable hairstyles, brunette, blond and bald. Pull the cord and hear famous phrases such as: 'Portugal, that's in Spain innit?' and 'Shilpa Poppadom!' Available at all good toystores for £29.99 - now with FREE wheelchair! Requires 8 AA Batteries, average battery life 27hrs."

[krakenslayer]

Q: What's pink and covered in cobwebs? A:   Madeline McCann's bike Yup, I am going to hell.

[capncnut]

Yup, I am going to hell. Me too. What's David Cameron's least favourite film?   Silence Of The Prams! Oh and what has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?   A Michael Jackson slumber party.

[Tricky]

So the German goalkeeper Robert Enke gets killed by a train. That's what you call German efficiency. If it was in Britain he would still be fucking standing there looking at his watch and tutting.

[kortick]

The love story of Ralph and Edna... Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

[Tricky]

Whats the difference between marmalade & jam? You cant marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse..

[MinionZombie]

Whats the difference between marmalade & jam? You cant marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse.. Brilliant.

[Tricky]

Brilliant. I went to see mr brown of the roy chubby variety last night,he gets a lot of bad press (even though "acceptable" comedians like frankie boyle are actually worse than he is!) but his act is hilarious if you can take it all with a pinch of salt anyway thats one of his jokes!

[Danny]

got a doozy texted to me a minute ago: an ugly bloke walks into the pub with a big grin on his face. "what are you so happy about?" asks the landlord. "well, i live by the railway and on my way home last night, i noticed a woman tied to the tracks. i cut her free and we shagged all night. loads of sex! shagged her tits, even did her up the arse! i loved it." "did you get a blowjob?" the barman asked. "No", he says, "never found her head!"

[DjfunkmasterG]

There once was a man with one ball whose wife drove him up a wall He finally flipped then killed the bitch and went for a stroll in the mall.

[rongravy]

I like dead baby jokes too. If someone here is bitching about them, I must be in the right perverted thread...

[Tricky]

You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.