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Thread: Todays Funny... The World as we Know It

  1. #1
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
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    Todays Funny... The World as we Know It

    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and
    the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

    Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

    And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

    And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

    So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

    God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof..

    God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

    God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

    Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

    God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

    God sighed and created quadruple bypass
    surgery.

    Then Satan created HMOs.
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
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  2. #2
    POST MASTER GENERAL darth los's Avatar
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    People wonder why americans are so fat and lazy. That just laid out their menu choices for the entire week. Funny stuff though and very true. That's usually how it works.

  3. #3
    Chasing Prey MissJacksonCA's Avatar
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    If God created man in his own image why did he make them so weak and stupid?

    Damn DJ you must be all kinds of fun at parties and such you post the greatest stuff
    You smell that? That's the smell of spring, and I love it. You know what I love to do in spring? I love to come out into the woods, to walk amongst the budding trees, to smell and taste the hint of renewal that hovers in the air like a heady perfume, and to listen to the song of the birds who have returned from their long sojourn south. And bury the people I killed during the winter...

    http://media.movies.ign.com/media/84...d_1882969.html

  4. #4
    POST MASTER GENERAL darth los's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissJacksonCA View Post
    If God created man in his own image why did he make them so weak and stupid?
    Another contridiction that i'm sure the clergy will struggle to answer. You should bring it up the next time your in church.

  5. #5
    Chasing Prey MissJacksonCA's Avatar
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    Father Mullen told me I can't ask him anymore questions without attending his church meetings faithfully...
    You smell that? That's the smell of spring, and I love it. You know what I love to do in spring? I love to come out into the woods, to walk amongst the budding trees, to smell and taste the hint of renewal that hovers in the air like a heady perfume, and to listen to the song of the birds who have returned from their long sojourn south. And bury the people I killed during the winter...

    http://media.movies.ign.com/media/84...d_1882969.html

  6. #6
    POST MASTER GENERAL darth los's Avatar
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    Can you be faithfull?

  7. #7
    Chasing Prey MissJacksonCA's Avatar
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    I dont have that kinda time
    You smell that? That's the smell of spring, and I love it. You know what I love to do in spring? I love to come out into the woods, to walk amongst the budding trees, to smell and taste the hint of renewal that hovers in the air like a heady perfume, and to listen to the song of the birds who have returned from their long sojourn south. And bury the people I killed during the winter...

    http://media.movies.ign.com/media/84...d_1882969.html

  8. #8
    Dead CornishCorpse's Avatar
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    Go to Vegas, Priests there will do anything for 10 dollars I hear
    Why arent you laughing?

  9. #9
    Dying
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    hold it flyboy! dont go into the stairway,dont open that door baby you'll lead them right up with you!

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