Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Two portions of my next story...

  1. #1
    Fresh Meat
    Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Age
    47
    Posts
    6
    Undisclosed

    Two portions of my next story...

    I'm currently writing what's threatening to turn in to a freakin' novel. I have it all outlined out, but as I write, this gets added in, a little more gets added in, the plot is tweaked, and it's a completely different animal then what I started experimenting on.

    I'll post the segment here, so peeps can get a taste of what the story will look like. Also, feedback, criticism, and, of course, praise is welcome.

    Chris
    Last edited by ChrisMyers; 14-Jul-2006 at 12:59 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  2. #2
    Fresh Meat
    Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Age
    47
    Posts
    6
    Undisclosed
    Removed per the request of the guy with all the power...no, not the Doctor, Neil.
    Last edited by ChrisMyers; 14-Jul-2006 at 12:59 PM.

  3. #3
    Fresh Meat
    Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Age
    47
    Posts
    6
    Undisclosed
    Removed, because I was threatened with a Zidane headbutt from the Webmaster.
    Last edited by ChrisMyers; 14-Jul-2006 at 12:58 PM.

  4. #4
    Fresh Meat
    Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Age
    47
    Posts
    6
    Undisclosed
    Dale resisted the urge to comment as the guard reached over the unlocked the other mechanism. He stood back up, starting to say something to Dale, when he stopped.

    In front of him, sitting up on the bed, the patient looked at him with gray eyes. They started blankly at him, not focused, the body swaying slightly for a moment.

    Before he could react, a pair of cold hands shot up, grabbed the guard's face by both cheeks, and drew him close enough for the patient to bite into the guard's lower lip.


    Dale was stunned into inaction at the sight. The guard's yell was muffled as the patient's teeth chewed into his lips. The guard's hands went to push the patient away, but his hands flailed in the air and he couldn't get purchase to do so. Dale watched as the patient simply chewed at the lip. Its eyes were dead, but its teeth worked, tearing and biting the red flesh. Blood had started to run down both of their chins, splattering in telltale patterns on the clean white sheets.

    It wasn't until a woman behind him screamed that Dale was broken out of his shocked state. A nurse was pointing at the scene and yelling very loudly, causing more people to look at the scene and cry out as well. The area around Dale, the young security guard, and the dead patient who was attacking him had cleared out, leaving an open space and a clear view of the carnage that was taking place. The guard was still screaming in pain, crying "GET HIM OFF OF ME!" But the patient wouldn't relent, and no one moved to help the young guard get free. Dale was frozen to the spot, unable to convince himself to move. This was the first time he had seen an actual attack in person, and he was amazed at the sheer ferocity.

    The patient leaned backwards now, his hands still clamped to the side of the guard's face. He was still screaming, though, while the patient made no sound that Dale could hear, though the screaming and cacophony filling the ER may have prevented it. For a split second, Dale could see the security guard's lip and lower chin stretched out between him and the patient. It reminded him of taffy being pulled, thick, gooey red strands dripping onto the blanket. Finally, though, the guard fell forward, pulled on top of the patient, who was now working his way down the man's chin. During a lull in the screaming, Dale could hear the flesh being torn from his neck, the guard's legs kicking and flailing as he tried to free himself.

    And in the middle of chaos, watching a young man's life being taken away before his very eyes in a manner he hadn't seen in his years of medical school and residency, Dale's mind began to examine and dissect the situation.

    _The patient is still attacking him, even as it has flesh in his mouth. Is this because the patient is programmed to kill because of the plague, or because he wants as much flesh as possible inside of him? Is he going to keep attacking even after the security guard is dead? He's losing blood very rapidly. At what point after death would the patient stop trying to devour the security guard? If I were to pull the security guard away, would the patient be satisfied with the flesh he currently has, or would he attempt to continue to attack him?_

    It was this last thought that sprung Dale into action. He went forward and grabbed the security guard by his shoulders. He ignored the crunching noises coming from underneath him as the patient sought carteilege. The guard was crying softly now, still murmuring "get him off of me," as Dale pulled backwards on him. The guard lifted up, and fell backwards. An arterial spray coated the air, and Dale felt stray drops of hot blood splash against his skin. The guard stumbled off of the bed and onto the white tile floor of the hospital, a pool of red blood beginning to immediately form around him even as he convulsed on the ground. Dale took a step backwards, away from the foot of the bed, not paying any attention to the security guard in need of medical help behind him. He already knew the guard was doomed.

