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Thread: Seems the girlfriend and I are banned from Wal-Mart

  1. #1
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
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    Seems the girlfriend and I are banned from Wal-Mart

    She keeps insisting that I accompany her on her trips to the store...
    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring...

    She received this letter...

    Dear Ms. Toomey,

    Over the past six months, you and your fiance have caused quite a commotion in our
    store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of
    you from the store. Our complaints against your fiance are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's
    carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
    intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
    'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to
    leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that
    in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and
    costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
    layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
    shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
    the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
    screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
    mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
    the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
    ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
    using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
    yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
    a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
    yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the
    clerks passed out.
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

  2. #2
    Feeding LouCipherr's Avatar
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  3. #3
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
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    YEah well
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

  4. #4
    Feeding LouCipherr's Avatar
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    Yeah, well...


    Last edited by LouCipherr; 17-Dec-2010 at 01:16 PM. Reason: KEVIN BACON!

  5. #5
    through another dimension bassman's Avatar
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    You've got to be kidding me. Where's the real list you stole those from and tried to pass it off as your own work?

  6. #6
    Just Married AcesandEights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bassman View Post
    You've got to be kidding me. Where's the real list you stole those from and tried to pass it off as your own work?
    I knew it was a forgery when I read the word "girlfriend"

    "Men choose as their prophets those who tell them that their hopes are true." --Lord Dunsany

  7. #7
    Feeding LouCipherr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AcesandEights View Post
    I knew it was a forgery when I read the word "girlfriend"

    Last edited by LouCipherr; 17-Dec-2010 at 03:09 PM. Reason: BACON, FUCKER!

  8. #8
    pissing in your Kool-Aid DjfunkmasterG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AcesandEights View Post
    I knew it was a forgery when I read the word "girlfriend"
    Touche... Had I written rent a hooker it would have been more believable
    ALWAYS BET ON DEAD!
    Official member of the "ZOMBIE MAN" Fan Club Est. 2007 *FOUNDING MEMBER*

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