    But here, in front of him, was a chance to somehow understand what was going on, and learn something about this plague.

    The patient had sat back up, and his mouth chewed on the flesh inside. Red rivers of blood ran down its chin, and its fingers held it feast in place, so not one bit of skin escaped its jaws. Its eyes were now closed, savoring its bounty, not paying attention to anything around it, not even the female patient in the bed next to it who was screaming her head off.
    Dale felt something grab onto his ankle. He glanced down at the floor. The guard looked up at him, his eyes wide and pleading. The entire portion of his body from his lips to his throat was a ragged, bloody mess, shredded to pieces by the teeth of the patient. With one look, Dale knew the man had only minutes to live, and nothing could save him. His breathing was raspy and labored, and the guard gurgled at the doctor as he tried to put together a coherent sentence. "Help...me..."

    Dale's response was to reach down and grab the gun from the guard's holster. A .38 revolver, Dale stood back up, ignoring the frusterated sounds coming from the guard. He thrashed in his blood, leaving smears among the white tile. The crowd still made noise, but was watching the scene intently. The carnage taking place before their very eyes was a spectacle they couldn't turn away from. They watched as Dale checked the safety on the revolver, and took a quick look around his vicinity to make sure no open oxygen was nearby.

    Taking the pistol in both hands, Dale brought it up smoothly, just like he had practiced in years past. He took aim at the patient's forehead at it chewed and sucked on the cartilage it had torn away from the security guard. Its eyes were still closed as it enjoyed its feast. Dale didn't move, didn't flinch. He just waited, ignoring the clutching hand at his ankle, drowning out the cries of the female patient in the bed over, and tuning out the person who yelled "FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST SHOOT IT!"

    _Will it go for me, who's right in front of him, or the screaming woman, who's closer and out of sight? I imagine it has a one track mind, which means I, who am directly in front of it, will obtain its complete and utter attention as soon as it opens its eyes. Any moment now_

    After a few more seconds, the patient's eyes snapped open. In contrast to the daze that had filled them earlier, now they were filled with anticipation. Hunger. Need.

    _He was confused before and didn't know where he was. His attack was probably done purely on instinct. Fascinating._

    His eyes focused directly on Dale. They never once wavered towards the screaming, helpless female beside him. Rather, the patient began to lean forward, slowly attempting to attack and devour Dale.

    The gunshot was deafening. Dale's forearms shook with the impact, a small wave of pain running up them. The effect on the patient was instant. He snapped backwards in bed, slamming into the sheets with a final thump. The white wall behind him was immediately covered with a thick red mess. Dominated by blood, hair, bones, and brain matter were mixed in, all of it slowly beginning to slide down the wall. Dale stood still, his eyes on the patient, who was not moving. After a few seconds, he lowered the gun, convinced he had killed the patient. Again.

  5. #5
    Fresh Meat
    Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Age
    47
    Posts
    6
    Undisclosed
    Removed per the Big Guy's request, or else he'll sentence me to watch "Children of the Dead."
    Last edited by ChrisMyers; 14-Jul-2006 at 12:58 PM.

  6. #6
    Fresh Meat Skydog's Avatar
    Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    dead town idaho
    Age
    53
    Posts
    9
    Undisclosed
    I enjoyed reading this and overall found it to be pretty good. I look forward to seeing more when you're ready.

  7. #7
    Webmaster Neil's Avatar
    Administrator

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    nr London
    Posts
    16,316
    England
    Can I ask that you don't do this please... It's not a particularly efficient use of the forum... By all means post a small example, but not pages and pages
    Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. [click for more]
    -Carl Sagan

  8. #8
    Fresh Meat
    Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Age
    47
    Posts
    6
    Undisclosed
    Quote Originally Posted by Neil
    Can I ask that you don't do this please... It's not a particularly efficient use of the forum... By all means post a small example, but not pages and pages
    Edited and removed all but one example.

    My apologies, sir. Won't happen again. Promise. Swear. All the above.

  9. #9
    Webmaster Neil's Avatar
    Administrator

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    nr London
    Posts
    16,316
    England
    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisMyers
    Edited and removed all but one example.

    My apologies, sir. Won't happen again. Promise. Swear. All the above.
    No problem
    Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. [click for more]
    -Carl Sagan

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •